A few years ago, I consciously made a decision to only surround myself with people who were “good for me.” That meant that all the drama queens, backstabbers, energy suckers, and can’t-get-right folks had to leave. I deleted their numbers from my phone, hit that “unfriend” button on Facebook and did an about-face if I ran into them in public.
What was left after I cleaned house? A bunch of ambitious mofos who have ridiculous work ethics and happy, successful lives.
*sigh*
So as I sit at home on a Friday night, exhausted from a week of motherhood and entrepreneurial stuff and I scroll through my Facebook feed:
So excited! Just got word that I’m publishing my second book this year!
Check out my new shoes! Got ’em on sale for $350!
Aruba, here I come! Haven’t flown first-class in a while—glad to be back!
And then I feel my stomach get tight and I have to remind myself to relax my jaw. Is that…jealousy I’m feeling? No, it couldn’t be. These people are my friends. I love that they get opportunities they’ve worked hard for…naw, it can’t be jealousy.
Why? Because it interferes with my motto:
Jealousy is for suckas.
As I wrote on the YML Facebook page (join us if you haven’t already):
The closer I get to 30, however, the more confident I become in who I am and what I have to offer the world. Comparison is for suckas. Grown women? We accept who we are and make no apologies for it.
One of my favorite quotes is, “Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight reel. ” Guess what? All we can see is someone else’s highlight reel. We rarely see the struggles or the pain. So comparison…and thereby jealousy…is for suckas.
I can’t spend my days focused on what other people have that I don’t. My word for 2013 was abundance, meaning that I have to believe, with every fiber of my being, that there is enough to go around for everyone. Just because someone has the money to go on a Mediterranean cruise and I don’t, it doesn’t mean that I will never be able to. Just because someone got signed to a major publishing house, it doesn’t mean I will never sell any books. It’s been said so much that it’s almost cliché but it’s true: What’s for you is for you.
Can I get an amen?
Here’s what else I’ve learned as I approach the big 3-0:
2) You get what you give.
If you’re not putting out good in the world, don’t expect to get it. You have to do things for people who can do absolutely nothing for you. You have to be generous. Ask, “How can I help?” Attract that good karma!
3) Pray more than you think you should.
If you don’t believe in a higher power, skip to #4. But if you do, know that there is NO problem too big for God. None. You can’t annoy God either. Pray in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, in the calm and the storm.
4) Open your mouth and ask for help.
A closed mouth doesn’t get fed. Simple as that. Once I learned that no one was going to rescue me and place me gently in the life I always dreamed of, I began to make moves to get there on my own. And that climb to bliss? Well, sometimes you need to call in back-up.
What do you do when jealousy comes rearing its ugly head? Share in the comments!
This post is so real. Jealousy is real in every one at some moment over some thing, but as you staed without stating is that you have to check yourself and move on with your own life. we ha da guest pastor at our church this past weekend and he spoke on jealousy in the family and how to over come it. It was a message i had never expected but it was a good one!!
Hapy Monday!
Yes!!! You know I’m all about this Grown Woman life! I’m focused on staying in my lane, thanking God for what I have and where I’m going, all the while celebrating the successes of my friends, too!
When I get jealous of somebody, I try very hard to remember that when I put a lot of effort into something, it generally turns out very well indeed. My husband is wonderful. My kids are great. My faith is hard-won and sustains me.
And what does somebody else have? More money than I have? More stuff than I have? Fewer worries? I was given what I have been given, and I am greatly blessed. Why be envious? Why not just be happy for what I have and then figure out how to serve those who have things I think I need?
Great post Tara! Jealously is for suckas because when we are jealous of someone else it is an act of slander against the value and potential of our own lives.
So, whenever I feel a jealous streak coming on I check myself and remind myself that we are all reflections of each other. So another’s success is nothing to be jealous of. In fact it’s a cause for celebration because it is a mirror reflection of what I can get do too if I apply myself.
Then I thank the Universe for putting that person and their success in front of me… to help motivate me to get on my grind!
I’ve also dealt with the jealously feeling when I saw a friend’s success. I used the moment and feeling to remind myself that success come with action. Best to congratulate my friend and then put myself into action to get a similar success. It’s natural to be jealous, but that feeling should motivate us to do something so we also will have a reason to share exciting news.
And I hear you about the things you learned by your 30’s. So true!
I do have a friend that sometimes I feel a little envious of. She has no children, travels for a living and lives in her own apartment. Then I remember that I am happy that she has all those wonderful things in her life and that she loves me and I consider that she MAY be a little envious of my life! We are the best of friends,though.
Love this post! Hits the nail on the head and I’m striving to put the jealousy thing into action–with selectivity, prayer, and all other tools at my disposal! It’s a real work-in-progress for me, because the comparing my worst moments to the highlight reel comes so naturally.
http://momsicle.wordpress.com/2012/03/12/dear-social-media-i-hate-you-now-lets-make-out/
Your Facebook line-up made me think of this post that summed up my relationship to Facebook.
Once again, I’m working on my issues… Thanks for the positivity!!