I was at a wedding this past weekend with my husband and two kids. Since this was a very low-key affair, there wasn’t much seating, so we put the kids on our laps to make room for other people.
As we’re eating, I’m trying to feed my 1-year-old son, who’s wiggling to let me know just how slow I am at getting this food into his mouth. I stop feeding him for a moment so I can bend down and grab a bib out of the diaper bag.
In the 3.5 seconds it takes to get the bib, he fusses. He does not like having his meal interrupted. A cousin at the next table remarked, “Oooh, your kids are spoiled.”
I was taken aback for a moment, because 1) how did you come that conclusion from one interaction? And 2) he’s not spoiled, he’s hungry.
And then I thought, “He’s one. Can a one-year-old even be spoiled?”
I don’t think my kids are spoiled, but I know I sure was growing up. I never wanted for much of anything – whether it was a new coat, new shoes, a trip to my favorite restaurant, etc. I asked for something and it was in my hands before I could even close my mouth.
But the special treatment for me and my sisters came with conditions. If we were good kids, then we’d get what we asked for if my parents could afford it. If our grades slipped, we got in a fight with our sisters, or talked back to adults, then it stopped.
I don’t really see anything wrong with the way I was raised. If anything, it taught me that my actions have consequences. If I didn’t study for that test, then there’s no way I was going to be rolling up to school with a new cell phone.
My parents treated us like we were special. And in their eyes, we were.
I think my kids are special. If they want something that’s within reason and their attitude is on point, then they can have it. Right now, they’re just at the age where a glass of orange juice will suffice, but as they get older, the same premise should endure. If my kids show me that they are good kids, then they will be treated as such.
Tell me – what do you consider to be “spoiled”? Is there a difference between “spoiled” and “spoiled rotten”? Has anyone ever told you your kids were spoiled?
I agree with the way your parent’s raised you. I think the the terms “spoiled” and “spoiled rotten” are the same thing. I think spoiled means that you pitch a fit when you don’t get your way because you somehow feel like you deserve it. It gets on the “spoiled” end of the spectrum when kids quit appreciating things and come to expect them.
@Becca – Great point – I think as long as my kids appreciate what I do and understand there are conditions to the kindness, then we’ll be all set.
Hmmm…I think there is a difference between spoiled and spoiled rotten. I was the exact same way when I was younger–well my parents were rather. I think as a result it has led to me being impatient and a lil too independent; unwilling to wait on others to get something when I want it, but I want to raise my son the same way. Many people have said that Jaedyn is spoiled and he is. I can’t go into one store without getting him SOMETHING! My child doesn’t want for nothing and never will as long as I have anything to do with it and I feel like he is deserving and appreciative of it (when he is older of course. A 15 month can’t really show how much he appreciates a drumset except by playing the hell out of it and driving me nuts, LOL).
I think spoiled rotten is when you get every single thing you want no matter what. You back talk your parents, then take the keys to THEIR car and leave. Or when you just got the iPhone 6 months ago and your parents won’t get you the iPhone 2.0 so you tell them you hate them, etc. Of course we know in most families, that’s considered grounds to “knock you into next week” or “beat the color off of you” but I won’t go there, LOL. So yeah, there is a difference to me.
@Courtney – I think there’s something really wrong if you have a young kid and they AREN’T spoiled. How can you not spoil a one-year-old? That’s ridiculous.
I agree with the first comment. If my parents could afford things we wanted, we didn’t go without. But if we were ever ungrateful, demanding, or threw a fit we would go without. I don’t think giving children gifts or presents automatically spoils them. It’s when parents don’t show that there are consequences for throwing a fit, getting into fights or doing bad in school.
@Randi – Word. LOL.
I get this a lot, but it’s mainly because I don’t force unrealistic expectations on my son. He’s 2 he’s going to get fussy after an hour of sitting in the same spot and I’m not going to berate him or spank him because of it. He’s entitled to a few tantrums, at this age emotions are so big and they just don’t have the words for their feelings. He also can have what he wants within reason, he’s 2 so what he wants are simple things peanut butter on a spoon, fruit snacks, an apple, for daddy to play rocketship with him. Like you stated I had my kids to enjoy them and they are special to me and I will always treat them as such.
@BHD – People seem to have unrealistic expectations a lot of the time about how young kids are supposed to act. Of course my daughter throws tantrums – she’s 3! When she doesn’t get her way, she still struggles to express it. So it’s MY job to help her express herself, and to use her words to say what she wants and work with me on how she can get it.
I believe being spoil is a perspective and everyone has their own idea of the meaning of “spoil”. I believe being spoil is getting any and everything a child wants without showing any appreciation, and expecting to get whatever it is his/her heart desires. My kids have been called spoiled, and the reasons given are ridiculous to me. I don’t consider them spoiled because I give them attention and value time with my children. Sometimes I think people misinterpret love and nurturing with being spoil. I have been told “I’m not saying they are spoil with material things, but with the attention they receive.” I guess I can see where this person was coming from but seriously at that particular time my oldest was 3 and the youngest was all of 6 months. So again, I say it really depends on the speaker and the listener’s interpretation of “spoil”. We all have our limits before we decide or admit that “Yeah, this child is spoil and what are we going to do”
@Latonya – You hit the nail on the head! I feel like my kids are called spoiled because I do things that I consider to be simply acts of kindness. I read to them every night, buy them books, take them on trips and generally just do things to be nice to them. What’s wrong with that?
i think spoiled and spoiled rotten are synonomous. my definition of spoiled kids is more defined by their behavior rather than their possessions and things in life. there is nothing wrong with doing for you kids…but if they do not ACT accordingly, appreciative, mannerable, sensible, etc…and still receive extras, then they may be considered spoiled. my daughter is 2…she asks to go the toy store all the time. taking her does not make her spoiled…but if i take her every time she asks and she stops using her manners, starts getting smart with me, stops sharing, etc, then i think that would contribute to making a child “spoiled.”
@Mrs. W – I agree, I think being “spoiled” is more about behavior than posessions. Your kids’ attitude has to match how “spoiled” they are…
I was invited over for dinner once to my daughters friends house. As we sat and ate the younger brother started whining and complaining he didnt want to eat. he was being super picky and generally a nightmare.instead of disciplining or setting boundaries,the mother began coaxing him and begging him to eat.she had made pie and was gonna serve it with ice cream for dessert.the kid carried on all through dinner to the point where they were begging him to eat one carrot.can u imagine one carrot!! none of us could actually enjoy the meal,which was prime rib with all the trimmings. he barely ate the carrot and then they gave him the pie.as far as im concerned that’s spoiled!
I think we are a little too rough on the little ones. My son had a lot of tantrums between 13 months and about 2 years. He’s a bit strong-willed and high-strung. At that age, kids don’t have control over their emotions. People see these fits and immediately assume the kid is spoiled. I was guilty of the same thing before I had my son. He’s going on 3 now and he’s a lot more in control than he used to be. But sometimes I feel embarrassed if he cries or has a fit in public. At this age, we have started disciplining him more, but he’s still only 2. I don’t believe in subduing his personality too much, I want him to stay confident as he matures.
As far as possessions are concerned, I don’t intend to give my son everything he wants. He will have everything that he needs and some of the things he wants. As he gets older he will have to understand that he has to work for the things he wants and that things are not as important as character. I also think that you appreciate things more when you work for them.
I have a friend with 2 kids and I do think that her 3 year old is spoiled, and not spoiled rotten. He seems so high maintenance. She just had her second child and that made the first one even worse. I think little ones can be spoiled rotten, and I honestly think that more often than not, it is pretty cute. But spoiled, is a whole nother ballgame! My son is 3 months old and I pray that he doesn’t become spoiled, but he can be spoiled rotten and that will be okay with me!