If you have any interest in co-parenting, there’s someone you need to know. Well, two people.

Deesha.

And Michael.

Deesha Philyaw and Michael Thomas are exes. Ex-husband and wife to be exact. Nothing too noteworthy there. But what IS noteworthy is the lengths they will go to make sure life for their kids is the best they can offer.

They created Coparenting101.org after their marriage went south. As they say on the blog,

After our marriage ended, we became the poster-children for divorce amongst our circle of friends and colleagues. We wished we could have been the poster children for successful marriage, but it didn’t work out that way…

They are the TRUTH when it comes to this co-parenting arrangement. They are both re-married, with multiple kids and they are masters (yes, I’m going to go there) at making it work.

Check out some of these articles on their blog and tell me if they don’t sing to you.

Why You Must Cooperate With Your Ex

I Cannot Get My Ex to Call Me or Email Me Info About Our Son

Everything I Know About Coparenting, I Learned In Kindergarten

In addition to the website, they also host a weekly radio show on various co-parenting topics. One of my favorite episodes was the one with Sheree Fletcher, businesswoman and entrepreneur. She is also Will Smith’s ex-wife and co-parenting partner.

So there you have it, ladies. Want to learn more? Go to Coparenting101.org for more! And tell ‘em the Young Mommy sent you!

I wrote this for BMWK.com, first posted 12/11/08. Gives you something to read over while I’m on “vacation.” See you Monday!

This ain’t the Boy Scouts: There’s no such thing as a prepared parent

I know one of the first things I did when I found out I was pregnant with my first child was run out and buy some pregnancy books. I got all the classics: What to Expect When You’re Expecting, The Breastfeeding Book, The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy. When I gave my husband the dog-eared books for him to read, he looked at me like I had just took a swig of liquor and handed him some to drink, too. “What do I need to read this for?”

Of course his question infuriated me, but I had to admit that he was right in some respects. People have been having kids for eons without the help of Dr. Sears and would be doing it for years after he was gone. I felt it was important to learn everything that could happen so that I could be prepared.

But can you ever be prepared? Can anything – let alone sitting down with a 200-page book – really help you understand the magnitude of parenthood? I don’t think so.

In all those books I read, there was never a chapter on what to do when your child has eczema, which is something I desperately needed to know. There was never a chapter on “What to Do When Your Child Flings Things at You for No Apparent Reason.”

Those books also never talk about the strains your marriage will face. “How to Stay in Love with the Person You Just Had a Baby With” should be chapter one in all those books, but it isn’t. Most baby books gloss over the fact that you and your partner will never be the same and (for the first few months at least) you might argue more than you’d like.

I wrote this for BMWK.com, posted 12/18/08

I wish I knew…

1. How much I would worry about finances. Pre-baby, when my bank account balance was nearing zero I knew I could always scrape by, perhaps skip a meal or two, and I’d survive. Now? There’s no getting around a lack of cash. Something always needs to be purchased. Kids poop, so they need diapers. They need to be fed, so you buy baby food. There’s no such thing as making the kids skip a few meals to make it to payday. It just can’t happen.

2. Babies don’t cry because they want to aggravate you. Babies cry because they can’t talk. Once I understood this, motherhood became a heck of a lot easier.

3. Babies are kind of boring. I can hear the moms screaming now, “Babies aren’t boring! They’re gifts from God and brighten your life and make you feel whole and blah blah blah.” Babies are cute, I’ll give you that. But they aren’t very interesting. Once you get past the coos and giggles, each day becomes “How am I going to entertain you before you have a screaming fit in my face?” You can only play peek-a-boo but for so long.

4. Using the bathroom with the door open would become a daily thing. I wish I could say I had more modesty, but I don’t.

5. Living on the second floor of an apartment building is NOT a good thing. Lugging my two babies up the stairs is a job by itself. By the time we get inside the apartment, sweat is streaming down my face and it takes me a good five minutes stretched out on the couch to catch my breath while my daughter asks me, “What’s wrong, Mommy? Mommy? You okay?”

6. How much becoming a parent changes your marriage (or relationship)…in the bedroom. My husband and I used to be on each other ALL THE TIME. (Hence, having two babies between 2006 and 2008.) Now? Let’s just say the frequency has changed quite a bit. Still decent, but nowhere near the free-for-all we used to have. God bless the parents who can still keep it hot all times of the day and night.

7. That my mind would turn to Jell-O at times. I used to be brilliant. I could listen to a college lecture and spit it back at you verbatim. I never ever studied for tests in college and managed to graduate magna cum laude. I’m still smart, but I definitely have to work a lot harder if I want to make it through the day with my sanity intact.

8. That I really can’t function on four hours of sleep a night (see #7). I need my sleep. No, really. I do. My husband knows this. After learning his lesson with Baby #1, he avoided making conversation with me until Baby #2 started sleeping through the night. There was no telling what would make me snap.

9. How much I would love my kids. My babies are my air. They are the reason I’m here. I love them beyond life. I could just sit and stare at them all day.

10. Some days will be better than others. Some days will be pure torture – the kids won’t stop screaming, the house is a mess, your spouse is cranky, you burned dinner, etc. But then other days will be pure bliss – your baby said “Mama” for the first time, your husband bought you flowers for no reason, your boss complimented you for working hard. I’ve learned to embrace the bad days too. They make the good days even sweeter!

I’m a young mom, and with 1.5 kids (soon to be two any day now), I think I’m done. No, not think, I know. I know I’m done having kids.

But everyone I know thinks I’m crazy for deciding this at 22. With two kids already, don’t I have a right to step back and say, “Okay, this is all I can handle?” Sure, I might change my mind later (highly, highly, highly doubt it), but at this point in my life, some certainty about my reproductive future is in order.

I can’t imagine myself with three kids, much less the 18 of the ever-growing Duggar family (pictured at left). And at 22, I think I’m old enough to make that decision for myself.

So what do you say? How many kids do you want? Can you see yourself pregnant at 30? 35? 40?