I’m not ashamed to say that for the past week or so, the grind of the WAHM life was getting to me. I was angry and tired and just ready for someone else to step up and take the wheel while I took a nap in the backseat, you know? I was tired of cleaning the house every day, and working until 3 a.m. and cooking three meals a day and taking care of the kids all day. School is looming on the horizon and I just really wanted some help before my workload got heavier.
So who did I take my frustrations out on? My husband. He came in the door one day this week and felt the wrath of everything I had kept bottled up inside. Poor thing. Didn’t even see it coming.
But instead of walking away feeling like I had gotten something off my chest, I felt worse. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings — I just wanted him to bring me home some flowers or to bring dinner home one night a week. In short, I wanted him to make more of an effort to help me manage this household. I instinctively knew that acting like an ass wasn’t going to help matters, but I lacked the energy to add a little sugar to my message to help it go down.
So I just laid low. Decided not to talk much until I could figure out how to alleviate some of this stress off my back. And wouldn’t you know, I learn the greatest lessons when I’m just chitchatting with my kids.
I had my breakthrough earlier this week as I was scrambling to toss some clothes on the kids so we could run an errand. I rummaged through my daughter’s dresser, looking for a shirt, when I noticed her top drawer was broken.
I pushed on the loose screw, trying to move it back in place. It wasn’t budging. “It’ll be fine. I’ll have Daddy look at it when he gets home.”
Well, as you can probably guess, the rest of the day was busy, busy, busy and I didn’t get a chance to tell him.
The next day, I get a shirt and I remember the darn drawer is still broken.
“Why didn’t Daddy fix it?” my daughter asked.
“Because he didn’t know it was broken,” I said without thinking.
And then bam! It hit me. The greatest of epiphanies. I didn’t expect him to just know that the drawer was broken. I would have to tell him.
For all my husband’s good qualities, being a mind reader or emotion evaluator are not on that list. He pretty much assumes everything is fine unless I tell him otherwise. So I must learn to tell him when things are indeed “otherwise.”
It seems so simple, but I really struggle with this, having to work to get my needs met. I just want to relax. Now I gotta tell someone how to help me so I can relax? Extra work. Don’t feel like doing it.
So since I know my husband is not a mind reader, it falls on me to make sure we stay on the same page and work together to keep the workload as even as we can. It’s a task that will have to stay on my to-do list, and I guess that’s okay if the end result is that we argue less and love each other more.
Tell me ladies – do you have trouble asking for what you need in your relationship?
I can really relate to this post, I went through the same exact situation and released all my frustration out on my husband. Communication is important in any relationship especially in a marriage. I was at the point where I wasn’t even acknowledging and or speaking to him for several days. Finally I realized that it was doing nothing but hurting my family and if this continues I could possibly lose him.
Finally I realized the need to step up to the plate and give my “demands” so to speak. It really was not as difficult as it seemed to just tell him why I was angry which was due to stress and what he could do to help. Once everything was put out on the table changes soon started happening and although my husband isn’t perfect he is putting forth great efforts and I appreciate that.
I find that I also expect my husband to be a mind reader. I have no problem telling my mom or best friend about what I need from him, but for some reason forget to tell him what I need for him. Then when things go undone, I’m upset and he’s clueless as to why. I definitely need to work on it. Men don’t get hints like we’d like them too lol
Yes I sure do!! I do the EXACT same thing. Keep it bottled up until one day I just snap and start yelling like a banshee. My husband also assumes everything is fine. I’m also with you Briana, lol. I can easily tell my MIL and sister what I need, but the words tend to get stuck with him. I have to work on it too!
The question is–who doesn’t do this? I think the most frustrating part is that knowing what other people need comes so instinctively to us as women and moms that we don’t see how our partners can’t see what we need…I know I get upset with the fact that I have to ask for help. But you’re so right, we do just need to ask–it really can be that simple.
@Tiny Blue Lines – “..it really can be that simple.” Yup, and fighting against what doesn’t work in your household just brings more stress….
I used to but I’ve learned to communicate better in my latest relationship
I love this post!I can relate so much in it. I also had my baby at the age of twenty one and my partner was not that supportive like a “Family Man” should do. I do all the household chores and at the same time I had to take care of my baby but at the end of the day I don’t get any appreciation from him. Sometimes men are emotionless and thats hurt a lot!
I ask without harping on it, which means that I wait until the time is right to ask to get the best results. This took some learning and patience to find out! Sometimes this asking opens up a discussion on lots of other stuff that we both needed to communicate but hadn’t. And HOW I ask (my attitude, tone, etc) many times determines the outcome and response. There have been times that i was mad a my husband for not understanding my needs, but unless I communicate those needs to him, can I really be upset with him? 😉