Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed: What Do You Deserve That You Haven’t Asked For?

self-care

In my early to mid 20s, I was a pro at “shrinking,” of making sure my needs and wants didn’t make anyone else uncomfortable or cause them any inconvenience. I was horrible at advocating for myself and giving myself permission to take up space in the world.

I recently realized my daughter, at 8 years old, was shrinking too. A few weeks ago,  she came home with a test that had an F on it.  I looked at the paper and in .03 seconds could tell it wasn’t hers. My daughter’s handwriting is still pretty sloppy and this handwriting was neater than her best day.

I told my daughter that I didn’t think this was her paper and I attached a post-it note explaining as such. A few days later I found out that my daughter did not return the paper to her teacher, but instead put it in the recycling bin. She told me she was scared to tell the teacher that she gave her the wrong paper.

I told her, “Everybody makes mistakes. Yes, even teachers.” She seemed to understand, but I wanted her to know that she can stand up for herself and expect fairness.

But I realized I am not modeling that for her. I still struggle with opening my mouth and saying, “I don’t think this is fair to me” or “I would prefer it if we could do this a different way.”

2015 has been the year where I pursue what I want. And if I’m going to pursue things that bring me pleasure, I have to get comfortable with having needs that need to be met. I have to get comfortable with asking for things and expecting fairness.

So take a minute to think of one thing that you really want but have never vocalized. It could be as small as asking your partner to get up with the kids on Saturday so you can sleep in, or as big as asking your boss for a raise.

Whatever it is, how can you make these things happen if you don’t open your mouth? Be assertive and remember that by speaking your truth, you automatically increase your chances of living the life you want.

Comments

  1. This is awesome. I certainly need to be more vocal and assertive with things I want. Often I cower at the thought of hurting someone’s feelings or stepping on toes. And I don’t want my daughter to pick up on my habits.

  2. Honey, I am a firm believe of speaking things into exsistence! No closed mouths do not get fed and speaking up…whether you get rejected or accepted it needs to happen! I am glad you are learning not to shrink yourself as much and yes be a model for your daughter!

  3. This is awesome lesson to your daughter. Sometime we are afraid to speak up because of feelings involved and hurt ourselves. Especially like the fact that you say everyone make mistake and what to do. Thanks for sharing.

  4. I tell my daughter this everyday. But, I’m realizing I need to take my own advice. Thanx for sharing.

  5. yes! Speak it into existence! It’s hard sometimes but we definitely have to learn to go after what we want and if it’s for us then no one can change that! Excellent post! I’m sure your princess heard you :)

  6. I think it’s great that you’re teaching your daughter this. Sometimes we women can shrink back, but I always believe in saying what’s on my heart and mind.

  7. I am all about speaking things into existence. Great lesson.

  8. Sometimes we forget how much are kids are watching. We don’t always see them watching but things like this happen and we know exactly where they got it from.

    Kudos to you for having a voice and making sure it gets heard. I’m sure your daughter will benefit from this as well. Good luck.

  9. I’m a firm believer in teaching our kids by example. They are always watching and the best way to teach them is to show them how it’s done.

  10. Role modeling is so important for kids– especially when it comes to mothers and daughters. I ‘m not a mother myself but I see how so many of my friends are playing out their successes and insecurities for their children to see and how many of these behaviors they picked up from their mothers before them.

  11. The first line of this post was sooo me! I was a pro at shrinking and not speaking up so that others wouldn’t be uncomfortable. The moment I made the switch, then things started changing. Kudos to you for teaching your daughter by example.

  12. This is definitely the truth. My mom told me – Just ask, if someone tells you “no” guess what? The word “no” doesn’t hurt.

  13. Wow, this post is so real. I at times still struggle with voicing my opinions, especially when there will be major discomfort involved. Thanks for giving me something to think about!

  14. I think this happens more often than we realize. I think it is powerful that you are teaching your daughter how to be assertive at such an early age.

    I recently took this step to pursue what I want with my #monthofme celebration in honor of my 33rd birthday. It was great to enjoy some things I otherwise would not have and have friends join me.

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