If there’s one thing moms do perfectly, it’s how much we compare ourselves to other moms.
To that, I say, it’s ridiculous.
It took me a long time to be comfortable with myself, to understand my views on motherhood, to realize that I am DOING THE BEST I CAN WITH WHAT I’M WORKING WITH.
I don’t have to compare myself to other mothers, to compare my kids to other kids, to compare my life with other people’s lives.
I.
just.
don’t.
have.
time.
Plus, when you compare yourself to everyone else, inevitably you will feel worse about yourself and your choices. “So-and-so’s kids go to music classes on the weekend and we just stay home and watch Mickey Mouse. Maybe I should…?”
Don’t worry about what other parents are doing. Don’t compare yourself to other moms. Are your kids happy? Healthy? Loved? Well taken care of? Then you’re set!
Updated to add: While you’re so busy comparing yourself to other moms, they’re probably comparing themselves to you, wondering why they don’t measure up to you. Think about that!
What about you? Do you compare yourself to other moms? Compare your kids to other kids? Why or why not? Do you plan to stop? Think it’s healthy? You can’t help yourself? Let me know!
Great post! My baby is only 5 months old, and i already find myself subconsciously doing that….. it’s never a good feeling, so i try to curb those insecurities before they really unfold. Like you said, my baby is happy, full of smiles, well fed, and “seems” (lol) really well-adjusted. And at the end of the day, isnt that all that really matters?
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@Yakini – Oooh, I’ve always found it so hard not to compare when the kids were babies! You’ll see a baby your kid’s age and think, “So-and-so is walking already? Man, my little one isn’t even crawling yet. I bet if I played with him more he’d be walking and talking already. I bet his mom blah-blah-blah…” Soo easy to fall into that trap when they are younger and only gets harder as they get older…
I always do, but I’m trying to stop. You’re right when you say we’re working with what we’ve got. When someone and her husband are making $400,000 a year, they can take the kids on educational vacations every weekend, but for us it just isn’t happening. So we do our best with our own situation.
@ June – I caught myself doing that the other day. I noticed it seems like other parents go all out for their birthday parties, whereas we like to have smaller, more intimate parties with family and a few other kids. I was tempted to go big this year and book a $500 party (that would have lasted an hour and only would’ve covered the cost of the activity). Then I remembered that’s not who we are. I have to know that I’m doing the best I can. That’s all that matters!
What a perfect post! Yakini was right when she said this is something that often happens subconsciously. We live in such a competitive society that we are pretty much conditioned to think this way. Gotta have the best toys, the best schools, the best this or that, kids gotta be the best at this or that… and if not then we mothers aren’t doing our jobs. We constantly look to others to be the “model” of what we should be doing when, like you pointed out, its not needed because our kids are happy and healthy.
Thanks for reminding us all that regardless to what everybody else is doing, what WE are doing is perfect for our families =)
@ Ms. Bar B – Thanks for commenting as always! I do think that it’s subconsciously. I’ll be driving along somewhere, stop at a red light and look at the mom next to me in the big, spacious minivan with the DVD players and the stow-n’-go compartments and think, “Damn, I need to upgrade.” Never mind that my sedan has the most leg room EVER and the car runs fine and the kids are too young to know any different. It happens whether we want it to or not, but we just have to recognize it for what it is (nonsense) and let it go…
I actually had a conversation with my husband about this before reading your post. I have a friend who seems to compare alot and I have told her to stop. It makes me feel so uncomfortable since for all mothers and fathers do for their kids requires sacrifice. People never know what the next family is sacrificing to do specific things for their kids. I used to be that way when my first daughter was born as it relates to development, but luckily I had a cousin who stopped me before I went crazy. Great post. Although this is my first post I come here quite a few times a week.
@Latonya – “It makes me feel so uncomfortable since for all mothers and fathers do for their kids requires sacrifice. People never know what the next family is sacrificing to do specific things for their kids. ”
That right there is the genius. (I think that’s my new phrase – “the genius” – LOL!) We compare because we act like everyone is parenting with more than we have. Notice how we don’t really compare to say that we are better than someone else…
I used to do this SO MUCH it drove me crazy and I think it made me put too much pressure on my son sometimes. I still find myself doing it when I come around you guys. “LT is holding his bottle already and Jaedyn only holds it if I refuse to?! LT is already making strides to walk? He has how many teeth? Jaedyn is almost one and doesn’t have a piece of tooth sticking up”. It’s very unhealthy. Kids are individuals and do things at different stages. Also, everyone’s parenting styles vary as well, which can affect the things kids do/don’t do and when. My son is remarkable, his vocab is…amazing for someone his age, he is outgoing and does other little quirky things that makes him, Jaedyn! He’s happy, healthy, and as a single parent I know I’m doing the best I can so that’s what’s important!
@ Courtney – Yes, kids do things at different times. Remember Maya, John’s daughter? She was about a month older than Ayanna and she was talking in sentences when Ayanna was still barely saying, “Mama, Dada” with any regularity. I was freaking out like, “See, they don’t have her in daycare. She gets all this individual attention and she’s going to be smarter for it.” AHHH!!! But you will drive yourself crazy if you keep doing it so you have to just let it go!