Photo credit: Gloria Garcia | Flickr
by Kimberly K. Parker
Instilling a true sense of responsibility within our children is a goal my husband and I embrace.
Initially, I assigned my children the task of cleaning their respective bedrooms. From there, I moved onto other household chores like assistance with the dishes, laundry, lawn, and the bathrooms. Considering the extent of my “to-do” list, I never reject helping hands…no matter how small.
On occasion, my beckoning for assistance was met with resistance. The children quickly asked to be pardoned because, “There’s only five minutes left of the show, Momma!” Then there were times when they reluctantly obliged the request. The deep sighing, overdramatized body language, and slight mumbling clearly indicated that the interruption was inopportune.
Eventually, their frustration was beginning to be met with ours! The lectures (“How many times have we…?”), warnings (“OK! I’m going to conduct a spot check!”), and even idle threats (“You won’t see an after-school dance if…!”) were beginning to take its toll. Frankly, I had gotten tired of hearing myself fuss!
Instituting change in my children’s behavior started with changing my behavior. The old adage “If it is to be, it’s up to me!” addresses an often dismissed truth. While it is very easy to point a finger at them, the three fingers pointing back at me reveals who is the most responsible party. So I pondered a way to achieve the results I desired while annihilating the aggravation.
As is my custom, I awaken my family daily. One particular morning, I added a twist: I announced that I had an important announcement to make in thirty minutes. Rapidly, all three children were out of the bed and making their way to the bathroom. Twenty minutes later they were dressed and sitting in their seats asking, “What’s the news, Momma? Tell us!”
I took my time and chose my words carefully in an attempt to build the excitement…and it worked! After side-barring a time or two, I finally said:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the Cleanest Bedroom Award is…”
With dropping draws and widened eyes, my children looked as if they had seen their favorite TV star! As the winner claimed his token of appreciation, my other two children were positioning themselves to win the next time. But, there was a twist: the next announcement would not be about bedrooms, but another category just as important. This way, they will focus their attention completely on the tasks assigned and work hard to complete them all!
Since that day, I’ve given out the “Initiates Homework” award to the child that does her homework without being asked, “Do you have homework?” and the “Yes, Ma’am” award to the child who responds to my requests without debate. I love the change I see in myself and my children! I have minimized my frustration and they have maximized their accountability.
If you find your situation mirrors mine, consider using this “system”. I sure hope it works for you, too.
Kimberly K. Parker is an author and blogger living in Maryland with her husband and three children. Visit her website at www.writingmomma.com to read more about her and the work she is doing in her community.
This is absolutely GENIUS! I’ve always said the best parents master manipulation way before they master discipline. LOL
.-= Denise´s last blog ..June Cleaver Is Dead… Literally and Figuratively =-.
Thank you for your feedback! Oh what peace who often forfeit, right?
You are so right about instilling responsibility through chores. My princess loves cleaning her room, washing dishes, etc. I hope the allowance isn’t her motivation, though. LOL!
Thanks for the comment, Cheryl!
Love It! I will pass this information on to my daugher in-law, wish there was good information like this when raising my boys. I do however have a 14 year old at home, it’s too late for her.
Hi, Jeannie! Let me know what your daughter-in-law thinks. I still have hope for your 14 year old. Maybe this tool is a bit elementary, but there is always a way! Thanks for sharing!
That’s awesome!!.. Now I have a question: My son is 2 and half and his starting to show interest in “helping” me with things around the house or he wants to “clean” up his mess.. and of course he doesn’t he makes it worse.. I find myself getting fustruated and he gets fustruated and well… its all down hill from there.. I don’t want him to lose the enthusiam of wanting to help me.. but at the same time . I don’t want him making the mess even worse.. how would you handle it???
Thanks
Hmmm…that’s a GREAT question. Incorporating my children in projects/tasks/chores was once unthinkable because of what you mentioned. I would always say, “This could potentially mean MWFM (more work for Momma)! Then it dawned on me that I was operating with a perfectionist mentality and was missing out on the joys of spending time with my children in this capacity. I was focused on the product and not the process and foregoing potential teachable moments (I’ll blog about this later). Alexandria, what I then began to do was welcome my children with open arms…while using a timer! I would allow them to help and mess up along the way, but would let them know that this very important project only needed five, ten, or other designated minutes to complete. It worked like a charm! They got a chance to help…and sometimes the help was truly beneficial…and I got a chance to watch my children learn the importance of contributing to the household and become responsible members of society! I’d like to suggest the timer for you. Let me know how it works!
The “awards” trick works! My mom used it on my sister and me to get a lot of chores done or simply “the first one to be ready in bed wins”. So funny if think about it now. We fell for the trick every single time.
Often she would make us be a team so we had to help each other. I like that method as well since me and my sister still view each other as a team, we even recently started up a crafts business project together since we know from experience how we can get things accomplished together.
Anyway – thanks for your post and all those good ideas!
.-= artsy ant´s last blog ..surprise- cute animation! =-.
Hi, Artsy Ant! Thanks for your feedback! LLLOOOVVVEEE the teamwork concept. It serves as a reminder that I must continue this approach, too. I’m rearing my children with the “keeper” theory. In short, “I am because you are and because you are, I am!”
Enjoy your day!