1. Accept and acknowledge what’s causing you to feel stressed.
This is the most important step! You have to uncover the root of the problem, rather than just addressing the symptoms. For example, many new moms feel overwhelmed and frustrated with their lives as they adjust to a new role that’s harder than they imagined. They might think the problem is that they suck at motherhood, but really the problem is they are so engrossed in the day-to-day work that they are losing perspective on the big picture. What they need is to take a step back, go clear their head and come back ready to go.
Sometimes, acknowledging that you know what’s causing you stress is all you can do. And if you think you can fix what’s wrong, move on to step #2.
2. Give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling.
I find myself getting caught up in being strong. “Other people have bigger problems than you do,” I tell myself. “Suck it UP. Quit being a punk.” But that just adds guilt on top of the stress and makes everything worse. So I allow myself to have a pity party.
For 15 minutes. For that quarter hour, I “woe is me” and “life’s not fair” and “I bet Beyonce doesn’t have these problems.” But then, when the 15 minutes are up, it’s time to go to step 3.
3. Make one small decision that will make you feel better immediately.
Even though I wanted this life, working from home with two young children makes me want to go on the porch and scream most days. The constant interruption, the mess, and the noise drives me nuts.
But I had to realize that to them, this is their house and I am their mother and so why wouldn’t they come in my office and ask me if they can have a Popsicle for the fifteenth time that day? I decided that our mornings would be spent doing something fun with them, allowing them to begin their day with a mom who is looking them in the face, not buried in a laptop screen. It was a small change, but it made me instantly feel better.
Pinpointing your stress, allowing yourself space to feel what you’re feeling and then being responsible for taking the steps to fix the situation are all the three steps you can take to regain your peace of mind. And that’s what we want when we’re stressed, right? To feel better.