I was sitting in class on Monday and discussing my courseload with another student. Because my program is small, one of my courses this semester is an undergraduate/graduate course, with additional work piled to make it challenging enough for grad students. (Fun, right?)
“Is grad school hard?” she asked.
I wanted to tell her the truth. “No, grad school is not hard. It’s hard because I only have two hours a week (tops!) to devote to studying, schoolwork, planning, scheduling, etc – all the things that make you a good student. I have so many other responsibilities – two kids, a husband, a fledging social media consulting business, this blog – that it is almost impossible to do what I manage to do every day. Every day I pass out in bed. I just collapse from exhaustion and wake up four hours later to do it all over again.”
But I didn’t want to scare her.
My reality doesn’t have to be everyone’s reality, I’m realizing. Some women might thrive on fitting 26 hours worth of stuff in a 24-hour day (I know I do). But some women have the ability to put the to-do list down and take care of themselves and their mental health before all the demands on their time run them ragged.
At this point, I’m beyond ragged. Even though I feel better for taking control over my career, I realize I’m stretched thin. Something has to give but WHAT?
This blog? Hell no.
Spending time with my kids? Hell no.
School? No.
Work? WHERE WE WILL LIVE IF I QUIT WORKING?
Ugh. Now I’m on this exercise kick and the daily workouts are zapping my energy, not giving me more, and I am frustrated!
I get e-mails all the time that say, “Geez, I don’t know how you do it.” Sometimes it’s flattering but on a day like today, my response is more like, “Yeah, I am doing it, but I’m not doing it well.”
I don’t say this to get pity from you, but to let you know that I struggle too. Daily. Hourly. This (everything we do) is hard.
Even though I’m on year four of being a mom and year X on being an “adult,” sometimes I still feel like a rookie. Right now, I’d just like to sit on the bench and catch my breath.
STOP.DOING.THIS.TO.YOURSELF…SERIOUSLY!!! That’s all I’m going to say about this. Please!
i share your pain dear! im leaving you a comment while breastfeeding and reading my schoolwork. however, checkout corporate athlete–showing how you can manage your energy rather than your time.
http://techieboymeetsperkygirl.blogspot.com/2010/12/multi-tasking-wife-mommy-duties-full.html
I appreciate you keeping it real with how you’re feeling. We’re all entitled to ‘one of those days’. While I am a direct beneficiary of all of your hard work as a reader of this blog…I think you should slow it down for like, cinco minutos! My motto is that I’m no good to anyone if I’m stressed, frazzled, and burnt out! So take a personal day…or a personal half-a-day…and just relax. You’ll feel better and battery will be recharged afterward!
@Amber – Thanks, sugar!
Dude, right now I have a serious thesis/project due in two weeks to qualify for my Ed.M. Sigh. (But I got my MA. Yay!) And I feel so defeated. And tired. Really. I feel like I have SO MUCH to do and so little time. I take a look at FB at the end of my day and I’m like, “I haven’t networked/ commented on anything/ said anything to anyone all day!” So unlike me. But sometimes something’s gotta give, like you said. As a single mama, I can only concentrate on but so many things at a time. Sigh.
I’m sending you an e-hug till I can give you the real thing.
PS: I have absolutely no time to do school work, which is zapping my motivation.
So yes, vent all you want, waving my hands in the air for all of us that feel the exact same way. But we also begin to doubt our anxiety-oh I should be thankful, oh I know he works hard outside the home, oh if I don’t who will, etc. Last night, I was reminding the hubby of a doc’s appt I have coming up and basically I scheduled it certain day & time in line w/his work schedule so I can finally maybe just go somewhere without any of the kids…(another topic for a vent!!!) His response, oh well I’ll probably be too tired after returning from work(too be alone w/kids for oh maybe 30-45 minutes)…So yes again vent all you want but please take some deep breaths inbetween because if we don’t take care of ourselves, we won’t be able to continue being the best moms ever!
Aww so refreshing to know I’m not the only one who is in desperate need f a mental health week! At least once a month I feel like throwing my hands up in the air and running away from my life. Then I take a shower, lie down, get up and press on. Tara take a rest, you absolutely deserve it and need it! It’s due you girl.
Hang in there! Most of us are on the ride with you. Don’t give up the exercise, it will eventually give you more energy but you’ve got to make time for some sleep.
Oh, and there’s nothing wrong with sitting on the bench and catching your breath when you need to.
Winks & Smiles,
Wifey