When I first found out I was going to be a mom, I was under the impression that I had to completely change myself.
I was only 17 years old and I rarely ever took responsibility. I liked to stay up late, go out with my friends all the time, and do what I wanted, when I wanted. The idea of having to care for another human being, a small baby at that, meant I was going to have to give up my current way of living.
I never considered myself “mom” material. I never babysat, I hated cooking and cleaning, I hated being in the house, I didn’t like spending time with children and I never considered having children. It just wasn’t who I was.
When I found out I was pregnant, I told myself I had to like all of those things if I wanted to be a good mom and offer my daughter the best childhood and life that I could.
I thought that maybe as I grew older it would just come naturally, but it didn’t.
For years I struggled with trying to be someone I just couldn’t stand being. I wanted to be that amazing domestic mother who cooked everything from scratch, who planned fun outings and play dates, kept the house spotless and clothes perfectly pressed and stain-free, but I just didn’t like being that person. And I hated that I didn’t enjoy it. Especially because so many of my family, friends and acquaintances seemed to make everything look so enjoyable and effortless when it came to being a parent.
I dreamt of having a career, I wanted to go out and party with my friends, to be independent and care-free, but clearly I couldn’t have both lifestyles.
For years I struggled to find balance and I had to give up many things. For example, I obviously couldn’t be 100% independent and care-free. Not when I had someone who was dependent on me for their livelihood. However, I came to terms that it was okay to work towards a dream-career, and that it didn’t make me a horrible mom if I did go out to concerts or the bar once in a while.
When I finally admitted to myself that I hated cooking and cleaning – that it was okay if my home wasn’t spotless, or if we ate processed food some of the time – I felt this huge weight lift off my chest. The amount of stress from trying to be the perfect mom was gone and I became a lot more fun. I love going out with my daughter to festivals, to the park and programs at the library. Even playdates and sleepovers with her cousins are pretty fun, too.
Since I decided I could be an “okay mom” and myself at the same time, I’ve been so much happier. I enjoy spending time with my daughter, I enjoy going to college, I love being at home—a space that finally feels comfortable and not a stress trigger—and I just love life so much more now.
I think it’s important for every new parent to find a balance between who they used to be before having children, while taking on their new role as a parent. When you’re true to yourself you’re a happier person and when you’re happier, your kids will no doubt be happier, too.