by Christine Mills

The hazing sessions of motherhood begin promptly at 10:30 P.M. and ends around 5:30 A.M. The sleeping habits were so startling that I dreaded nighttime knowing that it would be a mixture of fear of SIDS and interrupted sleep cycles. Like clockwork, Anissa would rise every 2-3 hours to be fed and changed. Like clockwork, Babes and I would debate about whose turn it was to get up.

“I changed her last time.”

“You have the milk.”

“Just change her and then I’ll feed her.”

“I have to go to work in the morning. I was on my feet all day.”

“I’m so tired.”

My mom, the darling woman she is, is extremely helpful, but a night person she is not. Babes and I had to battle out the nighttime shift by ourselves, while she slept soundly in the next room.

Upon realizing that this would be our life for another month or so, I decided to get creative. I read magazines while I held her and psyched myself into believing that it really was not 3:15 in the morning but rather 7:00 in the evening. I played music and even watched my Cosby DVD episodes, anything to keep me up. I tried however, to stay in my bed, just in case I did fall asleep, she could be in the safety of the bed.

Another technique that worked was to have her lay on my chest, with my arms holding down the sides of the comforter to keep her strapped in nice and safe. The sound of my heartbeat soothed her and brought her back to a time and place where there was no gravity, but constant movement, sounds, and warmth.

I could understand her jitters. She jumped at every sound and our whole environment was foreign. I joked with myself as I studied her observing the rooms in our home, thinking she must be saying in her mind, “These guys didn’t do too bad of a job sprucing up around here.”

My favorite time came at 6:00 in the morning when I heard my mom stirring in the kitchen to put on the pot for her cup of tea. Knowing the nursery was finally open, I jumped at the chance to finally get some rest.

How did you make it through those first few days of motherhood? 

I remember one of my biggest concerns when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter was how in the world I was going to tell my parents.

At the time, I was 20 and in college, but still living at home during breaks. I was paying for my tuition mostly on my own, but I still had my clothes there, still went home on the weekends.

Basically, I still lived with my parents.

So I was very concerned as to how they would take it. Would they be upset? Be disappointed? Would our relationship ever be the same?

I discovered the best way to tell them is to just be straightforward. Motherhood is a difficult journey and like it or not, you’re going to need some help. If it can come from your folks, all the better.

Sit down with them and be honest. “I’m pregnant.”

Let that digest a minute. Then continue, “I’m about two months along, and I’ve decided I’m keeping the baby. I just want you to know that I’ve thought hard about my decision and I want you to be involved in my child’s life. This won’t be easy, but I know it will be easier if my child has all the love he deserves from me and his grandparents.”

Let them ask questions. They might be upset, but it might be a big shock to them, so give them a week or so to fully understand the news. With any luck, you’ll be able to move forward – together – and start making plans on how to bring this child into the world will all the love they deserve.

How did you tell your parents you were pregnant? Were they shocked? Disappointed? Elated? Let me know in the comments!

You’ve had the signs of pregnancy: nausea, swollen breasts, a nagging cramping sensation, etc. Then you get the most obvious one: a missed period.

You purchase one (or two) pregnancy test and read the instructions carefully. Then you take the test.

And wait.

Slowly, you pick up the test and read the result: Pregnant.

Now, whether your initial reaction is one of fear, joy, disappointment, excitement or some combination of the four, it’s really immaterial. You’re a mother now.

Chances are, if you’re on this site, getting pregnant happened before you wanted to. So what now?  

1) Give yourself a day or so to just absorb the news. This is bigger than anything that has ever happened to you and you need to give yourself time to understand what just happened. If you got hit by a truck, you wouldn’t be in your right mind the next day, would you? (Yes, I did just compare the two. Come back in a few years – you’ll understand what I mean.) Do something relaxing, like taking a long bubble bath. Go to bed early. Your life will soon begin to change in ways you can only imagine.

2) Make your first prenatal appointment. Some doctors will refuse to see you until you are about nine weeks long, simply because there isn’t much they can do until then. When you discover you’re pregnant, you’re usually somewhere between 2 and 4 weeks, depending on how regular your period is and when you take the test.

3) Start building that good ol’ support system. This is so crucial. When you’re dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, it disrupts your whole life. You realize things you used to do will no longer fit in the life you now face. You need a good support system, even more so if you’re going at this alone. It’s all hands on deck now and the more people you have in your corner, the better. When you’re at the doctor’s office, or looking around at daycare centers, make small talk with the other moms. Ask them for advice. People are usually very willing to help.

4) Figure out your financial picture. Babies are expensive and can wreck havoc on your finances. Young moms are hit twice as hard because we don’t make as much as our older counterparts, and we (usually) are doing it alone, as a single mom. Here are some questions you should ask yourself sooner, rather than later:

• Are you working currently? Are you eligible for maternity leave? Who will watch the baby once you go back to work. If daycare or a babysitter, how will you pay them?
• Do you have insurance? Will the baby be on your plan? Do you have good maternity coverage?
• How much do you have in savings? Will you be able to increase the amount you save each month before the baby gets here?
• How will you be able to provide for the baby? Babies need diapers, formula, clothes, doctors visits, etc. How will you pay for that?

This is just a starting point and is by no means everything you need to think about. But I found that doing this helped me keep my sanity in those first few weeks and months where I was consumed with worry from the minute I woke up until the minute I went to sleep.

What advice would you have for new young moms?

I’m a young mom, and with 1.5 kids (soon to be two any day now), I think I’m done. No, not think, I know. I know I’m done having kids.

But everyone I know thinks I’m crazy for deciding this at 22. With two kids already, don’t I have a right to step back and say, “Okay, this is all I can handle?” Sure, I might change my mind later (highly, highly, highly doubt it), but at this point in my life, some certainty about my reproductive future is in order.

I can’t imagine myself with three kids, much less the 18 of the ever-growing Duggar family (pictured at left). And at 22, I think I’m old enough to make that decision for myself.

So what do you say? How many kids do you want? Can you see yourself pregnant at 30? 35? 40?

Babies, despite being so small, need an amazing amount of stuff. Well, perhaps they don’t really need it, but having certain items will make your life so much easier.

But where to begin? How do you determine what you need, what you’ll buy and what you’ll put on your registry for other people to get for you?

The answer is easier than you think.

There are several “Baby Registry” templates online, including this comprehensive one from Babies R Us. Look it over and determine what you think is necessary. Considering you may not have that much experience with babies, how are you to determine if a diaper wipes warmer is too much, or if you need 10-12 blankets?

Simple. Start with basics and work your way up. For the first couple months, the baby’s day consists of eating, sleeping and pooping. Focus on items to make those chores easier. Those are items that you MUST have before the baby comes home.

So what do you put on your registry?

Typically, the parents (or grandparents or other family members) purchase the big items: strollers, cribs, car seats, and such.  Friends and other baby shower guests will typically buy smaller, less expensive items in larger quantity. Think socks, diapers, bottles, etc. These are the items you want to focus on in your registry.

Also, remember that the child’s first year is a blur of development milestones. You may think you won’t need a high chair for a while, or a forward-facing car seat, but babies grow up extremely fast! Blink and they’ll be walking. Close your eyes for a minute and then they’re talking. It’s amazing how fast these changes are. Put a few long-range items, like baby spoons and sippy cups, on your registry. Once that time comes for them to use it, you’ll be glad you did.

So let’s hear it: what items were must-haves on your baby registry? What did you think you wanted but it ended up gathering dust?