I’ve been in a bit of a slump lately. Well, that’s sugar-coating things. Quite a bit.
Since I was laid off, my self-esteem took a hit. At first, things were good because my kids didn’t immediately come out of daycare.
I had a few weeks where I was able to get up and do whatever I wanted to occupy my mind and distract me from the fact that I was let go from a job where I thought I was making a difference. Plus, I was still getting paid.
But then the kids came out of daycare.
I received my last severance check.
And suddenly it felt like I was on my own. For real, this time.
The fear of not being able to provide for my family, to not have a sense of direction anymore, to be overwhelmed by the tasks I assumed as a work-at-home mom with no babysitter – it was getting to me. Big time. And I didn’t like it.
So I decided to take a cue from Denise and begin to look at my blessings. At first, I was reluctant. “I don’t feel like smiling, don’t feel like being positive,” I told myself. Can’t I just wallow in this self-pity for a minute? Damn.
But wallowing in self-pity gets me feeling unproductive and for me, THAT’S the worst feeling I can have. So I began to list everything I felt I should be grateful for:
- My kids. They are beyond a doubt the best little people in whole world. I love them more than anything and being home with them is challenging, but I won’t ever get to do this again. My daughter starts school in the fall and from there? They just continue to get older. So this is my “last chance” for full-on involvement in their daily lives. Gotta be grateful for that.
- My husband. He’s here, ain’t he? LOL. He’s a great support system and he’s getting better at determining when I need to be counseled or when I just need to be held.
- My family. On days when I’m feeling particularly low, like I’m not doing anything particularly well, they come to my rescue. What every (young) mom needs.
- My bank account. I stress about money every single minute of every single day, but the fact is, our bills somehow get paid. Sometimes I check my balance and I swear my money is multiplying because there’s no way I should have that much. Seriously. I’ve done my budget a bunch of times and we should be just squeaking by. But we’re not. Which is miraculous.
- My choices. I have choices right now. I could apply for jobs, or I could focus on school, or I could just be a stay-at-home mom. All of these choices are stressing me out because I want to make sure I make the right ones. I am terrified that my decisions might negatively affect my family. But my future is mine. It’s what I choose. That should make anyone rejoice.
This little exercise comforted me and gave me confidence that I am on the right path, my life is GOOD, and whatever fear I’m feeling right now is the prelude to something magnificent. Every morning I wake up and say to myself, “Something good, something positive is on its way to my life.” I feel it and I am ready.
Go ahead and share – what are you grateful for?
Aww bless you. I think we all feel like that some days. I like your 5th point – about choices. I think that most of the time we forget that 1) as women, 2) as black women and 3) as people we haven’t always had choices. It really IS a blessing to be able to choose. I think that whatever you decide you’ll all be just fine. When in doubt about things, I sometimes ask myself ‘will this make a difference in 5 years time’… if it probably wont, then I just crack on… : ) xxxx
Now to answer your question – ‘I’m grateful for…. my job! This job does help pay the bills but more importantly will look wicked on my cv. My aim is to reach 1 year and after that, anything else is a bonus!’
: )p XXXX
This is such a great post. We all have times when we take one too many hits and are down, but you making a list of all the things you are grateful for is a great way to put things in perspective and remember what truly matters in life. I’m grateful for my wonderful little boy, for my wonderful supportive mom, for my amazing grandparents, for my boyfriend who has become my best friend, for all the men and women who have helped my son be the little boy he is today, especially his teacher who has taken such good care of him and helped him so much in a year and a half. I’m thankful that I’ve had the opportunity to stay home with my son nearly his entire life. I’m grateful I was able to go to college and earn a degree, and am back in college to become certified as a nurse’s assistant, and I’m grateful I have the option of going on to nursing school, should I choose to do so. I’m grateful that I have so many loving, wonderful friends and family members surrounding my son and I. I’m grateful I can pay our bills without struggle, that I have a safe home for my son to grow up in, that I have food to feed my son. When you sit and think about it, there are so many things to be grateful for in life. Thanks, Tara, for reminding me to sit down and take notice of all the good things in life to be thankful for.
What a wonderful post! I always feel it is so important to be grateful in order to live. I am so grateful for a good husband who serves as a great provider, companion and father. My kids- the joys of my life. They always find a way to make me feel like the greatest mom on earth even when I don’t feel that way. I am also grateful to have good health and financial stability. There are many other things to list but this is YOUR blog 😉
I am grateful for my daughter. She keeps me going when I feel like giving up. I too am scared about the decisions I make for my baby but I just pray that everything goes right
You DO have choices right now! And that is such a blessing. I’m so happy that you have done this little activity. It’s so great once we get to see the glass as half full, isn’t it? Perspective matters so much.
Amen! There is always something to be grateful for, even when the world says there isn’t. I’m humbled that you referenced me, but I’m more elated that you’re walking in thankfulness. Thank you, as always, for your candor and sharing your life with us!
I need to make one of these list, thank you for sharing and the inspiration.
this is such a great post. sometimes you just need to put it in writing so you can see it. life is still good in spite of what we go through. there is always something to be grateful for.
Hey Diva!
Just wanted to let you know i loved this post so much I included it in my Fab Posts Fridays weekly link love roundup today on Man wife and Dog. Hope you enjoy!
Here’s a link: Fab Posts Friday: Chalkboard Paint Fun, Marriage Market Failure, Gratitude and More!