Whenever I’m at a store without the kids, and I hear a child having a meltdown two aisles over, I can only think one thing:
“Thank God that isn’t my kid!”
Tell me I’m not the only one.
To me, there is NOTHING worst than a meltdown in the middle of a public place. There’s no corner to go to, there’s no room to lock them in, there’s a million people around and is it just me or does the temp suddenly go up about 20 degrees once your kids starts throwing a fit?
Worst tantrum my daughter ever had was at church. At the altar. While her brother was getting baptized. With all of our family at the altar with us. When the church was full. AWK-ward.
But perhaps it’s something deeper than being embarassing. I feel flustered. It makes me feel like I might not be the mom I thought I was. Like I don’t have control over my kids like I thought I did. My cheeks get hot and sweat starts forming on my forehead. “Please give me strength,” I usually mutter to myself.
Why is mothering in public so difficult? Is it just me? What about you? How do you handle those meltdowns in public? Especially with the stares from the other moms – who theoretically should be more understanding?
believe it or not, my kid’s never had a public meltdown. i mean, outside of being a baby and crying at weird times perhaps during church or something. even now, she has a few “sassy” episodes where she folds her arms or pouts her lips, but thats more attitude than meltdown. she’s never screamed, shouted, stomped, thrown items or anything like that. my mother would say because i am a drill sergeant. i would say because i am a strict disciplinarian. i began disciplining her before she could even talk. no, i do NOT spank. but i always spoke to her logically…stating what behavior is inappropriate. punishment is time on the naughty mat-which is like death to her. so she (now) avoids it at all costs. but because of consistent disciplining, i have perfected the “look” which straightens anything out.
@ Mrs. W – My daughter has attitude for days, most wonderful commenter.
She doesn’t have her “fits” often, and I have to say that they are mostly crying fits than anything. Now, I don’t play that mess with the throwing things and hitting but crying I think is an appropriate response for a two-year-old. They can’t process emotions, think rationally or make decisions based on their setting. You have to TEACH that and MOLD that and for some kids it happens sooner than others. My daughter is usually an angel in public. She has fits when she can’t get her way, but she’s also still at the stage where she’s still open to substitutions (i.e. “No, honey, you can’t have any more juice. Would you like some water with ice?” “Yes, mommy.”)
My son (now 18) never throught tantrums, but my daughter (6) that’s another story. She is a spoiled primadona/crybaby and doesn’t have a problem letting people know she can cry. But she doen’t embarass me, (I don’t get emabarassed) and if and when she throws a tantrum, I politely take her to the bathroom, spank her on her but 3 good times and let her cry for 5 minutes, and then she’s brand new.(she will realize that my attitude is bigger than hers…lol)
And when your kids throw tantrums, that doesn’t mean you don’t have control. It all in the way you handle the situation. Sometimes if you ignore the tantrum it may stop or you may have to try more drastic measures. Because kids think they are in control and you have to teach them that they are not.
@Ms. Miko – See, if you knew me IRL, you’d know that I am a control FREAK. Even the perception of not being in control freaks me out. When my daughter has a fit, I usually remove her from the situation, get down on her level and make sure she knows that it’s not okay to be carrying on like she doesn’t have any sense. LOL.
I know what you mean with the thank God that isn’t my child! That’s usually my first thought, but that quickly gets replaced with- girl mind your business and let the woman handle hers. I think its difficult and embarrassing because we want to be in control of every situation concerning our child- or at least appear to be but when the babies start acting up in public it places us as mothers under public scrutiny! You’re right when you say you feel flustered. Anxiety kicks in and you go into overdrive trying to “fix” whatever is causing the tantrum. I don’t know about other moms, but I cant STAND when someone feels the need to tell me how to handle my child. Even worse look at me with pity if she does happen to throw a fit. I’m liable to turn around and “politely” cuss someone out for that mess! Other moms should be more understanding of this type of situation because we all can get it! No mom is immune to temper tantrums!
@ Supermom – (I had to shorten it…my fingers hurt…lol) – I just hate when they have fits in public because you’re not always near the exit, or a bathroom or anywhere you can pull the child aside and sometimes you just have to deal with it right there….I guess it’ll get easier!
Thankfully, my kids have yet to throw a tantrum in public. At home is another story. What I do have a problem with is my daughter not listening in public. She gets me to the point that I’m about to start yelling and that’s when I feel the stares of other mothers on me. I cannot stand when I’m shopping and my daughter wants to run ahead of me, hide in the clothes rack, spin in circles, push the stroller away from me and all sorts of things 3 year old’s do. I’m not one of those parents who let their kids run amok in the store. So I ignore them and keep moving, that’s what you have to do.
LOL. I know what you mean. Miss J has had a meltdown or two in public and it was usually due to being tired or being told that she can’t have everything in the store. I’ve found that sometimes our kids’ tantrums are caused by us having higher expectation of them behavioral wise, lol. We expect them to sit quietly and listen or to remain mild tempered after the 3rd hour and the 4th store of the day, they reach a point where they just don’t wanna do what “we” wanna do and they need a break. I’m not the type to put everything down and leave because my kid is having a tantrum, but if she does I recognize that she’s had enough of being out and I try to hurry and get what I absolutely can’t leave the store without or try to take care of whatever business I had to take care of and get back to the car and home as quick as possible.
I will admit that I am terrified of this happening to me one day. My son is only 4 months old, but I’m already nervous about taking him out in public places. He’s not normally a crier, but my brain is working overtime thinking that he’ll start crying and I won’t be able to stop him. The meltdowns and tantrums that come with older kids already make me sweat!
We leave, Plain and simple. She can have her melt down in the car, all the way home until she’s put to bed or time out after a stern talking of why that was wrong behavior. I can’t handle the negative attention and I hate bothering other people, so we leave. Thankfully, she’s only had less than a handful of tantrums so far and we’ve always had the option of leaving without missing anything important. I’d rather deal with my “Mothering” in private.
@Leah – I think leaving is sometimes the best option. Sometimes when we’re at the store, another kid will have a tantrum and the mom will ignore them. Five, ten minutes later, the kid is still going. At first, I’m understanding but ten minutes in, you’ve got to straighten the kid out! He or she just can’t holler in public til they pass out. That’s just my take on it! From reading your blog, it seems like your daughter acts like mine so I totally feel you on taking her home. Sometimes that’s just what’s needed!