I’ve Got Issues (But Again, Who Doesn’t?)

Things have been kind of stressful at my house lately. I can point to a few causes of it, but for the most part, I was frustrated with my ability to handle things on my own.

I started taking early morning walks to clear my head, I substituted a full glass a water for the cupcakes I like to eat when I’m stressed, I even developed a new mantra to help things roll off my back.

But still, it wasn’t enough. So I found a therapist and made an appointment.

This was my first experience with a therapist so I wasn’t sure what to expect. Was she going to look down on me? Was she going to “get” me? Shoot, how much is this going to cost me?

I was so nervous and anxious to get started that I was taking notes the whole week leading up to my first appointment. My notebook pages were filled with cringe-inducing phrases like, “I’m scared that no matter what I do, it won’t be enough”  or “I always feel like I’m bracing myself for something bad to happen.”

I walked in, met my therapist and the session began. I know I share EVERYTHING with you guys, but this, this I want to keep private.

But there were two points in the session where I broke down and cried. I had bottled up a lot of emotion and it was amazing to me that a woman I had just met 20 minutes earlier managed to get the heart of what I was feeling and sum it up in a way I had struggled to do for years.

As we were wrapping up the session, she asked me what I could this upcoming week that would be fun, just for me. I paused and thought for a long minute. Nothing came to me. This week I have work, kids, blogging, and sleep. That was all that was on the agenda. No “me-time.” No new book I’m dying to read. No spa visit. No pedicure. No facial. No fancy dinners out. Just me, my kids and the four corners of my house.

“I don’t even know what I like to do for fun,” I said, weakly.

She looked horrifed. “Well, then, we have to change that.”

As I left, I kept chewing on her last few words. Why didn’t I know what I like to do for fun? What does that even mean? I like blogging but is it fun? I like reading but is that fun? I like cooking, but does it count as fun?

The fun is missing from my life and I hadn’t realized it was gone. Like my therapist said (Ms. Fix-It, I’m going to call her), we have to change that.

If you are in a slump, or feeling depressed, I strongly encourage you to see a professional and talk about your issues. It will help to get an objective opinion and solutions to help you manage your life. Visit this searchable database to find a therapist (and their specialities) in a city near you.

Comments

  1. It’s awesome that you took that very important, but difficult, step to go and talk to a therapist. We all need that – each and everyone one of us.
    .-= Yakini´s last blog ..Im Not the Mom I Want to be Right Now =-.

  2. DianeChristina says:

    Thank you for sharing in the blogaspehere that you’re seeing a therapist. Bravo for admitting that all isn’t right. It made my day to see that I’m not alone when it comes to challenges in life. With that said continue on your journey to finding happiness again. I’m seeing a life coach that has opened my eyes to many of my thought and fears.

  3. Ms. Prince says:

    As always you hit the nail right on the head! I have been saying for the longest that I want to go see a therapist but always put it off until the next time I can’t take it anymore, which leads me back to square one…***wheh***
    I remember when I wanted to do a fellowship my topic was going to be on Mental Illness in the Black Community because we avoid it like the plague because of our religious beliefs, etc. I know I should go see a therapist, because they are skilled at their profession, but have always been told to go pray or it’s all apart of being a mom and I have to have faith. Since you had the courage to go, I think I am going to go too. As always, thanks for sharing.

    • @Ms. Prince – I was just like you! People looked at me like I was “crazy” for wanting to go to therapy – “You just have two small kids – of course you’re stressed!” But I wanted to talk to someone, maybe even just to vent about my feelings. And I’m glad I did. I’m proud of you for taking that next step. :)

  4. Tara: Like I said on the facebook page, I think it’s great that you’re seeing a therapist. As a therapist-in-training (cant wait for grad school to be over!), they strongly recommend that we see one ourselves to work through our own issues and biases. I have been seeing one for about 6 mths and it has been absolutely fantabulous. Period.

    It is absolutely key to your effectiveness as the fabulous mommy and wife that you are to get some “you” time in. I’m sure that once you unlock that part of you that makes you “you,” you’ll be even more fabulous.

    I’m so proud that you took the first step and made the right decision to “talk it out” with a therapist. It just shows the world (once again!) how amazing you are. Cheers!
    .-= alicia´s last blog ..2 1-2 Years Later and =-.

  5. I’ll echo everyone’s sentiment that you are so very smart to seek help. We all know that culturally, we brush off therapy, and that’s a part of why we hold on to our “I can fix me” disorders, and end up perpetuating fixable cycles of bull-ish! Wooosah!

    I wish you success in your quest to conquer what’s going on with you, and come out of it an even better woman!
    .-= Execumama´s last blog ..En Route to Healthy- The Home Stretch =-.

  6. Thank You for making me feel that it is OK to go to therapy. Constanly feeling stressed and running on fumes due to lack of sleep. Its good to let your frustations out. Sometimes I want to talk to my husband about things, but he is as stressed and tired as I am! So getting outside counsel would really help. I have even begun a Vent Blog. It really helps. It will have to do until I can find time to see a therapist.

  7. Tara, I think its wonderful that you not only acknowledged that you are having some difficulties and want to talk to someone, but knowing that and actually doing it are two very different things, and I think it is great that you acted on it. A therapist or counselor can be very beneficial. I saw different counselors and therapists for years when I was a teenager due to abuse from my father and his wife, then after I felt I was handling life well on my own, I ceased the visits. After getting pregnant and having my then-fiancee leave me, I decided to return to my counselor. And let me tell you, he was an absolute Godsend during that time, and during the unexpected horror that was my son’s extremely premature birth. I don’t know how I would have gotten through that time without my counselor. I continued to have regular visits with my counselor for a few years, then ceased the visits again. I’ve lately been toying with the idea of going back, as things in my life are becoming a bit crushing again. I believe that asking for help or talking with someone is very important when you feel you need it. Even if you don’t really feel you need it to function properly, its still a good option to have, and it can never hurt.

  8. Brava to you for realizing you needed a little help and getting it! Too many mommies are told “your kids are young” or other excuses as to why you should suck it up, just pray about it or whatever. Sometimes you just need to talk it out with a relatively disinterested party to get your act together. Or keep it together. When my oldest was born, my OB suggested therapy and antidepressants because of the severity of her illness. I thought I could handle it, I am every woman! But, I couldn’t. It took about a year before my house of cards fell down, and it was terrible. Therapy definitely helped.

  9. Therapy changed my life. Good for you and good luck! You’ll be so happy you did this!
    .-= Distributary´s last blog ..Conspiracy Theory =-.

  10. Melissa says:

    As a therapist I love this post! Life itself is stressful, no matter what developmental stage you are in! There is a fantastic quote in a Dar Williams song called “What Do you Hear in these Sounds” that says “And when I talk about therapy, I know what people think; That it only makes you selfish and in love with your shrink; But oh how I loved everybody else; When I finally got to talk so much about myself.” A fifty minute therapy session a week is such a gift women can give themselves! One hour ALL ABOUT YOU! It’s awesome, really. And self-awareness makes one a richer, more fulfilled, complete person (my belief anyways!). Great post!

  11. Wow! Thanks for sharing… I have been struggling with parenting. Balancing is a struggle also but parenting my oldest is bigger. I actually took this very step two weeks ago and scheduled an appointment. Mine is next week and the thought of it has me on pins and needles. I have been to a therapist before, but for this i am a little frightened, but i am ready….thanks for the encouragement!