by Alexandra Moffett-Bateau
While I was in graduate school I started experiencing a lot of stress and needed help staying balanced and organized. That stress meant I needed assistance with household chores and healthy eating. Slowly but surely I started experimenting with things like grocery delivery, Groupons for house cleaning, and that kind of thing. This was tough for me because as a black woman I’d very much been socialized to do damn near everything myself.
Over time I learned how to relax into a feeling of peace around having people help me. It simply became a part of my self-care to make sure that I had systems of support that would prevent me from running my body into the ground.
But soon a funny thing started happening. I began to realize how many of my girlfriends were running themselves ragged trying to work 12-15 hour days, and support their partners and cook and clean, etc….
So I found myself gently nudging them like, “Girl, there is this grocery delivery service I love—you should try them.” Or “Would you consider using this ‘extra’ Groupon I have for apartment cleaning?” Or “Why don’t you have somebody come pick up your laundry? Just for this week, let’s just experiment and see how it goes…”
Like me, they were so resistant to having somebody come in and help them at home because it felt like some kind of personal failure. However, slowly, but surely, more and more of my loved ones started figuring out the areas of their lives that were totally overwhelming them and started getting some help.
Part of me is even struggling to write this status because it feels super “bougie” to post about grocery and laundry delivery. But the truth of the matter is that this is bigger than that.
I guess what I want to say, is that it’s okay to have someone (or multiple someones) help you. You don’t have to be experiencing some kind of crisis, for it to be okay to receive (or pay for) support in your home and elsewhere. It’s so easy to buy into narratives that tell us we should be able to do everything ourselves, otherwise we’ve failed.
But in my mind, allowing your mind and body to rest enough so that you can create, develop and grow is true success.
So even if you can’t afford to pay somebody to come in and help you clean your bathroom or your laundry or whatever, I encourage you to think about where you can get support in your life. What do you need help with? Who can you ask for assistance? I assure you that after the first time you experience a day where you aren’t totally buried, you will ask yourself why you didn’t do it sooner…
All this to say, you don’t need a reason to do as many loving things as possible for yourself.
Alexandra Moffett-Bateau holds a Ph.D in Political Science from the University of Chicago, and BA in Political Science and African American Studies from the University of Michigan- Ann Arbor. She is currently an Assistant Professor of Political Science at John Jay College of Criminal Justice- City University of New York. Alexandra’s intellectual work focuses on race and politics, urban politics and political behavior, with broad specialties in American Politics and Political Theory.