by Erika Klein 

It’s something all parents go through, the parent-teacher interview, which typically begin when your child starts school. While most parents find these sessions informative and a chance to get to know your child’s teacher and school life better, if you’re a young mommy, it can be downright awful.

From the time my daughter joined preschool, right up until middle school, the parent-teacher interview was something I dreaded. I hoped that I would be treated as any other parent but most years there was a learning curve, on the part of the teachers. In order to prove myself and to introduce myself to the school community, I spent the primary years volunteering for the class and school, in an effort to prevent discrimination.

All too often, teachers have made comments about how young I look, asked personal questions that were inappropriate and have even at times felt they needed to tell me “what my job as a parent was.” I found the experience to be humiliating because teachers associated my youthful looks with being inexperienced and even dumb. Because I was young and not married, the teachers and staff believed they could cross a boundary and treat me differently than other families. It was a tricky situation at best.

Volunteering went a long way with the school, I was given a volunteer service award and with time, the other parents, (the older married ones) began to get to know me and our children became friends. Still, as we changed schools, the same comments and gestures were made by teachers and the responsibility was on me to show them different and break the myths and stereotypes middle class teachers held about young single mums like me.

My best parent-teacher interview came when my daughter was in 7th grade. The school was situated in an upper class area; I’m not sure if this was part of the reason it went the way it did. I sat in the hallway with my daughter, feeling green and nervous, wondering what was to transpire. After so many hits and misses, I really didn’t know what to expect.

We enter the classroom and the teacher welcomes us in. He begins the interview by addressing my daughter directly. “You’re not doing your best in class. You’re talking to your friends, reading when you’re supposed to be working and your grades are suffering. I expect an improved effort from you, starting Monday.” My daughter sat back in her chair looking shocked. Instead of blaming the young single mom and getting off the hook, the teacher was holding my daughter accountable for her own learning.

He leaned over to shake my hand and smiled and said, “Lovely to meet you, Ms. Klein. I look forward to meeting you with again. If you have any questions or need to contact me please feel free.” I walked out of there feeling like a million bucks. The parent-teacher collaboration had finally sprung into action. This partnership, which is so very valuable, began with a basic respect for myself as a parent and my child as a student, with no preconcieved notions or negative assumptions. This gave me a renewed sense of hope that I could be more involved in my daughter’s educational career. Way to go Mum!

Some tips for parent-teacher interviews:

• Always dress appropriately; try to be basic and neat.
• Express your willingness to have open communication with your child’s teacher
• Communicate your child’s strengths and weaknessess. Offer your own assistance and tips. Remember it’s supposed to be a partnership of learning.
• Don’t get defensive. Instead stay calm and breathe. Think before speaking.
• You can always re schedule another meeting at a later time or speak to the principal if you feel you are being unfairly treated.
• Enjoy it. Your child will only be this age once in their lifetime.
• Be proud of your child and yourself!

Erika Klein is the mom of a beautiful 14-year-old and she blogs at http://findingerykah.blog.com.  

by Alicia Harper 

One weekend recently, I observed Aiden playing with his toys. I usually watch him as he plays, but I’ll be real with you, sometimes it’s more like half watching, half doing something else. But this time, I really watched him.

He picked up his three favorite teddy bears, his Donald Duck, his Elmo, and The Cat In The Hat, “Oohh, the bad guys are coming!” he said to his stuffed animals. “We have to hiiiiddeee!”

“Oh no! Where can we go?” he continued. With them still cuddled in his arms, he jumped onto his bed. “Whew! That was a close one.”

“Ohhh… a ghost!” he went on. “We have to get them outta here!” He picked up The Cat In The Hat, and spun it around and around. Then, there were a series of more sound effects – oohhs and aahhs and uuhhs. Then, “I’m gonna throw you outta here, you ghost!” He threw the “ghost” out of the bedroom, shut the door, and turned to the rest of his stuffed animals declaring “That ghost is NOT coming back!”

Then his voice changed and it became somewhat high-pitched and squeaky as he turned to his dog, “You’re my favorite dog. I’ll protect you from the ghost, okay?!” He gave the dog a hug and a kiss. “Come on, doggie,” he added. And he proceeded to fall on his bed with his favorite dog snuggled tightly.

As I looked at this kid during his pretend play, I couldn’t help but to be amazed. I seriously cannot believe that this is the same little boy that I once held in my arms. The same little boy that I carried inside of me for 9-plus months and gave birth to almost four years ago.

I cannot believe that he no longer needs me to encourage him to engage in pretend play because his imagination is that awesome. I cannot believe how marvelous he has grown. And keeps growing.

Amazing. It’s simply amazing.

He started Pre-Kindergarten a few weeks ago and was ecstatic and nervous and happy to be in “big kid” school all at once. I can’t believe how well he has adjusted and how eloquently he speaks about his day, his teachers, and his friends.

The other day, as we were on our way to visit my sister, walking (we walk or take cabs or public transportation in NYC), Aiden was tired and asked me to lift him up. We hadn’t brought his stroller out with us so I gladly obliged to his request. As I was carrying my big little boy, a lady looked at me and asked, “Isn’t he too big for you to be carrying him?” (When it comes to parenting, New Yorkers always have to share their two-cents.)

Too big? Eh, maybe. But as it always does, time will move us on. And soon Aiden will really be too big for me to carry him. At the end of this month, he’ll turn 4-years-old and it blows my mind that one moment he wasn’t here, and the next moment, after that one. last. push… EXHALE…. he was here. Just like that.

Aiden is like… a real person. Wow!

So at those moments – while he was playing with his stuffed animals, while he was officially becoming a Pre-Kindergartener, and while I was carrying him to my sister’s house – I decided to embrace my little guy. And as I snuggled him tightly, I took a note from Mr. Aiden himself. I said, “You’re my favorite.” And I gave him more hugs and more kisses.

I know for many of you, it’s midterm time (whether it’s looming ahead of you or it just passed). You’re studying, writing papers, finding time to read your textbook or meet up with classmates. You might be feeling a little draining and wondering, “How am I going to do this?” I thought it would be helpful for you to hear from a woman who has seen the mountaintop!

Melvina just got her Ph.D in medical and human sciences. Her PHD. As in, PUSHING HIGHER – DAMN! LOL. But in all seriousness, she’s doing it and doing it well. I asked her for some insight into how she did it and she’s sharing her insights with us. Ladies, get out your notebooks – she’s taking us to school:

Hi Girls,

First of all thank you to Tara for giving me the opportunity to write this post about getting through your studies as a mummy. Now, I’m no expert by any means on this topic, but as I’ve just been awarded my PhD, I am so pleased that I made it to the other side and feel now is the time to share (can I get a woop woop and an Amen?!).

I don’t really like giving ‘advice’ as such, because I think there are only 2 experts on any one person’s life – yourself and God. However, just because I couldn’t find any proper advice when I was studying, and whilst it’s all still very fresh in my mind and raw in my heart, I just felt that I had to share my tiny pearls of experience with other mummies. I know it’s hard – I’ve been there and I’m on the other side just trying help at least one person feel like they can make the jump too!

So, first of all, I thought I’d give you a little background to where I’m coming from…

I started my PhD towards the end of 2006 and party party partied!

In 2007 my Dad died – big blow there ladies as I’m sure you can imagine!

Also in 2007, I found out I was pregnant – let’s just say it was a pleasant surprise.

In 2008, I had our daughter and took 9 months of university – during which time I was emotionally ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE.

In 2009, I distracted myself from my feelings by planning our wedding and in 2010, I decided to knuckle down and do my best. I tried my hardest and then had a viva (like the final oral exam, which is a bit like an interview-stylee interrogation on your work!). The result of my viva was not what I had hoped for. They wanted me to do more and said I had 6 months to do it all in. After spending over 3 years already, I was distraught. But you know what, I did it – and now I’m done! FINITO! DONE! DUSTED! Heck it’s OVER! Praise the lord and pour the champagne!

Here are my top tips…

MOST IMPORTANTLY: Remember that regardless of what happens with your studies, you’re learning. Even when things don’t go according to your timetable and it takes you a bit longer – you’re still learning life lessons. If it does take you a bit longer – so what?!?! You grew a baby in your belly and pushed it out dammit! If you can do that, you’ve already achieved something amazing. So amazing that lots of women with qualifications and great jobs would envy your position – really, it’s true, I work with them now! Everything else after that little person that you have made is a bonus, it really really is. If you have made more than one little person – hats off to you!

Girls, just remember that and you can keep smiling, playing, laughing, hoping and praying – you really can do anything you set your mind to, especially with God behind you. You just have to believe in yourself, know that you don’t have to do it alone and just take one day at a time. If you’re struggling, take a step back– it’s always better to come up for air when the water gets too deep!

Over the next day or two, I’m going to be sharing my ‘pearls’ of experience – so look out for my take on comparing yourself to other Mums, making the most of ‘team Mum’, the pitfalls of juggling too much and problem sharing tomorrow.

Read more about Melvina at her blog, Planning, Praying, Praying (what a good read!)

Read part two and part three.

Okay, loyal readers, I have a quick question for you:

How many of you are single moms?

*hands go up everywhere*

Okay, then, the following information will be especially helpful to you then. On Thursday, I will be featuring a guest post from none other than Miss Samantha Gregory from RichSingleMomma.com. She’s written the book on single motherhood – literally – and has a lot to share with you all who are just starting out. Please head over to her site to see all that she has to offer. I know you guys will be good to her