You know why I have the photo of a cabbage, right?
One day when my daughter was about five months old, I was feeling a little antsy. I had to get out of my apartment and DO SOMETHING. Something other than change a diaper or feed a baby. ANYTHING.
So when my friends did the weekly “Hey we’re going out to the bars – want to come?” call, I surprised myself and said, “Yes” for once. I threw on my cutest outfit that fit (at that point a T-shirt and jeans).
They picked me up and we went to downtown to a local bar. All the women had on these tight, low-cut shirts with plenty of cleavage on display. Most of the women had cute boobs. Nice and round and firm. Mine were round and firm, too. Only difference was mine were filled with milk.
About an hour and a half into our barhopping (of which I wasn’t drinking because I had a baby at home and was more than happy to be the designated driver), I felt that familiar tingle in my boobs, the tingle that let me know I had about 30 minutes to get to my daughter before my breasts turned to rocks and that milk would be a leakin’.
Damn. The countdown was on.
My friends suggested we leave the bar and go to a football player’s house a couple blocks over. I couldn’t stand that thought of trying to be cute, gritting my teeth through the pain of engorged boobs, plus the possibility of me leaking all over the quarterback’s couch was not appealing.
“Um….” I said, quietly trying to figure out how to say this. “I think I should just go home.”
“Why?” my friend said, grabbing her cell phone to look at the time. “It’s only 11.”
“It’s not that,” I said. “It’s that…I need to feed the baby.”
They both looked at each other. “But couldn’t your boyfriend just give her a bottle?”
“Um, yes.” Man, I just didn’t feel like explaining everything. “But I still have to express some milk, otherwise my boobs fill up with milk and get very hard and very uncomfortable and….”
My friends both held up their hands as if to say, “Too much info!”
As we grabbed our coats to head back to my apartment, one of my friends turned to me, “Why don’t you just give her formula? Wouldn’t it be easier?”
*sigh*
And there it was. The moment I knew everything was different. I no longer did things because they were convenient or easy for other people to understand. I did things because they made sense to me and it was beneficial to my daughter. I didn’t care if other people understood it or not. I only cared about being a great mother.
I’m right there with you Tara. I remember being one of the first of my friends to have a baby. It changed alot of things, including relationships. None of it matters when you are with your babies. Great article….so can relate.
Well you know *I* knew exactly where you were going when I saw the picture of the cabbage
It’s so great to hear that you were that confident as a new and young mom. Although I always say that breastfeeding gives moms a lot of confidence.
Great post, Tara! Trying to fit our past lives into our new lives as mommies isn’t easy…almost futile! It feels good though, when you find the balance between the two. And yes, that cabbage is an all too familiar signt for me! LOL
“Why don’t you just give her formula? Wouldn’t it be easier?”
That statement made me want to go OFF! LOL! It’s a mama thang and your friend didn’t understand of course.
When I became a mom, I had like no friends to even tug me to the bar. I have yet to go to the club or get wasted… I was pregnant on my 21st birthday. Not that that was a bad thing… I wasn’t interested in that lifestyle anyway. I had my heart set out on starting a family. I left the few friends that I had when I went to a new high school my senior year and I went off to college and didn’t make many friends because I didn’t want to. Half of Sophomore year was spent at a junior college and the other half was spent out of school taking online classes (trying to please my mama) trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with my life. I became pregnant and the rest is history. I keep up with those who I still consider my friends on Facebook. They are busy with grad school etc. One day, we will rekindle our friendships. Most likely, I’ll have leakin’ boobs. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything in the world!
I completely agree. I breast fed for as long as my body allowed and i was so emotional when i had to face the fact that my daughter needed something more–I was a mess and no one understood.
I just LOVE this post!!! Ive gotten the response numerous times from INLAWS and friends to just do formula cause “it’s easier”. I’m still breastfeeding my 2year old, and am proud for never giving up despite the negivity from them!
“And there it was. The moment I knew everything was different. I no longer did things because they were convenient or easy for other people to understand. I did things because they made sense to me and it was beneficial to my daughter. I didn’t care if other people understood it or not. I only cared about being a great mother.”
Love it.
So I have been trying to fit my past life into my new life but that doesn’t work at all. Because now I’m sleepy and agitated and who suffers? My boys. Reality check! It’s not about me anymore, it is so about them.
I love this. I had a difficult time explaining the boobs getting rock hard concept to a few girl friends of mine, too. One friend said, “That is exactly why I never breastfed. Just pop a bottle in her mouth, that way your husband can feed her too. It’s actually selfish to want to be the only one who can feed your baby, you know.” When I got pregnant with my second child, the same friend asked if I wanted her left over formula so I could ‘have a life this time.’ Don’t even get me started on how un-supportive my grandparents-in-law are. They freaked out when they learned I was still breastfeeding our daughter when she was 3 months old, and when my husband told them I planned to continue to nurse her to a year and beyond they threw a royal fit. They told him that I was ‘molesting’ his children. *rolls eyes*
When I was pregnant, I was at school, (still in highschool,but I only went 4hrs a day b/c I was in a program to graduate early) & I fell aleep on my desk. Well this guy I was friends with woke me up to tell me it was time for us to go on to our next class. THen he just had this shocked look onhis face. I was like, “Why are you looking at me like that?”. And he said, “Why is your shirt wet?” lol. I looked down & realized I was already leaking! Two days later my son came! lol. Then after he was born, my bestfriend found it funny to make him cry b/c everytime he cried, my boobs would leak lol. I had to wear those pads you put in your bra so it wouldn’t leak through lol. I love the laughable moments of motherhood! Like the day I taught my sons father to change his diaper, (He was 3weeks old & while he was w/ his daddy, his dad would make his mom change his diaper b/c he was “scared” lol) as soon as he opened it our son started to pee and poop and it both got all over him!! Lol It like, shot across the floor & diaper onto him hahah!! A woman at the doctors office also told me that breastfeeding would teach my son to be too dependent on me. She had if I formula feed it’d teach him to be “independent”. I only BF until he was 10months. He wouldn’t take a bottle after that. He only wanted food, he took himself off the bottle lol.!!
These posts are very funny, LOL! Thankfully I am from a family where we were all breastfed as babies, so there was no shock from the family that I was taking that route to feed my son. Because he was almost 11 lbs at birth, breastmilk wasn’t enough to satisfy him so he had to have both breastmilk and formula.
I can also relate to my life changing dramatically after my son was born. My entire life revolved around his schedule (and to a great degree, it still does), so I had little time to relax, much more to go out with friends.
I think many people need to be educated on the benefits of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is a bonding moment between the child and mother (e.g. the story of the leaking breasts every time the child cried) and it’s a great way to pass on antibodies to your child! Babies tend to be a lot healthier (less sickly) when breastfed, especially until their 1st year. The older they get, the less nutritious breastmilk is to them, as they now need solid food.
I’m just so excited to see so many young moms still breastfeeding their babies!
(Sorry to preach, I guess this is a passionate subject for me!)