by Erica Hawthorne
There is a thin line between being confident and conceited…and I’m sitting pretty darn close to it, right next to Kanye.
Like everyone else, I do have my flaws. I’ve just always been able to accept, embrace and look past them to see myself for the gorgeous woman that I am.
This is not to say that I don’t have my “bad” days, because I do. I just feel like the world is hard enough on people, especially when it comes to physical beauty, why should I be hard on myself too?
When I look back at pictures of myself in high school, I cringe at most of them. I looked a mess. But during that time there was nothing anyone could say or do to make me believe that I was anything close to being ugly. I thought the world of myself, and as a result, so did those around me.
Armed with lots of confidence and high self-esteem, I was able to escape that whole “mean girl” nonsense, because I was not at all fazed by them not liking me and I didn’t let them determine what I was or wasn’t going to do (i.e. go to certain parties/school functions, participate in school activities).
You’re probably wondering, “What does this have to do with being a young mommy?” Well…
Over the last eight or nine months I’ve noticed that my four-year-old daughter has been giving me an enormous amount of compliments. I mean, she really lays it on thick too.
All day I hear her say, “Mom, you’re so beautiful,” “I love your hair,” “Your dress is really cute.”
Awww right?! I mean, what brightens your day more than compliments that are genuine, from the heart and from your child?
Now over the last three to four months I’ve noticed an addition to her compliments. “Mom, you’re so beautiful” is now followed by “Am I so beautiful too, Mom?” to which I respond, “Of course you are! You are absolutely gorgeous!” Then she lights up brighter than a Christmas tree because apparently I’ve made her little day.
So wait…has she been feeding me compliments all this time just so she could get them in return?
A couple months ago she went through a little phase of insecurity. She wanted to know why her hair wasn’t pretty. Translation: Why doesn’t her hair look like white girls’ hair?
Me: Who told you your hair wasn’t pretty?
Her: Fallon said it wasn’t pretty, but that Yesenia’s was.
Me: That’s not true at all honey. Look in the mirror, doesn’t that look beautiful to you? (Big smile)
Her: Yes (Huge relief)
After convincing her that “different” doesn’t mean “ugly,” she went back to being comfortable wearing her hair in her free-flowing fro of ringlets.
It’s amazing to me how early in life girls are faced with self-esteem issues. It’s such a tough world out there, especially for little girls and right now aside from education, I think confidence is the best thing I can arm her with. It will make her more comfortable with herself and the world more comfortable with her.
What are some things that you arming your children with in order to better prepare them once they join the real world?
A graduate of Troy University with a Bachelors in broadcast journalism/public relations, Erica Hawthorne is a mother of three, full-time graduate student and veteran. She’s a self-confessed social-networking junkie who loves entertainment news, graphic designing and the University of Kansas Jayhawks. She can be found on Twitter under the name @ericamylife and although it’s under construction at the moment, in the near future she can be found on her blog where she will write about parenthood, relationships and whatever else she feels like 
I just left a comment on your blog Erica. I am so glad that we are raising smart confident children. She is damn beautiful and be sure to remind her everyday. Beauty is also from within, we need to make sure that our kids are living an intentional life that exemplies intelligence, beauty and spirituality. Nice post
Blessing
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Love this post! Its scary how young the insecurities start. I guess all we can do is build their confidence and continue to have our own. Kids learn by example, after all!
I would have never thought that they started so early in life. I was really shocked and taken back by that whole conversation! Confidence is key, especially in young girls b/c I think you can clearly see the difference b/t girls who don’t have it, particularly in their actions…
.-= Erica´s last blog ..Am I Beautiful Too =-.
Great Post!!!!! The World is Cruel Prepare Them Now!
I loved this post! I agree that teaching confidence is crucial. My daughter is still a newborn, but as she grows older I hope to show her in word and deed that her concept of beauty lies in her own eyes. The best compliment you can ever receive is the one you pay yourself every time you look in the mirror.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Self Serve Beauty =-.
“The best compliment you can ever receive is the one you pay yourself every time you look in the mirror.” I absolute LOVE that!
.-= Erica´s last blog ..Am I Beautiful Too =-.
I have four kids (two daughters, age 17 & 2, and two sons ages 15 & 6). I keep it real by being very open and honest about my past. My mistakes, mess ups and such. I don’t have any skeletons in my closet. I lay it all out there for my kids so they can learn from my experiences – good and bad.
.-= Yum Yucky´s last blog ..Doh! You Can’t Eat It If You Don’t Buy It =-.
so so true! I have a half-written post on this same topic in fact!
My little girl tells me she is ‘cute’ lol after she says something that makes me smile, squeeze her and shriek as though she’s told me she’s giving me a euro-millions cheque… : )
But she’s also very aware of her hair type and her skin colour, saying things like ‘that girl has hair like me’ and ‘you’re brown, i’m brown’ etc etc the most interesting was when she said ‘there’s a black man’.. now ‘black’ is def not the colour of her skin. ‘Black’ is a race and I just still want to know where she got it from, as Mr O and I have long been in the habit of spelling words out when talking grown-folk business…
lots to think about raising girls eh…but yes, I agree confidence is key now!
Great post!
.-= Mrs O´s last blog ..Then and Now – Mrs O Update =-.
This is just so true! I have a young niece and see first-hand how early the insecurities in life can start. I think that by equipping her with confidence and building her self-esteem, you are starting her off with such a strong edge and foundation. She IS beautiful and amazing and all-around great. So why the heck shouldn’t you tell her these things. As a Mental Health Therapist (in-training) specializing in children and adolescents, I see ALL THE TIME how low self-esteem plays a MAJOR role in school work, behavior issues, and just everything.
I love, love, love this post. Thank you for talking about an issue that, to me, we just don’t talk about enough.
Just check out this documentary entitled, A Girl Like Me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjy9q8VekmE
It just goes to show how young the insecurities start.
.-= Alicia @Mommy Delicious´s last blog ..Single Mommas Gone Crushing =-.
i loved reading this…my daughter worries way too much on how she looks and what to wear, and while i sometimes think it’s part of just being a girl, i do assure her that she’s beautiful regardless of what she wears or how her hair looks. her inner beauty outshines everything…so far we’re successful!