{YML Voices} I Knew I Was A Mom When…My Baby Got Sick

I was 17 years old. I had my whole life planned out. I wanted to own several business. I wanted to be the next Oprah. I wanted to change the world.

I just started my first real job and I was making $9.00 an hour. I was so excited. My first couple weeks of work were great, then I got sick.  It felt like I had the flu.

Needless to say I was pregnant. 6 weeks pregnant.

Even though I was out of my parent’s house and had graduated high school I felt like a disappointment. I thought my life would come to an end. My dreams were over.

I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy who looked just like me. I was now his mother. Great.

I didn’t know what a mother was supposed to feel like. I cried when I looked at him for the first time. He knew I was his mother, but I didn’t feel like he was my son. I was suffering from postpartum depression. I wanted to give him the best life ever, but I did not want to spend time with him. I thought I was crazy. My then-boyfriend, now husband, was a great support. He pushed me to stay in school and fulfill my dreams. So I continued to do me. I stayed in school and I worked. I would drop the baby off at daycare and went about my happy so lucky way.

Until the first time I got that call from the daycare. “Your son is running a fever of 102.3; he needs to be picked up ASAP.” What?? Fever how? Babies get sick overnight? I took him home and gave him meds. It didn’t seem like anything I was doing was working, so I took him to his doctor. She sent us straight to the hospital. He was dehydrated.

Getting him to the children’s hospital and filling out all those papers it hit me. I am responsible for him. They could not do anything to him without my consent. I was really his mother. I was 18 years old—still a baby myself with a baby that needs me. I was beating myself up. I had missed out on 9 months of his life being mad at myself. He loved me all this time and I didn’t see it, but I do now! Being his mother has brought so much joy to my heart.

He stayed two days.

Day 1 he was so happy. Smiling and all.

Day 2 he was ready to go home.