On Fridays, I work from home. (Yay for me!) My hubby works about 20 minutes away, so we often meet for a lunch date to celebrate the end of the workweek and start thinking of plans for the weekend.
This one Friday I was on my way to campus (the hubs works at a local university) and I stopped to get gas. My car, a big ol’ Buick I like to call Roberta, has a huge 16-17 gallon tank so it takes forever to fill up.
As I’m leaning against the car, running my mental to-do list in my head, another car pulls up on the other side of the pump.
A blue two-door Cavalier, blasting the latest Jamie Foxx song. Out pops a cute, young 20something, with a fitted jacket, even tighter jeans, and a cute haircut that looked like she was fresh from the salon.
As she stood there pumping her gas in four-inch pumps, I did a quick comparison.
She had the cute two-door car. My car, with two car seats, an assortment of kids’ artwork, Cheerio bits and empty sippy cups, shouted to all in the vicinity, “A MOMMY OWNS THIS.”
She wore tight low rise jeans. I had on jeans that hadn’t been washed in weeks and had frayed bottoms.
She had her hair done. I ran my fingers through my hair and ran out the door.
She had on pumps. I wore some old, worn out flats (that used to be cute once upon a time) that were dusty for some reason.
I could tell by looking at her waistline (and her choice of vehicle) she hadn’t popped out any babies. This chick looked like the same age as me, just taking a pit stop at the gas station, before running off to do whatever.
And maybe she had responsibilities I couldn’t possibly know of. All I knew, in that instant, is how much I envied her.
Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything and I think life has turned out great for us.
But for me, at least, it’s hard to see women my age (when you are typically supposed to be childless) actually be, well, childless. To see them have the perky breasts and flat stomachs that they take for granted and that I only wish I could get back. To have the option of buying a two-door car because HELLO they don’t have to worry about getting a car seat in and out. Wearing four-inch pumps at the gas station because if their feet hurt they can just SIT DOWN and not have a little one to chase after.
This might piss off a lot of people, but I think it’s easier for moms in their 30s to let themselves go. I mean, at that point, things start heading south anyway and most people in your age group, kids or no kids, start fighting the battle of the bulge.
At 23, I’ve got a whole gang of chicks in my peer group that have nary a stretch mark in sight, they can still go bra-less if they choose, and they don’t suffer from the ever-present “Mommy brain.” It’s insanity, man!
What do you all think? Is being a young mom harder because of these young, childless chicks running around? Let me know!
Guuuurl, you’ve got to take a trip here, or I have to take one there, because popping out babies does NOT automatically mean you can’t go braless or wear low-rise jeans, even when you’re a 30-something mommy. And, you are right, things do start to change in your 30’s, but for many of us, that simply means instead of working out right before spring and summer, we have to work out at least 3 days a week (year round!) and take on better eating habits. And don’t get me started on looking cute…you have to do that for YOU! Throw out your mommy jeans and ALL your worn out flats, and arm yourself with ‘drobe that will make you look as fly on the outside as you are on the inside! You are too young and too amazing to be getting your frump on!! Um, and the stretch marke — not visible in public, so let’s not ever mention those again…ever…or I may just cry…lol!
OMG yes they do. I thought I was the only young mother who envied childish chicks my age! The ones who have time & money to keep their hair, nails, and toes fresh. The kind who can go shopping, spend as much time in there as they want AND actually be buying something for themselves and not their kid(s). The kind who gets tax refunds and can spend in on an ipod or roll out to ATL with her girls for the weekend and don’t have to worry about using it to pay bills, save, or make sure the kid is stocked up on diapers. The kind who don’t know when sleep deprivation is and can sleep in as late as they want and go to bed when ever they want. Ugh, I could go on and on about these chicks!!!
I am so there with you. I see it all the time, especially in the mall while I’m chasing my lil one in my own worn out flats and mommy jeans trying to get shoes for her and nothing for me, and all the childless chics are in their cute heels and skinny jeans buying stuff from Forever 21. (I can only buy accessories from there, now) When I forget about the girls at the mall I have friends that are childless and come to flaunt their cute-disposable-income-having selves. Somedays it really gets me down, and I’ve vowed to not go to that mall without at least some mascara and a halfway decent outfit. Then too, when I think about the blessings of a healthy child/family and a job and all of the other things that are important to me and going right, I quickly come back to being content despite the pouch, stretch marks, toddler-jacked car, lack of freedom, and attention to me.
@Execumama – Now, how did I know you were going to leave a comment on this post! LOL. I know I’m way too young to be a “frump,” but I was having an off day, admittedly. I don’t normally look like a slob. (My car, on the other hand, looks like a Mommy Vehicle 24/7.) I try to look nice, but most of my cute clothes still don’t fit. I’m getting there but it’s slow and steady progress. I’m gonna have to send you a picture of me when I was pregnant last summer and you’ll see how far I’ve come! LOL.
And I’m sorry, I have to disagree with you – please show me a 30-something woman who can go braless and I will cry. Just break down into tears. I used to have the perfect breasts, and they’re still alright, but man I can tell by the time I’m 30 the girls will need some super-duper maximum support at all times.
I agree with the above- As I read I found mysef nodding and getting just as irritatedd inside. However- I do see the gals who do have kids…who’s hair and make-up always ook wonderful! I go to the school to pick up chidren daily…and there are moms who show up in the jammies…and their are woman who have kids and show up looking insanly wonderful!! I have tried many days to get my ahir and face on…and look somewhat well dressed…but….the funny thing is…that the days when i show up looking “together” some of the other moms show up in their sweats and jackets…BUT….even when they show up in those sweats they look inpecable…I know I don’t look “good” when I show up in my yoga pants…..lol…
I often find myself staring at them…trying to figure it out…sure they dont run a preschool from their hom…most dont have full time jobs…and at most most have 3 kids…and I’m strictly speaking of the moms I see at the school…not women in general…..
But, it stesses me…I have tried…tried aot to get it “together” for me…for the hubby just in general…because sounds nuts but I do feel better when I have done my hair…whie the children dont care…i feel better…I am a blessed one…somehow….NOW DONT THROW YOUR DAGGERS AT ME LADIES– but I got sightly thinner after each child…because I was even more driven to work out and not be a 20 something mom who just settled with a body I know wouldnt make me happy- when i was in hs i worked out 5 days a week and weighed 145- and wore a size 7. after my first son- i dropped to a size 5 and after my daughter now i am a 3ish….I can’t explain it…and get critized for it al the time…lol
But, we al shoud team up and make a day a week we hold eachother accountable…in the blog world…1 day we all make an honest effort to “get it together” for us…for our hubby’s 1 day where we do out best to put on our faces….(mine is raher simple as I’m not a big make-up person), dress in moderatly pratical clothes and actually at least brish our hair!!! lol ok theres my 50 cents worth….lol
hmmm not sure how Mondays will work…lol…as thats the days most moms are getting back on schedule…lol…but maybe a wednesday!!! hahahaha
One thing I vowed to myself when I got pregnant was that I would be a fly mommy and never, ever, EVER let myself go!! Actually, even before I had a child, I never wanted to be one of those people who “peaked” in high school or college.
However, although I felt that way, I definitely agree that there were times (and every now and then, there are still times) where I step out of the house not looking all that great and if I happened to pass a mirror or run into a CLC (childless chick) who was looking especially fly, I felt absolutely horrible about myself. So I decided to take action. I learned to do my own hair (there are great resources on the web such as Hairlista, LHCF and Keep It Simple Sista that promote a do it yourself approach to haircare and offer great tips), do my own nails and toes (my goal is to try to do my nails once a week and toes once every two weeks) and I make it a point to try to wear a dress/skirt with heels at least once a week. After all, women in the 60’s had kids and still found time to keep up a pretty, ladylike appearance (even in the winter).
I’ll admit that it is definitely a challenge, especially those times when you haven’t gotten much rest and you know you’ll be chasing after the kids. But when you take care of yourself, you feel better and are therefore a better wife/girlfriend and mother.
I hear you, I am 32 now but became a mom at 24. By 30 I had three kids but by 25, my body was done. I hear ya, I’m there. Ten years from now, she will be admiring you. Your kids will be older, you get your body back, you will be able to take 5 (maybe even 10 minutes) to do your hair while the young childless chicks are just having their babies.
I just have to say my piece! Yes, it can be a little upsetting seeing these chicks look the way they do, while living the single care-free life. BUT! For all we know, a lot of these girls are living single ‘hooking up’ and trying to find a good man while bedding down a lot of toads. You have a great husband that loves you. Most of these chicks haven’t been tested by real life responsibilities…ie, they don’t have to do anything for anyone but themself. How many of them could hold down a job, be a dedicated mother (hard enough work alone) and make a marriage thrive (again, hard work)? By the time you’re at the end of your thirties, you’ll have these women envying you. I have a few friends that are still single and they wish to God they had the life I have. It’s not perfect, but my kids are healthy and polite, and my husband loves me. PS. If you want your stomach flat, I suggest 7 minute abs (check youtube for it). It’ll kill you, but if you do it faithfully, it works. Trust me, my stomach has slight definition lines and is as flat as a pancake thanks to it.
While you may feel the frump now- trust me it is still fully possible to be fly in your 30s. I know far too many fabulous 30 something moms with cute fashions, flat tummies, and perky boobs (whether from working out or paying to get them lifted)- AND teenage kids old enough so they can actually enjoy it all.
Though its a struggle now just hold on your time is coming. I love my life and my kids but I do get a twinge when I hear about the adventures of a couple we know that had their 2 kids a tad earlier than you did. They are both fashionable, in great shape, and race about town on their motorcycle for date nights while their teenage kiddos hang out at home.
Not sure what on earth is going on up in Ohio but down here in Texas women hold it down, 30 is not sloppy and lazy everywhere!
Listen to the super fab Justice Jonesie she is speaking and living the truth (and she still looks 20 you’d never even know she even has 3 kids).
I’m a young twenty-something with no kids and I actually envy the young moms with the car seats in the back seat. I would joke with my friends that I could not and would not put a carseat in the back of my ‘coupe’. But actually I wouldn’t mind a mini-me following me around. At the same time, I love my freedom and my care-free lifestyle. Idk, being a mommy is cute. I think.
Hey!!! What about that 30 comment?! Anyways, I think and still think that being a mommy is stylish! I do miss my old ta ta’s though. Can never find the perfect bra.
Look. All I have to say is at least y’all have boobs! Try gaining 57lbs! Count them 57! 20 of which are in your breasts. Nurse for 4 months then watch them bad boys turn into pancakes. PANCAKES I tell you!!! I cant even look at old pics of me without feeling kinda depressed and want to trip every chick I see with perky boobs! I kid. I kid. I plan on having one more baby and trust, while I’m laying in that hospital bed aching and sore, I will be making that appointment for that lift and stuff!!!
Now about these childless chicks, let me let you in on a little secret. If you visualize that same girl with “cankles” and a maternity dress you FEEL so much better! LOL! Look at how far you’ve come and what you’ve accomplished and think about how SEXY your portfolio is going to look in 5-10 years. Young, beautiful, successful, professional MOTHER who is oozing with the SEXY. While they are just settling into mommy-hood, your kids will be old enough to watch themselves so you and hubby can go gallivanting in the Caribbean!
I’m 30 and have no kids. I’m glad I didn’t have children and got to know myself and work on my career over the past 7 years. It’s okay to have kids early too. I plan to start a family at 32. I’ll probably be “over” the fun life and ready to settle down by then. No biggie I will pick back up in my 40s. God willing. We all get on the train in our own times. No way is better than the other.
Don’t worry being in your 30s is liberating. And it will be here before you can blink your eyes (just think, how recent were you 16?)! Trust me. So enjoy your life and don’t worry about other people! the grass is greener seems like for too many people. everyone thinks their life sucks. Well we’re all experiencing life!! This IS life (our choices, activities) and it is beautiful. Be grateful you have your health and can experience it.
Your perspective will change when you turn 30 cause you will see other 23 year-olds complain about the same things you’re complaining about now.
As you mature you won’t care what other people think about your lifestyle or appearance. release of those mental shackles is freedom. And I wear no bra…most days of the week and on weekends:). Feels good to let the breeze hit the girls.
Hey tmpringl,
What I was getting at (in a babbly, roundabout way) was that you made the right and good decision. Keep up the good work.
i was ready at 24, but now that I am 30 I am more mature and even more ready. Say at 32 or 34 is a good time. Something happens to you at 30 that is (almost) impossible to fathom while in your 20s (at least for me). You get “it”, you know, you get what this whole life thing is about. (There was no way for me to tell what frame of mind I would be in at 30 when I was 24.)
You realize that anyone who is managing life the best way they know how, and is being responsible, is doing life very well.
Unfortunately due to physics, we cannot be in two places at the same time:). You can’t have children and go clubbing on the weekends. It is impossible and if you try your life will be very chaotic.
I won’t know how it is to have children at 24. You (may) not know how it is to be able to go clubbing every weekend at 24. It’s not a big deal, because none of us has lost anything. We will all be better people for our choices and experiences, and end up (God willing) in our 40s and 50s enjoying life with grown children. That’s when the real party starts anyway! Now that I am 30 I understand what they mean when they say life really begins at 40!
So because we can’t be in 2 places at once, we all think we’ve missed out on the “party”, the big “unknown”. We think the unknown is to some degree better than what we are experiencing now. For example, young single women think that you have it all – a solid family and beautiful children. They wish they were in your shoes when they see you with husband and baby. They get sick of wearing high heels and making sexy faces in the club, meeting slug after slug. It gets old quick (especially when you hit about 24!).
So relatively the “fun young single life thing” lasts about 2 years beyond 23. After that you settle into round table discussions talking world issues with your girlfriends at each other’s houses – things that I and my friends (some with kids) have enjoyed over the last 6 years.
One of my girlfriends wished that she was married and had children at 23. You are blessed.
For myself, me and my fiancé are working on our careers and will be ready to start a family pretty soon.
So I say again, keep up the great work. You are a smart woman, and you exercised good judgment and made a wise decision.
i dont think you were being mean, it is just frustration.
its great having your 20s to yourself. But honestly I wouldn’t know how good or bad it was in comparison to having children because I didn’t have children at the time. That’s what I am saying, I may have loved having children in my 20s!! I will never know that! So i don’t worry about it…
It’s hard raising kids, it’s hard building a career (I’m an engineer). All of it is hard. Life is hard. Nobody who is doing the good work has it easy. And no one has it better than the other… its all good.
I know it can be lonely. But you made a great decision. Most women wait to have children nowadays (although i think the trend is moving towards women having children earlier like yourself). So look for women in your age group who have children and understand where you are coming from, there are plenty around im sure! you have to look around. im sure your blog will attract women in your situation.
By the way, the 20s vs 30s thing is a conceptual. It is all one continuum. Society tries to make them seem like two separate “eras”. They are different, but personally you don’t experience it that way, really. Your existence is continuous if you know what i mean.
lol, it feels good to wear no bra. Boo to me then:) i’ll take a boo and a breeze all day!:)
i don’t put one on after my yoga classes in the evenings and i don’t wear one on the weekends. its too constricting. i get stares from women (older and younger). its hilarious. i feel like a hippie sometimes, and im a big girl (like thick)…
And men are totally mesmerized, as an observation – I have a loving man at home, so I’m not interested:).
So women if you’re trying to catch a man: Don’t wear a bra under that tunic or dress. Men will go nuts for you! Men like propped up boobs, but they salivate over natural, saggy boobs. It’s a mark of confidence that they don’t see normally from women.
a beautiful woman in her 70s complimented me once. She said “now you’re sexy”. I knew i got it right at that point.
hehe but I digress:)…
you are so hilarious! so funny. OMG i love it.
okay so i pull up my broomstick skirts, tuck/pin ’em just right, and wear it like a strapless dress. my girls hold my dresses up just right.
i do hot yoga and at the moment i have a little plump so i’m not about to deal with a stubborn bra… so i just pull up my dresses.
i went braless a few years back. now im back to this style. it felt good then and it feels good now!!
I’m size 22 bottom, sized 14(large)/16 up top.
im about a 42D bra size!! hehe ive never had “perky” boobs, whatever that means
– maybe when i was 10. hell i dont remember. but i’ve always been a big girl and had big boobs since i was 12/13.
they get in my armpits but i just move them out the way
cool breeze sweeping under there feels great…very relaxing lol
@ Cakey – Okay, you’ve got to quit comments because I keep finding things to ask questions about. Back to the braless thing in a minute.
How is the hot yoga? How long do you do it for? Where do you go? Is it expensive? How hot does it get? Does it work?
And….back to regular scheduled questions.
So you go braless on the weekends, too? And the breeze is relaxing…Hmmm…
I don’t know. I feel like I need support. I don’t like them flopping around, it bothers me. Maybe I’ll buy some dresses and see how that goes….
i’m a childless 22 year old, and this post makes me feel awful.
I have boobs that have been covered with stretch marks (along with my thighs and hips) since I hit puberty at 14. If I went out braless everyone would know it. I’d look like I had no boobs at, and a strangely lumpy fat tummy.
I guess I never get to experience the awesomeness of being young and hot that everyone talks sooo much about.
@anonymous – Aww, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, trust me. This post was just airing frustrations I sometimes have when seeing women my age who don’t have kids and don’t have that daily intrusion in their thoughts. Regardless of your stretch marks and tummy, I bet you are beautiful.
lol this is a great post – i missed it when you first posted it. but lmao @ this line:
“This might piss off a lot of people, but I think it’s easier for moms in their 30s to let themselves go. I mean, at that point, things start heading south anyway and most people in your age group, kids or no kids, start fighting the battle of the bulge.”
I’m in my 30s and totally agree with you, actually. If I were in my early 20s with a baby and the body I have now (because of the baby), I definitely wouldn’t be happy. I did enjoy my 20s as a childless, carefree woman…. wore the little shorts, the cute mid-drift tops, enjoyed being a size 3-4, and life was sweet – wrought with dates and club nights with the girls. It was a freedom that I enjoyed then, but that I don’t miss now. I’m such a different person today (and that happened with age, more so than with having a baby), and I feel fulfilled knowing that I lived those early years to the fullest. So yeah, I can definitely see how, looking at those young, carefree 20-something women, could somehow feel bittersweet for a young mommy – even if you are happy with things now in your life.
As always, great post!
@Courtney – Yes!!! It’s not that I want to let myself go. I look alright most days. I’ve started accessorizing again, keep my hair looking cute, and I’m eating right so I can fit into my cute clothes again. My point is that I have to WORK AT IT. It’s actual WORK to look this good. LOL. These chicks don’t know how good they have it!
@Execumama – And I DID buy some new flats! And I bought new jeans! Buying a new wardrobe is not in the budget, right now. (Um, JP Morgan Chase called and they want their mortgage payment, like, um, NOW) So I’m doing what I can. I refuse to be outshined by these chicks!! I refuse!!! LOL
@Ashley – Yes, ma’am. I had to upgrade from Forever 21 and Wet Seal too. But you know what? I’m happy about it. Most of those clothes are made for chicks without kids. Girls, really. You can’t have boobs and hips and thighs in those clothes. It.just.won’t.work. I’ve got to wear clothes with structure now. Fitted blazers are my new favorite thing, along with a belted dress. It is hard when you’re supposed to be “enjoying your youth” but instead you’re raising babies. My friends with the disposable income kill me sometimes. “Um, no, I can’t jet off to Atlanta this weekend. Just paid for daycare…” LOL.
@Lacey – Hmm, I like that idea about holding each other accountable. Maybe we should have a “Sexy Mama Monday” or something…I’ve got to give that some thought!
@Kayeanise – I’m sooooo there! The rec center at my alma mater has this power abs course that all the students swear by. (well, they are the childless chicks I’m talking about so I don’t know how effective it is on a postpartum belly…) But it’s at 7:30! I can’t make it at that time, so I will DEFINITELY check out that video. Thanks for the tip! I would kill for “slight definition lines.” LOL.
@Yolanda – Hmmm…maybe I need to clarify my earlier statement about the frump being more acceptable in your 30s. I don’t mean that all moms in their 30s look like hell, but that generally people start to gain weight and things shift a bit naturally as you age and your metabolism slows. Doesn’t mean you can’t look fly but generally 30something folks have to work at it a little more.
And someone PLEASE explain to me how you can have perky breasts in your 30s after you’ve had babies? It must be genetics or a really great plastic surgeon because once they’re gone, they’re GONE. LOL. Who are these women?!?!
@Shawnie – Girl, get outta here! YOU envy the moms with the car seats in the backseat? Oh, I’m about to faint! LOL. Being a mommy is cute, but seeing women like you makes me envious of the freedom and care-free lifestyle you speak of.
@Arlice – I’m bout to take out that 30 comment ’cause no one understood it! LOL. What I meant was, when you get older and hit your thirties, your metabolism slows and it’s harder to keep off the weight. So childless chicks in their 30s might not necessarily be able to pull off the looks they used to in their 20s. Not to say that YOU are a frumpy 30-something mom cause I hope to be as stylish as you when I hit 30!
@Supermomwomanlady – I can tell if I have one more kid we’ll be looking like some Aunt Jemima twins together. I got a little bit of curve left, but not much. Go ahead and book that appointment – I won’t be mad at you! LOL.
And yes, I realized that I’ve gotten a jump on motherhood so I can do things in my 30s that these chicks won’t get a chance to ’cause they’re saddled with newborns. Ahhh…the irony is kind of sweet, isn’t it?
@ Cakey – *muttering to myself, “Now I have these childless chicks harassing me on my blog too?”* LOL
Okay, first of all, boo to you for going without a bra. Just BOOOOOO! LOL. I’m glad you were able to get to know yourself and work on your career and live the “fun life” during your 20s. Tell me, do you think you would have been ready for the challenge of having a baby, say, at 24? Obviously you enjoy the way your life is now (kudos)….would you have missed out on things or have to postpone some goals? Just curious…
@ Cakey – Oooh, do I LOVE long responses!
Okay, so I don’t know if I came off as mean, or insulted, but I wasn’t. I just honestly wanted to know what it felt like to have your 20s to yourself. To do you. To get to know you. To build your career. I can do all the things you do, but with kids waiting for me at home. So I’m not jealous or envious of you (or any childless chick, er, woman). It’s just…
Don’t you ever have one of those days where you feel like an outsider in your peer group? Maybe you don’t, but I do. Frequently. My husband still works at our alma mater, so whenever I visit him or help out with his program, I’m surrounded by these college girls (some just a year or two younger than me) and I think to myself, “I have nothing in common with them.” It’s kind of isolating, and frustrating, that I have more in common with my 39-year-old co-worker than people born in 1985, like me.
I agree that our choices are our choices and no one path in life is better than the other. I don’t regret having kids at 21. Despite all my complaining and rants and breakdowns (lol), I enjoy being a mom. Is it my favorite thing in the world all day every day months upon end? Nope. But I recognize that I made the choice to become a mom and I work as hard as I can to be a great one.
Thanks for coming back to reply!
And STILL, boo to you for going braless. I tried it last night and oh, it was sooo sad.
LOL.
@ cakey – I still can’t get over this braless thing. Please be patient with me. So, okay. You don’t wear a bra? Like under what? Tank tops? Dresses? Button down shirts? Yoga/workout gear? What size are you (damn, I’m all in your business, but I’m genuinely curious)? So you just let them loose? My boobs are okay, but I personally like them to be, ahem, at attention, not fighting not space under my armpits. LOL.