I’ve heard from so many moms lately around the topic of sex, and I wanted to write a follow-up post to yesterday’s “Keeping (or getting) it hot” post dedicated just to you.
Dear Mom Not Getting Enough Sex,
One thing I do know is that we, as women, as mothers, are way too hard on ourselves. We want to be great mothers, great partners, do a great job around the house, hang with friends, and then to top it all off, we think we’re supposed to transform into this ready and willing sex goddess at will.
Well, let me tell you: it’s too much pressure. Don’t beat yourself up because things are different. Yeah, you told me about how it used to be pre-baby. About how you used to be this stiletto-wearing, low-rise jean owning, sexyface self. But guess what?You had kids. Things change. You probably won’t get back to exactly where you were. You probably won’t be able to spend your Saturdays naked in bed eating Chinese food and burning it off through, um, exercise. Horizontal exercise.
But you know what? This is okay. I always tell moms that it can take a few years (yes, YEARS) to get things back on track. Kids won’t be so little, so helpless, forever. You will have more time for you. I promise.
If you want something to change in your sex life, it has to begin with you. No one can make you feel sexy if you don’t truly believe it. So if you don’t feel sexy, make one change. Something small. See how it affects you. Get up 15 minutes earlier. Buy a new bra. Get some Spanx if you’re uncomfortable with your post-baby body. Take bubble baths before bed. Do something that makes you feel sexy. Then channel that.
Need a more of a boost? Try something new. This guide from Women’s Health magazine allows you to input exactly what you’re working with (stamina, flexibility, ahem, size) to come up with a sex position that works for both of you. Need even more spice? Pick up one of these Naughty of Nice coupon books and cash in on some great lovin’. Clueless where to start? Pick up the newly released Mominatrix book from the ultra knowledgable Kristen Chase. By the time you finish the book, you should be back on track.
My point is that it won’t happen overnight. You will (unfortunately) have to work at it. But having a happy, thriving sex life should be FUN. You should enjoy the journey. Make small changes, until you can look up one day and feel good about where you are. Okay? Do this one just for me. 
Thank you so much for posting this! I am glad I finally have an outlet to discuss marriage and mommy issues! None of my friends are married, so I don’t even attempt to go to them for advice or support on marital issues.
I feel a lot better about Kesha (that’s my alter ego) coming off of vacation and setting the bedroom on fire again!
@Sharmetra – Oooh, an alter ego. I might have to try that.
Well. I slept without the maternity pillow last night lol. There was cuddling but my alter ego was a no show. Maybe pregnant women are just meant to be cuddled.
I gave birth to my alter ego years ago during my “clubbing days”! I didn’t want to give guys my real name so I would tell them my name was Kesha. I still look around every now and then when I hear someone saying that name!
@Tiara-when I was pregnant I didn’t even wanna be cuddled! I guess my inner sex goddess needs a lot of work!
I am so happy that I cam across this post!!! I have recently been trying to get back to that “post baby” weight, but in reality…I don’t think I ever will. But my drive for sex has increased dramtically! Thank you for pointing out that we aren’t perfect and that it will definitely take time to get back how you were before the babies! This was really encouraging!!!!!
What a great post! Another great resource from fellow blogging mom, Kristen Chase (http://motherhooduncensored.com)is her new book, Mominatrix Guide to Sex (http://mominatrixbook.com) Great for moms trying to get (and keep) their groove back. Thanks for sharing your two-cents! Loved it!
@Christie – You can tell my brain is mush because I just bought her book and loved it. I will have to go in and update the post. Thanks for the reminder!