I’m a writer by nature. Have fits when I’m not near a keyboard, or if I didn’t remember to put the pen and pad in my purse before I leave the house. It’s just that serious folks.
So when one of my writer buddies told me one of my all time favorite writers had launched a blog a few months back, I scrambled as fast as I could to Google. After one or two searches, I found it.
Ms. Aliya S. King.
Casual magazine readers might not know the name, but if you’re a junkie like me, you’re damn near drooling. I don’t impress easily, unless you’re a writer. Then everything you do is important to me.
This woman has written about everyone, and most recently authored Faith Evans’ book, Keep the Faith. (That’s her and Faith at a book signing. No, I wasn’t there. Thanks Flickr!)
I sent her an essay I wrote about wanting to get my tubes tied, hoping she’d give me some feedback on how to make it stronger, how to make it a better fit somewhere.
She liked it. It made my day.
She offered to run it on her blog. Whoa, really?
After a little bit of editing back and forth (I love a good editing session), she posted it on her blog yesterday. Please go take a look. Let me know what you think! I was insanely nervous, but I’m happy I did it. This is what it feels like when you’re flying…
Bravo Tara!!!!! I think that magazine turned you down because they had a problem with a mother speaking the truth! Both of my sister in-laws have the same story you do about trying to get their tubes tired. One was a teen mom and wanted no more kids. She didn’t even want the baby she had, but the doctor wouldn’t do the procedure and she had another baby a couple of years later, that she also didn’t want and still couldn’t get her tubes tied… then my other sister in law just had twins in addition to already having a preschooler. I have a had time understanding why doctors refuse to view the young mother as a grown ass woman who knows what she wants to do and does not want to do with her own body.
This is why your blog here is so important, as a representation of “the young mommy life”. You are an accomplished married mother of two and folks still can’t seem to get past your age and your appearance! Not every 20 something is wet behind the ears, just like, not every teen mother is irresponsible! It is extremely possible to be a young woman and know exactly what the hell YOU want your future to look like!! Girl, don’t get me started. I think you should really break this down to your doctor and if he still isn’t on board with what you wanna do then I’d say move on until you find a doctor who will actually “hear” you.
@ Ms. Bar B – My goodness, your comment almost made me cry! Seriously – how hard is it to get past the fact that I am not the average 23-year-old? If I told you the stats about my life, you’d probably guess I was at least 35. I don’t even know how normal 23-year-olds behave, ’cause thats just not me. Thank you so much for coming by and reading every day. You have NO IDEA how much it means to me. One day, I’ll have to meet you in person!
I loved the article. It was funny, smart and extremely honest. I agree with you. The problem is that people take into account our age and think that we don’t know any better. The medical profession is so weird. When I explained to my doctor about not wanting to get on birth control because of the bad side effects I had from them, she damn near twisted my arm about why they were better for me. Here it is I am telling my doctor that birth control was making me physically sick and she’s telling me to take them anyway! It’s your body, you should be able to tell them what you want and leave it at that. No further discussion.
@ Cymonne – Yes! I don’t know if you read the comments on the blog, but everyone was just saying why don’t you just say on the pill or get the shot? I’m like, “I don’t want to be worrying about birth control the rest of my life. I want to be done with it.” I always say that once you are 18, you are an adult and should be able to make adult decisions. Have us sign some forms or something, but do as we ask. You’re right – no further discussion.
Whoo hoo, Tara! WONDERFUL piece over at Aliya’s spot (LOVE her blog, BTW)–keep up the fantastic dialogue. I left a comment re: your experience over there, but my summation here is: Do. You.
@ Denene – THANK YOU for your comments. I loved it and you’re right about tweaking it to fit. I wrote it about a few or two before the Octomom story broke and I was thinking about tying my experience into the larger picture of who is allowed to have babies and when. Sort of what you said. But it never quite…connected. But I appreciate you coming through and leaving comments in both places. You are one of my writer heros too!
I have read a lot of your posts and like them. I definitely will be back to read and get the female perspective. You also might want to check out this sight if you like writing articles, this might be a good place to start. helium.com.
You hit the nail on the head Tara. The “normal 23 year old experience” doesn’t live here, just like the normal 25 year old experience doesn’t live over at my place… my doctor tried to stay on me about birth control also, but finally “got it” after a while that I was gonna be the one making the decision as to if I was gonna keep taking it or not. Happy to report that I am NOT on that stuff and because of it my body is working like she use to before baby.
Bottom line, as the women who occupy these bodies, who live these lives and who raise these children, “we” are the sole decision makes on our abilities to reproduce. I think taking your piece in the direction of who is allowed to have babies is a great idea because ageism is right up there on the line with racism and classism when it comes to women’s rights to sexuality and reproduction… its my pleasure to come through. I have to have a dose of what you be serving. I hope that one day that meeting will take place =)
Yippy! I’ve been waiting on this! Keep rising to the top gurl!