Like many mothers I am forever on the go. From rushing in the morning to get my daughter and I prepared for the day, to preparing for events and meetings at work, and then sorting through laundry and helping my daughter with her homework in the evenings. By the time I put her to bed I’m ready to knock out – I have positively no energy left for anything. Pair that with an interrupted night’s sleep, and it’s no wonder I’m fatigued all.the.damn.time.
The last time I can remember sleeping through the night was back in 2007. Yup, that’s right. This Mom hasn’t had an uninterrupted night of sleep in over seven years. At first I was sure all the stressors of juggling work, school, and motherhood were the reasons I wasn’t able to sleep at night. As a highly anxious person I never am fully able to relax and drift off to sleepyland. After several sleeping medications failed me I was referred to a sleep specialist and neurologist, who after various testing and a sleep study diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea in 2009.
While many are able to sleep through the night soundly, those like me who suffer from sleep apnea don’t have that luxury. “Apnea” in Greek translates to “without breath” and those with apnea experience pauses in their breathing during sleep, their airways don’t stay open and it signals their brain to wake up. This scary pattern happens to me five to eight times a night and it can take me up to an hour to get back to sleep. As you can imagine I never wake up feeling rested or refreshed; instead I’m grumpy, annoyed and exhausted. When obstructive sleep apnea is left untreated it can have serious side effects – many of which I’m experiencing now.
Since being diagnosed my symptoms from having untreated apnea have worsened, even though my apnea is considered ‘mild’. Any mom knows any disruption in sleep is dangerous – for everyone. The chronic exhaustion has led to a disinterest in being social; I have difficulty remembering experiences and words. Combine that with being highly irritable and anxious, an increase in weight, and feeling depressed – I’m a ticking time bomb. Most weekends I don’t want to be bothered and want to curl up in my bed. Other risks for obstructive apnea include high blood pressure, heart attack, and stroke.
Based on the research I’m an unlikely candidate for sleep apnea. It usually occurs in those that are overweight, and men are more likely to have it than woman. I was diagnosed when I was 22; I mean I had some “baby fat” left but not enough to qualify me as being overweight. I initially dismissed my diagnosis, thinking getting prescribed sleeping aides would cure me. Nope. I thought losing weight would help, which I’ve tried doing over the years, but I find myself too exhausted to complete a workout program.
The usual treatment for apnea is the use of a CPAP (continuous positive airway airways) machine in your home. It includes a mask over covering your nose and/or mouth attached to a small machine which gives you oxygen throughout the night. CPAP’s assist in keeping your airways open while you sleep, therefore giving you a better night’s sleep. There is nothing fashionable about the machine and it’s uncomfortable to use. During your sleep study you use one and they measure how much oxygen you need to keep your airways open.
So, why haven’t I treated my apnea? After getting diagnosed I called my insurance company, which told me renting the machine would cost me $7,000 – $10,000. There was no way I could afford it – even if I picked up a second job…which wasn’t ever an option. I’ve been suffering in silence – many unaware of my serious sleeping issues and a few who know but don’t fully understand. Not sleeping through the night is ruining my life. I don’t feel like me, and not sure if I ever will again. It’s a serious medical problem that I’ve been battling, and the apnea is winning. I try to make time to see some friends, to be upbeat and happy – but it’s utterly exhausting. There is no way I can continue living this way and I’m sure if it’s left untreated my symptoms will worsen – and I fear how long I’ll have with my daughter if I don’t treat my apnea.
After a call to my neurologist and insurance I’m hoping through a new program I will be able to rent a CPAP machine and finally get some sleep. I’ve been dealing with it for so long I don’t even remember what sleeping through the night feels like. How does it feel to wake up and feel refreshed and ready to take on the day? I want to feel that. I need to feel that. Apnea has been winning over the past few years, but I’m ready to take my life back. Someway somehow I’ve got to find the resources to better myself so I can be a better woman, better friend, better sister, and better mother.
Just curious but isn’t there a surgery option as well … i know a friend who recently had some tissue removed to improve his sleep apnea because the machine was not comfortable and he could not use it while sleeping.
Tamaira – the use of the CPAP machine is the most trusted treatment for apnea though there are other options such as getting a dental device to keep your airways open and there is a thought that getting your tonsils removed may help. The dental device is extremely expensive and rarely covered by insurance and can actually over time move your jaw. After consulting with an ENT (ear nose throat) Doctor he stated that my tonsils weren’t large enough to be causing me sleeping issues and getting them removed wouldn’t help with my apnea.
I am right there with you. I have suffered since I was a child. I had tonsils and andenoids removed. Over time it has worsen, and I will be making some appointments this coming week. Thanks for sharing your story. Sent up a prayer that you get your machine for free or extremely low. Everyone needs a decent night of rest