Search Results for: teen pregnancy

What No One Told Me: Childcare

December 10, 2010 · by Tara ·

When I was about seven months pregnant, I was in my first semester of my senior year at college. One day, I waddled up to the front of the class to ask the professor something. He (remember that, HE) asked me how the pregnancy was going and how much time I had left.

“Um, about two months,” I said. “I wish the baby would hurry up and get here!”

He smiled. “Well, enjoy your time now. It’s a lot easier to do what you want to do being pregnant versus what happens when the baby’s out in the world.”

I wanted to punch him. STUPID MEN. Why don’t they take over being pregnant and birthing babies and then I’d like him to tell me how freakin’ easy it is carrying around a bowling ball in their belly.

Since being laid off and transitioning to a work-at-home mom, all I can say is he is right.

I’ve been “lucky” in that my kids have been in daycare most of their lives. That meant that Monday-Friday they had someplace to go so my husband and I could do the things we needed to do. Let’s not even get into the cost of daycare, or the fact that I was working full-time just to be able to afford it. Let’s just focus on the fact that it’s reliable.

A couple of times this semester my husband had a work event that conflicted with my class schedule. So it was either 1) I didn’t go to class and watched the kids at home 2) my husband didn’t go to his work event and he watched the kids at home 3) I take the kids to class with me or 4) he takes the kids to his work event.

I don’t know about you, but #3 or #4 do not sound even remotely appealing when you’re talking about a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old (who does not have an inside voice – like, not even close). This is where a babysitter would come in handy.

But we don’t have one. We’ve never had one. Only family and very, very close friends have ever watched the kids. But people have their own lives and can’t drop everything when we need someone to cover our butts. We need someone on the payroll, with some extra incentive to show up.

Now they’re not in daycare and I have to get a babysitter if I want to leave my house. Let’s say this again. I have to PAY someone to come OVER to my house (which I also pay to live in) and I have to PAY them to stay there so I can go out.

Damn. Why didn’t anyone tell me?!

Filed Under: The big picture, Wish I Knew ·

Do I want my daughter to be a young mom?

March 8, 2010 · by Tara ·

This post all started as a response to these: smaller condoms designed for 12-14 year old boys. The thinking was, most 12-14 year old boys do not use protection when they have sex. So let’s make condoms that fit them.

Ahem.

Is this okay? Are we just accepting now that 12-year-olds have sex? I’m having a hard time believing it, even though I consider myself to be pretty open about most things. Ask me do I regret my first time. Yup. Was I too young? Yup. Did I really know what love was when I was a teenager? Nope. Were my friends having sex? Yup.

I would like to think my kids can come and talk to me about anything and we’ll figure out what to do together. But as of right now, I really don’t know what I’d tell them.

Of course I want to encourage them to wait. Did I wait? Obviously not since my daughter is three and I’ve been married for two years. But I know now (hindsight is a mofo) that things would have been a lot different if we had waited until we exchanged “I do’s” or at least been in a more stable place financially and emotionally.

I don’t think being a young mom means your life is over. Not in any way. However, I know it can be hard.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was making $600 A YEAR. I worked like 10 hours a semester. No real job. No real income. But I let my kids motivate me. I work hard. And that makes opportunities happen.

But it doesn’t happen like that for everyone. I had a lot of help. A ton of support. I had a mom who took two weeks off work when I had my daughter (and again for my son) to come help me out and let me get some rest. I had a boyfriend who didn’t flinch when I thrush the urine-soaked pregnancy test in his face, hyperventilating. Everyone doesn’t have that. Without support, you could struggle that much longer and that much harder.

My struggles haven’t been as severe as some of my friends. But I’ve been there on the other end of the phone as they cried about how their child’s father is no good. Or about how they wish he would be more active in their child’s life. As they contemplate whether they’ll stay in a job they hate just because they don’t have any other options. It’s rough.

Do I want my daughter to become a mom at 17, 18, 19? Nope. But if she did, I’d be there to support her.

Am I a hypocrite, since I am supposed to be the ultimate “Go, young mommy, go!” cheerleader? Maybe. But I know that being a mom is one of the most soul-stretching, time-sucking, energy-draining things you can do. It requires tons of patience, love, resilience, faith, empathy, intelligence and savvy. You can’t half-ass it. It’s all or nothing.

Filed Under: My favorite posts, The big picture ·

Mommy wisdom: Sex and the City style

February 11, 2009 · by Tara ·

Watched a few episodes again and didn’t realize how chock-full of funny insights on motherhood there were in it. I still miss that show. *sigh*

When Miranda gets pregnant…

Miranda : He only has one ball and I have a lazy ovary. In what twisted world does that create a baby? … It’s like the special Olympics of conception!

Complaining about the pains of pregnancy…

Miranda : I’m telling you: the fat ass, the farting .. it’s ridiculous. I am un-fuckable. And I have never been so horny in my entire life. … That’s why you’re supposed to be married when you’re pregnant, so somebody is obligated to have sex with you.

Browsing in the bookstore after Miranda had her son Brady….

Charlotte : What kind of diet book are you looking for?

Miranda : I don’t know. Something with a title like How to Lose That Baby Fat by Sitting On Your Ass.

Miranda going through a rough time as a new mom…

Miranda : No, he’s not sick. He’s not hungry, he’s not teething, he just wants to scream. I’m doing everything I can but I can’t please him. If he was 35 this is when we would break up.

Miranda : This thirteen pound meatloaf is pushing me over the edge!

Here’s a video of my favorite couple from the show, Miranda and Steve (sorry Carrie and Big lovers)…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIKSj6lyyWY]

Filed Under: The big picture ·

Bristol Palin gives birth to son, Tripp

December 29, 2008 · by Tara ·

Perhaps one of the most visible young moms out there, Bristol Palin gave birth to her son, Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston, on Sunday, officially making Sarah Palin a grandmommy.

Now, I didn’t vote for McCain, but for some reason, this kind of makes me happy. I find it hard to judge Sarah Palin based on her daughter’s choices, and by no means am I saying that getting pregnant while in high school (and then subsequently dropping out) is the best thing to do.

I was pregnant before I wanted to be, so I know (sort of) how she felt. But I didn’t have to deal with parading my teenage pregnancy on the national stage while my mom sought the second seat in the chain of command. That’s got to be rough on so many levels.

Maybe I’ll just make this a short one and ask you what you all think: How do you feel about Bristol Palin becoming a young mommy?

Filed Under: Celebs having babies ·

How To Deal With Judgmental people

November 21, 2008 · by Tara ·

My husband and I got engaged in March 2006 and we discovered I was pregnant in March 2006.

Which came first?

The pregnancy. Yes. Some of you may be saying, “So what? It’s not a big deal.”

Oh, you may think society has changed, that a young unwed mom is greeted with a yawn and a shoulder shrug. I’m here to tell you that society hasn’t changed that much.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I made sure I wore my engagement ring everywhere I went. If I didn’t, I would get disapproving stares and snide comments from people who really should have just minded their own business. I suppose it didn’t help matters that I still look like a young teenage mom.

But it could really hurt sometimes. I wanted my daughter to have the best start in life, and statistically, I was already putting her at a disadvantage. I had to work extra hard to prove that I loved her father, with or without the marriage license.

I know I don’t deal with it as much as other moms do, and I applaud you for the strength it must take to be a young single mom, raising the babies all day every day by yourself. That really amazes me.

So – tell me how you deal with those judgmental people who are determined to tell you how to live your life?

Filed Under: Uncategorized ·