by Vaneese Pattman
Recently, I’ve been down.
I have questioned my goals, my decisions and my parenting. “I can do better, be better, and parent better, so why am I not better?” I asked this question numerous times and during numerous situations.
My answer would come in the form of renewed energy and a motivated mindset. A motivated mommy mindset. One of invincibility. I’m sure you can relate.
I would be on my way and ready to take on the world until I ran into yet another crisis. Again, I would resort back to the same question. “I can do better, be better, and parent better, so why am I not better?” I would then get the same answer as before and continue on until my next crisis hit.
It was not until my most recent “down period” that this cycle became clear. This time I was ready to give up and throw in the cards.
“I quit,” I wanted to declare. “Life, you win.” I didn’t want the energy and motivated mindset that I knew would come. What was the purpose, if I was sure to fall again? I just wanted the crises to stop!
As I reached my breaking point, my mind began to chant, “Get back up again. Get back up again.” I couldn’t place the song. I couldn’t figure out why these specific lyrics were running through my head. I was lost, until it hit me.
I was, in fact, doing better, being better, and parenting better because I was learning from each and every setback. I would get up, evaulate the situation, brush my knees off and continue to walk toward the finish line. That’s just what you have to do. Life will never stop giving you crises, especially as a young, motivated mommy. Who will babysit while you study for the LSAT? Is your child really sick enough to warrant an ER visit…and the $500 bill that comes along with? Hubby or baby daddy left, now what? My point is that there will forever be the unwanted and unexpected. Our only weapons are the knowledge of this, our willingness to learn and the strength to get back up…again.
Vaneese Pattman became a young mother to a rambunctious little girl at 20, and spends her days studying, planning, creating and spending time with Jordyn. In between those activities, she advocates for victims of domestic abuse and sexual assault through my job as a caseworker. After graduating later this year, she plans to pursue a masters in social work and continue on in creating the life she desires to live.