This past week there have been several incidents of violence in schools and other public places that’s really got me scratching my head on the state of our world and the reality that our children now live in. There was a deadly shooting on a college campus near our home and another deadly shooting in a mall close to where I grew up. Both of these incidents hit home for me and got me thinking about how I’m supposed to explain not just violence to my sons, but senseless violence.
I’m not the type of person to fear for my children in a way where I’m afraid for their security when they’re not with me. I know they’ll be okay; besides, I rely on my faith for that. However my oldest son, who is 11, started asking me some tough questions over the course of the week that I never thought I’d have to deal with. I mean, how do you tell your son that sometimes people desire to hurt others for no reason and as a result, people die? How do you explain that sometimes violence happens because people don’t think before they act and their natural impulses could end with someone severely hurt? I could tell him just that but, how would I get him to really understand it when frankly, I don’t think many people understand it?
This is definitely not something that my parents had to talk to me or my sister about, nor was it something that was my reality at his age. Yes, we had some bomb threats here and there during my high school years but those ended up being nothing more than an excuse to hang with friends outside for hours while they cleared the school. For us, at that time, there was no threat of an actual bomb being inside of our school and 90% of the time, the threats were just kids trying to go home early.
But today, my children are living in a time where massacres happen inside the doors of schools, where people walk into busy malls with an arsenal of weapons and open fire, where the result of a harmless argument is a funeral. And I think what terrifies me the most is when my children begin to look to myself and their dad to explain why and how these things happen and we’ll have to begin to expose them to the harsh realities of the world we live in. It’s a set of conversations that I realize the necessity of but am not looking forward to having. And as much as I’d love to raise my children in a bubble of love, peace, nonviolence and equality — I can’t and it sucks.
Violence is senseless while children are innocent. How do you strike a mix between the two that leaves our innocent children aware but not terrified?
Do your children know what’s going on in the world in terms of it’s violence? Have you had a talk with them about it? How did you approach it?
I live in Columbia, MD. It’s “our Mall”. I only find myself there once a month or less because I prefer shopping online, but it’s “our mall”. I got texts from my family inquiring about our safety before I knew what happened. It was easy to find out on social media and I felt a normal amount of sadness and concern for the mall goers, especially all the groups of kids I see without adults, when I am there. How do you deal with being in such chaos and danger? Kids as young as my middle daughter, 11 years old wandering around the mall socializing, being young. I told my daughters what a tragedy it is because you get to the mall and say “We made it.” You basically have no more worries, just make sure you don’t lose a bag or you money, but no fear for your life. But to figure out how to be safe, alive. Are their brains even capable for that? is mine?
I’ve already told them people are crazy. All of them! Even when trying to explain why one sister has “stolen” something from another, or just being mean. I shrug and say “People are crazy.” Mostly to explain selfishness and foolishness, unkindness and now violence. They already knew my theories so it was easy for them to see, but I have also prepared them with faith, that God already knows all about our life, our days are number, when it is your time to go you go. There is no reason to be afraid, just live each day with the purpose of love and kindness. Be some sunshine in someone’s day and you have no worries. Long life or short, God has used you. They have all 8, 11, and 13, seen a few Law and Orders and some Criminal Minds, under mine and/or my husband’s supervision, because I want them to see, and not just take my word for it, that people are CRAZY and care little to nothing about others sometimes, especially when they are hurt or hurting.
What’s crazy is I received an email from the county school system, last night, with the appreciation to the Howard County police department, condolences and tips about helping children cope after the tragedy, it made me more emotion that the news of the tragedy. Then, this morning I got an email from the elementary school, my two youngest attend, about services available for the children and how teachers have been prepped to handle any signs of anyone not coping. This made me cry. The children are my weakness. I feel so sad for them and the life they have to live. These may and may not be the end of days but what about my grandchildren? What will life look like for them?
It’s a sad world we love in that does have senseless violence. I don’t know if we can ever answer the question of why, I think it’s something we’ll be asking ourselves for many years to come.
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