So I’m 25, halfway between 20 and 30. On my next birthday I will be closing the gap between me and the big 3-0. Seems unreal at times.
Lately, I’ve begun to understand what people are talking about when they say that your 20s are about finding yourself and figuring out who you are. I had settled with the Cliff Notes’ version of “Who Tara is” when I found I was expecting my first child, because hey, who has time to be doing all this self-exploration when there’s, you know, a KID to take care of?
So I bumbled my way through my kids’ first few years of life, not really knowing what made me happy or what I liked to do for fun, or who I am as an individual, without the definition describing how I contribute to someone else’s life. I was always TJ’s wife, or baby girl’s mom, or Marilyn’s daughter, or an employee of insert name of former employer here. But who am I? Really?
I’m on a quest to answer that question. Since my 25th birthday, I’ve tried to focus on Tara, the person. I learn so much about myself every day. What I expect from myself and others. What ticks me off. What character flaws I carry from childhood.
I am truly a work in progress and I’m proud to say I’m a much better wife, mother, friend, sister, etc., because of it.
So what have I gotten so far? I’ll share with you:
I’m impatient but I’m getting better.
I’m kind almost to a fault, where I don’t like people to get upset with me, especially if I know I’m in the wrong.
I love hard. If I love you, you know it.
I’m much more introspective now. Before, I would jump into an argument with the quickness, ready to prove I’m right. I have the foresight to hold my tongue before I speak, to make sure I focus on solutions, not my anger.
I push myself incredibly hard. I have no downtime. I have goals to reach and failure simply isn’t an option for me.
Once I lose trust in someone, it takes an incredibly long time to get back on my good side. Forgiveness is still a long, grueling process for me.
I regularly need time to simply be in my own head. I’m constantly analyzing my life, and its direction and making adjustments on the fly just isn’t my thing. I need time to lay on my bed, close my eyes and plot out my next move.
I love where I am right now, but this road of self-discovery sure isn’t easy. A couple weeks ago I wrote on the Facebook page that my 20s are almost physically painful as I peel back the levels of who I am.
But I know that this is so necessary and tragically overdue. As I get a firm grasp on who I am, it makes my goals just that much more clear. It’s necessary for us to understand ourselves to the core. When we walk around with even half understanding, it complicates life. We can’t have healthy relationships, we’re ineffective when we work, and we will feel run down all the time because we don’t understand how our lives work best.
I’m putting in the work NOW, so I don’t wake up at 30, 40, or even 50 wondering what happened to my life and why I’m not happy living in it.
Do you feel you know who YOU are? How are you working toward figuring it out?
I don’t think I’ve truly figured out who I am. I have so much going on righ now and I have taken to the time to just figure ME out! I’m in a new a great relationship with someone and its inspired me to make the most of my life.
I’m so fearful of turning 25 Tara…I never thought I would be that kind of person, but as my birthday gets closer I’m really thinking “what have I done with my life?” I put a lot of pressure on myself and set very high expectations because I believe I can do anything…but it can get stressful.
Anyway, as always thank you so much for motivating mamas like me!! you’re the best!!! And for the record, i think you’re pretty awesome!
I spent my 20’s worrying and trying to figure it all out….my life that is. I did not truly start living fully until I turned 30. I am even looking forward to my 40’s because my life is just that delicious. It also helps when you forget how OLD you are and still feel like you are a twenty-something. Sounds like you are in a very normal stage of life and you are doing a great job. It is great to see young parents striving to help make this world a better place. God knows we need all the help we can get!
I know how you feel right now. It all gets so much better with time, you’ll see!
I’d be lying if I said I know exactly who I am. Totally lying. I’m closer to 30 than you, but I’m still learning. Do I know myself better than I did five years ago? One year ago? Absolutely. It’s a journey and it’s an amazing journey. More than anything, my journey is about striving to be the person I WANT to be. The Me I want to be. As a mother. A wife. In my faith. In my career. Watching myself progress is as beautiful as watching a flower bloom. It’s definitely more about the journey than the destination for me, and the ride has been awesome.
I’m 30, so I guess I have me all figured out (haha). But seriously, I think knowing who I am is far less important than knowing how God sees me. He loves me despite my faults, forgives me when I fail Him, and has great plans for my life.
Great post! My twenties were very good to me and I expect my thirties to be even better. You are so right about spending that decade discovering who you are, so you can be a much better you as you get older. I’m happy to have achieved all the things I did by the time I turned 30. And now as I approach 31 this fall, I’m even more excited about all of the things I have to look forward to as I, get my “grown woman” on! LOL
I’m 26 and through a strong spiritual relationship I believe wisdom comes in learning one’s self. The journey of self-discover is continual but I have a pretty good idea who I am. What you find is that once you find out who you are, you begin to discover or see others around you in a very different light. Blessings on your journey.
In six months I will turn 30 and I’m learning so much about me. Do I know everything about me yet, nope. However, I am well on my way with the help of God. My sons father saw the change first. He told me that I was completely different from who I was when we first met. After taking inventory, he is definitely correct. My goals for the most part are the same but now I have a more detailed plan for reaching them. My idea of a good time has definitely changed and, for cost-saving purposes, I’m glad it has.
Looking at the lives of mother and her friends I see that life is a great journey. What my mother was doing while I was young is not what’s taking place now. Those ladies are all over the world. Ms. Shelia is overseas doing contract work and making big money she wrote on my facebook page, “Your latter will be greater than your past.”
I am so happy to have found your blog! Although I am already an old hag of 30 😉
I think seeking personal identity is a must-do for everyone; especially once becoming a parent and raising young people who depend on us to build a safe world around them.
I’m doing a series of about this very topic, actually! I’m calling it the Personal Identity Project….would be honored if you could check it out and let me know what you think!
I totally agree, its tough juggling the responsibilities of life while figuring out who you are as well.
Love It!
Cheers to You!