Search Results for: teen pregnancy

#SheInspires | Natasha Vianna: “Being A Young Mother Doesn’t Mean You Have To Give Up Your Youth”

July 17, 2014 · by Tara ·

I don’t even remember when I first met Natasha but I’m glad I did. Over the past several years she has been outspoken about everything that matters – equality, reproductive rights, respect for teen parents and more. She is one of my idols and I’m thrilled to salute her in this #SheInspires series:

Name: Natasha Vianna

Age: 26

Kids: 1 daughter, 8 years old

Twitter: twitter.com/natashavianna

Whenever I have a moment of free time I look forward to… reading. I recently finished Janet Mock’s book, Redefining Realness, and have been really reflecting on how a book can have such a great impact on my life. As a young mom, I think I so often looked for tasks to complete during free time but rarely focused on personal growth and emotional well-being. Books allow me to escape from current reality and travel into a place where my mind is nourished and stress fades away.

My mommy superpower is… being able to quickly and creatively craft a backup plan. There’s no such thing as bad news when it comes to changing plans with your child. So if something doesn’t go as planned, or it starts raining, or you realize you left your wallet in your other purse, there’s always an, “I have an awesome new idea” moment that makes me feel like I can take on the world.

On really tough days I… take naps. I wish I had something more motivating to say but naps can really change how I proceed through the rest of my entire day.

The thing that scares me the most about motherhood is… that you’re constantly feeling like you have to tip toe around situations that may bring judgment. Motherhood, especially young motherhood, isn’t seen as something women grow into or learn how to master so we’re left with stares and comments and unnecessary parenting tips from strangers in a grocery store. It scares me that our society doesn’t recognize and value women and mothers for their courage, creativity, and strength.

The thing that excites me the most about motherhood is… that I get to support, love, and nurture someone who will do the same for others someday. I have spent a lot of my time thinking about how the world can be a scary place and I’ve reflected a lot on the way so many people treated me. In a strange way, those negative experiences helped mold my plan to raise an empathetic and sensitive child who would go on to teach others the same.

I know for sure I’m passionate about… young mothers’ rights because, like Tara, I know how hard it is to parent young and how much harder it is when people feel the urge to shame you for your choices. Having given birth at 17, people have often dehumanized my daughter and labeled her as a public health issue or reduced her to one of the negative consequences of unsafe sex. My life and her life are often politicized and used as either examples or exceptions, but we were and are rarely seen as humans. This is why I partnered with 6 other amazing young mothers across the country to launch #NoTeenShame, a campaign raising awareness on the unnecessary stigmatization of teen parents in teen pregnancy prevention strategies.

If my daughter can only remember one thing I teach her, I hope it’s… the impact of love and respect. I was raised on tough love and the idea that children are not respected as experts on their own lives, and I do my best to challenge that and meet her in a safe middle ground. My hope is that as she moves on into adolescence and adulthood, she remembers the value of love and respect in how she engages with and interacts with people.

I feel like a great mom when… my daughter finds the strength to call me out on the things I need to work on. There are times when I’m stressed out and not giving her the attention she needs and she’ll just hold both of my hands, look into my eyes, and ask me if I need to take some deep breaths with her. Sometimes I smile and sometimes it makes me upset, but knowing that she has learned that responding in a loving way makes me feel like she will be such a great friend to so many people. Another time, I was super upset because her father was canceling another visitation weekend with her and had a hard time hiding my anger towards him. She hugged me and told me that while he was disappointing her, he was not hurting her and that her disappointment was not a burden I needed to carry. Yes, I almost cried.

My personal motto is... Being a young mother doesn’t mean you have to give up your youth. Your youthfulness is what will make this experience even greater! When we don’t fall into society’s expectations of what a mother needs to be or look like, I think we often beat ourselves up and try to meet those standards. As a teen mom, I thought that being a good mother meant acting more mature and being less goofy but that didn’t last long. Our goofiness is what got us through some difficult times.

One thing that would make motherhood easier is if... our society respected mothers in the workplace. I’m lucky to have a job where my boss understands when things just don’t go as planned and I never worry that my future in this role will be negatively impacted by these issues. While all mothers deserve this kind of understanding, not all will have this peace of mind.

Filed Under: Career, Featured, Love + Family, Money + School, She Inspires ·

6 Things We Need To Make Sure Young Moms Can Do By 2033

July 16, 2013 · by Tara ·

This post was inspired by the post 10 Things We Need To Make Sure American Women Can Do By 2040 from Everyday Feminism. I took the twenty year approach because, well, I’m impatient. I chose six things because, well, I wanted YOU to come up with the other four.

1. Be able to take our children to the park/grocery store/mall and not have to deal with disdain from other people.

“Other people” can be rude as sh**. I’ve also had people ask me if my two children have the same father (they do), if I got pregnant on purpose (I didn’t), and if I’m still “involved” with their father (I am). It’s disrespectful, but because my family looks different (i.e., young and parenting), the disrespect is assumed to be okay. And it isn’t. I’ve since come to disregard any negative/hurtful comments strangers sling my way, but everyone should be able to go about their daily lives, parenting their kids, without having to encounter some smart-mouthed bully.

2. Be able to be taken seriously by our child’s teachers, doctors, coaches, etc. and not be condescended to because of our age.

“Wow, how old are you?” If I ever hear that question again, it’ll be too soon. I’ve had people pull my daughter aside and ask her how old I was. Medical specialists (highly educated people who should know better) have talked down to me when I sought treatment for my daughter’s asthma. It doesn’t often matter what other people think of you, but when their opinions affect how your children are treated, then it counts for a whole lot. In the coming years I hope that people see young parents as just that—parents who are young.

3. Be able to say that we are single mothers and proud, and not have someone treat us differently because of it.

Let me say this one time: Single mothers are not the cause of the nation’s problems. They just…aren’t. Most of the time, single mothers are hardworking women trying to do the best they can with the resources they’ve got. If you want to blame anyone, wag your finger at the deadbeats who don’t call nor send a dime in child support. But I digress. Single motherhood is not a disease and you are not helping it to spread by supporting those who are parenting solo. Haven’t we learned by now that families come in all shapes and numbers? By 2033, I hope we have.

4. Have access to safe, reliable birth control that we choose and not be pressured into or out of our decisions.

I adore my OB/GYN for his calm manner and efficient practice, but it still bugs me to no end that we did not have a greater discussion about my decision to ask for a tubal ligation. At the time, I was 22 and pregnant with my second child. But because of my age, I was asked to consider long-term hormonal birth control. I consented because the rates were roughly the same, even though there are always risks to hormonal methods. But if I am truly have autonomy over what happens to my body, as an adult woman I should be able to go to most doctors and get some permanent birth control, regardless if it’s the choice that they would make.

5. Receive support from public agencies instead of shameful ads.

I’ve already talked about New York City’s teen pregnancy prevention ads and how shame is an ineffective tactic to decrease teen pregnancies. In 20 years, I hope we’ve moved past that message and have developed ways to come to terms with the fact that there will always be teen parents. Always. Unless we start giving 9-year-olds mandatory ten-year IUDs, there will always be teen parents. Teens will have sex and either they won’t use birth control or the birth control will fail. It is a part of life and the sooner we accept that, the better off everyone will be.

6. Be able to see ourselves represented in media.

I created this website because I was tired of watching A Baby Story and never seeing any young parents. I was tired of looking at the magazines in my OB/GYN’s waiting room and feeling like I was invisible. I couldn’t afford a $800 stroller nor would I want to spend that time of money. Where was the perspective of black moms? Young moms? Divorced moms? Single moms? Single moms by choice? Lesbian moms? Moms of special needs children? Where was the diversity? Blogging has transformed the landscape, allowing women to create their own spaces. Bloggers like Denene Millner from MyBrownBaby or Gloria Malone from Teen Mom NYC didn’t wait for the mainstream media to validate their experiences; they took the lead and brought their voices to the forefront. By 2033, our voices will be louder than ever and no young mom should ever have to feel like she’s alone on her journey.

Speak your piece in the comments – what do you think young parents should be able to do by 2033?

Filed Under: Featured, Love + Family, You + Your Kids ·

New British Campaign Pushes Women To Have Babies Earlier

May 31, 2013 · by Tara ·

Recently, I’ve been posting teen pregnancy prevention ads to our Facebook page to see what we think about them.

In general, I think billboards and posters are a weak way to combat teen pregnancy rates. (Never mind that they are the lowest they’ve been in 40 years.) Peer mentoring/counseling, comprehensive sex education, and active, involved parents are some of the best (most effective) ways to decrease teen pregnancy. Billboards that have no real message other than “Don’t get pregnant!” don’t do much for me or the millions of teens each year who are sexually active.

Then I saw this ad from the people behind the “Get Britain Fertile” campaign. In it, a 46-year-old woman was made up to look like a 70-year-old pregnant woman. It’s part of a push to remind people of their fertile years and to encourage them to take advantage while the eggs are fresh.

Whaddya know? A campaign to encourage women to have babies at a younger age? Craziness, huh?

Kate Garraway is the 40something mom in the picture. She had her first child at 38 and her second at 42 and says she now feels disappointed that she isn’t able to have another. “I do look back now and realize that leaving pregnancy late can be a risky bet as diminishing fertility can stack the odds against you,” she told the Telegraph. “In some ways I wish I’d had my babies younger.”

Some women, particularly those who have struggled with infertility, find the ads offensive and don’t believe there needs to be a campaign to highlight what most women already know. I know many women who have had to do all the charting, temperature-taking, injections, pill-popping, sex-on-the-right-days-of-the-month measures in order to get pregnant. Just like the teen pregnancy ads, it is not enough to simply present an image and have people think, “Oh, no. I won’t do that.”

Why are women waiting longer to have children? The trend is mainly with college-educated women, which makes sense because they tend to have higher incomes and better ability to control when they reproduce.

While I adore being a young mother and have dedicated my career to empowering teen and 20something mothers, I don’t think it’s the path for everyone. Some people don’t meet the right person until their 30s. Some people aren’t sure they even want children until later on. Other people want to hit certain career goals first. And that’s fine.

I think women have been beat over the heads for years about our biological clocks, which makes the “having it all” discussion even more cumbersome. There’s always that fear in the media that women won’t have the perfect trifecta (partner, kids, career), but we don’t all want the same thing, and there’s no reason to push everyone to make the same decisions at the same time in their life.

Some people will have babies earlier and some will have them later. No matter what we do. No matter how many billboards we put up. No matter how many condoms we pass out. No matter what we do.

I see this campaign as ineffective because again, it doesn’t address the reasons why women are waiting later and ignoring the fact that if they want to wait, that is their right to do with their bodies what they wish.

What do you think about it? We’ll know more once the full campaign launches June 3.

Filed Under: Featured, Love + Family ·

{Friday Favorites} Do You Like Playing With Your Kids + Black History Month Books To Read

February 8, 2013 · by Tara ·

All day every day I’m reading some great posts online from bloggers I really admire. So I figured I’d share a few of my favorites of the week here:

Chaunie from Tiny Blue Lines wonders if it’s weird that she doesn’t like to play with her kids: “I like to think I’m doing them well–instilling independence in them and fostering their imaginative growth. After all, I’m just boring old Mom, right? They can make believe way better than I can.”

Gloria from Teen Mom NYC answers the question that always bugs me whenever it’s asked: “Does helping teen parents promote teen pregnancy?”

Eileen from MommyTeaches shares her picks for Black History Month books to read with your kids.

Denene from MyBrownBaby schools us on the latest research to come out for black moms and breastfeeding rates. They’re rising! Yay!

Over at BeautyThroughImperfection, Paula takes us on an organized and decorated her little boy’s room. Cute! And I want those prints on the wall!

Filed Under: Featured, Love + Family ·

We Are Not Invisible: Young Women Speak Their Truth

April 5, 2011 · by Tara ·

A sheet the Crittenton clients made of what inspires them

First, a little backstory…

In the fall of 2009, the audience for the YML had doubled from the previous year, and I was looking for some way to give back. It was part experiment/part altruism. I searched for an organization that I could host a fundraiser for, and after a couple of quick Google searches, I found The National Crittenton Foundation. And they found me.

The National Crittenton Foundation is actually a nationwide network of nonprofit organizations, with local agencies dedicated to young women and the challenges they face: transitioning out of the foster care system, teen pregnancy, juvenile justice, sexual abuse and exploitation.

It’s all very heavy stuff (and reminds me of how much work there still is to do) but the amazing thing about the foundation and all of its staff members is how upbeat and confident everyone is. Smiles on everyone’s faces and great big mama-bear hugs – it’s not hard to imagine how these women are able to have such an impact on young women all over the country.

The overwhelming emotions you feel when observing the Crittenton women: safe. Secure. Loved. Supported. I was excited to join the Crittenton women (and men) for their annual meeting this year at Disney World. They are kicking off a new initiative, Assets for Life, which is a new effort that builds off so much of the work they’ve already done. They are increasing their services to provide these young women with more assistance in the way of job readiness training, career exploration, mental health recognition, nutrition and much more…

Day 1 was a welcome reception to introduce us to each other and give us the chance to network. I enjoyed the food (the crab cakes were delish!) but I enjoyed the conversations even more. I sat a table with several different executive directors, discussing the impact of their teen pregnancy prevention programs in D.C. Teaching the girls to be able to distinguish a healthy relationship from a toxic one, surrounding the girls with people who genuinely wish to see them succeed – all of it creates an atmosphere where the teens know what they want and if pregnancy would postpone those dreams.

Day 2 began with “the Heart of Crittenton,” personal stories from young women impacted by Crittenton agencies. One by one, the women stood up. Some proud, some confident (and some a little nervous) to tell their stories. They spoke of the sexual abuse suffered by the hands of their fathers, stepfathers, aunts, uncles, brothers; the drug use they engaged in to medicate the pain; the abusive relationships they were in with their child’s father(s) and how they found the courage to leave.

I saw a group of beautiful (and I mean REALLY beautiful), intelligent, strong women who were survivors. Survived years of abuse at the hands of people they thought loved them and emerged trimphant, persistant in persuing their dreams. I walked away from these women in awe.

One young woman stood up and talked about her drug abuse and how she checked into rehab at age 14, prompted by a positive pregnancy test. “If it wasn’t for getting pregnant…I honestly don’t know if I’d be here, if I’d be alive. I knew I had a little person depending on me now…I couldn’t let him down.”

Yet another stood in front of us and described being physically assaulted by her parents, but having the courage to tell someone and get out. She ended up at a Crittenton agency and is now in college, a proud mommy of one.

One tearful story included a young woman from Sierra Leone, who was 3 years old when a civil war broke out. She still remembers the brutal murders she witnessed, seeing arms, limbs and heads, chopped off.

Another young woman ran away from home after being repeatedly molested by a friend of the family and became pregnant shortly thereafter, homeless and sleeping under a broken street light. She then went to a Florence Crittenton home to get assistance. “At the hospital, when I was in labor, they asked me where I lived,” she recalls. “It felt so good to say that I lived at Inwood House versus a staircase on the street.”

Wow. How wonderfully powerful that is. The Crittenton family of agencies has stories like this by the thousands. So many young women have been impacted in ways that we can only begin to imagine.

Jeannette Pai-Espinosa, executive director of the national organization, is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, and it is apparent to me, after meeting her a few times and being in her presence, that she is the perfect person to be the head of this organization.

She spoke of the staff’s dedication to their girls: “The past of the young women that come through our doors, does not determine their future,” Jeannette said. “It’s not just a job….it’s more like a social movement that supports the empowerment of girls. Our movement is stronger than its ever been.”

Tune in tomorrow as I give you the wrap-up and where we go from here.

Filed Under: My favorite posts, You + Your Kids · Tagged: featured