I always talk about how “stuck” I am being a young mom with regard to friendships, but I’m stuck with the fashion too. Like, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO WEAR?
I’m 23 but I have babies. And a husband. And a mortgage. And childcare bills. I’m don’t have oodles of cash to throw at the nearest clothing store.
I don’t have disposable income. My income gets disposed paying bills.
I admit, I’m not a real frumpy mom. Since my last post about the childless chicks upstaging me, I’ve made the effort to do better.
I’ve traded in my dusty flats for cute brown wedges and jeweled sandals. I wear dresses or skirts most days of the week. My pretty metallic/shiny brown bag sometimes doubles as my diaper bag. I’ve even kept my toenails painted!
But I’m still slacking, y’all. When I get up in the morning to figure out what to wear to work, it’s like my closet is laughing at me. “Hahaha! You have no clothes!! You’re gonna go to work NAAAAAAAAAAKED!”
I have about three good outfits. You know the ones where you wear them and everyone in the office stops you: “Oh, you look so pretty today.” Emphasis on today, like every other day I strolled into work I looked like hell. Since I work in the office four days a week, this is a problem.
I even went out and bought some pretty jewel toned shirts and belts to spice things up, but there they sit, in my dresser drawer because I have no confidence to pull it off.
Part of my confidence issues stem from the fact that my body is radically different than it was three years ago. Weight has shifted in ways that I frown upon. (You hear that, Fat? I frown upon you!)
Every time I go to try on a new piece of clothing I stand in front of the mirror and run through the same questions starting from the top down:
How do my boobs look? Crap, do I need a new bra? Maybe if I had on the black bra, this would look better….
Then moving to the belly/hip area:
Oooh, man, I need to lose ten pounds. What IS this? Fat? Loose skin? Ugh. Maybe if I get a larger size, this would look better…..
It’s insanity, ladies! I talk myself out of buying things that are cute and funky and keep going for the ol’ reliable. Why would I want to spend $70 on jeans when a) I haven’t lost all the baby weight yet, b) I’ve got bills to pay and c) they will be covered with sticky fingerprints within minutes.
Tell me: does motherhood get in the way of fashion? How can I do better? How do you stay stylish?
Update: I just bought these shoes. They make me feel like Beyonce. In fact, I bought them, came home and did the Single Ladies dance in them. Oh, yes, I did.
Update again: I wore them to work yesterday and now my left knee is tore up. Like, I’m limping. Baby steps, I guess…
Girl, Yes!!! Trust me I know what you mean. I look at myself and I’m like what happened. I still have some baby weight to lose. My problem is I have a few pair of jeans that cost over $100 just collecting dust. I hate going shopping b/c its frustrating. I used to try all different styles. I used to wake up made sure hair, nails and make up was on point. Now if I can manage some lip gloss I’m good. LOL. I think the fact that we know that we can be better is a start. It will take time but we will find a balance. Shoot I have a pair of red leather BCBG booties I bought then found out I was pregnant. I spent $90 on them and they haven’t seen the light of day. I talk to my friends and it seems like most of us fall into this area under 25 but we’re mommies and wives (Sigh)
My suggestion is take note from TLCs What Not To Wear. All it takes are a few good pieces that can be used for various occassions.
@Tricia – I watch What Not to Wear and it helped me realize that my body isn’t the problem – I’m just not trying on clothes that are cut properly. That’s why I’m trying my darnedest to buy more quality pieces that are cut better and that will last longer….But those BCBG booties sound fierce! You better dust them off and go kick it!
I’m working on this myself. Shoot, I’m 25, married with 2.5 kids (my step daughter serves as the half, since she’s only with us half the time). But here are some things I’ve learned along the way. Find some “staple pieces.” A good black skirt( or any color skirt you love, is a good length & that fits you nicely), pair of black slacks and a LBD (little black dress). When you can, then you can add on pieces. Other colors/styles of pants (Im currently in a gray phase right now), patterned blouses and other accessories like bangles, or long necklaces.
You can dress up any of these for work purposes. Good ways to dress them up is to layer (use splashes of color with tanks or blazers) and wear belts. Belts are good for covering our middle areas since they dont need to be worn tightly. Especially if you wear it over a dress. Just put it on, turn the buckle to the side, let it fall loosely and commence at looking fly.
I think overall, you will look fly in anything you are confident in. When others can sense your confidence, they won’t have a choice but to notice.
PS.. I’m LOL’ing hard at you doing single ladies. You.Betta.Work!! Truth be told, when I need a quick fierce-me-up (equivalent to a pick me up) I put on Beyonce’s Get me Bodied – the extended version where she describes the dances – and dance around in this jean skirt I have that i swear is too tight and short for somebody’s mama to wear, lol. When I’m feeling frisky I wear it out!! Ow!
@Mignon – “Get Me Bodied” is my JAM!!!! (Does anyone say that anymore?). But yes, that’s my “Getting ready to go out…to the grocery store” song. LOL.
If I’m totally honest with myself, I just really need to get my swagger back. I’m missing my swagger! Like you said, confidence is key. Blazers are also good. I need to pick up one or two for fall. I just feel like sometimes I shouldn’t wear something because HELLO I’m someone’s mama, but on the other hand, I don’t want to look like a little girl playing dress up with mommy’s business suits. It’s frustrating!
OMG!!! I love your blog…what a relief to find a website that I can relate to…While I am in my late 20s (27), I have a 4 month old son and I was just telling my husband that I am soooo sick of recycling the same outfits because my body has not gone back to its prepregnancy shape
I just look at my old clothes and laugh at how I used to obsess over what to wear…lol!! I like you have also been trying to do better with keeping myself up (bi-weekly hair appts, doing makeup before going out, buying new shoes/accessories) and as a mom and its made a world of difference.
@Yolanda – Thanks for commenting!!! Yes, it is a struggle when you haven’t lost all the baby weight, or more accurately, gone back to your prepregnancy shape. Although – your son is 4 months old and my youngest is 1. So you might just want to give it more time….
LOL!! “My income gets disposed paying bills” Hahaha! I hear ya!!!! It definitely can be challenging, and it takes periodic self taps on the shoulder to remind ourselves that we deserve to be fly too, dammit! I steer clear of malls b/c the prices are not within my budget, and the temptation is too high for me. Last week I went on my first “mall walk” with one of my Mommy Meetup groups, and I ended up shopping after our walk ended…aaarrg! So much for self-discipline
But, I am a FLY mama…I don’t play! What I do about 4 times a year is hit up TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Ross and a few vintage shops in a really progressive, Bohemian-chic spot down here called Little Five Points. I rack up on some key items—jeans, cute tank tops, sexy sweaters, and occasionally, dresses—and I’m a high heel shoe wearing fanatic, so with all those things (and the benefit of not leaving my house every day, since I work from home mostly) I can give the illusion of fly, but in reality I recycle the same outfits over and over until they either get damaged, or disintegrate
@Execumama – “I can give the illusion of fly, but in reality I recycle the same outfits over and over…” I love that! I think I can pull off being fly MAYBE three to four days a week. Then I’m done. LOL. I will try what you and others have suggested!
I know what you mean – I just posted a blog entry about this same thing a couple of months ago LOL http://senilemomentia.com/2009/07/beauty-or-motherhood/
You’re not the only one who feels that way LOL 
Oops – I just saw on my post that you commented LOL So you’ve already read it.
I think all moms experience a fashion “rut” because we think about our kids so much, we forget to think about ourselves! Then we look up and realize that we haven’t done our make up or gotten dressed up like twenty years LOL!!!
I hear ya sistah! i hadnt had a new wardrobe in years until i came into a little bit of extra money. i have a hard time buying for myself, i always have to buy the kidlet something first. theres nothing wrong with wanting to spice up your clothes and i kno when u look good, you feel good. go on – treat yourself!
Execumama has some great tips. I do this as well. Hit some key stores about 3-4 times/year.
Another trick? I coordinate with my closest friends and my sisters. We constantly beg/borrow and yes even steal
each others items. It keeps the wardrobe up to date and fly. Since I am the oldest sis, they seem to come to me for the more classic items. I go to them for the more trendy items. Sort of like our own private sisterhood of the traveling pants.
Additionally, and I really think this is important, I try not to shop alone. When you are a mother, particularly a new one, you often shop for yourself on the fly. You go to Target to buy pampers and . . . oh, that thong is cute. I need that.
The truth is that the industries have learned that moms like to do everything at once. Therefore they tend to put everything in one store and moms shop from one end to the other. The women’s clothes in these stores leave much to be desired, and the misses clothes tend to lack sophistication. So when you shop at these stores, you end up looking like the industries’ version of a suburban mom versus your version of a fly mom.
Try to make the time 1 FULL day/qtr to go out with your BF. Have lunch and shop. This way, you will purchase items that not only fulfill a need but also flatter. Instead of the $3 thong from target, you find a lingerie sale and find a $4 lace thong that will make hubby drool. Instead of $12 “these are kinda cute” shoes from Walmart, you might find some marked down leopard pumps on sale for $20.
If you know your day is coming up the 4th Sat in Jan, you can save towards that trip. Even though you know you are on a budget, you will find yourself making better purchases. PLUS your friend will not let you buy anything that makes you look frumpy.