One of the topics on Momversation this week was “Do you judge young mothers?”
A trio of some of the net’s most popular bloggers, Rebecca Wolf from Girls Gone Child, Dana Loesch from Mamalogues, and Giyen Kim from Baconismyenemy.com, shared their thoughts on young motherhood and what it was like for them. Go check out the video and I give you permission to come back and curse me out if you don’t find yourself nodding in agreement.These moms kept it all the way real.
Rebecca talks about feeling isolated and stuck in the age gap where most moms are at least 15 years older than you but then the women who are your age are mostly childless. Dana said she felt as though all the older moms looked at her as though she were a child, even though she was raising one of her own. Giyen talked about how the 20s are supposed to be when you figure out who you are, but you’re spending most of your time molding your kids into the people they were meant to be.
Some of the opinions in the commenting section are what’s really interesting though. A lot of the commenters feel the need to make a distinction between young, young mothers (say, 15 or so) versus those in their early 20s.
While I agree that there is a big difference in maturity and your level of awareness about the whole situation, you can’t just discern who is younger than whom at any given time. I guarantee you people look at me and think I’m one of those 16-year-old mothers we’re all so fond to sneer at. But I’m not 16, even though my makeup-free face would say otherwise.
What do you think? What’s the hardest thing about being a young mother? Comments are open!
I’m proud to say that I don’t judge young mothers! Wanna know why? Because, if I keep it “all the way real”, I can say that I know my fair share of “appropriately aged” mothers who could take a lesson or two from a young mother with some good sense, or anyone with good sense, for that matter. Come on, though I agree that 17-year-old me would parent quite differently than 31-year-old me, age doesn’t automatically make someone less (or more prepared to handle parenthood.
“the 20s are supposed to be when you figure out who you are, but you’re spending most of your time molding your kids into the people they were meant to be.”
And let the church say, Amen! I am so <— there right now. I am coming to a crossroads of needing to really focus on myself and what it is that “I” want and need and also who “I” am and who “I” wanna be. I think the hardest thing about being a young mother is the judgment from those who are either older or those who are not mothers. I mean, I know and am around young mothers who were the 15 and 16 year old moms and who are now working toward earning degrees right along with me. I find it sad how so many are always quick to judge the young, not knowing that the constant judgment really does more harm than good. With that said, I totally feel what Execumama had to say, because in some situations like what both she and I stated, age ends up being nothing but a number.
Good Morning Ladies!
I try my hardest not to judge other mothers but I slip once in a while when I see something that goes contrary to what I think a mom should be doing. ( Sigh, I know…I need to find myself) (ie: smoking around her babies or letting the kids run around dirty and unkempt while she sits there in her fly Gucci and Prada!)
Ironically, I find myself constantly defending my parenting skills against “older” moms who have “been there done that”. Mind you, they always feel the need to express the fact that I’m just a rookie when telling ME why MY child is cranky. Umm, I think I know the baby I carried for 9 months and raised for the last 18 well enough to know that she is cranky because she didn’t take a nap when mommy told her too! HELLO! Far be it from me to be rude and not heed advice but it would be nice if some people would just let your own mommy instincts kick in and learn on your own. ( Am I off topic? )
Its hard being a young 20 something mom. Its even harder when you feel like all eyes are on you waiting for you to be something than an awesome, loving and attentive mother! So that being said we shouldn’t judge other moms by their age or even worse how young they look. That time spent judging could be put to better use tending to our own home!
When I first read GGC’s blog post on this, my initial reaction was surprise. I don’t really judge mothers based on age, I thought proudly, I judge them on whether or not they let their hooligan children run into the street when I’m driving. (Okay, I exaggerate, but you get the point). But when I thought more about it, I realized that I’ve been judged “as a mother” even when I was just a babysitter (my baby’s still en route) or when the kid was my niece, etc. And some of the judgements have been wholly unreasonable and unwarranted.
I’m glad that someone’s speaking up about this because age certainly doesn’t make anyone – be they 15 or 35 – a “better” mother. I just wonder now if this question can be reversed. If there’s judgement against young mothers, do we judge older mothers unfairly too?
I could not agree more- as a mom who had her 1st at 20 and single but looked 15, I can say there were some years I felt isolated and possibly snubbed. SOme of that was my insecurity around possible perceptions, though. Now I’m 36 with 3, and I’m sure not the young mommy on the surface anymore.) But I’ll always remember those feelings, and treat young moms with the respect all moms warrant.
@ Execumama – I’m so glad you commented! Now, I can tell already that you are very big into “good moms” and don’t necessarily care how old they are, which is fab. I’ll be the first to admit that some of my peers are really struggling (in my eyes at least) with their children. But that goes for any age group really. The young mother stigma is ridiculous – as if we need one more thing to divide us as mothers, right?
@Supermomwomanlady – I don’t think I could have put it better myself! And let me tell you, I forgive or withhold judgement on a lot of things, but smoking is my number one worst offense. I know how hard it is to quit, but you also don’t have to do it right in front of the kids, or in the car with the windows rolled up. Oooooh that makes me mad to no end!
@ Supermomwomanlady – Also, your point about not judging moms by how young they look stuck with me too. When I was in the hospital, the nurses kept giving me these side glances and heaping all these piles of pity on me. I didn’t know what the deal was, but then one of them finally asked how old I was. When I said I was 22, you could visibly see the relief on their faces. “Girl,” they told me, “we thought you were about 13!” Oh, wow.
Yes girl!!! The nerve of them. I had the same problem in the hospital. They were shocked when I said I was 21 and downright dumbfounded when I wanted her to be in the room with me as opposed to the nursery. SMH. Every last one of them had to start as a mom the same way we did so why judge by how we look? Being a mom is hard enough without the shade!!!
@Supermomwomanlady – Yes! Their mouths dropped open when I said I would keep her in the room with me overnight. They were like, “Really?!?!?!” (Yes, all those question marks and exclamation points.) It’s rough out here for sure…