Keeping Up With Our Kids’ Technology When Everything Changes So Quickly

Disclosure: I am participating in the Verizon Moms Voices program and have been provided with a wireless device and six months of service in exchange for my honest opinions about the product.

Three years ago, my parents got me an iPad for Christmas. I had just gotten laid off and I think they wanted to cheer me up.

It worked. LOL

I remember squealing and putting the box up high on the shelf, because I didn’t want to open it until I got an appropriate case. I warned my kids, “Don’t touch it. This is Mommy’s iPad. I don’t want you to break it.”

Fast forward three years later and there is no question—it is their iPad. Looking back, I don’t know when the transition happened. One day I let them touch the screen, the next week they asked for an app, the next month, they asked for another app and so on, to the point where I have to ask them where the iPad is.

How did I get here? And what happens now? This is what was on my mind when I agreed to attend a local Verizon event, “Keeping Up With Our Kids’ Technology.” A group of local experts were on hand to answer parents’ questions about technology, the good and bad. How do we monitor what our kids are doing online? How much is too much? Does it impact their brain development? What about peer pressure? What types of limits should we set? How do we warn them against the dangers of sexting?

If I can be honest, I thought I would be more knowledgeable than 99% of the parents in the room. After all, I was a good 10-15 years younger than most of them, and I’m a full-time blogger. It’s my job to know about Snapchat, Kik, Instagram, Tumblr, etc. But I found myself scribbling notes furiously during the entire presentation. I walked out of the room with a much better understanding of what role technology should be playing in my kids’ lives. Here’s the best tips:

• Start conversations about technology before they start using certain devices/websites/apps. The clinical psychologist on the panel, Ethan Schafer, recommended taking a proactive versus disciplinary approach. Let your kids know your expectations upfront and set limitations you feel are fair. Over time, as a family, you can adjust them as deemed necessary. Family Base is a new tool from Verizon that helps you enforce those limits. Don’t want them texting past 8 p.m.? You have the ability to shut off the texting function. Someone is texting inappropriate things to your child? Block their number. 
• Model good behavior. If your kids have to call out to you multiple times before you look up from your phone or computer, what makes you think they will snap to attention when you call them? My kids have heard “…Just let me finish this e-mail” more times than I’d like to admit. I’m working on this one.
• Recognize when you’re being a lazy parent. I can raise my hand and say I’ve been guilty of simply handing my kid my phone to make them be quiet when we’re out someplace important. Hell, just this week, I let my daughter play on my Samsung Galaxy Note when she was bugging me at bedtime. Oops. But technology can’t replace hands-on parenting. Let technology be something fun to do, not a distraction or a bribe for better behavior.
• Play up the amazing things technology can allow you to do. More and more young people are starting their own businesses and exploring hobbies through technology. Let them know that technology has a lot of benefits and can be used for more than just sending silly photos.
• Remove all electronics from the bedroom. I knew that I wouldn’t allow my kids to have a TV in their bedroom but when the adolescent physician on the panel said the new recommendations include all internet-enabled devices as well. Which makes sense, but it’s hard to remember that iPads, tablets, computers do everything TV can do—and more.
• Don’t switch up your parenting style when technology is involved. If you’re the type of parent who secretly reads your kid’s diary, then you’re probably the type of parent to use software like SocialShield or NetNanny to monitor what they’re saying online. But all the experts agreed—the best defense for inappropriate online behavior is open and honest conversation. Ask your kids’ what sites or apps their friends like and begin the discussion that way. Talk, talk, talk about what they’re seeing and become allies in the process.