What Happens When The Same Man Loves You For All Of Your Twenties

Our wedding day | What It's Like To Be Loved By The Same Man Through All Of Your Twenties

Wedding day bliss

I’ve been composing this post in my head for the past year now, ever since I realized that yup, I’ll be 30 soon and the guy that I sleep next to every night has been (and will be) here for every single day of my twenties.

The twenties is a hard decade. Most people tell you that, but most people who say it weren’t parenting every single day of their twenties either.

It’s a decade where you have to figure shit out. How you support yourself, how you nourish yourself, how you like to spend time, who you’d like to be. How many friends you need, what types of sights do you need to see, what type of living environment you can tolerate.

There is a lot going on.

In the span of one year (my 20th), I went from a broke, pregnant unwed college student to a newly married, newly graduated, newly hired mommy of one. Life was stressful and moving at warp speed.

TJ and I after our baby shower

TJ and I after our baby shower – I was 20, he was 25.

For me, this has been a decade of trying to quickly figure shit out because I had a kid and there was no time to waste. There’s diapers to change, breastfeeding to do, potty training to complete, preschool applications to fill out, homework to check. These kids are growing and did I really think I had time to grow alongside them?

Of course I did. And my husband, bless his heart, has been there for every meltdown, every “Sweet Jesus I have no idea what I’m doing,” every “please don’t touch me; little people have been touching me all day.”

I can’t imagine loving a woman through her entire twenties. Oh my God, no. If I had my pick, I’d marry a woman settled nicely into her 30s. Maybe 36, 37. Perfect time to settle down.

I know I have been a hot mess at times, because I’ve put more pressure on myself than anyone else ever could. I wanted to make it to 30 and be able to say, “There. I did it. I’m fully formed. I’m a grown woman. I have all the answers now.”

That’s not the way it works, of course. But I’m better than I was before. I’m stronger now. I’m wiser now. I’m a better mother. I have more hustle. I’m more romantic. I’m much more appreciative. I’m more patient. Kinder.

And my husband stuck with me through the growing pains. He let me have my moments where I was afraid of what was coming next and he assured me that things would be okay. He let me know I didn’t have to shield the uncertain, insecure parts of myself. I could be vulnerable with him and it was okay.

I’ve been in love with him since I was 18 years old and 11 years later, I’m thankful that I’m growing into womanhood with him by my side.

I love you, honey, and thank you for everything you’ve taught me over these past eight years as your wife. Happy anniversary.

Comments

  1. Ah, the twenties! Sounds like you two have a great relationship. Keep growing sis!

  2. My husband and I got married in our early 20’s…our 20’s were horrible..so horrible that as soon as we hit the 30’s we were talking divorce. Until one day we realized we have to love each other as we are now and discover that we aren’t the same two people. It’s a long journey but 10 yrs of marriage later and we are still holding on. Happy Anniversary to you

    • You just said a mouthful there! My sanity-saver in this young marriage is “grace.” I have to extend grace to my husband because, in spite of the pedestal I have him on, he is human and prone to making mistakes. So much of marriage is extending grace and forgiveness and allowing the person to try again. Thanks for commenting :)

  3. I can totally relate to your story! My husband and I got married at 19. We had to grow and learn it all together. I’m 32 now and some things have gotten easier because of course we have more wisdom now to handle life. I wouldn’t ever change getting married young because it really solidifies whether you can make it together with that person for the rest of your life.

  4. That’s awesome Tara! I got married at 29, but my husband and I have been together ALL of my 30s. And I will say, just as much growth happens! Happy Anniversary!

  5. I think it’s fantastic that you’ve had someone to love you throughout your 20s! I’m sure that having children is hard work, and I couldn’t imagine at such a young age. It’s great that your partner was able to be your rock through the tough times.

  6. I just turned 30 myself, and I completely agree about the 20’s struggle. Lawd! Happy Anniversary!

  7. The hardship in the 20′ I can imaging but your husband stuck with you . This is a great stories that I can relate to.

  8. The 20s are definitely about figuring things out. You are blessed that you’ve had a man who you could grow with as you did just that. And I can promise, the 30s are going to be some of your best years! I found that at 30, I was much clearer about who I was, what I wanted and where I wanted to be. Happy Anniversary!

  9. This is really sweet, Happy Anniversary. I’m thankful my Babe was able to love me even when I wan’ts the move lovable.

  10. I can definitely relate! My hubby and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage this year. While we didn’t get married until we were 25/26, we started dating when we were 18/19. There’s not one thing I would change in our relationship. We’ve definitely gotten closer, wiser and more understanding as we’ve gotten older.

  11. So wonderful that you have someone who can span a decade with you, especially will all of the life changes you experienced! So much better to experience them together.

  12. I just realized I’ve been with the same man since 21 and how much patience he must have. I’ll be 30 in August and boy have I been through some changes! He’s been the only one in m corner the entire pushing me to do and be better. I’m so grateful for him!

  13. Wow… I didn’t realize it but I’ve have loved and been married to the same man through my twenties. Its kinda scary thinking about it. I’ve had so many growing pains. At one point the hubs wasn’t sure he was married to the same person anymore. I finally felt like I had grown into my own skin by 30. But that decade even tho it was just the two of us for most of it it felt like I would never find the peace that I have now. Thank God for grace and mercy. He blessed me with a truly patience and loving hubs.

    • @Tamara – That is my story too — I know my husband wondered “Where did the woman I married go?” on more than a few occasions. It’s been challenging but I’m so grateful my husband has extended grace toward me! :)

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