As I looked around the house last night, I saw a living room somewhat straightened up, my kitchen sink had a few dishes in it that didn’t fit in the dishwasher, my dining room had a few placemats askew but other than that it looked decent.

Then I went upstairs.

Crap.

Our guest room has slowly become the dumping ground for clean clothes that haven’t been folded. Now the piles of clothes are so big, we basically use the room as a huge walk-in closet. My kids’ rooms aren’t too bad, considering they’re kids. A few books astray, a single diaper here or there.

Our bedroom looks a mess. I’m a voracious reader, with piles of books and magazines covering every inch of my side table. I even made it a point to buy a side table with a door covering the shelves inside so I could stuff my reading material in there and it wouldn’t look bad. Apparently I should have bought a bigger one.

My husband has a serious sweet tooth so he brings his evening treat upstairs before he goes to sleep. Wrappers are covering the top of his side table. (So gross.)

We still don’t have curtains, even though we moved in March. So the walls just look bare.

I don’t quite have it all together, but that’s okay. I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I will never be “that mom.”

The mom with piles and piles of clean, pressed spare sheets in the linen closet. The mom with a set laundry schedule, who sticks to it and never ever deviates. The mom who vacuums her kids’ bedrooms regularly. The mom who dusts. Whose kitchen floors are so clean you could eat off them. 

Do I suck as a housekeeper? Yeah, probably definitely. But that’s why I had kids. Wait until these little buggers turn 5. I’ve already got their little chores chart….

Are you “that Mom”? The one who has it all together? Yes? Then please click that little X in the upper right hand side of the screen tell me how you do it.

Are you like me, content to be a “Good Enough Mom“?  (Shout out to Rene Syler, whose book  had me ROLLING on the floor laughing. Please pick up a copy if you are having trouble slipping into your role as a Good Enough Mother.)

Updated 10/24/09: Y’all shamed me so much that I had to go clean my house and go through everything that didn’t belong. Now I’m heading out of town for two days and I GUARANTEE YOU that the house will be a mess when I return. I’m placing bets.

This past weekend, I went to Borders to meet up with a writer buddy/mommy friend of mine. We let it all out and talked about any and everything: the kids, the husband, the career, our fears, our hopes and dreams, our desires.

We made good conversation for more than three hours, barely noticing the darkening sky outside. It was heavenly. I was able to get some things off my chest, help my friend get a better glimpse of herself and her bright future, and just spend some time child-free and husband-free.

It felt so good we decided to make this a monthly thing.

Afterward, I walked to my car, unlocked the door and got in. As I went to flick on my headlights, I hesitated, because I realized I wasn’t sure which button to push or which lever to pull.

I realized I hadn’t been in my car at night in quite some time. I’m always home before the sun set.  Always. 

During the 10-minute drive home, all types of thoughts went through my head. How happy I was to be able to share with a friend who is also a writer, a mom, a wife, and who went to the same school as I did. How energized I felt, knowing that the kids would be asleep when I got home and the whole bedtime struggle/dance/routine would be delayed for another night. How wonderful it felt to just be a woman.

 Truthfully? I can’t wait for the next one. It re-energized me, when I was struggling as a mom and a wife and an employee. I needed that “me time” to reflect on how much my life has changed. Sounds cliche, but it helped me be a better mom.

What about you? Do you have something that serves as a “girls night out”? How do you release stress?

Confession time: Both of my kids were “Surprise!” babies.

The first one? Well, we weren’t careful.

The second? Well, we weren’t careful enough.

“Surprise!” babies carry a special type of “Mommy guilt” that comes even before the baby is born. Now a new study says that moms with unplanned kids treat them differently. Great.

There’s not much that can make me feel inadequate about my mothering skills. But the fact that these precious babies were created without so much as a thought on my behalf as to whether or not I could provide for them still makes me shiver.

Why didn’t I realize how serious motherhood was? Why didn’t I realize all the work that goes into simply keeping kids alive, let alone happy, healthy and loved?

Ever since I peed on the stick with my first child and the dreaded “Pregnant” appeared, my life has been a constant game of catch-up. Rushing to get health insurance for the babies. Rushing to graduate. Rushing to get married. Rushing to buy a house. Rushing to pick a day care. Rushing to get a full-time job. Rushing to buy baby gear.

Rushing. Rushing. Rushing.

A (childless) friend of mine has an entire blog dedicated to her journey toward motherhood.  She questions everything – will she use cloth diapers? What strollers are best? How to breastfeed? Become a stay-at-home mom? Should she go on a babymoon first?

With each post I die a little more inside.

Just watching as she plans her life, plans for her unborn children, making the necessary preparations to make sure her kids have the best start in life.

“Damn,” I think to myself when I read her blog, “what a great mom she’ll make. Why wasn’t that me?”

Her blog is a fabulous read, but the fact that she can make a whole blog about her journey to motherhood makes me sad that I never even pondered anything.

I just dove in, even though I’m a planner by nature. I like to know what’s coming next, how to prepare, how to get there. But why was I so…careless? 

I firmly believe that making decisions as you go is the best route for motherhood. Because I’ve lived it.

But damn if I don’t envy those who were responsible and conscious of their decisions and made the active choice to get pregnant. I envy you all, I really do.

Almost three years later, I’ve found my mommy groove. I love it. I’m happy.  But things happen for a reason. No, I didn’t have health insurance when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. No, I wasn’t married. No, I hadn’t graduated from college.

It wasn’t easy, and there was nothing “cute” about it.

But I made it. Surprise!

What about you? Did you feel guilty that you had a “Surprise!” baby? Wish you could have planned it better? Share it in the comments.

I walked into my son’s room this morning, like I do every morning to wake him up, change his diaper and clothes, and feed him breakfast.

I peek over the railing of his crib. 

So peaceful. So serene.

My son, laying on his side, hands in little half-fists, mouth open, humming. Wish I could have bottled that and kept it with me all day.

And then I realized.

One day I won’t have to wake up and make him a bottle. I won’t have to check to make sure we have enough diapers before he goes to bed and my infamous midnight Wal-mart diaper runs will be a thing of the past. I won’t have to put on his clothes for him.

One day, I will walk into his room and there won’t be a baby, but little boy. And then a teenager. Instead of a crib, there will be a full-sized bed. He’ll be big, arms hanging off the bed, clothes on the floor, subtle hints of a moustache growing. He’ll be on his way to being a man.

I’m not a sappy mom by any means, but I wonder: How many more of these mornings will I get? Is it gradual or do you just wake up one day, blink and your babies are now…grown?

Have you ever had one of those mom moments where you feel like motherhood is rapidly passing you by? Share in the comments!

My blogger friend Jenn runs the blog, Baby Makin Machine, where she ponders over whether she is ready to become a mom. She’s our age (23) and has been married for almost five years. The simple fact that she has created an entire blog to chronicle her journey to motherhood lets you know she’s serious.

She recently posted about why people choose to have babies earlier (like us) versus people who wait until their 30s or later. In writing my reply, I realized my comment might make a good post by itself. Here’s what I told her:

I honestly think you should wait (if you’re still having doubts that is – if you feel comfortable with your decision – go for it!)

Do I love my kids? Yes, I do. Do I want to go back to being childless? No, I don’t.

But I do sometimes wish I had them later. Like you, I wasn’t much of a partying type and my idea of a good time is sipping a white chocolate mocha at the bookstore on a Friday night. But it’s not like I want to be a wild child, it’s just (like others here have mentioned) your life is not your own.

I joke with my friends that motherhood is a 18-to-life prison sentence and while I am joking, there is a bit of truth to it. Your thoughts, actions, decisions, activities, career choices, work schedules, etc, all revolve around your child (as it should be). I won’t have my thoughts to myself ever again. I will always carry my kids in my mind and my heart.

Motherhood isn’t glamorous and it’s not easy and quite frankly, it sucks sometimes. It’s very rewarding but it’s hard. There’s no Control-Alt-Delete button. Once you dive in, there’s no turning back. Motherhood is emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. It’s work. I think in order to really make the decision of whether or not to have kids, you have to try to understand that. Your life is permanently changed.

Do I think you overthink things? Yes. Even if you read all the parenting books and magazines and try to picture what you’ll do in different scenarios, you won’t know until you’re in the moment, you have that baby in your arms and you realize you’re responsible. But I do think you will be a great mom, but having kids is a little like learning to swim. You can either go out and buy the expensive googles and sleek bathing suit, or you can just work with what you have – either way, you might end up sputtering a bit as you learn how to float. Either way you do it (planned versus “surprise!”) you will learn about motherhood the same way.

I do wish you the best of luck! Make a decision soon! LOL.

What do you think? Was my advice right on point? Knowing what you know now about motherhood, would you advise a 23-year-old to get pregnant or wait a while if she’s still having doubts?

So I sucked this week. A lot.

I haven’t worked out since last Saturday. As in the Saturday before Mother’s Day.

See, what had happened was that I was on a roll. I was working out, eating my salads, being more active that usual, rolling on the floor with the kids. Basically just doing the damn thing.

Then I did all that and got sore. Figured, let me give these hard-working muscles a chance to rest a day. One day turned into two. Two days turned into, “Nope, I don’t need to get up early to workout! I work hard all day and I deserve an extra 20 minutes of sleep, not sweat!”

Boo-hiss to me. I deserve better than this. I deserve to feel good about myself. I’m a good mother. A good wife. A good friend. A good employee. Why can’t I make time for myself and actually follow through consistently? Whenever there’s a change in my schedule, the workout is the first thing to go. I figure I’ll squeeze it in later, but alas, later never ever comes.

To top things off, my hubby bought me an elliptical for Mother’s Day. He knows how hard it is for me to find time to workout, so if I had access to some cardio equipment, how easy could it be?

But he assembled it on the “other” side of the basement, where the workbench is. The TV is on the finished side of the basement and I don’t exercise without a TV, man. If I don’t have a Golden Girls episode (don’t laugh – the writing is on point!) or a King of Queens rerun to distract me from the fact that I’m sweating and huffing and puffing then forget it.

In the O magazine interview with the First Lady, Oprah asks Mrs. Obama how she manages to keep her 5 a.m. workouts. She said that she would get up at 5 a.m. for her job or get up that early for the kids, so why wouldn’t she get up for herself? I love how she doesn’t consider working out to be optional, but rather, a “must-do.”  

So I promise to do better. No more putting myself last all the time. I will stick to my workout schedule. No more excuses.

As if you needed one more reason to love your little one even more, here it is:

Little kids love to clean.

Not everything mind you, but they like to help. And if you’re cleaning, guess what? THEY LIKE TO HELP YOU.

This is one of those Great Parenting Secrets That No One Talks About For Fear It Will Disappear. My two year old (man, time flies!) will wipe up a spill like nobody’s business. Don’t hand her a paper towel and leave her to her own devices. She will walk around like a mini drill sargent, inspecting surfaces, just hoping that Mommy forgot to clean something so she can have at it.

Just try it, if you haven’t already. Hand your little one a towel or ask them to pick up their mess. The first time, get down there with them and show them how much fun cleaning up can be! (Only later will they learn that their mom is a big, fat liar.)

But perhaps you have one of the few who refuse to clean and refuse to help. I’m sorry. Truly, I am. You see, as soon as I discovered my daughter liked to clean, I popped out another one. Who needs housekeepers when you have kids?

I actually just wrote about this over at my other blog, about what it takes to be a good mother. I just stumbled on this guest post over at Zen Habits, a life and productivity blog that I read pretty much every day. It has some great advice for new moms, or even moms who just a reminder that being a good mom is as much about taking care of yourself as it is about the kids. A few things I would add to that post:

• Time goes by fast, but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t cherish every moment. When my daughter was a few months old and would have these crying fits during the day, everyone told me, “Oh, it all goes by so fast. Enjoy these days.” I’d think to myself, “Enjoy what?” Now that she’s a little older and doesn’t have those supreme crying fits all the time, I can enjoy motherhood a lot more. But that doesn’t mean I look back fondly on hearing a baby scream for hours on end. Oh, no. That will never happen.
• Get involved in your child’s life. This should be one of those, “Well, duh,” tips, but really it’s not. By getting involved, I mean really taking the time to know what (and who) is in your child’s life. Do you know the kids in her daycare room? Do you know what time of day she takes her naps or how often she gets sick? Can you name one or two teachers (other than her own) at her school? That’s what I mean by getting involved.

What else would you add to this list? What makes a good mom?