Search Results for: young mom summit

Reminder: There Is More To Life Than What Social Media Shows You

April 9, 2014 · by Tara ·

black woman on computer

I was talking to a good friend yesterday (on the phone! Whoaa!) after not hearing her voice for close to a year. I’ve been watching and participating in her life via snippets on Facebook and Instagram and was so impressed by how hard she’s been working to achieve her goals.

But she quickly reminded me that Instagram only gives you half the story, if that. I immediately understood.

Browsing my Instagram account, you’d think I was a self-assured 28-year-old with two lovely kids, a loving husband, an obsession with food and this little event called the Young Mom Summit. But what you wouldn’t see is me obsessively checking my bank account balance, falling asleep with my face on my keyboard, quickly deleting rejection emails, or telling my kids, no, I can’t afford to buy them some new toy.

It was a good reminder that all that glitters isn’t gold. Sometimes we’re so convinced that what we’re seeing is real life, that everyone manages to find the right angle for that selfie on the first try, when realistically, there are probably at least 10 other shots that didn’t make the cut. It’s another reminder that we shouldn’t covet what we see other’s flaunting, but rather, focus on what makes us authentically happy and pursue that.

In 2013 I wrote:

I work online all day so I get caught up from time to time in the appearance of things rather than the substance. You can’t look at someone’s Instagram account and know anything about their life. It’s what they choose to share and who is putting their troubles, their fears and insecurities on blast? Not too many people.

We pick the best moments to share. How many Facebook photos have you seen of someone crying ’cause they got laid off? Or a photo of swollen feet from working two shifts straight? We tend to highlight the positive.

I’ve been focusing inward and it feels good. I congratulate my friends on their success and I’m not hating on them because I know there’s more than enough to go around. It’s all about abundance, remember? I don’t feel threatened by someone else’s success because it has no baring on my own.

We could all use the reminder that social media isn’t real and shouldn’t replace a phone call or seeing your friends in person to catch up and see how they’re doing. If all we do is glean little bits of their lives from Facebook or Twitter, we’re missing the whole picture. Sometimes we can’t sense depression or despair from a status update.

Filed Under: Family, Featured, Love + Family, Sex + Relationships ·

Six Steps To Overcoming Your Fear Of Failure

February 24, 2014 · by Tara ·

Chasing after your dreams is scary. At the end of last year, I sat down to think about what I wanted my career to look like. I know I am fortunate in that I have options. While it’s incredibly scary to not have regular paychecks coming in every two weeks, it is gratifying to be able to say, “I am going to focus on XYZ for the next year” and not have a boss tell you otherwise.

If I didn’t get comfortable with the idea of failure, I couldn’t do what I’m doing now. As the founder of this website, I get hundreds of emails from women who all want to know one thing: How do you stop being scared and start making progress? How do you get the confidence to do it? If I had to give everyone a uniform answer (based on my own experience), here is what I would say:

1. Put your library card to good use

We’re two months in 2014 and already I’ve read 8 books. Currently, I’m immersed in The Everything Store: Jeff Bezos and the Age of Amazon, about the creation of mega-retailer Amazon.com. Learning from people who have taken risks and lived to tell about it is one way to remind yourself that you only get one life. Why not go after what you want?

2. Breathe through your nose and then out your mouth.

You will get stressed out. It comes with the territory. Learn how to manage the stress or it will eat you.

3. Remember who you do this for

Over the weekend I asked my daughter what she wanted to be when she grew up. I usually ask her every month or so and it’s interesting to hear how her answer changes depending on what she’s interested in. Well, this time she shocked me by replying simply, “You.” I almost fell out my chair. Me? She wanted to be me when she grew up? Me? Really? Let me say this: my daughter isn’t the type to say something like that just to make me feel good. She’s not that concerned with my happiness. LOL.

That exchange reminded me that she is watching my every move. This is why I try to include her in my business whenever possible. (I’ve got an idea bubbling for a natural skincare line that I will name after her if I ever find the spare time to start it.) When I’m sitting there writing emails and blog posts and she asks what I’m doing, I tell her. When I have to scout locations for the next Young Mom Summit, like I’ll be doing next month, I’m taking her and her brother with me. When I tell them that they need to pursue their passions, they will have the blueprint for what that means.

4. Imagine life without failure

Imagine if you don’t go after what you want now. Imagine waking up at 59, 60, getting up at 6 a.m. to go to a job you hate. Imagine if you played it safe your entire life and ended up in a “safe” place. You’d be okay, but would you be happy?

5. Nod quietly when people tell you (because they WILL tell you) that your idea won’t work

Imagine if you decide that you’d like to be a chef. But you currently work at the local gas station for $7.95 an hour, with little to no extra money. People might ask you: How are you going to pay for culinary school? Who is going to take care of your kids while you chase these silly dreams? People will be negative and it doesn’t necessarily mean that your idea is bad. It just means those people aren’t the ones who will be on the journey with you. This is okay! Appreciate their input and move forward the best way you know how, with the right people in your corner.

6. Take the first step

Very often, momentum will take you to the finish line. But the only way to gain momentum is to just start. Buy a domain name. Go to the library and check out a book on the business you want to start. Leave the dead-end relationship that’s been holding you back. Just take one step. Then the next day or week, take one more step. Before you know it, you are out of your comfort zone. And that’s where the magic happens.

Filed Under: Featured, Love + Family, Monday Motivation, Money + School ·

What It Really Feels Like When You Step Out On Faith

February 17, 2014 · by Tara ·

I pride myself on my transparency here on the blog. My online self is pretty consistent with my offline self and I like it that way. If you’ve read my blog for more than a minute and then meet me in real life, I’d like to think you won’t be surprised.

So I can be real with you today and tell you that the last three months of 2013 were some of the hardest of my self-employment journey thus far — even harder than the first few months. Clients were dropping left and right and while I was able to maintain my highest-paying clients, I had lost one-third of my monthly income.

Luckily, I always follow my own advice and I had diversified my client base so that I would never put myself in a position where one or two other people could determine whether my family ate dinner that evening. So I figured I should be able to get new clients and make up for the lose income.

But then I stopped. Because I didn’t want to go chasing clients and put in work to build their brands while continually neglecting my own year after year.

I made a decision to focus on growing YML. Traffic had been stagnant over the past year and I struggled to retain my voice after years of churning out content. But I didn’t just want a great site, I wanted a great platform. Folks tend to know me as “The Young Mommy” but what does that mean and what will that mean in a few years when I’m no longer a 20something? I needed to get serious about my career and my ambitions as an empowerment leader.

So began the Young Mom Summit, the multi-city empowerment tour for young mothers. I had no sponsors (read this post if you missed my “A-ha!” moment), no money and no clue what I was doing. But roughly five weeks before the first event kicks off and I feel incredibly confident about what I’ve been able to pull together.

The phrase “step out on faith” is very accurate. You’re stepping out into the unknown. You could fall, you could stumble, you could get hurt. On the flip side, you could rise to the occasion, your support system could catch you, or you could achieve what you’ve always dreamed possible. There’s no way to know but to do it.

So often we are waiting for a “sign” that we should move in the direction of our dreams. We’re waiting to get caught up on our bills, waiting for the kids to get through elementary school, waiting for a few extra dollars in the budget to go after what we really want.

But truthfully, the best time to go after a dream is any time between NOW and RIGHT NOW.

If you want to be a doctor, DO IT.

If you want to be a sitcom writer, DO IT.

If you want to be a marriage counselor, DO IT.

Whatever it is that you want to be, DO THAT. Wholeheartedly.

I’ve learned that doors will open for you when you lean in (ahem) to your dreams. It might not be on the scale you imagined or as quickly as you hoped, but you will end up where you need to be. I guarantee it.

Filed Under: Featured, Love + Family, Money + School ·

Thanks, Kanye: How The Rapper’s Outbursts And Tantrums Inspired Me To Get Off My A$$

February 3, 2014 · by Tara ·

One of my major goals for 2013 was to host an offline event for young mothers. I spent half the year focused on other things (like, I dunno, finishing grad school) and realized that time was ticking once we hit June. After my friend Gloria hosted a successful event in NYC, I knew it was time for me to get on the ball and stop bullsh**ting.

I came up with my proposal and how I envisioned my “Young Mom Summit” to be. I wanted the event to be classy, to be informative. I wanted attendees to walk away transformed and inspired. After they left, their heads would be a little higher, their dreams feeling a little closer to their grasp.

Once I had the plan, I needed to find funding. While my passion is high, my bank account isn’t. I approached a group at a local university about co-sponsoring the event with me and they were eager to hear my pitch. I sent along my proposal, outlining the target audience, sessions, community partners and my duties as the conference organizer.

But when we got in the meeting, things took a nosedive. They were hesitant. “We’re not sure if moms will come out for this…they’re kind of lazy,” one woman said.

Obviously, I could not move forward with this group. So I looked for someone else to co-sponsor the event with me, only to be shut down again. The prevailing notion was that young parents wouldn’t take advantage of an event like this, so why bother?

I spent so long trying to get a “sponsor,” someone who has done what I’m trying to do and could show me a few shortcuts so I could save time and a few hits to my ego. But the sponsors weren’t coming. Nobody had time to hold my hand and show me what to do. It took me two months of searching to realize that if I wanted my dream to come to fruition, I had to be the first one through the door.

This is why I’m thanking Kanye. The whole time I was going through this, I kept seeing his latest rant pop up over and over again on my Facebook newsfeed. “YOU DON’T HAVE THE ANSWERS, SWAY!”

Kanye’s frustration about being shut out of the top design houses and being pigeonholed as only a rapper sounded insane to most people, but on a deeper level, I understood what he was saying, if not for his delivery, but his underlying point about wanting to grow and expand his interests. I love blogging, but I also know that I’ve written 1,200 pieces on this blog and sooner or later, my well is going to run dry. I want to branch out.

But in each interview, people asked him, “Why don’t you put up your own money? Why don’t you show us what your vision is without trying to get validation from everyone else?”

I had an ah-ha moment. If I wanted the summit to be successful, I had to do it with 100% effort. I had to keep pushing forward, in spite of the people who wanted to hijack my vision, with no regards to the people who said it couldn’t be done because they had never seen it done.

And as life would have it, I moved forward on my own and things began to fall into place. I secured a venue. I lined up three dope speakers to host three dope workshops. I got companies like General Mills to invest in attendees. I opened registration and we’re at 60% capacity with two months to go.

I can’t call the summit a success yet. (Ask me on March 30.) But I can say that I’ve learned more about myself and what I’m capable of throughout this whole process. If I believe in myself, other people will respect the grind and come on board, but only after I’ve proven I’m serious.

As I told one of my potential partners during the meeting, I know if I put my best out in the universe I will achieve the results I want. I don’t doubt myself. I won’t lose.

Filed Under: Behind the blog, Featured ·

[Tech Talk] Finding The One App That Keeps Me Organized

September 9, 2013 · by Tara ·

As part of my participation in the Verizon Mom Voices program, I will be bringing you tips and tricks on how I use technology to make my family life better! I am participating in the Verizon Moms Voices program and have been provided with a wireless device and six months of service in exchange for my honest opinions about the product.

People always seem so surprised when I tell them I struggle with getting organized. "But you do so much!" they exclaim. "How can you keep all those balls in the air if you're not organized?"

That’s usually the part where I shrug. “Miracles and blessings,” I say. I used to be somewhat organized before grad school beat it the hell out of me. It was just too much on my plate at one time and I just decided to make it through one day at a time.

But that’s no longer feasible for me. I’m growing a business, trying to manage a growing family and reconnect with friends. I’m trying to put this newfound degree to use and create the first offline Young Mom Summit. I’m trying to stay on top of my kids’ education and my six-years-strong marriage.

I’m guessing for most of you, your plate looks similarly full. And relying on your memory to help you stay on top of stuff just isn’t working.

Enter:

It was one of the first apps I downloaded when I got my new Samsung Galaxy Tab in the Verizon Mom Voices program. I had heard my friend Amber rave about it, so I knew I had to give it a try. I had used Cozi before (anyone remember that experiment?) but it didn’t work as well as I liked. I can’t even remember the reason now, but in clearing off my phone, I realized I never used it so boop! Off it went.

The reason I love Wunderlist (and this is NOT a sponsored post for them, by the way) is that it’s much simpler (at least to me) than any other program I’ve used. I basically need to it to do two things:

Tell me what to do
Tell me when to do it

I use it to keep track of my shopping list, my upcoming schedule and my workflow. I used to use Google Calendar for all that but I found it wasn’t as good of a tool as I need for a to-do list. Of course, it’s only as good as the user. Once I trained myself to input all my info in the app, it took care of the rest, reminding me as needed.

Try it out and let me know what you think! What do you use to keep yourself organized?

Filed Under: Featured, Love + Family ·