My husband and I got engaged in March 2006 and we discovered I was pregnant in March 2006.
Which came first?
The pregnancy. Yes. Some of you may be saying, “So what? It’s not a big deal.”
Oh, you may think society has changed, that a young unwed mom is greeted with a yawn and a shoulder shrug. I’m here to tell you that society hasn’t changed that much.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I made sure I wore my engagement ring everywhere I went. If I didn’t, I would get disapproving stares and snide comments from people who really should have just minded their own business. I suppose it didn’t help matters that I still look like a young teenage mom.
But it could really hurt sometimes. I wanted my daughter to have the best start in life, and statistically, I was already putting her at a disadvantage. I had to work extra hard to prove that I loved her father, with or without the marriage license.
I know I don’t deal with it as much as other moms do, and I applaud you for the strength it must take to be a young single mom, raising the babies all day every day by yourself. That really amazes me.
So – tell me how you deal with those judgmental people who are determined to tell you how to live your life?
LOL! I wrote a blog about this during my pregnancy. It was called Tina the Homewrecker. In month 1 of pregnancy my fingers would swell so I couldn’t wear my wedding ring. And I still can’t wear my ring even though I’ve deflated a lot since baby was born. But I know the looks you’re talking about. Whenever I went out with my husband (who always wears his ring) I got weird looks because I didn’t have a ring on. I was amused by it because I could imagine what people were thinking and knowing the reality of it made it comical.
But the difference is that while I didn’t (and still don’t) care what people thought, you did. And you must remember that not everyone’s opinion matters – especially not the opinions of strangers who have no place in your life.
Tina and I had very similar circumstances! I haven’t worn my ring since I was 4 months pregnant. In fact–with hubby’s permission, of course–I gave my rings away to one of the men he was mentoring that wanted to propose, but didn’t have the money for a ring.
Since then, we haven’t invested in another ring for me. I know what I want (I have a very creative plan that I may blog about at another time), and I’ve never been a huge jewelry person anyway.
I’m with Tina…who cares? I don’t think that it’s a terribly bad thing for society to expect two parents to raise a child together. However, when what is ideal doesn’t happen, it is not the role of society to make a judgment call, but to step up and be the village that it takes to raise a child in an especially cold, hard world.