I received a ton of great buzz on my post, “Why Is It So Hard To Ask For What We Want In A Relationship?” I was just speaking from the heart there, and was trying to figure out why my needs weren’t getting met and what I needed to do about it. I was exhausted all the time for the never-ending list of “things to do,” and part of the exhaustion was because I was harboring resentment toward my husband for not meeting my needs.
I wanted him to be a true partner in this marriage, not just a helper, or the guy who steps up when asked. I wanted him 100% involved in the day-to-day management of this family, but I didn’t know how to actually make this happen. Would I be able to let go of some things and actually let him take responsibility, or would I still be standing over his shoulder, making sure he did things “the correct way”?
We chitchatted about this issue on the YML Facebook page:
I wasn’t even close to joking. But I realize that I have a role in all of this as well. What could I do to make this work? I didn’t want to play the blame game (except if I was pointing the finger at myself); I just wanted solutions.
I was joking (hence the LOL) but I thought, “Maybe I’m on to something.” My husband keeps his iPhone within arm’s reach at all times. He holds that thing more than he holds me. (Sad but true.) If the in-person, every day reminders don’t work, maybe we need a different form of communication to help.
So I researched some family calendars online and found Cozi. It’s supposed to help you coordinate multiple family calendars, email you reminders, give you space for a to-do list and a shopping list, and also allows you to jot down family memories. (No, this is not a sponsored post.)
I’ve been trying it for about a week now, so not long enough for an official review, but so far I like what I see. I’ve synced my husband’s work calendar with my calendar, and the kids’ school stuff, so we can all see where we need to be when and who’s doing what. I’m not reminding him and nagging him about school pick-up or about the fact that our daughter needs to make sure to wear her sneakers for school on Tuesdays.
It helps. Because now it’s a matter of doing the work upfront (loading info into the calendar) and then letting the rest go. We mark the items that we are responsible for and we don’t worry about what the other person is doing. The email reminders are great because now we don’t have to do it. Win-win.
Of course I will keep you posted on how things evolve, but for now, I love it and I’m excited to have less stress. It’s pretty simple.
How are you making your family life (and your love life) easier?
Great post! It’s like, rocket science, trying to get our husbands to respond to certain things. LOL I tried syncing our Google calendars but that fell off. Then I remembered that my husband responds well to lists. So, I asked him to buy a marker board to hang in our bedroom. That worked because 1) it gave him a task to do, 2) I knew he’d be curious about what it was for, and 3) made him feel included in getting us organized. I write weekly lists of things to do, upcoming events, doctor’s appointments, and the like, so that he’s SURE to see what’s going on. I love it when something gets done, he’ll erase it off the board himself – which shows me that he’s paying attention. I recently started writing love notes and messages on the board and he has done the same. It’s working really well!
That Cozi app sounds like a great idea, because my husband is the same, his droid is his bff! If emailing him instructions on what he needs to do works, I’ll try it! Anything to just get it done.
Basically I broke it down. If I don’t get help, I’m tired. If I’m too tired we don’t have as much sex because I don’t have the energy. I was threatening him! I promise! It was just very simple math. He helps a lot more. It is great – well, it’s better and that is a step. Men really respond to straight facts and emotion just doesn’t get them.