by Lisa Aguliar
After my son was born, my boyfriend and I fought constantly. Every day. Every time we talked.
This was draining on me, my boyfriend, and our relationship.
We mostly fought about silly things. Taking out the trash. Cleaning. Who’s turn it was to get up with Noah in the morning. But then we fought about more serious things. Our declining feelings toward one another. Our piles and piles of bills. Him wanting to move out of my moms house into a place of our own (with our piles and piles of bills).
I admit, I did A LOT of pointing fingers. A LOT of name calling, and A LOT of ignoring. But relationship problems don’t just happen because of one person. It takes 2 people to be in a relationship, it takes 2 people to bring a relationship down, and it takes 2 people to make a relationship work.
When our relationship hit rock bottom, we decided to reevaluate everything. What did we want from each other? Were we only with each other because of Noah? What were we both doing in the relationship that was causing damage? Did we want to move forward and still be with each other?
We decided to give it another shot and move forward. We vowed to communicate with one another and to let the other know if we needed help. We promised to treat one another with respect and to never go to bed mad. Our relationship isn’t perfect by any means. We still fight, and we still get angry with one another every now and then, but we have come a really long way.
There would be times I would get mad that my boyfriend wasn’t helping me with something, when in reality he had no idea I even needed help. Communication is so important in a relationship. The more you are able to talk to your partner, the better your relationship will be.
The first few months after a baby is born is very difficult between a couple. Both are running on little to no sleep, which makes the them cranky and irritable. Both are learning how to juggle the new responsibility of being a parent while continuing with previous responsibilities. And both are adjusting to shifts in the family dynamics. If you communicate, respect one another, and love each other, you can make it through.
Was your relationship rocky during the first few months after you had kids? How did you adjust?
Check out more from Lisa over at her blog, Confessions of a Young Mother.
Beautiful post! So very true. Communication is definitely key to a successful relationship!
.-= jess; [the bottle chronicles]´s last blog ..House Tour The Livingroom =-.
When you first have a baby, it is so much like learning each other all over again. You often see the side of the other person that you never saw before, and having a new child changes not only your life, but who you are, so it does take time to tune up your relationship.
We fought all the time when our first child was born. At times, it got so bad that in the back of my mind, I wondered if our marriage would make it. Eventually, we both settled into our roles, got used to being these two new people, and learned to work together and not against one another.
.-= Mrs. CJ´s last blog ..Busy Me =-.
Yea mine definately was and it still is, marriage is constant work but it is job to figure out is it worth the work just because you want your child to have a mommy and daddy that are still together. Im at that crossroad in my marriage where it leaves me wondering.?.?.?
It’s always relieving to know another couple is going through the same thing and that it’s not JUST you. I think in the first year of your child’s life it is NOT the time to evaluate your relationship. Between stress, lack of sleep, and “new baby brain” as I like to call it we just don’t have a clear head. My personal advice to new parents is to ride it out because it WILL get better. It was a struggle for my fiance and I with both children and every day it got a tad easier. I’m glad we stuck it out.