Everyone is posting the obligatory Thanksgiving post outlining what they’re thankful for. I figured I’d put a spin on it, and instead post about how lucky am I to be a mom, and the lessons I’ve learned in the three years since I first earned that title. My kids are my everything and they make me a little wiser each day.

Because of my kids I’ve learned:

1. I can do it. No doubt about it. No matter what “it” is, I can do it.  I was plagued with so much doubt while pregnant with my daughter that I didn’t even enjoy feeling her kick because every day the kicks would get stronger and it would be a constant reminder that I still didn’t have my life together and she was ON.THE.WAY. I look at how far I’ve come in the three years since she’s been born and I marvel at my accomplishments. Three years ago, I brought my daughter home from the hospital to a college DORM. Not family and parent housing, but a DORM. With freshman. With no job.  Now I have my own house and a great job with a great salary. I don’t know how far I would have come without my children there to motivate me.

2. I don’t get to eat when I want to. Before I had kids, I would wake up thinking about dinner. What I was going to eat, how I was going to cook it, what plate I would put it on. I was SERIOUS about my food. Now I can rarely eat dinner without getting heartburn because dinner is so short during the mad period of time between coming home from work and the kids going to bed. But I’ve learned to adjust, because in this simple little realization, the lesson is that it isn’t all about me. In reality, it never has been, but now I know! LOL.

3. Most frustration and stress occurs because of something you can’t control.  I’ve learned to focus on the things that I can do something about. My stress levels have plummeted since realizing this.

4. Giving more love is usually the best answer. At times there is nothing more challenging than loving a 3-year-old. They’re bossy, they talk back, they have OPINIONS up the wazoo. Sometimes I have to stop and ask myself What am I doing wrong How can I help this child? Usually the answer is found within a hug and a request from Mommy to stop the madness, that we’re a family and we work together. Surprisingly, it works at diffusing 95% of the tantrums and near-tantrums.

5. Sometimes crying is okay. For you, not the kids I mean. Sometimes I’ve held things in for a little too long and they come rushing out in the form of a funk that lasts a day or so. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let it flow and take your time coming out of it.

6. Take lots of pictures and video. Man, things happen so fast that if you don’t find some way to record it you will forget all those precious moments that you want to cling to when you are old and gray, and you want your kids to remember after you’re gone.

7. There’s only one life. So make the most of it.

What about you? What have you learned since becoming a mom?

Now I have already prepared myself for the fact that my stats for this blog are going to look very bleak over the next few days. You will be too busy cooking, eating, fighting laughing with relatives to be taking time to check out this ol’ blog.

And that’s okay.  I want us all to take some time away from Facebook, Twitter, our blogs, our BlackBerrys, text messaging, G-Chat, etc, and just focus on our family. If you don’t have any family, just focus on yourself! We’ll catch up on Monday.

And by the way - Thanksgiving falls on my birthday this year. Can I get a little love?

I am so happy to announce my first-ever fundraising campaign!

From now until January 1, the Young Mommy Life is accepting donations to Young Mothers @ The Margin, (http://www.atthemargin.org/) a nationwide campaign to support vulnerable young moms - moms from ages 14-24 who have chosen to parent in the face of major obstacles - abuse, poverty, depression, etc.

I think they do a better job through their videos than I could do with my words, so here’s a little taste of how this will help. Meet Holly and if you are moved by her story, then you need to check your pulse.

This campaign works to raise awareness about the plight of young mothers. Who here couldn’t get with that?

I know, I know - it’s the holidays and money is tight. I get that. But this is important. This is our chance to make a difference for women whose lives more clearly reflect our own.

I’m asking each one of my Young Mommy Life readers to donate $1. That’s it. You can give more if you want, but $1 is my suggested amount. If we each give $1, that’s enough to make a difference.

To donate, click here. I’ll keep a running tally in the sidebar so we can see how much we’ve raised.

Please, please donate. I don’t want to sit and look at a big fat zero for two months. Let’s make it happen!

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I would come home from class and sit in my dorm and watch episodes of TLC’s “A Baby Story” and “Bringing Home Baby” like it was mandatory. Every.single.day. I would be in front of the TV for two-hour blocks watching to see what my life would soon be like.

But I never really saw that. It seemed like all the episodes were interchangeable. It would always start out with a happily married 30something couple. He had the adventurous spirit, she was always kind and caring. He was a software engineer; she was a teacher.

They always lived in a nice home with a huge kitchen and lots of counter space for the food that the neighbors and friends always brought over.

They always drove home in a pretty, new, shiny car and had a top-of-the-line stroller. They were always happy, even in the midst of the sleep deprivation and hormone changes.

Just ONCE I wanted to see a woman who yelled at her husband to get his ass out of bed so he could help feed the baby, or see the look on the husband’s face when they get the freakin’ hospital bill only a few days after getting home from the hospital. Something that makes me feel a little more normal.

And it wasn’t just on TLC. In the parenting magazines I’ve devoured by the dozens since I’ve been a mother, I have yet to see anything that closely resembles my life. I never saw an article titled, “No babysitter? How to get your kid to sleep through a Econ lecture.”

At times, I definitely feel like young mothers are invisible. Our struggles are not recognized by the mainstream, especially as the age of first-time mothers gets higher and higher.

I have been DYING to see an article about establishing your career as a new mother. Not ADVANCING your career, because that would imply that you’ve had some experience under your belt. But establishing your career. I’ve been a mother longer than I’ve had a career so sometimes I feel like I don’t know which way to go or what to choose.

Or here’s another topic: How to save money. Perhaps I’m making a horrible assumption, but I would like to think that if you don’t get pregnant until your 30s, you should have a decent amount of money sacked away for a rainy day. But since my husband and I were making a COMBINED $20K a year when we discovered we were pregnant, I was scared sh$%&*$@. And now that I finally have a salary, there is barely anything left over after bills, childcare especially.

I’m so tired of feeling like my experience, and the experience of so many moms I know, isn’t valid.

What about you? Do you think young moms are invisible in the media?

A few weeks ago, a woman at a conference I was attending stopped me as she overheard me talking about my kids.

“You have kids?” she says, dumbfounded.

She had to be in her mid-to-late 50s, a look of disgust slowly creeping onto her face.

“Yes, I have two,” I say, as cheerful as could be. “A boy and a girl.”

“Why?”

My smile is gone. “Why what?”

She backtracks. “How old are you?”

Ahhh, I see where she’s going with this, I think to myself. Am I really dealing with this again? Again? Fine, let’s play along…

“I’m 23,” I say, without a hint of shame in my voice.

“And how old are your kids?”

“My oldest is 3.” Why are you explaining anything to her? I think to myself. Let her be nosy somewhere else.

“So you were 20.” She wrinkles her face like she just ate something bitter.

“Yes.”

“Why have kids so young?” she asks.

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“I mean, kids today have kids so young. What’s the rush? Why did you have kids so young?”

Did I mention that I am at a CONFERENCE and I don’t know this woman? Why is she all in my business asking me why and when and where I had my kids?

I try to keep my cool, but I’m sure it’s showing on my face that I’m irritated. “Life happens,” I say.

“Uh-huh. Okay. See, I don’t understand that…”

I simply stare at her. What more does she want me to say?

We have a brief 10-second stare down and she leaves as quickly as she came. WTF?

See, I’m really a nice person. I let people with fewer groceries cut in front of me at the store, I fill out surveys, I tip extra all the time, I dart ahead of mothers with strollers so I can get the door for them.

I do not NEED THIS. Judgmental questions from strangers about my reproductive history. Seriously? That interaction put me a foul mood for the rest of the day and I’m still a little heated now thinking about it.

I know I preach about being a young mom and how it’s great and lovely and we’re going to change things starting with this blog. But it’s moments like this that really (excuse my language…lol) piss me off.

What have I done besides work my butt off to be the best mother I can be? I’m up until midnight or later every night working, writing to bring in extra income, just to go to bed and wake up a few hours later to go to my day job. I work hard to make sure these kids don’t ever have to go without and they have all the opportunities afforded to kids whose parents are a little older and wiser.

So for a random stranger to come and question my decisions, to basically imply that motherhood is only for the old and seasoned (apologies to any old and seasoned moms reading this), it hurts. I know it shouldn’t, because really, who is she? But this isn’t the first time someone has cornered me to talk about my young mother status and it won’t be the last. Damn.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Sly comments about how old you are and/or how long your kids are? Let me know in the comments!

Maybe you noticed that spiffy new Facebook badge in the right sidebar. See it?

That means that this blog has an online community over at Facebook and I urge you to go right now and go join the Young Mommy Life.

I’m trying to build a thriving network of young moms - those who had their first kid before 25 (or in your 20s). So that means even the moms who are now in their 30s and 40s can be a part of the crew. And heck, even if you had your kid in your 30s and you just like real conversation about what it really means to be a mom, join the movement!

Been crazy busy with work lately, so more often than not, I’ve got one eye on the kids and the other on my laptop.

My kids take turns trying to get my attention. My son yanks out the power cord (my battery needed to be replaced, like, two years ago). My daughter taps on the monitor to get me to look at her.

I enjoy what I do - working full time in PR for a nonprofit, being a wife, a mother and then having a freelance writing and consulting business that’s picking up every day.

My biggest problem is that while I enjoy all my roles, I don’t think there’s enough time in my life for everything. There’s not a moment that goes by where I quit running my mental to-do list, even scheduling what I’m going to think about when I finally catch my breath for a moment after the kids go to sleep. Read that sentence again. I plan ahead of time what I’m going to think about when I have a minute to relax. Is that crazy or what?

I’m thinking something has to give. It isn’t going to be the kids or the husband and it definitely isn’t going to be the day job so…

I don’t know. I love blogging and I love writing and I love the community of women I’ve been able ot meet over the past year and a half. I love when new readers come by and say that they had today’s topic on their mind all week and they are glad someone had the guts to say what they’ve been feeling out loud. It’s a relief to know that I’m not the only one who deals with these issues and concerns.

So I’ll keep blogging. Definitely. I do have some big things lined up for 2010 which should get me over the “Oh my goodness, I just want to sleep!” blues.

Tell me - do you ever feel like there’s not enough time in the day for all your roles? How do you “make” the time?

We put a lot of things on hold for our children.

Some of these things are big. Others are not so significant.

Some of us put off going back to school, or we put off going back to work. Sometimes, if we’re a single mom, we put off dating. We put off moving. We put off putting ourselves first. We put off traveling. We put off staying up late.

I know everyone says that the reward - raising beautiful, strong, healthy and happy children - is greater than anything we pressed “pause” on. And that’s true. I will gladly pay out the nose every month for daycare if it means that I see their smiling faces everyday, excited about what they learned while I was at work.

But what am I missing? What is that nagging feeling that I SHOULD be doing those things that I am sacrificing, if only to make myself a happier woman and therefore a happier mom?

Right now, my life revolves around my kids. Got two little bundles of joy and they are the reason my heart beats. I throw myself in my role as their Mommy with as much energy as I can muster every single day so I know that I’ve done all I can do to make them happy.

At the same time, I feel like I don’t give myself enough attention. I’ve only had 23 years with myself and at times I feel like I’m a stranger in my own body. Who am I? What do I like to do with my free time? Wha’t’s my favorite hobby?

I kind of understand why people tell you to wait to have kids, why people look at me puzzled when they do the math on how old I am and how old my daughter is. It’s because you need time to figure out who YOU are.

So I’m trying to simultaneously discover myself and raise kids. It’s not easy, but nothing worthwhile in life ever is.

Do you feel like you are still discovering who you are, even as you have little ones to take care of? Please let me know in the comments how you’re doing.

Going from being hugely pregnant, uncomfortable-to-walk, get-this-kid-out-of-me-now young momma-to-be, to the messy, cranky aftermath of childbirth is a shock to your system like nothing else.

I remember being dazed after my emergency C-section, looking up at the nurses and doctors when they insisted I needed to nurse the baby RIGHT NOW and deciding that the whole idea of motherhood needed to be revisited ASAP if they thought a woman in my condition was capable of taking care of a newborn.

From there, it was most cloudy with a few days of sunshine. If there’s anything I love more in this life than my kids, it’s sleep. Not just any sleep though. I love the blankets pulled up tight, fan on low blasting me in the face, a full belly, and nowhere to be in the morning. THAT kind of sleep.

I gave all that up for the foreseeable future. For now, my sleep situation sucks.

But you know who got me through? My mom.

This woman, who works 80 hours a week with two full-time jobs and a part-time job on the weekend, managed to get two weeks off from all her jobs and came over to do the night-shift with me. Meaning, all I had to do was wake up enough to feed the baby, and she would do the diapering and burping and rocking  the baby back to sleep.

Oh, man - do you know how glorious that was? I still don’t know how I can repay her. Without her, my early postpartum period would easily been 10x harder.

I’ve found that you need this - a backup - once you join the ranks of all the moms who have come before you. You need someone you can call when you just know your best isn’t going to be good enough. You’re too tired, too stressed, spread too thin. You need relief. That relief can come in the form of a mom, an aunt, a sister, a godparent, a cousin, a best friend. Whoever you can get in your corner is golden.

Admitting you can’t do it all by yourself is the first step. Calling in backup doesn’t make you less of a mother - it solidifies your status.

Who do you call when the going gets rough? Is there anyone in your life who’s part of your Mommy Needs a Break crew?

You all know me. I don’t make that much. Plus, I’m cheap.

So the idea of taking my kids to Disney seems like a great idea, but I didn’t know if it would ever happen, seeing as how I’m not balling like that. The one and only trip my family ever took to Disney was after years and years (and YEARS) of saving.

Coming from that perspective, I was eager to hear from the folks at Disney to see how I would manage to get my crew of four down to Florida for a little of that Disney magic.

I was pleasantly surprised. Yes, Disney isn’t the most exciting place for extreme tightwads [**cough** like my hubby **hubby] but for women like me who enjoy making a dollar stretch, getting your crew to Disney on a budget isn’t as hard as I thought. It does require a lot of planning, but that’s what the Internet is for, right? Check out some of these tips I picked up during my African-American Mom Blogger Mixer:

1. Chat with the Walt Disney World Moms Panel. Definitely. Go now. Quit reading. Any question you could possibly have about the parks, including budget issues, is answered here.

2. Mousesavers.com is not an official Disney website, but they feature GREAT deals and inside tips on how to make your money go further.

3. Do Disney as big as you can, keeping in mind that you will want to buy souvenirs. Check the website for the deals and specials Disney offers. For instance, now they have a Buy 4 Nights, Get 3 Nights Free promotion that will save a ton of money.  

4. Color me dumb, but I didn’t know that Disney had a few different tiers of resorts - deluxe, moderate, and value. The value resorts can be had as low as $82 a night (a little lower or higher depending on the season). Don’t turn your nose up at the value resorts. They are still very “Disney” and if you are planning a shorter, action-packed trip, you won’t be spending much time in the hotel anyway. There’s transportation to and from the parks so you can park your car once you get there and take the bus everywhere you want to go.

Any mamas been to Disney lately? Got any tips to share?

So I’ve been trying to figure out a way to make the young mommy chats (you remember those, right?) better for everyone.

When we first started, Twitter was having too many issues - some days we couldn’t see each other, the updates would take too long to post, etc. In an effort to have something a little more….branded, I moved it to my blog. Fewer glitches, more privacy, but y’all didn’t migrate with me! LOL.

So I put it on hiatus. But I miss it. I watch the weekly Girls Night Out chats on Twitter and am dying to get back in the game.

But I want to do it big. Why bother if I’m not trying to make it beneficial to everyone’s life? I want sponsors, prizes, a way to record it and make it available for people who missed it, a corresponding network so people can continue conversations or make connections.

Now there’s only two problems with this:

1) Do I really have time to build this?

2) Will everyone else be as enthusiastic as I am about it?

So I’ll leave it to you all - what do you think? Young mommy chats - yay or nay?

What is it about performance reviews that make you so irrational?

We just got finished with reviews at the nonprofit where I work and let me tell you, I was a mess the whole week before. I had just come off my biggest project of the year where I had a few stumbles (a learning curve, really) and wasn’t feeling confident about my performance at all.

I started going to extreme lengths to cope, like watching medicine dramas on TV to convince myself that even if I sucked at my job, it wasn’t like the mistakes I made meant that someone could die, like on ER or even Scrubs.

But I came through with a glowing review. I was rated even higher than the previous year. So where was the disconnect? Why did I see myself as horribly incompetent when my boss thought I was a great asset to the team?

Continue reading at WorkingMother.com’s Mom Blog

(Note: I know you’re looking for that last Disney post on how to do Disney on a budget and I promise you it’s coming. I just need to share something with you all first…)

So over the past week or so, I’ve been feeling crazy uncomfortable when I put my bra on. (We’re family, right? We can talk about these things.)

My armpits just felt mad lumpy. In a panic, I do a quick breast exam, thinking maybe there’s a lump or something that has lodged itself  under my arm.

“Oh, Lord,” I say to myself. “I’m too young for this! I’m only 23! Spare my life, Jesus!”

I don’t feel anything, say a quick prayer of relief and then go about my business.

Then again, a day later, I feel uncomfortable again. “Maybe the lump is playing hide-and-seek with me,” I’m thinking.

I check myself again.

No lumps. At all.

“What IS this?” I screech. Why do I feel so uncomfortable? What is the deal??

As I’m getting dressed this morning I realize. It’s not a lump - it’s FAT.

Oh, damn.

I’ve got arm spillage. And it’s rubbing against my side, making me hella uncomfortable.

Excuse me while I go sob into a pillow.

I don’t know how this snuck up on me. I’m not bigger anywhere else, but I’m gaining weight in my arms. I’ve just had the most stressful two months at work and I admit to finding comfort in baked goods rather than 20 minutes of cardio. Sorry. I’m not that kind of woman, although I strive to be.

I always get these wake-up calls where I see myself gaining weight and I immediately put myself on the “Girl, stop tripping!” diet plan, which includes lots of veggies and water, and the “Girl, get it together!” workout plan, which includes daily visits with my elliptical machine.

Why does it always take an uncomfortable armpit, a too-tight pair of jeans, a pair of swollen ankles to give me the warning signs that I haven’t been treating myself well lately? Giving my body all kinds of calories and sugar on top of mountains of stress. Eww.

So right here, right now, I pledge to do better. To love myself enough to accept the fact that I hate exercise but it’s necessary if I want to be healthy and active. It could have very well been a lump in my armpit and then what? Cancer?

I need to make the most of every day I have with my family, even if that means sweating it out for a few minutes or so. I deserve at least that much.

I don’t remember the first time I heard Disney was making a new movie featuring an African-American princess.

I do remember squealing with delight, dancing around the room, saying, “Finally! A princess who looks like me!”

I haven’t been this excited for a movie since Dreamgirls, which also featured Anika Noni Rose (by the way, isn’t that the most beautiful name ever?).

Anika is voicing the lovely and fiesty Princess Tiana, who headlines The Princess and the Frog, which hits theatres December 11.

In this flick, Tiana is a working girl in New Orleans, determined to fulfill her shared dream with her father to open her own restaurant. When Prince Naveen comes to town, chasing his love of jazz music and a carefree lifestyle, mayhem and mischief ensues.

What everyone keeps emphasizing is that not only is Princess Tiana the first African-American princess, she’s the first American princess period. (Although, shouldn’t Pocahontas count?)

 While we were at Disney, we were fortunate to be able to be present during Princess Tiana’s induction as the newest princess at Walt Disney World. Members of the media from all over were on hand to see the beautiful Tiana as she joined the rest of the Disney princesses (Snow White, Pocahontas, Mulan, Belle, Jasmine, Ariel, Aurora, and Cinderella, in case you’re wondering). 

The Disney Princesses

You see the pictures of me, Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen? No? Well, go ahead and take a look….

Princess Tiana, me and Prince Naveen. As if you needed me to say that - I don't any of my readers would have me confused with that goddess on the left. She was FABULOUS!

I brought you back a little treat - video from Princess Tiana’s first performance in the theme park, Tiana’s Showboat Jubilee! Can you find better quality elsewhere on the web? Yes, of course. But this was filmed with love

 I’m crazy excited to take my daughter (yes, she’s 3, but we’ll make it work) to see this movie. There are some many reasons to love it.

1) She is a hard worker. She’s not some damsel in distress who needs a kiss from Prince Charming to make her life complete. She wants a restaurant and is willing to work double shifts in order to save up the money to get it.

2) It’s hand-drawn animation. I admit, when I first heard that the Princess and the Frog woul be the old-school animation, I sucked my teeth a little. “Great, they took forever to create an African-American princess, now her movie has to look dated, too?” But I stand here today to apologize. I definitely think it was the right choice. It takes me back to my childhood, when Princess Jasmine reigned supreme in my house.

3) It’s set in New Orleans. One of my favorite cities on earth, even though I haven’t been there yet. The food, the culture, the location - all fab-u-lous if you ask me. Plus - the music. Ooooh, I can’t wait to get the soundtrack!

So I’m back from Disney and will be putting up posts detailing my trip over the next week. But first, I decided to get you revved up by hosting a giveaway. Check the video to see what I’m giving away and how to win (hint: it has to do with Princess Tiana). Contest ends Wednesday, November 4 at 5 p.m.

When my family went, we brought my grandma along. With three kids under eight in a place like Disney, I guess my parents thought they needed some backup (either that or someone to watch us so they could relax!). I thought she was the bomb diggity because she didn’t have any casual clothes. Wore her pearls and matching suit sets right there by the pool. Too cool for words.

Those were very fond memories, but this time I went to Disney without the fam, as part of the African-American Mom Blogger Mixer.

For two and a half days, we were ushered all up, down and around Disney, all 47-square-miles. It is truly a city unto itself. There is so much to talk about, so I will break it up into three days (I think).

Day one will be a quick picture rundown - what I saw, what we did and how I was sooo impressed with everything.

Day two will be all about Princess Tiana - I’m telling you, this is the smartest thing Disney has ever done. I’m all about Princess Tiana these days. Can’t.get.enough!

Day three will be about the deals - how YOU (yes, you!) can take your family to Disney and not blow all your savings. I was skeptical, but I’ve learned that it can be done!

So on to the first Disney post - the overview.

I know pictures are better than words, so I’ll try to do a little of both….

The entrance to the Animal Kingdom Lodge, one of Disney's eight deluxe resorts, with rooms starting at $240/night. I have never seen anything like it. Giraffes and gazelles hang out in the wildlife preserve surrounding the resort, so if you step out onto your balcony, you'll get a better view of the animals than you would at your local zoo!

My room. I loved the feel of this resort. It wasn't overwhelmingly "Disney" with the bright primary colors and loud cartoon-ish music. (There's nothing wrong with that, by the way.) It seemed like a resort for cool folks. Simple yet sophisticated.

Sitting in one of the audition rooms. You like my shirt? Yeah, I thought you might They pick three park guests to perform in a truly authentic American Idol competition. I was surprised at the vocal ability of the performers - who knew they could get down like that? The winner gets a "golden ticket" which puts them at the front of the audition line at one of the American Idol tryouts. Sweet!

View from the California Grill, where we had dinner on day one. See Cinderella's castle to the far left? Yeah, I liked that view, too! Since I had my kids, most of my meals are eaten within four minutes so to be able to sit and linger over a meal for almost two hours was HEAVENLY!

The stage at the American Idol Live Experience. As soon as I pulled out my video camera, they announced that video recording is prohibited. Drat.

On the bus getting the rundown from Laura Spencer, our hostess and social media manager for Disney. She is so fierce! She was one of the original moms on Disney's Moms Panel, which is a HUGE deal. More on that later...

 

My drinks at the California Grill. While we were in one of the private rooms (VIP, y'all!), I could tell this was a nice place. The food was unbelievable and the staff was ready to cater to our every need, which was strange for me but something I definitely got used to!

So your girl just got back from Disney, right? I had planned to keep y’all updated with up-to-the-minute updates and blogging but our schedule was so jam-packed that I was literally running all over Disneyworld. In heels. In the heat. So when we got back to our rooms at night, I was passed out. (In a good way.)

So I promise you I will have some fantastic posts coming up where I dissect every moment of the mom blogger event. But please let me get some rest first.

In the meantime, please check out some of my best posts EV-AH! (Okay, well, maybe not EVER, but at least in the past couple months. And just ’cause they’re a little older doesn’t mean I wouldn’t still looooove some comments!)

I think I want another baby…

Ask the Young Mommy readers: Why do I look a mess?

Letter to a soon-to-be mommy-to-be

1. The look on my kids’ face when they see me after a long day at daycare.

2. The way my husband is always 10 degrees warmer than I am, which makes him my very own electric blanket.

3. The fact that on most days, I get home before everyone else, with just enough time for me to make dinner without little children clutching my legs.

4. The way Netflix always sends me the best new releases the day they come out. (You gotta work the Queue, though. You gotta work the Queue.)

5. The way my purse still gets me compliments even though it’s approaching two years on my arm.

6. The way my son does his happy dance whenever you give him some food.

7. Buying a ton of groceries, bringing them home, and filling up the refrigerator. Makes me feel so accomplished.

These are mine. What are some of YOUR favorite things?

Dear Ayanna,

In a little less than a month, you turn 3. So why am I writing you a birthday letter so early? Well, 1) because your mom is scatterbrained lately and wouldn’t remember her own name if she didn’t have to write it every time she wrote a check, 2) the house is quiet and I have a minute to write and 3) you do everything ahead of schedule so I figured I return the favor.

You just amaze me every day, little girl. Honestly, you do. Sometimes I catch myself talking to you like you’re a teenager, because the things that come out of your mouth have me reaching up into my brain, trying to remember was it honestly only 3 years ago that I was pregnant with you?  

For instance, let’s say I give you something for dinner you don’t like.

What do most little kids say when they don’t like something? “I don’t like this.” EXACTLY MY POINT.

What do you say? “Mom, this isn’t working for me.”

“Excuse me?”

You look up at me with those big brown eyes with an expression that clearly reads, “This woman’s a moron.” You push the food around on your plate. “This isn’t working for me. This food is….old.”

“It is not old; I just got it out of the fridge.”

“Um, yes, it is. I think it’s old.”

“Ayanna, eat your dinner. Eat the salad.”

You don’t like the salad dressing I’ve selected. “This salad dressing is not working for me.”

Dee-vuh!

But I say it with love. You are so much like me that it scares me. I don’t know what I’ll do when you get to be a little older and are really capable of the eye-rolling, deep breath taking, door slamming behavior that is oh-so-typical of teenagers. 

But for now you’re three and excited with the possibilities of everything. You like your preschool class and already you’re the smartest one there. Every day you come home and tell me something new. You know the months, colors, shapes, the days of the week, the alphabet, your numbers up to 20 (some days a little higher), how to spell your name AND all your classmates’ names, and unfortunately, a little ditty you like to call, “Shake your booty!” 

It scares me how fast you’re growing up. Honestly, it does. It scares me because honestly, I thought I’d be much better at this motherhood thing by now. I thought I would have more patience with the chaos, more understanding through the tantrums. 

I’m still a work in progress as a mom and you’re 3! But I want you to know that I am trying to be the best mom I can be. I want you to always be happy. Always, always, always. If you’re happy, then I’m over the moon. If you’re sad - well, let’s just say Mommy is even more sad.

I want you and your brother to always think of me as one person in this whole wide world who will always be there for you. I know that seems like a big promise - always - and it is. But I don’t make promises to you that I know I can’t keep so there you have it. I will always be there for you, no matter what it costs me. I love you so much there are no words.

So you enjoy being three and I’ll enjoy being your mom. Is that a deal?

Does that work for you? *smile*

Love, Mommy

As I looked around the house last night, I saw a living room somewhat straightened up, my kitchen sink had a few dishes in it that didn’t fit in the dishwasher, my dining room had a few placemats askew but other than that it looked decent.

Then I went upstairs.

Crap.

Our guest room has slowly become the dumping ground for clean clothes that haven’t been folded. Now the piles of clothes are so big, we basically use the room as a huge walk-in closet. My kids’ rooms aren’t too bad, considering they’re kids. A few books astray, a single diaper here or there.

Our bedroom looks a mess. I’m a voracious reader, with piles of books and magazines covering every inch of my side table. I even made it a point to buy a side table with a door covering the shelves inside so I could stuff my reading material in there and it wouldn’t look bad. Apparently I should have bought a bigger one.

My husband has a serious sweet tooth so he brings his evening treat upstairs before he goes to sleep. Wrappers are covering the top of his side table. (So gross.)

We still don’t have curtains, even though we moved in March. So the walls just look bare.

I don’t quite have it all together, but that’s okay. I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I will never be “that mom.”

The mom with piles and piles of clean, pressed spare sheets in the linen closet. The mom with a set laundry schedule, who sticks to it and never ever deviates. The mom who vacuums her kids’ bedrooms regularly. The mom who dusts. Whose kitchen floors are so clean you could eat off them. 

Do I suck as a housekeeper? Yeah, probably definitely. But that’s why I had kids. Wait until these little buggers turn 5. I’ve already got their little chores chart….

Are you “that Mom”? The one who has it all together? Yes? Then please click that little X in the upper right hand side of the screen tell me how you do it.

Are you like me, content to be a “Good Enough Mom“?  (Shout out to Rene Syler, whose book  had me ROLLING on the floor laughing. Please pick up a copy if you are having trouble slipping into your role as a Good Enough Mother.)

Updated 10/24/09: Y’all shamed me so much that I had to go clean my house and go through everything that didn’t belong. Now I’m heading out of town for two days and I GUARANTEE YOU that the house will be a mess when I return. I’m placing bets.

4 p.m. - Leave work, try to find something on the radio to listen to on my hour-long commute home. Switch radio stations every other song.

5 p.m. - Get home finally and only by the grace of God.

5:15 p.m. - I gotta pee.

5:20 p.m. - Start dinner. Thank the Lord I took something out the night before to thaw.

5:30 p.m. - Dinner’s bubbling on the stove, I take a minute to change out of my work clothes, check the mail, voicemail, work e-mail, etc.

5:45 p.m. - My family comes home. My daughter brings in their lunch boxes and hands them to me. She calls me “Lady.” I don’t know if I like this or not. My son barrels into the house like a tornado and I visibly tense up when I hear him rounding the corner. My husband comes in, tired-looking, gives me a slight nod and then heads straight to the fridge for a snack, regardless of the fact that dinner IS ALMOST READY. Like, “let me just get a plate” ready.

6 p.m. - We eat dinner.

6:04 p.m. - I’m done.

6:05 p.m. - Ow, heartburn!

6:15 p.m. - The hubby and kids are done.

6:30 p.m. - Cleaning up because the table, floor, high chair, chairs, kids are all a mess.

6:45 p.m. - Load dishes in the dishwasher. (On a good day - on a bad day, those dishes might be sitting for a while. Which is totally lazy. I know.)

7:00 p.m. - IT IS TIME FOR THESE KIDS TO GO TO BED. No? Oh.

7:15 p.m. - Playing games, reading books, a few after dinner snacks and drinks.

7:30 p.m. - Bath, get lotioned up, reading, GOOD NIGHT KIDS!

8 p.m. - Cleaning up so the house doesn’t look a mess in the morning.

8:45 p.m. - Writing, doing freelance work, blogging, replying to comments (Did you know I try to reply to every comment you all leave me? I’m considerate like that…)

11:30 p.m. - Try to go to bed. Curl up with magazine or hubby.

Midnight - PASSED.OUT.

It’s mostly financial.

I love my kids and wouldn’t ever want to go back to life before I had them, but when it comes to actually paying for these kids to live, it starts to weigh on me.

I’m not poor, and we’re not living paycheck-to-paycheck, but we’re not clearing much after bills. I usually have enough to buy a cute pair of flats at Target, or some shrimp at Sam’s Club if I really want to splurge.

Whenever it comes to the financial burden that comes with having kids, I start wishing I had waited before getting pregnant. While I started my career with a nice salary, that money would go a lot further if I wasn’t paying out the butt for daycare and other “baby bills.”

I sometimes wish I had that experience of being early in your career, making money, buying new clothes to wear to work, splurging on a trip if you feel the urge, spending your weekends going to brunch and sipping champagne with your waffles and bacon.

My life reflects none of that.

I don’t get to splurge. I pay bills.

I don’t go to Sunday brunch. I spend my Sunday mornings chasing after two kids who would rather fling oatmeal at each other than eat it.

It’s taking me so long to build a decent work wardrobe that I’ll probably be retired before I can look nice in the office five days a week.

But it’s cool. I know my life would be different if I didn’t have kids right now but it wouldn’t be as full. Or as lively. As noisy. As funny. As hectic.

Or as fulfilling.

It’s hard being a “mommy blogger” because every time you go to write a post about your mothering style, you’re opening yourself up to attacks.

“Oooh, her kids are picky eaters - must be her fault…”

“Oooh, she doesn’t love her kids which is why she makes them go to bed at 8 p.m…”

“Oooh, she’s a frumpy mom, she’s let herself go…”

But I don’t really care.

I write about my daily struggles and joys of motherhood because I find comfort in releasing the words from my mind and then hearing from fellow moms how their days are so similar.

Some of you might read some of my posts and wonder, “Why is she always whining? Seems like she has a good life to me…”

And I do have a good life. A great life, actually. Writing this blog helps me press rewind on the good days and press pause on the bad days. Sometimes after a really long day, I can’t wait to log into Wordpress and write the post that’s been percolating in my mind all day. Other days I don’t want to write because I fear it would be too raw.

But I do want to thank all my readers, because you all have given me strength and encouragement throughout everything and I appreciate you from the bottom of my heart!

Now for the question that I try to ask at the end of each post: Do you judge moms based on their blog posts? Do y’all judge me? Be honest! LOL

I am TOO pumped to tell you that I am on my way to Orlando, Florida for a three-day trip to Walt Disney World, as part of the African-American Mom Blogger Mixer, put together by the folks at Disney and BSM Media.  

What can I say? I’m beyond honored that they would ask me to participate, and I’m pumped that I will be there as they introduce Princess Tiana (from the upcoming The Princess and the Frog) to the theme park.

I’ve been waiting my whole life for an African-American Disney princess and it honestly feels like a dream come true to actually be at Disney only weeks before the movie hits theatres.

(I remember watching Aladdin when it came out and being mystified that Princess Jasmine didn’t quite look like all the other princesses. She didn’t quite look like me, but it was close enough for my tween perspective.)

So I promise to give you the blow-by-blow as soon as I get back (and watch out for some Twitter updates while I’m there: twitter.com/theyoungmommy).

From what I understand, the bloggers are asked at the end of the trip to recommend future attendees - I’ll have to make sure I have my list ready to recommend my readers!

I had 15 entries to the Testing the Ice giveaway and I could only pick five winners. I used random number generator to pick the winners. Now, without further ado:

FOUR winners of the single copy of Testing the Ice ($17 value):

• Crystal!
• Ashley!
• Cee Cee!
• Melissa N.!

ONE grand prize winner (includes a copy of Testing the Ice and two Kidorable hat and gloves sets, approximately $50):

• Erica!

I will be contacting the winners over the next few days. But, if you’ve won, feel free to hit me up through the Contact form! Congrats to all the winners!