One of my online friends is going to try to conceive with her husband soon and I wanted to write her the letter that I wish someone wrote to me.
Dear buddy,
So you’ve thought everything through and decided that motherhood is right for you, right now, at this time. Congratulations!
I know you’re excited and you should be, because motherhood is exciting. It’s also hard. And tiring. And thrilling.
There is a lot to love about pregnancy and motherhood. The shape of your belly as the baby grows larger. How you can’t believe your eyes when you look down and you can see the baby moving in your belly. How you suddenly feel just a tad bit more powerful, a bit more special, because hello – you’re creating life.
But there is a lot that you won’t know. I’m here to tell you that motherhood is one long mystery, and sometimes you get tired of playing detective. “Why is the baby crying? Is he gassy? Does he need a new diaper? Maybe he’s tired. Maybe he’s just tired of me!”
There might be days when you want your old life back. You might wonder, “What was the rush?” But don’t go there. There is nothing to do but move forward.
One thing no one told me was that you might not bond with the baby right away. I sure didn’t. When they handed me my daughter in the hospital, all I felt was fear, like someone handed me the keys to a Jaguar and I still didn’t know how to parallel park.
The sleep deprivation might get to you. It’s hard to imagine a concept like “no sleep.” We’ve pulled all-nighters, but this is nothing like that.
Sleeping in two hour blocks is worse than no sleep at all. There were plenty of days where I fell asleep at the 3 a.m. feeding and my husband would come out and see me dozed off on the couch, breast hanging out, baby knocked out on the Boppy, a horrible infomercial about garden tools on the TV. Not a pretty picture.
But the one thing that is pretty basic, that I think you will handle very well, is that somehow, you figure it out. Somehow the problems get solved, the babies grows and gets larger, you start sleeping again and all is right in the world.
A lot of new moms freak out because they just don’t know what the hell is going on. Heck, the most common question from a new mom is “WHAT DAY IS IT?” For the first two months of my daughter’s life, I completely missed Tuesdays. It was either Monday or Wednesday. I never remembered Tuesday.
But don’t freak out. Or, try not to freak out too much. And if no one is telling you this, tell yourself, “I am a good mother. I will figure this out.” Tell your this every day, because there will be plenty of times when you will doubt yourself. Once, during my early postpartum period, my daughter wiggled out of her diaper and I took it as a sign that she needed a real, competent mom, not this lazy slacker that I had become.
You will be fine. Everything will be okay. Just take lots of pictures, because a postpartum memory isn’t something you want to rely on. Again, like I said, you might be busy trying to figure out what day it is.
Enjoy the ride!
Sincerely,
The Young Mommy
Beautiful! This is a great letter. I needed this letter. LOL. Honestly embarking on the journey into motherhood is great, there are frustrating moments but there are those moments that just make u smile. Next thing you know you look up their 15 months old running, trying to talk and doing some of the funniest things and you’ll miss those early days. Not all of them LOL but some.
Beautifully written – it’s funny how the pieces just seem to fall into place when you have no choice but to keep moving forward. I hope your friend will read this and keep it locked away in memory – it’ll do her good to remember these words when SHE’S up for the dreaded 3:00am feeding.
I came across your blog as I perused the black and married with kids blog. While I am definitely not a “20 something” mommy, I am a mommy. As we mothers begin to understand after kids, motherhood is universal. I’m in my thirties and motherhood is definitely not what I envisioned it to be. I have a three year old, a two year old, AND a 15 year old stepson (stepmotherhood is a beast!) . You know even if someone had written me a letter before I conceived or even before I married, I still wouldn’t have understood the magnitude of the journey. Looking back people did try to warn me, but I just figured I was to fly and had read too many books to get flustered about motherhood. Motherhood is definitely a journey that has to be experienced before it’s fully understood. But I truly believe motherhood makes you a better person.
Awesome letter!!! I think every mom has experienced of all those sentiments that you described. It is a new and very scary, but exciting and immensely rewarding journey!!!!
what a great post. Sometimes I wonder if ignorance is bliss when it comes to motherhood…but other times I feel like its good to know what you are getting into.
thanks for the honesty! I’m going to share this on my fan page!
@Jen – If I honestly knew what it was like, I don’t know if I would have had kids. There. I said it. Yes, I love my kids now because THEY ARE HERE. I love ’em. That’s what I do. But to know that every day would be a battle, that I would love them so much and my chest would hurt when they are away from me, that I wouldn’t know all the answers at the precise moment I needed them, all that knowledge would have scared me right to my doctor’s office to get my tubes tied. But I’m glad I kind of fell into it, because I do love it now.
thanks for the letter — I’m halfway along the pregnancy journey, and those sound like good things to remember