Today’s guest post is from Alexia, my mommy blogger friend that I am privileged to know in real life!
Since Gerald (my live-in boyfriend) works late hours, if I want to go to the gym to work on my declining physique, Jaelah and Jonas have to tag along. Luckily, I get to take advantage of free child watch with my membership. Score! The gym has an elaborate play area where parents can drop off their children for two hours (pure bliss) while they work out.
On Wednesday, I took the Jaelah and Jonas to the children’s area before rushing to kickboxing class. Before I left, I told Jaelah to look after Jonas and make sure that he played nicely with the other children. Jaelah assured me that she would do so.
Immediately after my workout, I picked them up. I asked the child care attendant about their behavior. She almost seemed frightened to give me the report. She stuttered while explaining what happened.
“Jojo… Um… I guess he thought it would be fun to wrestle and tackle the other children. Sooooo, since he wasn’t playing nice, I had to put him in timeout,” she explained.
I was still waiting for the part that caused her to appear scared. But it never came.
“Okaaayyy,” I said.
“Oh, I thought you’d be mad because we had to discipline him,” she said relieved.
“He wasn’t listening him, so you disciplined him to show him that what he was doing was wrong. I can’t be mad for that. It’s not like you whooped him. Then we’d have a problem,” I told her.
I turned to Jaelah and asked her what happened to her looking after him.
“Um, I don’t know. You know Jojo doesn’t listen to me,” she said.
“Great,” I replied sarcastically.
Then I remembered something. When I was younger, my mom would make me take my sister everywhere. I had to do her hair, feed her and look out for her. It was annoying. Even though I was only eight years old at the time, I felt like she was cramping my style. I was a cool third grader and couldn’t ride bikes with the neighborhood kids because my sister was only three years old and needed to be “properly supervised.”
But regardless of age, we are all expected to look out for our younger siblings. And even if they did something wrong, the older sibling would be the one to get in trouble.
Do you remember being your brother or sister’s keeper? How did it make you feel? Do you apply the same rule to your children?
Loving Alexia’s posts? Check her out at www.progressivehealth.wordpress.com or keep up with her Twitter thoughts at twitter.com/alexiaharris.
I think all parents have done that at some point. With me, it was the other way around… as a child, my sister was over 4 years older than I was, but because I was the more mature, trustworthy child, my mom would leave it up to ME to keep watch over HER! lol It never worked, of course… she wasn’t about to listen to her LITTLE sister, but I did a sufficient enough job of getting her in trouble – A LOT. Aside from that tho, I remember being 8-9 years old and cooking for myself and my sister when my mom had to be at work and things of that nature … even tho my sister was pushing 13 years old.
With my own kids, as much as I hate it – I do tend to make Briyana (my oldest – 9 years old) take on a great deal of responsibility. Since I work at home in the evenings, a lot of times I will let them go out and play in the yard. When they are outside, I depend on her to keep a watchful eye. I count on her to know where her brother and sisters are at all times and to be sure they don’t go into the street.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with making the most responsible child BE responsible. HOWEVER, that expectation can’t become a parental substitute. It is one thing to require the oldest – or more mature – of your children to look out for the others. It’s a totally different story to abuse the capacity of your child in order to make your role more obsolete. Just because I EXPECT her to watch them doesn’t mean I can send them out there all day without following up myself… I open the blinds in front of my desk and I will keep an eye on them as best as I can from inside. If I hear something out of the ordinary, I will go to the door to make sure everything is okay.
Teaching a child responsibility at an early age can ONLY benefit them in the long run. That being said, putting too much on a child and setting a standard for them at a level they aren’t ready to reach is only going to end up leaving them feeling unaccomplished and inadequate. Balance is IMPORTANT. Family supports one another. Siblings should look out for each other. But PARENTS are parents and are always ultimately responsible for making sure their children are safe and well maintained.