Going from being hugely pregnant, uncomfortable-to-walk, get-this-kid-out-of-me-now young momma-to-be, to the messy, cranky aftermath of childbirth is a shock to your system like nothing else.

I remember being dazed after my emergency C-section, looking up at the nurses and doctors when they insisted I needed to nurse the baby RIGHT NOW and deciding that the whole idea of motherhood needed to be revisited ASAP if they thought a woman in my condition was capable of taking care of a newborn.

From there, it was most cloudy with a few days of sunshine. If there’s anything I love more in this life than my kids, it’s sleep. Not just any sleep though. I love the blankets pulled up tight, fan on low blasting me in the face, a full belly, and nowhere to be in the morning. THAT kind of sleep.

I gave all that up for the foreseeable future. For now, my sleep situation sucks.

But you know who got me through? My mom.

This woman, who works 80 hours a week with two full-time jobs and a part-time job on the weekend, managed to get two weeks off from all her jobs and came over to do the night-shift with me. Meaning, all I had to do was wake up enough to feed the baby, and she would do the diapering and burping and rocking  the baby back to sleep.

Oh, man - do you know how glorious that was? I still don’t know how I can repay her. Without her, my early postpartum period would easily been 10x harder.

I’ve found that you need this - a backup - once you join the ranks of all the moms who have come before you. You need someone you can call when you just know your best isn’t going to be good enough. You’re too tired, too stressed, spread too thin. You need relief. That relief can come in the form of a mom, an aunt, a sister, a godparent, a cousin, a best friend. Whoever you can get in your corner is golden.

Admitting you can’t do it all by yourself is the first step. Calling in backup doesn’t make you less of a mother - it solidifies your status.

Who do you call when the going gets rough? Is there anyone in your life who’s part of your Mommy Needs a Break crew?

You all know me. I don’t make that much. Plus, I’m cheap.

So the idea of taking my kids to Disney seems like a great idea, but I didn’t know if it would ever happen, seeing as how I’m not balling like that. The one and only trip my family ever took to Disney was after years and years (and YEARS) of saving.

Coming from that perspective, I was eager to hear from the folks at Disney to see how I would manage to get my crew of four down to Florida for a little of that Disney magic.

I was pleasantly surprised. Yes, Disney isn’t the most exciting place for extreme tightwads [**cough** like my hubby **hubby] but for women like me who enjoy making a dollar stretch, getting your crew to Disney on a budget isn’t as hard as I thought. It does require a lot of planning, but that’s what the Internet is for, right? Check out some of these tips I picked up during my African-American Mom Blogger Mixer:

1. Chat with the Walt Disney World Moms Panel. Definitely. Go now. Quit reading. Any question you could possibly have about the parks, including budget issues, is answered here.

2. Mousesavers.com is not an official Disney website, but they feature GREAT deals and inside tips on how to make your money go further.

3. Do Disney as big as you can, keeping in mind that you will want to buy souvenirs. Check the website for the deals and specials Disney offers. For instance, now they have a Buy 4 Nights, Get 3 Nights Free promotion that will save a ton of money.  

4. Color me dumb, but I didn’t know that Disney had a few different tiers of resorts - deluxe, moderate, and value. The value resorts can be had as low as $82 a night (a little lower or higher depending on the season). Don’t turn your nose up at the value resorts. They are still very “Disney” and if you are planning a shorter, action-packed trip, you won’t be spending much time in the hotel anyway. There’s transportation to and from the parks so you can park your car once you get there and take the bus everywhere you want to go.

Any mamas been to Disney lately? Got any tips to share?

So I’ve been trying to figure out a way to make the young mommy chats (you remember those, right?) better for everyone.

When we first started, Twitter was having too many issues - some days we couldn’t see each other, the updates would take too long to post, etc. In an effort to have something a little more….branded, I moved it to my blog. Fewer glitches, more privacy, but y’all didn’t migrate with me! LOL.

So I put it on hiatus. But I miss it. I watch the weekly Girls Night Out chats on Twitter and am dying to get back in the game.

But I want to do it big. Why bother if I’m not trying to make it beneficial to everyone’s life? I want sponsors, prizes, a way to record it and make it available for people who missed it, a corresponding network so people can continue conversations or make connections.

Now there’s only two problems with this:

1) Do I really have time to build this?

2) Will everyone else be as enthusiastic as I am about it?

So I’ll leave it to you all - what do you think? Young mommy chats - yay or nay?

What is it about performance reviews that make you so irrational?

We just got finished with reviews at the nonprofit where I work and let me tell you, I was a mess the whole week before. I had just come off my biggest project of the year where I had a few stumbles (a learning curve, really) and wasn’t feeling confident about my performance at all.

I started going to extreme lengths to cope, like watching medicine dramas on TV to convince myself that even if I sucked at my job, it wasn’t like the mistakes I made meant that someone could die, like on ER or even Scrubs.

But I came through with a glowing review. I was rated even higher than the previous year. So where was the disconnect? Why did I see myself as horribly incompetent when my boss thought I was a great asset to the team?

Continue reading at WorkingMother.com’s Mom Blog

(Note: I know you’re looking for that last Disney post on how to do Disney on a budget and I promise you it’s coming. I just need to share something with you all first…)

So over the past week or so, I’ve been feeling crazy uncomfortable when I put my bra on. (We’re family, right? We can talk about these things.)

My armpits just felt mad lumpy. In a panic, I do a quick breast exam, thinking maybe there’s a lump or something that has lodged itself  under my arm.

“Oh, Lord,” I say to myself. “I’m too young for this! I’m only 23! Spare my life, Jesus!”

I don’t feel anything, say a quick prayer of relief and then go about my business.

Then again, a day later, I feel uncomfortable again. “Maybe the lump is playing hide-and-seek with me,” I’m thinking.

I check myself again.

No lumps. At all.

“What IS this?” I screech. Why do I feel so uncomfortable? What is the deal??

As I’m getting dressed this morning I realize. It’s not a lump - it’s FAT.

Oh, damn.

I’ve got arm spillage. And it’s rubbing against my side, making me hella uncomfortable.

Excuse me while I go sob into a pillow.

I don’t know how this snuck up on me. I’m not bigger anywhere else, but I’m gaining weight in my arms. I’ve just had the most stressful two months at work and I admit to finding comfort in baked goods rather than 20 minutes of cardio. Sorry. I’m not that kind of woman, although I strive to be.

I always get these wake-up calls where I see myself gaining weight and I immediately put myself on the “Girl, stop tripping!” diet plan, which includes lots of veggies and water, and the “Girl, get it together!” workout plan, which includes daily visits with my elliptical machine.

Why does it always take an uncomfortable armpit, a too-tight pair of jeans, a pair of swollen ankles to give me the warning signs that I haven’t been treating myself well lately? Giving my body all kinds of calories and sugar on top of mountains of stress. Eww.

So right here, right now, I pledge to do better. To love myself enough to accept the fact that I hate exercise but it’s necessary if I want to be healthy and active. It could have very well been a lump in my armpit and then what? Cancer?

I need to make the most of every day I have with my family, even if that means sweating it out for a few minutes or so. I deserve at least that much.

I don’t remember the first time I heard Disney was making a new movie featuring an African-American princess.

I do remember squealing with delight, dancing around the room, saying, “Finally! A princess who looks like me!”

I haven’t been this excited for a movie since Dreamgirls, which also featured Anika Noni Rose (by the way, isn’t that the most beautiful name ever?).

Anika is voicing the lovely and fiesty Princess Tiana, who headlines The Princess and the Frog, which hits theatres December 11.

In this flick, Tiana is a working girl in New Orleans, determined to fulfill her shared dream with her father to open her own restaurant. When Prince Naveen comes to town, chasing his love of jazz music and a carefree lifestyle, mayhem and mischief ensues.

What everyone keeps emphasizing is that not only is Princess Tiana the first African-American princess, she’s the first American princess period. (Although, shouldn’t Pocahontas count?)

Want to know more? Check out the short clip below:

While we were at Disney, we were fortunate to be able to be present during Princess Tiana’s induction as the newest princess at Walt Disney World. Members of the media from all over were on hand to see the beautiful Tiana as she joined the rest of the Disney princesses (Snow White, Pocahontas, Mulan, Belle, Jasmine, Ariel, Aurora, and Cinderella, in case you’re wondering). 

The Disney Princesses

You see the pictures of me, Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen? No? Well, go ahead and take a look….

Princess Tiana, me and Prince Naveen. As if you needed me to say that - I don't any of my readers would have me confused with that goddess on the left. She was FABULOUS!

I brought you back a little treat - video from Princess Tiana’s first performance in the theme park, Tiana’s Showboat Jubilee! Can you find better quality elsewhere on the web? Yes, of course. But this was filmed with love

 I’m crazy excited to take my daughter (yes, she’s 3, but we’ll make it work) to see this movie. There are some many reasons to love it.

1) She is a hard worker. She’s not some damsel in distress who needs a kiss from Prince Charming to make her life complete. She wants a restaurant and is willing to work double shifts in order to save up the money to get it.

2) It’s hand-drawn animation. I admit, when I first heard that the Princess and the Frog woul be the old-school animation, I sucked my teeth a little. “Great, they took forever to create an African-American princess, now her movie has to look dated, too?” But I stand here today to apologize. I definitely think it was the right choice. It takes me back to my childhood, when Princess Jasmine reigned supreme in my house.

3) It’s set in New Orleans. One of my favorite cities on earth, even though I haven’t been there yet. The food, the culture, the location - all fab-u-lous if you ask me. Plus - the music. Ooooh, I can’t wait to get the soundtrack!

So I’m back from Disney and will be putting up posts detailing my trip over the next week. But first, I decided to get you revved up by hosting a giveaway. Check the video to see what I’m giving away and how to win (hint: it has to do with Princess Tiana). Contest ends Wednesday, November 4 at 5 p.m.

When my family went, we brought my grandma along. With three kids under eight in a place like Disney, I guess my parents thought they needed some backup (either that or someone to watch us so they could relax!). I thought she was the bomb diggity because she didn’t have any casual clothes. Wore her pearls and matching suit sets right there by the pool. Too cool for words.

Those were very fond memories, but this time I went to Disney without the fam, as part of the African-American Mom Blogger Mixer.

For two and a half days, we were ushered all up, down and around Disney, all 47-square-miles. It is truly a city unto itself. There is so much to talk about, so I will break it up into three days (I think).

Day one will be a quick picture rundown - what I saw, what we did and how I was sooo impressed with everything.

Day two will be all about Princess Tiana - I’m telling you, this is the smartest thing Disney has ever done. I’m all about Princess Tiana these days. Can’t.get.enough!

Day three will be about the deals - how YOU (yes, you!) can take your family to Disney and not blow all your savings. I was skeptical, but I’ve learned that it can be done!

So on to the first Disney post - the overview.

I know pictures are better than words, so I’ll try to do a little of both….

The entrance to the Animal Kingdom Lodge, one of Disney's eight deluxe resorts, with rooms starting at $240/night. I have never seen anything like it. Giraffes and gazelles hang out in the wildlife preserve surrounding the resort, so if you step out onto your balcony, you'll get a better view of the animals than you would at your local zoo!

My room. I loved the feel of this resort. It wasn't overwhelmingly "Disney" with the bright primary colors and loud cartoon-ish music. (There's nothing wrong with that, by the way.) It seemed like a resort for cool folks. Simple yet sophisticated.

Sitting in one of the audition rooms. You like my shirt? Yeah, I thought you might They pick three park guests to perform in a truly authentic American Idol competition. I was surprised at the vocal ability of the performers - who knew they could get down like that? The winner gets a "golden ticket" which puts them at the front of the audition line at one of the American Idol tryouts. Sweet!

View from the California Grill, where we had dinner on day one. See Cinderella's castle to the far left? Yeah, I liked that view, too! Since I had my kids, most of my meals are eaten within four minutes so to be able to sit and linger over a meal for almost two hours was HEAVENLY!

The stage at the American Idol Live Experience. As soon as I pulled out my video camera, they announced that video recording is prohibited. Drat.

On the bus getting the rundown from Laura Spencer, our hostess and social media manager for Disney. She is so fierce! She was one of the original moms on Disney's Moms Panel, which is a HUGE deal. More on that later...

 

My drinks at the California Grill. While we were in one of the private rooms (VIP, y'all!), I could tell this was a nice place. The food was unbelievable and the staff was ready to cater to our every need, which was strange for me but something I definitely got used to!

So your girl just got back from Disney, right? I had planned to keep y’all updated with up-to-the-minute updates and blogging but our schedule was so jam-packed that I was literally running all over Disneyworld. In heels. In the heat. So when we got back to our rooms at night, I was passed out. (In a good way.)

So I promise you I will have some fantastic posts coming up where I dissect every moment of the mom blogger event. But please let me get some rest first.

In the meantime, please check out some of my best posts EV-AH! (Okay, well, maybe not EVER, but at least in the past couple months. And just ’cause they’re a little older doesn’t mean I wouldn’t still looooove some comments!)

I think I want another baby…

Ask the Young Mommy readers: Why do I look a mess?

Letter to a soon-to-be mommy-to-be

1. The look on my kids’ face when they see me after a long day at daycare.

2. The way my husband is always 10 degrees warmer than I am, which makes him my very own electric blanket.

3. The fact that on most days, I get home before everyone else, with just enough time for me to make dinner without little children clutching my legs.

4. The way Netflix always sends me the best new releases the day they come out. (You gotta work the Queue, though. You gotta work the Queue.)

5. The way my purse still gets me compliments even though it’s approaching two years on my arm.

6. The way my son does his happy dance whenever you give him some food.

7. Buying a ton of groceries, bringing them home, and filling up the refrigerator. Makes me feel so accomplished.

These are mine. What are some of YOUR favorite things?

Dear Ayanna,

In a little less than a month, you turn 3. So why am I writing you a birthday letter so early? Well, 1) because your mom is scatterbrained lately and wouldn’t remember her own name if she didn’t have to write it every time she wrote a check, 2) the house is quiet and I have a minute to write and 3) you do everything ahead of schedule so I figured I return the favor.

You just amaze me every day, little girl. Honestly, you do. Sometimes I catch myself talking to you like you’re a teenager, because the things that come out of your mouth have me reaching up into my brain, trying to remember was it honestly only 3 years ago that I was pregnant with you?  

For instance, let’s say I give you something for dinner you don’t like.

What do most little kids say when they don’t like something? “I don’t like this.” EXACTLY MY POINT.

What do you say? “Mom, this isn’t working for me.”

“Excuse me?”

You look up at me with those big brown eyes with an expression that clearly reads, “This woman’s a moron.” You push the food around on your plate. “This isn’t working for me. This food is….old.”

“It is not old; I just got it out of the fridge.”

“Um, yes, it is. I think it’s old.”

“Ayanna, eat your dinner. Eat the salad.”

You don’t like the salad dressing I’ve selected. “This salad dressing is not working for me.”

Dee-vuh!

But I say it with love. You are so much like me that it scares me. I don’t know what I’ll do when you get to be a little older and are really capable of the eye-rolling, deep breath taking, door slamming behavior that is oh-so-typical of teenagers. 

But for now you’re three and excited with the possibilities of everything. You like your preschool class and already you’re the smartest one there. Every day you come home and tell me something new. You know the months, colors, shapes, the days of the week, the alphabet, your numbers up to 20 (some days a little higher), how to spell your name AND all your classmates’ names, and unfortunately, a little ditty you like to call, “Shake your booty!” 

It scares me how fast you’re growing up. Honestly, it does. It scares me because honestly, I thought I’d be much better at this motherhood thing by now. I thought I would have more patience with the chaos, more understanding through the tantrums. 

I’m still a work in progress as a mom and you’re 3! But I want you to know that I am trying to be the best mom I can be. I want you to always be happy. Always, always, always. If you’re happy, then I’m over the moon. If you’re sad - well, let’s just say Mommy is even more sad.

I want you and your brother to always think of me as one person in this whole wide world who will always be there for you. I know that seems like a big promise - always - and it is. But I don’t make promises to you that I know I can’t keep so there you have it. I will always be there for you, no matter what it costs me. I love you so much there are no words.

So you enjoy being three and I’ll enjoy being your mom. Is that a deal?

Does that work for you? *smile*

Love, Mommy

As I looked around the house last night, I saw a living room somewhat straightened up, my kitchen sink had a few dishes in it that didn’t fit in the dishwasher, my dining room had a few placemats askew but other than that it looked decent.

Then I went upstairs.

Crap.

Our guest room has slowly become the dumping ground for clean clothes that haven’t been folded. Now the piles of clothes are so big, we basically use the room as a huge walk-in closet. My kids’ rooms aren’t too bad, considering they’re kids. A few books astray, a single diaper here or there.

Our bedroom looks a mess. I’m a voracious reader, with piles of books and magazines covering every inch of my side table. I even made it a point to buy a side table with a door covering the shelves inside so I could stuff my reading material in there and it wouldn’t look bad. Apparently I should have bought a bigger one.

My husband has a serious sweet tooth so he brings his evening treat upstairs before he goes to sleep. Wrappers are covering the top of his side table. (So gross.)

We still don’t have curtains, even though we moved in March. So the walls just look bare.

I don’t quite have it all together, but that’s okay. I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I will never be “that mom.”

The mom with piles and piles of clean, pressed spare sheets in the linen closet. The mom with a set laundry schedule, who sticks to it and never ever deviates. The mom who vacuums her kids’ bedrooms regularly. The mom who dusts. Whose kitchen floors are so clean you could eat off them. 

Do I suck as a housekeeper? Yeah, probably definitely. But that’s why I had kids. Wait until these little buggers turn 5. I’ve already got their little chores chart….

Are you “that Mom”? The one who has it all together? Yes? Then please click that little X in the upper right hand side of the screen tell me how you do it.

Are you like me, content to be a “Good Enough Mom“?  (Shout out to Rene Syler, whose book  had me ROLLING on the floor laughing. Please pick up a copy if you are having trouble slipping into your role as a Good Enough Mother.)

Updated 10/24/09: Y’all shamed me so much that I had to go clean my house and go through everything that didn’t belong. Now I’m heading out of town for two days and I GUARANTEE YOU that the house will be a mess when I return. I’m placing bets.

4 p.m. - Leave work, try to find something on the radio to listen to on my hour-long commute home. Switch radio stations every other song.

5 p.m. - Get home finally and only by the grace of God.

5:15 p.m. - I gotta pee.

5:20 p.m. - Start dinner. Thank the Lord I took something out the night before to thaw.

5:30 p.m. - Dinner’s bubbling on the stove, I take a minute to change out of my work clothes, check the mail, voicemail, work e-mail, etc.

5:45 p.m. - My family comes home. My daughter brings in their lunch boxes and hands them to me. She calls me “Lady.” I don’t know if I like this or not. My son barrels into the house like a tornado and I visibly tense up when I hear him rounding the corner. My husband comes in, tired-looking, gives me a slight nod and then heads straight to the fridge for a snack, regardless of the fact that dinner IS ALMOST READY. Like, “let me just get a plate” ready.

6 p.m. - We eat dinner.

6:04 p.m. - I’m done.

6:05 p.m. - Ow, heartburn!

6:15 p.m. - The hubby and kids are done.

6:30 p.m. - Cleaning up because the table, floor, high chair, chairs, kids are all a mess.

6:45 p.m. - Load dishes in the dishwasher. (On a good day - on a bad day, those dishes might be sitting for a while. Which is totally lazy. I know.)

7:00 p.m. - IT IS TIME FOR THESE KIDS TO GO TO BED. No? Oh.

7:15 p.m. - Playing games, reading books, a few after dinner snacks and drinks.

7:30 p.m. - Bath, get lotioned up, reading, GOOD NIGHT KIDS!

8 p.m. - Cleaning up so the house doesn’t look a mess in the morning.

8:45 p.m. - Writing, doing freelance work, blogging, replying to comments (Did you know I try to reply to every comment you all leave me? I’m considerate like that…)

11:30 p.m. - Try to go to bed. Curl up with magazine or hubby.

Midnight - PASSED.OUT.

It’s mostly financial.

I love my kids and wouldn’t ever want to go back to life before I had them, but when it comes to actually paying for these kids to live, it starts to weigh on me.

I’m not poor, and we’re not living paycheck-to-paycheck, but we’re not clearing much after bills. I usually have enough to buy a cute pair of flats at Target, or some shrimp at Sam’s Club if I really want to splurge.

Whenever it comes to the financial burden that comes with having kids, I start wishing I had waited before getting pregnant. While I started my career with a nice salary, that money would go a lot further if I wasn’t paying out the butt for daycare and other “baby bills.”

I sometimes wish I had that experience of being early in your career, making money, buying new clothes to wear to work, splurging on a trip if you feel the urge, spending your weekends going to brunch and sipping champagne with your waffles and bacon.

My life reflects none of that.

I don’t get to splurge. I pay bills.

I don’t go to Sunday brunch. I spend my Sunday mornings chasing after two kids who would rather fling oatmeal at each other than eat it.

It’s taking me so long to build a decent work wardrobe that I’ll probably be retired before I can look nice in the office five days a week.

But it’s cool. I know my life would be different if I didn’t have kids right now but it wouldn’t be as full. Or as lively. As noisy. As funny. As hectic.

Or as fulfilling.

It’s hard being a “mommy blogger” because every time you go to write a post about your mothering style, you’re opening yourself up to attacks.

“Oooh, her kids are picky eaters - must be her fault…”

“Oooh, she doesn’t love her kids which is why she makes them go to bed at 8 p.m…”

“Oooh, she’s a frumpy mom, she’s let herself go…”

But I don’t really care.

I write about my daily struggles and joys of motherhood because I find comfort in releasing the words from my mind and then hearing from fellow moms how their days are so similar.

Some of you might read some of my posts and wonder, “Why is she always whining? Seems like she has a good life to me…”

And I do have a good life. A great life, actually. Writing this blog helps me press rewind on the good days and press pause on the bad days. Sometimes after a really long day, I can’t wait to log into Wordpress and write the post that’s been percolating in my mind all day. Other days I don’t want to write because I fear it would be too raw.

But I do want to thank all my readers, because you all have given me strength and encouragement throughout everything and I appreciate you from the bottom of my heart!

Now for the question that I try to ask at the end of each post: Do you judge moms based on their blog posts? Do y’all judge me? Be honest! LOL

I am TOO pumped to tell you that I am on my way to Orlando, Florida for a three-day trip to Walt Disney World, as part of the African-American Mom Blogger Mixer, put together by the folks at Disney and BSM Media.  

What can I say? I’m beyond honored that they would ask me to participate, and I’m pumped that I will be there as they introduce Princess Tiana (from the upcoming The Princess and the Frog) to the theme park.

I’ve been waiting my whole life for an African-American Disney princess and it honestly feels like a dream come true to actually be at Disney only weeks before the movie hits theatres.

(I remember watching Aladdin when it came out and being mystified that Princess Jasmine didn’t quite look like all the other princesses. She didn’t quite look like me, but it was close enough for my tween perspective.)

So I promise to give you the blow-by-blow as soon as I get back (and watch out for some Twitter updates while I’m there: twitter.com/theyoungmommy).

From what I understand, the bloggers are asked at the end of the trip to recommend future attendees - I’ll have to make sure I have my list ready to recommend my readers!

I had 15 entries to the Testing the Ice giveaway and I could only pick five winners. I used random number generator to pick the winners. Now, without further ado:

FOUR winners of the single copy of Testing the Ice ($17 value):

• Crystal!
• Ashley!
• Cee Cee!
• Melissa N.!

ONE grand prize winner (includes a copy of Testing the Ice and two Kidorable hat and gloves sets, approximately $50):

• Erica!

I will be contacting the winners over the next few days. But, if you’ve won, feel free to hit me up through the Contact form! Congrats to all the winners!

I’m an early 20something with a pretty nice entry-level position at a large nonprofit.

Most folks in the community would kill to work here. We’re got great benefits, an awesome staff, and the culture is pretty much: “Make the world better.”

But there’s only so much I can learn in the office so I’ve got my eye on a local young professionals group that I would LOVE to join.

But I don’t.

The problem is most of their events are after work or early on Saturday mornings.

This makes me sad.

Why is it that I can’t make it to the meetings?

Continue reading at the MOM BLOG over at WorkingMother.com….

I am one of the newest mom bloggers over at WorkingMother.com, the online home of Working Mother magazine.

Now, I have a subscription to Working Mother (Maghound.com - look into it!) so I read it every month. And I know I’m not their target demographic. But they do have great tips on how to balance your roles as mom and employee, something that I find myself struggling with EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

I’m writing over there as the young professional mama, posting weekly (or as often as I can churn out these posts) in the Mom Blog about the realities of being a 20something working mom. Cool, right?

I want to keep blogging here, but I also want to branch out and write on other sites so I can keep the conversation going. For so long, I’ve felt that society viewed young mothers as “less than,” as moms who weren’t as committed, as capable, as loving as their older counterparts.

But now I realize that if people view us that way, then it’s up to us to make our voices louder, to prove that we deserve a place at the table. Who’s with me?!  

I’ll be linking to my posts from here, so if you’d like to support and give weight to the voice of young mothers everywhere, leave me lots of comments! I’ll appreciate it more than you know!

Except that I don’t.

The only reason why I’m even letting that thought come into my head is because I’m surrounded by people who are trying to conceive, or thinking about it in the near future. They’re so happy, so excited about this new step in their lives. They’ve spent hours talking to me about baby names and cute baby furniture and their quest to find a diaper bag that the daddy-to-be won’t be embarrassed to carry.

I allowed myself to get sucked in. I actually thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be cool to be pregnant again?”

Pause.

I know, right? Me! Me, of all people!

Me, the one who had her two kids in two years and looked at everyone like they were smoking crack when they asked when I was having a third.

Me, the one who asked her doctor to tie her tubes in addition to the IUD “just to be sure.”

Me, the one who swore to her doctor that if he was waiting on me to have any more kids he’d be better off waiting for the Republicans to link hands with Obama and skip happily up Pennsylvania Avenue to get to work redesigning the health care bill.

But then I realized - I don’t want to be pregnant.

I still don’t want any more kids.

I just want that experience.

You know, finding out you’re pregnant and you’re overjoyed with excitement and possibility. Both times I found out I was pregnant, I shook the pregnant test toward the heavens and muttered, “Why, Lord, why?!?!?!” 

When I had my first two, my life wasn’t quite where I wanted it to be. We didn’t have a house, or decent salaries. I still lived on campus, for goodness sakes.

I just wanted ONE of my pregnancies to be the fairy-tale. To be exciting. To be fun.

To avoid the dread about how we’re going to pay for everything. To know our medical coverage backward and forward and know that we can actually afford to pay for delivery.

I want a do-over. I now know that everything will be okay and I don’t need to freak out over every little thing and for God sakes, I’ll cut my husband some slack this time because Lord knows he’s trying.

But since I probably won’t have any more kids, it’s up to me to make the most of each day going forward.

Finding the joy in the fact that my life, while only baring a slight resemblance to the life I imagined, keeps me laughing, smiling and embracing change.

All my loyal readers know that I don’t do giveaways that often.

In the 17 months I’ve had this blog, I think I’ve done maybe two or three giveaways, only holding them when I think it’s something that my readers can really use. (You would not believe the number of PR folks who bug me about products that have nothing to do with the topics I write about - support pantyhose, anyone?)

I just received Testing the Ice, a heartwarming new children’s book written by Sharon Robinson, daughter of the MLB and Negro League baseball great Jackie Robinson. The book is illustrated by Kadir Nelson and the pages just glisten with beautiful drawings based off family photographs.

I’m giving my readers a chance to win this book and some cool associated gear.

ONE grand prize winner will receive a TESTING THE ICE prize pack, including a Kidorable Hat, Glove & Scarf set and a copy of Testing the Ice (worth approximately $50). 
 
FOUR additional winners will receive a copy of the book (a $17 value)!

To win, all you have to do is leave a comment saying you would like to win the giveaway. Simple, right?  

The contest ends on Tuesday, October 13. Here’s hoping you win!

If it’s 8 p.m. and you’re at my house, then my kids are IN THE BED.

Absolutely no doubt about it.

I’ve gotten a reputation as somewhat of a bedtime control freak. My friends know my kids go to bed at 8 p.m. and if it’s after 7 they don’t even call or stop by. I get so many texts like, “I was in the neighborhood but it was 7:35 and I knew it was too late to be stopping by…”

My aunt from Texas came to visit me recently. It was the first time I had seen her in about six years. The clock struck 7 p.m. and everyone hopped up. “Okay, well, nice to see you again, I know your kids’ bedtime is coming up so….”

I started to protest. “No, it’s okay. I haven’t seen you all in a while so if you want to stay longer….”

“No, I heard about you,” my aunt said. “The kids go to bed at eight, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So we have to go.” And they left immediately.

I admit I can be a bit dramatic. I’m glancing at the clock every five minutes, and once it hits 7:30 I go into full-blown GET YOUR BUTTS IN THE BED mode.

I start clapping and singing, y’all.

“It’s (clap) bed (clap) time (clap)…I need to see some kids in their beds right now…” I sing as I chase them up the stairs. Sometimes my husband tag teams with me, but usually I just do it by myself because he moves entirely too slow doesn’t quite share the same enthusiasm for a quiet house at exactly 8 p.m.

I love my kids and occasionally they stay up to see the 8 o’clock hour but very rarely. My days are jam-packed and I try to make sure that the time that we’re both awake is when I’m focused on them, playing with them, reading to them, taking care of them. No e-mail, no texting, no Twitter or Facebook. Just one-on-one time with my two favorite little people.

But when bedtime approaches, the COUNTDOWN IS ON.  With all my other obligations, I need that time to decompress, take a deep breath and switch into one of my many roles for the rest of the evening.

What about you? Are you super anal about bedtime? Or is it just me?

1. Upgrade items from baby #1. Since I got pregnant with my son a few days shy of my daughter’s first birthday, a lot of her baby items were still in semi-decent shape and would be good to use with the new baby. Or so I thought. I should have realized that a cute little diaper bag that worked wonders with one baby might not do the job after two years of use and twice as much crap stuffed inside. If I had to do it all over again…I’d invest in some more sturdy baby stuff. They don’t make it like they used to.

2. Quit being a punk. Yeah, that’s right, I was a punk when I had one kid. Always whining about how tired I was. I.HAD.NO.IDEA. When my son was born and in the few months afterward, I would clutch my husband’s pants as he moved toward the door. “Don’t leave me here by myself with two kids,” was probably the most frequent sentence I’ve uttered this year. If I had to do it all over again…I’d (wo)man up earlier. Yeah, it’s hard to take care of two kids by yourself, but it’s not impossible.

3. Think through the logistics.I thought about where the kids would sleep, how we would manage with two kids in diapers, but I didn’t think about other things, like how the heck I would maneuver two kids (one baby, one toddler) in the rain. If I had to do it all over again…I didn’t like feeling caught off-guard but I’ll be darned if I’ve figured out how to scurry holding two kids during a downpour…Any ideas?

4. Practiced the fine art of “Me time.” If I thought I had zero free time with one kid, it plummeted after I had the second. If I had to do it all over again…I’d learn how to make sure I put myself first, if only some of the time.

5. Get more sleep. This one is easier said than done, right? Everyone wishes they could get more sleep but in reality it’s hard to make that happen when you’ve got a to-do list that’s longer than your waking hours can accommodate. If I had to do it all over again…I would take my %@# to bed when I was tired. The dishes can wait.

6. View more things through my husband’s eyes. We went through a very rough patch after the first kid as we were learning how to be parents and lovers at the same time. I wanted to wring his neck most days of the week. But I now realize that it wasn’t necessarily him - it was just the adjustment. I could have been a lot happier if I came to this conclusion earlier. If I had to do it all over again…I would have seen my husband as my partner, not someone who was just in the way.

7. Learn how to accept help. I get physically sick when people offer to help, either by washing my dishes or folding my laundry, or watching my kids for a few hours while I get in a date night with the hubby. It’s so hard for me to realize that I can’t do it all myself, that occasionally I need to call in for backup. If I had to do it all over again…I would slap a smile on my face and accept the help as readily as it’s offered.

8. Spend more time preparing my firstborn. My daughter was only 12 months old when I found out I was pregnant again, so I didn’t think ”Hey, you’re going to be a big sister soon” would make much sense to her. She realized quickly that Mommy was getting fat, but I still think it was a shock to her when she came to visit me in the hospital room suddenly looking 30 pounds lighter and holding a little mini version of her. If I had to do it all over again…well, I don’t really know how I could have done it differently. Bought the kid a doll or something?

9. Enjoy the second pregnancy just as much as the first. With the first pregnancy, everything was cause for celebration. When I first felt a kick, it was like I was the first woman in the history of the world to be pregnant. With the second? Eh, was that a kick? Might just be gas. Who knows? If I had to do it all over again…I’d rejoice in all the little things that make pregnancy fun, even if I had just experienced it a year earlier.

A little while back I was fortunate to be asked to participate in a webinar for black moms. Our topic was about the plight of our brown babies and what we can do as parents to prepare them for the best life possible.

One of the other panelists, Kimberly Seals-Allers (a single mom herself) responded to a question about single moms. She recently wrote a post on it and invited me to get my readers to weigh in. She writes:

“Recently, I had an epiphany.

It was actually more like a frightening realization, to be honest.

And it came to me on the television set of a BET taping, of all places. During the taping, I was sitting next to a young black male who was just singing his mama’s praises. He spoke lovingly of how she raised him as a single parent, giving tough love and setting high expectations.  Then, he began to talk about how when his father left, his mother “didn’t miss a beat” and just got on with their lives. This struck me. I interrupted him gently, to remind him that that is just what he saw or what she allowed him to see, and that he didn’t know what happened to his mother when he went to sleep or when his mother was alone—she may have cried for hours.

The problem with what this young man saw, is that he was left with the impression that his father left his family and there were no consequences. No repercussions.  This is dangerous thinking for our young men. And in my opinion, dangerous behavior on our part as Black women.  My fear is that our Strong Black Woman Syndrome is unintentionally breaking down our families and creating a dangerous legacy.”

I found her theory refreshing and I spent the next few months thinking about it. Examples of the “Strong Black Woman Syndrome” were all around me. Friends told me that it was no big deal when their child’s father left, because they were expecting him to leave all along, that they’ve spent their whole lives planning on being single mothers. That stunned me.

Do single moms create a new generation of single moms - their strength backfiring, leaving the current generation of fatherless youth to believe that a man’s presence isn’t really necessary, since Mom does such a good job holding it down on her own?

But isn’t it a Catch-22? Don’t single moms, like all parents, want their kids to feel safe and secure knowing that they will be OK no matter what? Why make it apparent that their life is made even more complicated by Daddy’s absence?

One thing I think single moms do amazingly well is their ability to shine no matter the circumstances. They do it all - because they know they have to. They let the love for their kids push them forward, doing just as much as, or sometimes more than, the moms with partners and other sources of support. They rock. Is this now one more thing they have to worry about as they try to do it all on their own?

Let me hear your thoughts on this theory: Do single moms help create more single moms by creating the “allusion” that Daddy ain’t necessary? What, in your opinion, contributes to the rise in female-headed households with no man in sight?

For the past two nights, I have gone to sleep before 9 p.m.

Hot.damn.

I didn’t stay up checking e-mail and writing blog posts or posting on Twitter or updating Facebook or brainstorming article ideas or folding clothes or straightening the living room.

I was tired so I took my butt to bed.

Do you know how liberating that was?

I felt if I went to bed before midnight that I must be slacking. After all, if I crashed before the day offficially turned into the next, then who would wash the dishes, or do the laundry or write these blog posts or post the giveaway (I promise I have a cool one really soon!)?

Yeah, I have a husband but I was driving myself crazy by insisting that I do everything on my to-do list that very day.

I took myself to bed, pulled the covers up tight and watched an episode of Scrubs before falling asleep with a chuckle still in my throat. It was nice. I highly recommend it.

It felt good to just do something that I wanted to do because I wanted to do it. I’ve got to try this more often.

What about you? What time do you usually go to bed? Do you feel guilty if everything’s not checked off your to-do list before you hit the sack?