When I was pregnant with my daughter, I would come home from class and sit in my dorm and watch episodes of TLC’s “A Baby Story” and “Bringing Home Baby” like it was mandatory. Every.single.day. I would be in front of the TV for two-hour blocks watching to see what my life would soon be like.
But I never really saw that. It seemed like all the episodes were interchangeable. It would always start out with a happily married 30something couple. He had the adventurous spirit, she was always kind and caring. He was a software engineer; she was a teacher.
They always lived in a nice home with a huge kitchen and lots of counter space for the food that the neighbors and friends always brought over.
They always drove home in a pretty, new, shiny car and had a top-of-the-line stroller. They were always happy, even in the midst of the sleep deprivation and hormone changes.
Just ONCE I wanted to see a woman who yelled at her husband to get his ass out of bed so he could help feed the baby, or see the look on the husband’s face when they get the freakin’ hospital bill only a few days after getting home from the hospital. Something that makes me feel a little more normal.
And it wasn’t just on TLC. In the parenting magazines I’ve devoured by the dozens since I’ve been a mother, I have yet to see anything that closely resembles my life. I never saw an article titled, “No babysitter? How to get your kid to sleep through a Econ lecture.”
At times, I definitely feel like young mothers are invisible. Our struggles are not recognized by the mainstream, especially as the age of first-time mothers gets higher and higher.
I have been DYING to see an article about establishing your career as a new mother. Not ADVANCING your career, because that would imply that you’ve had some experience under your belt. But establishing your career. I’ve been a mother longer than I’ve had a career so sometimes I feel like I don’t know which way to go or what to choose.
Or here’s another topic: How to save money. Perhaps I’m making a horrible assumption, but I would like to think that if you don’t get pregnant until your 30s, you should have a decent amount of money sacked away for a rainy day. But since my husband and I were making a COMBINED $20K a year when we discovered we were pregnant, I was scared sh$%&*$@. And now that I finally have a salary, there is barely anything left over after bills, childcare especially.
I’m so tired of feeling like my experience, and the experience of so many moms I know, isn’t valid.
What about you? Do you think young moms are invisible in the media?
This is a few year’s younger of an age group, but I’ve seen a show on MTV called “Sixteen and Pregnant” that shows real-life struggles of people who got pregnant during not the best circumstances that sounds a little more like what you’re looking for. I think TLC tries to paint the whole baby process as nothing but positive things and that’s the agenda of their particular show. The one on MTV shows real life situations just like TLC, but has the agenda of showing the flip side of pregnancy when life isn’t all butterflies and cupcakes!
@Becca – Yes, I’ve seen a few episodes of 16 and Pregnant and I thought it was a realistic portrayal of what teen pregnancy is like. TLC definitely keeps things “happy and sunny,” which is its right, but I feel like I would have been better served if the episodes were a bit more balanced…
Interesting… but I suppose not surprising. I’ve noticed that in the media where I live too — there’s a set of assumptions about age and economic status, and when younger mothers appear in articles on motherhood, it’s generally to talk about how unusual they supposedly are.
@Betty – I would love to see those assumptions challenged more regularly. One thing I’ve noticed when looking at articles on motherhood, they always interview moms in their 40s and 30s. I often to check and do the math on how old their kids are and most of the time, they have babies or almost-tweens. Meaning they were already 30+ when they had kids. I’d love to see some moms who are 45 with 20 year-old kids, or some – gasp! – 20something moms with younger kids. Just once.
the only young moms in the media seem to be celebs which go through nothing like 20something mums. and the struggles of a 16year old are very different from those of college students or people just starting out.
the biggest struggle for tom an i is his going to work m-f while i stay at home. my sister is not always available to help watch hayden so i seek professors that allow me to bring my son every now and again. hayden is my little buddy now; i feel terribly naked when he is not within arms distance. and, because tom and i bring him everywhere (no sitters; as you’ve said childcare is expensive), he seems to have a better disposition than other babies his age. he saves his fussing for the carseat, which he despises.
@Nicole – That’s one thing that gets me. Teen moms have a lot in common with young moms, but there is a big difference between being 16 and pregnant and 21 and pregnant. It’s huge.
And I’m glad you are able to work it out without the babysitters and childcare. I remember taking my daughter to class with me (luckily I only had to do it a few times) but as long as your little guy isn’t screaming the whole time, then what’s the problem?
I believe moms that are similar to us are absent in media. Either it is the happy-go-lucky parents (not saying we are not happy) or the teens who have less of an idea about motherhood. I would like to see just some average normal 20 something year olds discussing the great moments of parenting, and the not so great moments. I think there should be something that shows how decisions impact the family such as parents deciding which center to send their child to or whether mom or dad should stay at home to cut costs. You know a show that shows concerns that nearly everyone shares.
@Latonya – You know, I think this what I liked about Jon and Kate Plus 8 before it exploded. You saw two young parents trying to raise kids, keep their marriage together and deal with the every day struggles of parenthood. Unfortunately, it ended horribly, but still. It was a representation of young parenthood.
Ditto @ your sentiments about A Baby Story/Bringing Home Baby. I watched those shows religiously before/after baby. They couples were always so happy-go-lucky and it definitely didn’t always feel realistic. Sure wasn’t our experience those first few weeks.
@Yakini – I honestly don’t mind all the happy couples but EVERY couple? I never saw the moms crying in the hospital, frustrated because the baby wouldn’t latch on, their breasts were engorged and their nipples were sore. Had I been on A Baby Story it would have been a totally different experience. Hmmm….I think that’s an upcoming post! LOL
Yakini and Tara, I also used to watch those “Baby” shows when I was pregnant. I felt like it gave me a taste of motherhood (but it was so different once I actually had the baby).
To answer your question, Tara, I think young moms are so invisible, and when we are shown, it often is not in a positive light. Sometmes older moms are given so much more attention, you’d think 20 something moms are rare, but we consist of a huge propotion of moms. That’s why I like your blog and others that cater to younger moms. It makes me and other 20-something mommies feel less underrepresented.
@Cee Cee – Well thank you. When I started this blog, I was suprised by how many young moms found it and commented. I guess I actually believe what I saw in the media, that we didn’t really exist. Now I see the problem isn’t that we don’t exist, it’s that we couldn’t find each other! LOL.
I’d like to see a magazine that caters to young moms that are in their 20’s.
I agree! There is no middle ground representation when it comes to motherhood. Your either a 16 year old student trying to navigate motherhood in high school or you’re a 30 year old budding professional who is trying to juggle the professional world, marriage, and motherhood. Even in the main stream magazines when they give advice for mothers they usually focus on those who are 30 or older. For some reason most people think by 20-25 you have 2 or 3 kids and should have the hang of it. However, most people I know had their child at 20-25 and are in need of guidance in areas you pointed out. I think it would be very beneficial to have some outlet or guidance from someone who had a child during the ages of 20-25 and could give some insight on how they were able to work themselves up and deal things. I had my child at 21 and I am now 25. It would be great if I could see someone who had their child the same age as I and was able to be successful in all arenas.
Very good point overall!