By Danielle from It’s So Nice to Be Nice
This was my stance in a recent conversation I had with a young family friend who recently moved into my neighborhood.
She was opposed to my opinion saying, “Family and friends should always be welcomed. What if I’m just driving or walking by and I want to see you?”
I replied with, “You should still call first.”
Which led her to think I was cruel. Actually, she said, “That’s mean! I know you….It doesn’t matter what you’re doing. We’ve been knowing each other long enough.”
Long enough for what? I thought.
I could be doing any number of things, from bathing to sleeping, or reading a new magazine. It really doesn’t matter, I just think that respect for me, our friendship, my time, and my privacy are reason enough to call first.
I also added that since most people have cell phones, a call isn’t too much to ask for.
Later I said, “Why wouldn’t you call?”
“Well, it’s not that I wouldn’t, but I shouldn’t have to…..”
“Hmmphh,” was my response.
Later I added, “Yes, you should. I call whenever I visit…and I do this for you as well as for me. See, I don’t know what you’re doing and I don’t expect you to stop for me. I don’t want you to change your plans, get distracted, embarrassed, or caught off guard just because I have an ‘idea’ and want to visit. It’s not right and in my honest opinion, it’s pretty immature. When I have guests, my time is devoted to them, I believe in giving my full attention to them and an impromptu visit doesn’t allow for this. I couldn’t be my normal hospitable self.”
“But what about emergencies,” she countered.
“Emergencies are different and they don’t happen much (I haven’t had an emergency since I was in elementary school)….so sure why not.”
“What if I want to surprise you?”
“You can do that with a phone call, a hand-written letter, an invitation to lunch…..there are many ways to surprise someone.”
After that we both got quiet and I eventually changed the subject, but I thought about it for a second. Wondering about her comment, “That’s mean.”
Is my stance unacceptable? I don’t think so, but what do you think of an open door policy for family and friends?
Danielle’s blog, ‘It’s so nice to be nice’ was created to remind people of the importance of sharing, connecting, and treating others well, even in a tough economy, and even when you don’t feel inspired. A smile, an authentic hello, friendly wave, or sincere compliment can do much to brighten someone’s day. Yes, they’re small, but these are important gestures that may lighten the load or lift the spirit of many you meet.
On this blog, you can expect regular musings about a few missing links in the quest for success in our world: courtesy, politeness, honesty, respect, and helpfulness . In addition, I will also discuss my struggles for the same.
I am of the same mindset, my parents live about 10 min. away and even they know to call first. THe one time they didn’t it was our nap time (we have family naps) and they thought we purposely weren’t answering the door, since they saw our car, but we were all asleep. Conversely though, sometimes I forget to call my parents when I am going to visit, but it’s because they do not have the call first rule. In fact, my mother gets upset that I don’t reciprocate because they don’t have a call first rule, but I respect my husband’s wishes and he likes a call first and will always remind me to call my parents if we are going over there together.
I agree with you. I don’t play that come by without calling first. Mainly because when I’m at home, I’m laying around in next to nothing, but I still think it’s about respect. Respect my time, my situation, everything you said. That’s why I always call to make sure it’s ok to stop by, even if I’m just dropping something off real quick. You may actually have a chance to nap, be trying to get in some “private time” with the hubby, anything.
Although I keep my place clean, at times I will leave the coffee table with handprints, smeared food, etc., on it because I’m tired of cleaning it 10x a day. As a friend, they shouldn’t mind seeing a dirty table knowing I have a kid, but it’s the principle of the matter. I want time to clean off the table before someone comes over…or maybe I’ve been able to stand my own stench, but need a few mins notice to shower before someone comes by lol. So no, I don’t think it’s mean, I think it’s courteous
how much do i love this post!?!?! im such a stickler for manners, etiquette and simple, down-home common sense consideration…so this is right up my alley about things people do that irk me.
even my mother should call me before popping up cuz who knows what i’m doing and i may not want to be disturbed by a knock on my door. what if me and the hubby are *ahem* busy? what if i’m trying to relax in the tub with a glass of wine in my peace space? what if my kids are jumping off the walls and i’m trying to get them down without an audience? its simple, just check before YOU decide YOU want to do something regarding someone’s else’s time, space, home or agenda