Imagine my suprise when I open my inbox last week and see an e-mail from a mom in South Africa. My first thought was, I’m international, baby! Woo-hoo!!!
Then I calmed myself down long enough to actually read the e-mail. Damn. Homegirl reached out to me? Out of all the bloggers between South Africa and my little neck of the woods in Ohio, she chose me? Okay, then, well let me make sure she gets her question answered….
The dilemma…
I’m a 25-year-old South African mom and my son is 3 months old now. Although I’m less stressed than the first 2 months of his life, I still
feel emotionally overwhelmed. Why? Let me count the ways…My boyfriend lives in another country, a 4 hour drive, and doesn’t really get my cries for help, i.e. for him to live with us.
I live with my family. They’re great but an out of wedlock baby is a huge mystery and No-no to them.
So how do i make things easier for moi and ma bebe? We have no routine, there’s no time for me and I have no clue where to start.
Whew. I don’t even know where to begin with that. I’ll just give you a snippet of my response….
Your son is only 2.5 months old, which isn’t very old at all. You are still in the midst of dealing with life as a newborn, which is very difficult, no matter what people try to tell you. You’re very right – those first two months can be hell! Adjusting the life as a mom, while dealing with all the needs of an infant. But you made it and you are very blessed.
You said you feel emotionally overwhelmed. There are two parts of your e-mail that stuck out to me. You said you have no routine and no time for yourself. Those two things go hand-in-hand. It is very hard to have time for yourself if there’s no routine. So first, let’s try to get a routine for you and your son. Keep in mind that he is very young still, so getting a firm routine established might still take some time.
Any good solid advice we can give this mom? I bet we’ve all been at this point and needed to talk to a mom who has been there! Leave your best advice in the comments and I’ll be sure to send them to her!
Even though I was married when I had my son, I still can understand the whole no routine, no time for me part. That stuck out for me as well. I would agree with Young mommy to begin some sort of routine for your little one. I needed to go back to work so I need my little man to be in bed so I can get some time to get myself ready for the next day, so about 2 months I started a bedtime routine with him. It’s not going to work right away, but if you keep at it, it will eventually work. Also, give yourself a little break. I was the type of person that really enjoyed my time and being alone, if you your family is willing to watch your precious one let them, so you can either take the time to sleep, take a shower, or simply stand outside the house. If they are not willing, and you have friends that you trust enlist their help. Allow yourself time to adjust and really get to know your little one. Remember you have your child’s entire life to figure out what works best for the two of you. I believe trial and error is the best teacher. So relax, take your time, and smile and enjoy your little one.
@Felicia – “Remember you have your child’s entire life to figure out what works best for the two of you.” I think that’s the most important sentence. So many new moms are overwhelmed because they feel like they have to get everything right, today, or they are failures, when in reality, motherhood is a learn-as-you-go process….
heres what stuck out for me: the father being 4 hours away and the out of wedlock no no. Listen up girl and please heed my warning, forget about trying to get him more involved. and forget about what the family and people think of your un married status. you only have to worry about two things. you and your baby. there will be many obstacles to come and you cant be worried or stressed about him or what other ppl think. focus on getting yourself together. the rest will come.