I don’t pretend to know everything that’s going on with Jon and Kate Gosselin.

But I have some ideas and while they might not like their marriage troubles being broadcast in the public, that’s the price you pay when you sign up for a reality show and pose on the covers of Good Housekeeping, Ladies’ Home Journal and People magazine.

To me, the problem seems obvious. Kate, an ambitious woman even before she had kids, had twins (double the work) and when she wanted just one more child, got blessed with sextuplets.

I don’t know the pyschology behind becoming a mama of multiples, but it’s got to have some effect on your brain. You have more kids than you have arms and they all have the same level of need at the same time. How do you manage to meet all their needs without losing yourself?

Kate was no longer just “Kate” – she was Kate Plus 8 and she had a desire to be more than that.

She liked the attention she received from the show and being able to author a few books and give moms advice on organizing gave her personal fulfillment.  She had career goals beyond being a stay-at-home mom and in some sort of divine intervention, being overwhelmed with eight kids gave her the opportunity to shine.

Then there’s Jon. Younger than Kate when they hooked up, he was sort of wandering and aimless, backpacking through Europe after dropping out of school. After he got together with Kate, they both said they were the couple you love to hate – the “I love you more” kind.

But the stress of eight kids can wear on anyone and with two clashing personalities, conflict is bound to arise and fester. Kate didn’t have time to work on how she spoke to Jon – she was too busy trying to keep eight kids alive. And Jon never got to assert himself or take the reins in the household because Kate was always two steps ahead of him, trying to make sure the house didn’t fall into disarray.

The classic line – “We’re growing in different directions” – could easily apply to them. But the good news is that their relationship isn’t beyond repair.

The rumors of infidelity and maintaining their marriage for the sake of the show could certainly be true. But what they have (or had) at the core of their marriage was solid. If they can strip away all the gunk that poisons their love (insufficient communication, loss of respect, incompatible views on marriage), I think they can pull through.

What do you think? Will you be watching tonight when “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ premieres it’s fifth season? Do you think they should address their marriage troubles or focus on the kids? Or – should they quit the show altogether? Discuss it in the comments…

I met my husband my very first day at college.

I moved into Koonce Hall early on that Sunday and got ready for the 5 p.m. meeting with the hall staff.

I settled into a spot on the floor as they went around introducing themselves. This light-skinned black guy with the easygoing demeanor opened his mouth and said, “Hello, my name is Thomas Jefferson….”

I honestly didn’t hear anything else after that. Something in my brain clicked and I said to myself, “Oh, all that is good and holy – I think I just met my husband!”

He was the assistant hall director in his first year of grad school. He had taken the assistantship to pay for his degree, a Master’s in higher education administration. He was 23 and very mature for his age. Didn’t swear, didn’t drink, didn’t smoke.

I spent my freshman year chasing after him. He wasn’t looking to date a college freshman, but I was so darned persistent. I went to every hall meeting, regardless of what else was going on, and made up excuses to go see him. He had no choice but give me a second look.

We hooked up right before I left for summer break and things were always hot and heavy with us. One month in, we were saying, “I love you.” Three months in, he told me he could see us getting married. Six months in, he bought me a promise ring on a surprise trip to the mall. One and a half years later, he purchased an engagement ring (without telling me.)

Almost two years into our relationship (after he bought the ring but before he proposed) we discovered I was pregnant. My junior year of college. We decided to keep our original plans and get married after I graduated.

Our daughter, who we affectionately call Baby, was born my senior year. We had moved in together and he worked while I stayed with Baby and went to class. We were planning our wedding, raising Baby, he was looking for a new job, and I was trying to graduate and land a full-time job.

It was stressful, but we managed. We got married as planned and it was a wonderful day and an even better honeymoon. Not even six months after saying, “I do,” we got another positive pregnancy test. I was not at all ready for another baby. We had talked about trying for another baby, but not at that time. 

I admittedly was very grouchy. I still had dreams of becoming this big-time writer and every single decision I was making – having kids, getting married – was seemingly keeping me from my dreams. I became resentful toward my husband without realizing it.

Every little thing he would do wrong – not offering to wash the dishes, his refusal to bathe the kids, the fact that piles of dirty clothes would sit there for weeks and weeks – would make me question why I married him. I know I loved him, but why was I married? Why weren’t things working out the way I had hoped?

Things came to a boiling point after my son was born, when I had had enough of crying and in the middle of one of these breakdowns, I asked my husband, “Why is it that I cry every single damn day? I’m getting tired of this!”

In his typical calm, cool demeanor he simply said, “It’s because you resent me. You think you got married too young. You weren’t ready for this.”

It’s like a lightbulb went off in my head. He was right. I did resent him. Every single thing I felt was wrong with my life – in my mind at least – stemmed back to him. The reason I wasn’t in New York working for a glossy magazine? His sperm created a child I had to take care of. The reason I wasn’t spending enough time with my friends? I was too exhausted from taking care of everyone else throughout the week that I just wanted to sleep all weekend.

I sat down and determined there were two ways to end my resentment toward him:

One, become the writer I’ve always wanted to be. There was no reason, now or then, that I couldn’t write. Just because I didn’t live in the center of the media world, didn’t mean that I couldn’t fulfill my dreams.

Two, stop blaming him for everything. I actively pursued this relationship and wanted it to work.  He has always been the perfect guy for me. Smart, ambitious, extremely considerate and caring for others. He was a fabulous dad, who was always willing to go all out for his kids. He always put our needs first. And I did love him.

So I began this blog. Suddenly, I felt like a writer again. It felt like my words mattered, and even if I only had 100 visitors a day, it was enough for me to let go of the resentment I had allowed to fester over the past two years.

So know that when you read these posts, you’re not just reading about my every day experiences. You’re helping to repair my marriage.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Tara