As you all know if you read that little blurb on the right side of the blog, I created this site in May 2008 to address the fact that most parenting magazines/websites completely ignore the young mother.
I understand we might not be as alluring to advertisers, but it doesn’t mean we don’t exist. In addition to this blog, I’m also a freelance writer for several parenting websites and I try to bring my experience as a young mother into all the articles I write. That means, I don’t recommend products that I can’t afford or seem overpriced. I try to interview at least one young mother to make sure our voice is heard.
But it’s hard, you guys.
We have this perception that we’re either broke, lazy, unmotivated, stupid, irresponsible, sex-fiends, bad girls, damaged goods, etc. I pitch stories to certain mags who take one look at my age and say, “Eh, that’s okay. Good story idea, but we’ll pass.”
Why? Because I’m 23, does it mean I don’t know what it’s like to worry when my child has a cold that lingers? Do I not know how rough it is to breastfeed or be sleep-deprived? Do I not work my butt off every single day of my life to give my kids a better life? (Case in point: I’m at home writing this during one of my sick days, because I have what feels like the flu.)
I want to stand up and scream, “MY EXPERIENCE COUNTS TOO!” I mean, damn. Every woman who loves and cares for her child is a mother, too and it’s about time that we are represented.
I wanted to keep this blog casual and just create discussion about issues that matter to us but I think I might have to dive in a bit deeper.
What do you all think? Does the mainstream media ignore young mothers and/or give us a bad rap?
I totally agree. I have three kids, have my degree and am working on another. But when they hear how old my oldest child is and do the math with my age I get “the look”
Oh absolutely! Once you become a young mother, you are automatically looked at as a statistic to people. Doesn’t matter if you have a college degree and got pregnant by the 1st guy you ever slept with you. Doesn’t matter if you raise your child alone with MINIMAL support, if any, etc. Because you are a young mother, you’re uneducated, you aren’t as concerned about your child’s well-being, you let your parents raise your child and still go out every night of the week, and more than likely, you sleep around!
Now true enough, there are many young mothers who do those things, but WHY do all of us have to fit into that category just because we’re under 25 and have a child/children? UGH
@Chanel – Ugh, I hate “the look”! It’s so cruel. When I gave birth to my son last August, they gave it to me the entire time I was in the hospital. Because I look incredibly younger than 23 (seriously, people think I’m 13), people give me “the look” extra hard and extra long.
@Courtney – Yes, they think we aren’t “real” mothers. Crazy, isn’t it?
I definitely understand the stigma. Although I had graduated from college, had a good job, had been with my boyfriend for three years and was in the process of buying my first home, all people seemed to care about was the fact that I was 22 and unmarried. It definitely didn’t help that I looked (and still do) like I’m about 16, so I got to know “the look” very well. In fact, I still get the look occasionally when I’m out with my son (especially if he’s having one of his “moments”).
Unfortunately, society is inundated primarily with negative representations of young moms and it causes us to be wrongfully stereotyped. The only way we will be able to change that perception (that is, if we ever can) is by continuing to be the best moms we can be and by not allowing those negative assumptions to dictate our behavior, the way we feel about ourselves and the way we raise our children.
@Erica – Oh my goodness, where do you live? We need to be buddies!
“The only way we will be able to change that perception (that is, if we ever can) is by continuing to be the best moms we can be and by not allowing those negative assumptions to dictate our behavior, the way we feel about ourselves and the way we raise our children.”
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!! I’m about to make that the quote of the week!
LOL!
I wish we could be buddies (I live in MD)!! I don’t really have any young mommy friends.
I’m glad you liked the quote. Seriously though, it makes me so angry that people tend to perceive us as immature, irresponsible kids who rely on public handouts and our parents to raise our children because that is sooo not true! My boyfriend and I have and continue to work very hard to establish a stable household and to ensure that our son has everything he needs and most of what he wants. Because we were young and the pregnancy was unplanned, we did everything that we could to make sure that we didn’t have to ask anyone for help. In fact, we signed up for the blockbuster version of netflix as our source of entertainment because we never go out (we are always home with our son). Everything that we have, we acquired completely on our own.
Okay, I think I’m done with my rant now!
It’s just nice to know that there are others out there that can relate.
@Erica – PREACH!!! Oh, my, you have no IDEA how much I can relate to everything you said.
Like you, my daughter’s pregnancy was unplanned and my boyfriend and I had been together two years at the time. Not a long time, mind you, but we were committed to each other and being the greatest family we could be. I worked EXTRA hard to make sure that she would have any and everything she needed. We also just do the Netflix thing because we don’t go out hardly ever.
I think the part of your rant that I really liked (lol) was that “people tend to perceive us as immature, irresponsible kids…” YES! They still view us as “kids” even though we have kids of our own. I’m sorry, I gave up my childish days a loooooooong time ago and I’d like for you to recognize me as an adult. Thankyouverymuch. Whew!
*wiping sweat from forehead, taking a sip of water and unclenching fists*
Okay, I’m cool. I won’t go off anymore.
Wow girl, hey! I am so glad you found my blog and I’m glad that you gave me the link to yours! I can already tell this blog is going to be so helpful!
No, I don’t think young moms are represented much in mainstream media which I think is actually quite strange since I know SO many young moms. But it must be because they are catering to the older moms who can afford those expensive things in their magazines… NOT that I agree with it… That’s wrong, and actually one reason why I don’t even want to think about having a kid right now… Because seeing those things makes me believe I can’t AFFORD to! I want the cute stuff, but not if it’s going to make me bankrupt!
I want to see more affordable, nice things for young moms maybe just starting in their careers.
I don’t have children yet, but I’m young (24) and I totally agree that young mothers get a bad rap in general. But I have to play devil’s advocate. I don’t have any Tara’s in my life and it is a turn-off to see the women around me neglect being wholistically responsible mothers. I am not trying to judge, but the type of mother I aspire to be (a Tara) and my peer examples really made me dread the idea of being a young mother. I personally didn’t want to be an unwed mother and part of that was because of what I’ve been exposed to all my life.
With that said, the reality is that there really are some extremely unfit young mothers out here that need examples like you all and support to make that transition. Me having no kids disqualifies me from voicing my concern or disdain for their unmotherly behaviors…but I just want to say I concur with all that has been expressed and encourage you all to continue to be trendsetters and role-models….because at the end of the day you will look at your babies and realize every sacrifice ever made was completely worth it
@ Jonesi – Yes, there are some extremely unfit young mothers. But there are a lot of unfit moms in general. A problem with a lot of the young moms is that they don’t realize that once they pee on the stick, they need to officially put away chilish things. It’s time to grow up. Growing up means you have cut out any dangerous or juvenile behavior. And they don’t understand that.
Plus, a lot of them aren’t prepared for the burden of being single mothers and the anger and hurt they feel is like a poison, eating them up inside and tearing down their children as well. They might not have support systems or boyfriends/husbands to help them, and they probably have low-paying jobs or might be unemployed. But instead of internalizing the situation and making plans to overcome these obstacles, they accept it as their new way of life when in reality it doesn’t have to be that way.
I could go on and on, but my point is that young moms have it rough. I’m glad you are waiting until you are “ready” (although I don’t think you can ever really be ready). But being conscious of a decision you made versus being dropped into it before you were emotionally and mentally ready is a great way to start your journey into motherhood.
Great Blog! I totally agree with you on this. My husband and I have 3 kids. Our eldest is 6 and I turn 30 in a few days. I see bad parenting all the time, and a lot of it comes from folks a good ten years older than me. There are many of us (young, hard working, married mothers) who don’t conform to the mainstream’s notion of ‘motherhood’. I’m often mistaken for a teenager, and I’ve had lots of unpleasant looks when people see me with my kids…that is, until they spot the wedding ring. There are a lot of young mothers holding it down: family life, work and everything in between. Keep pushing for our voice to be heard, it will happen!
I agree with you Tara. I do.