Somewhere around year three of our marriage (read: our kids were 3 and 2), I was lying in bed with my husband after a long day and realized he was planning to go to sleep without us, you know, being intimate. But, instead of simply letting him know I was in the mood for a little bow-chicka-wow-wow, I just kind of shrugged and figured I’d gained a good 45 minutes of sleep by not getting it on.
Now, class, who can tell me what’s wrong with this picture?
*sees hands waving everywhere* Yes, you in the back.
“Well, you could have just initiated sex yourself…you don’t have to wait for him to do it.”
Ding, ding, ding! You are correct! But at that point in my life, I didn’t want to have to initiate sex. Call it lazy or call it selfish but I simply didn’t want to add not another thing to my to-do list. Wash two loads of laundry. Go grocery shopping and cook dinner. Seduce husband. Who had the energy??
But I quickly realized I was doing him (and me!) a huge disservice by not recognizing his need to feel desired and appreciated. Everybody wants to know that they’ve still got it going on and my husband was no different. Still skeptical? Okay, here’s three reasons why you should scoot on over to your partner’s side of the bed more often:
1) It helps everyone feel more appreciated in the relationship.
If your partner came to you and hit you with a sincere “You look so good in that dress and all I can think about is getting you naked,” how fast would your clothes fall to the floor? In all seriousness, it’s nice that your guy thinks you’re a good mom, or a good cook or a good whatever-your-day-job is, but when they think you’re the sexiest thing walking? Well, that puts a pep in your step that will last the whole day. So imagine what it means to your man to have you actively express your desire to him. They’ll love it.
2) It’s a healthy stress reliever.
For a while, our sex life was suffering because I was too stressed about work. That’s precisely the wrong attitude toward sex. It’s not another chore you have to fulfill before you can finally go to sleep, but it’s an ultimate way to connect and unwind in a way that’s beneficial to you both. Read up on the benefits of orgasm.
3) It allows you to own your sexuality and your desires.
I’ve got a whole series on this coming up, but for now I’ll just say this: If you want to have sex but initiating it is awkward for you, know that the more you initiate, the easier it is for you.