I was 20 years old when I stared down that first positive pregnancy test.
The ONLY thing (and I mean the only thing) that gave me any sort of joy about the situation was that her due date was my birthday, in November. It was like a sign from the heavens that this little one was meant to be in my life. I even trotted that line out when I broke the news to my parents. “So you see, your daughter and granddaughter might have the same birthday! Think of the money we’ll save on cake!”
Eh, yeah, that didn’t work.
Up until now I’ve loved having our birthdays a few days apart. But now I’m cursing the fact that she was born in November because it puts us in the unfortunate position of having to figure out how we’re going to do this kindergarten thing.
We moved to a good public school district and pay crazy high property taxes so our kids could go to a good school for “free.” I went to private school pretty much all my life and I remember how stressed my parents were at the start of each year, paying for tuition, uniforms, school supplies and in some cases, textbooks. I did not want that to be us.
But unfortunately, as is the case in our district and most others around the country, a kid has to be 5 by September in order to go to kindergarten. My daughter (obviously) won’t be turning 5 until November but my husband and I have discussed it and we think it’s crazy to make her sit out another year just because she was born two months too late. She’s smart, she’s a social butterfly and to be honest, I don’t think staying home with me would give her the intellectual stimulation she needs.
So we began looking at private schools and found one we really like. We’re applying and most likely, they will accept her. (Why wouldn’t they? That’s my baby we’re talking about.)
The problem is: Can we really afford private school right now? Sure, I’m making decent money freelancing right now, but every freelancer knows there are ebbs and flows to this gig and some months your bank account will look pretty light.
I would do anything for my kids, but I feel either way she’ll be getting a good education, whether in public school in another year or private school this fall. I mean, in order to pay her tuition, I’m willing to give up my 2009 car, the cable, eating out, etc. But is that crazy?
We’re supposed to provide for our kids. Make those hard decisions that will shape their future.
When do you step back and say, “Damn, we really can’t afford this”? Is that something a parent should ever say? I just saw a mom on Oprah who took on six figures in loans so her three kids could go to college. Is that wise? She’ll be paying off those loans forever. Literally. Obviously if they had other options they would have taken them, but financial decisions like that are tricky for me.
I know parents want to be able to give their child anything (especially us young moms who might have lower salaries to begin with) but does that mean we need to try to give them anything?
Tell me – have you ever felt like you couldn’t afford something for your kids? Were you sad or did you feel like it’s just a part of life?
I think we have to pick & choose our money battles as is with everything else. Honestly, if you moved to a nice neighborhood for the purpose & intent of public school stick to it. I know it seems unfair that she has to sit a year but at least you won’t be stressing over if you all can afford the payments.
However, if you really want her to go to private school look into whether or not they have financial aid options like scholarships. A lot of them do. I have had to be real with myself that there are certain things I can’t afford right now that I would love to get & do for my kids. However, I know that won’t always be the case.
Wow, such a great topic — and I have a few things to comment about on this post. My husband and I are both in education, so obviously we’re not rich. So I know the day will come (of many) where we will have to tell our child(ren) that we cannot afford something they want. Maybe I’m crazy, but it doesn’t bother me. I actually look forward to those days. Here’s why:
I didn’t grow up in a privileged home. We weren’t dirt poor, but we certainly didn’t have a lot. This is usually where someone would say “I didn’t have a lot…it made me appreciate what I have now…and that’s what I want for my kids…” blah, blah. But no, not me. My parents (who were not together) were both hard workers, and got me anything I wanted — especially my dad. All throughout my childhood, I was never told no. Their reasoning? I was a good kid and I made good grades, so I deserved everything I wanted. Well, I don’t believe any kid should get whatever they want. So around my first or second year of college, both of my parents hit a financial roadblock. And they were no longer ABLE to give me what I wanted. And boy, that HURT. It made me realize that I was (dare I say it) SPOILED.
And I wasn’t just spoiled with getting everything I wanted financially. Everything I ever wanted (though much of it I worked hard for myself) was mine. Cheerleading. Academic excellence. Student Government. College scholarship. This girl had a golden life. And when I entered the real world and things didn’t come as easy, I suffered. It was hard on me. And it took me years to get used to not having everything my way.
I’m blessed to be in a place today that’s totally opposite of how I grew up. I’m very accepting of the real world and accept change fairly well. I see the good in everything.
I don’t want my child(ren) to learn the hard way like I did. I want them to know upfront that life isn’t easy, and you can’t always get what you want. So, to answer you question, NO, we don’t need to give them everything they want. Doing so will only hurt them.
Now, on the subject of kids and school. My daughter was born in December, so she, too, will have to wait a while before starting kindergarten. I honestly haven’t thought that far ahead (she’s two), but I know that decision will come. She’s currently in a private Christian preschool that goes ’til second grade. My husband and I both work in the same school system, which happens to be an elite public school system, and have always planned to enroll her here (and they have that same September birthday rule). So you make a great point. My daughter’s smart. She know a lot and learns very quickly. If this will still be the case when she turns five, will staying “behind” a year hinder her learning opportunities? Sure it will.
So I guess that’s something we should start thinking about.
It’s my opinion that debt is almost never worth it, especially not for kindergarten and elementary school. I can almost understand loans for college, but even then I’d rather struggle through and pay as you go. I think what matters much more than the school our kids are in is that we teach our kids to love to learn, and to know how to treat others well. Schools often discourage both of these things because of the shear number of students that they have to deal with. Schools end up catering either to the brightest kids, or to the kids who are struggling the most. Then the average kids end up being left on their own. I know none of us want to think of our kids as “average,” but it’s called average for a reason
Me, I’d rather take my average kids and give them an education tailored for each of them specifically. But this is all coming from a mom who’s homeschooling her kids for the first few years, so take all this with a grain of salt
I have had to face this kind of situation with my daughter and different therapies. With a disabled child, there is always a new, exciting and expensive therapy to try, and you cannot help but think “what if this is the one thing that will get thru to her and help?”. We had to draw a line in the sand. If we cannot afford to pay for the therapy without using credit of any kind, we won’t do it. Period. Now, I have juggled and re-juggled our budget, cut cable sometimes, got rid of a car, etc, to make some things happen, but no additions to our existing debt.
I think that if you live in a good area with good schools, it is crazy to be paying those taxes and then paying for private school. Would your school system even allow her to go to the first grade the following year, or would you have to stick to private school indefinitely?
Maybe there are some activities that you can sign her up for that would be enriching and fun and let her go to kindy next year.
Superb information here, ol’e chap; keep burning the midinhgt oil.
I’m a November baby as well and when I was a kid the cut-off was Nov. 1. My mom refused to let me wait a year and found a way to get me into school on time. Since my son was born in December we’ll have this battle with him. it’s important to my husband that he not be held back just because of a birthdate so we’re thinking about private school as well. He’s only 16 months so we have time.
We haven’t had to deal with not being able to afford things for him yet, other than an expensive daycare. It’s coming though. We want to make sure that he has everything he needs but he won’t always get everything that he wants. That’s life.
That’s such a tough choice and only you and your husband can decide what’s ultimately best for your daughter/family. Have you tried talking to the school to see if they allow kids just under the cut-off test in early? If not I would definitely try. Also do you plan on transferring her to public school at some point? If she continues private school through high school that will likely be hundreds of thousands of dollars that could have been invested in her college, extracurricular interests, financial security and many other things that will also be very beneficial to her in the long-term. Will it mean she has to worry about supporting you after retirement? Those are all things I would consider before making up my mind.
Also, while it sounds like she would probably do great starting school now there are benefits some benefits to waiting as well. Many European countries don’t start formal school until age 6 or 7 and their kids still outperform ours academically. Also age is an important status symbol for kids. Sometimes kids who are the youngest among their peers feel even more pressure to prove themselves and are more susceptible to peer pressure, especially as they enter the teenage years. Being the last one in your group of friends to be able to drive, date, etc is not always an enviable position for a teen.
Have you looked into alternatives such as classes, day camps, play groups, and other venues that could still give her some mental and social stimulation if you do need to have her wait it out another year? Good luck!
My daughter’s birthday is in December so she had to sit out a year as well. I had the same questions as you and thought about a private school but we just couldn’t afford it. In the end, we kept her in preschool another year and she had no issues when it was time for kindergarten. As Angela said, there are tests that can be done to see if your child can get into school early. Either way, your daughter will, probably, not notice the difference.