I was minding my business the other day, watching TV, when I came across what I thought was a funny (albeit stupid) commercial:

Haha, “typical dad” can’t get away from his power tools and uses them to drill holes in the chicken. Funny. But then the tagline gave me serious pause. “Ragu – Mom’s Favorite For A Reason.”

Um. Wait a minute. The whole commercial was about a dad (and the mom, but primarily about the dad) getting his kids to eat dinner and then you close with that tagline. Does anyone else see what’s wrong with this?

And it’s not just Ragu. It’s everyone.

I bought some applesauce the other day and it said, “Trusted by Moms since 1912.” So Dads don’t trust it? What are we really saying when we exclude fathers from the “parenting equation”?

I used to fall for that type of marketing though. It used to make me feel good like, “Heck yeah, I buy only the best for my family.” But then I realized it was a problem that my husband didn’t know what type of anything I bought for the family. He didn’t know whether we used Luvs or Huggies; Minute Maid juice versus Ocean Spray; Motrin or Tylenol. He didn’t keep track of how many diapers we had or whether the kids had their annual appointments for their well-baby check-ups.

To be sure, there was a lot of stuff my husband did do around the house. But there was a lot he didn’t even realize was a task to be done. As I wrote on the YML Facebook page the other day, When did we vote that I would be the one “in charge of stuff”? Can Mama get a recount? 

Because I didn’t know I signed up to be in charge of everything. I really didn’t. We just kind of fell into these roles and we fell even harder when I decided to become a work-at-home mom. Geez, oh man.

But society conditions us to think that caring for the family (and by extension, buying products for the household and making appointments and preparing dinner) is a woman’s job. Men, if they’re in the house, are supposed to make money. And that’s it. Even if the woman is making money as well, all that other stuff is still her domain.

Up until about a week ago, I felt bad that the house wasn’t always clean when my husband got home at 5:30. After all, I had been home all day, right? But I had to remind myself that 1) he lived here too and has functioning arms and hands to tackle the mess 2) these are his kids too who make endless messes all day long and 3) just because I work at home doesn’t mean I should be working on the home while I’m here.

We need to push for more father involvement. Stop saying “Moms” when we mean “parents.” Parenting magazine might as well be called Moms Monthly. Dads get high fives and cookies for simply bringing home a paycheck when a mom doing the same thing gets criticized for being too ambitious. And we wonder why moms are stressed out and anxious for more help around the home, why men don’t just jump in and do things unless they are specifically asked. We wonder why the “Mommy Wars” exist but there is no comparable war between fathers. (As Jen pointed out in her post, when was the last time you heard the phrase “working dad”?)

Today’s fathers are much more involved than their fathers (remember when most of them weren’t even allowed in the delivery room?), but I still feel like we have a long, long way to go before there’s equality between the two parents. Of course, I don’t think we’ll ever get to the point where things are 50/50 and stay that way forever. I understand there’s a natural ebb and flow to family life and at times Mom puts in more effort and at times Dad puts in more effort.

But when society treats fathers as optional or invisible beyond what they provide financially, is it any wonder that Dad isn’t hopping up off the couch trying to see what needs to be done around the house? Don’t get me wrong – there are some outstanding dads out there who go above and beyond to provide their families both financially and emotionally. They’re on top of things. But they are viewed as the exception, not the norm. And that bugs me.

What do you think, ladies? 

I had what was hands-down one of the best Mother’s Days I’ve ever experienced.

First off, my kids were with their grandparents on Sunday morning, which meant *drumroll please* I could sleep in! Hallelujah. Then I got breakfast in bed (something I had been asking for for SIX YEARS) and my honey outdid himself by picking some flowers from the backyard to put on my tray.

The kids came back around noon and I got some hugs and kisses and then proceeded to go upstairs to the bedroom to twist my hair and paint my nails while watching movies on Netflix. The kids STAYED DOWNSTAIRS.

Then, around 6, my daughter came upstairs to tell me dinner was ready. I came down to a feast – steak, cheesy potatoes, greens, whole wheat rolls and my new favorite drink, a raspberry limeade. It was delicious!

It was a perfect Mother’s Day, from beginning to end. I am grateful.

And I wondered to myself, “Why can’t every day feel like this?”

It felt great to be pampered, for the kids to understand that Mommy needed a day off, for my husband to make dinner and clean up the kitchen afterward. It felt great to be able to take my time to paint my nails, instead of rushing and wondering why I need to take it off a day later because I didn’t take the time to put on the top coat correctly. It felt great to simply be and just enjoy my role as a mom without the stress.

So why can’t every day feel like that?

This Mother’s Day inspired me to actually “live life” rather than just try to get through it. It inspired to think of more ways to eliminate the stress and embrace the calm. I need more calm in my life.

How was your Mother’s Day? Peaceful? Same ol’, same ol’? 

My husband and I have been struggling to get our sex life back on track after baby. Since the “baby” in question is quickly approaching six years old, you’d think we would have figured this out by now.

We do great for a while and then it trickles off somewhere in the midst of finals and his hectic summer schedule and the inevitable cold I get out of the blue every twelve weeks. And then we do great for a while and then again it falls and dips in the abyss.

I’ve noticed that when our sex life is purring, our house is cleaner. We divide much more of the housework evenly. My husband kicks me out of the house so I can have “me time.” I’m less frustrated and stressed. In short, when our bedroom activities are on point, so is our marriage.

But see, it’s a Catch-22. Because in order for me to really feel like my sexual self, I need to feel good about our marriage and my husband’s appreciation of my role in it. I need to see him loading the dishwasher or asking me if I need anything before he heads to the store. I need him to give me a back massage just ’cause, not with the intention of getting me in the mood.

So I ask – what comes first: regular sex or a husband who is tuned into my needs? Is he tuned into my needs because HIS needs are getting met? Even though I don’t think physical touch is one of my main love languages…maybe it really is?

As I approach five years in this marriage (really, that’s it?), I’m amazed by all the lessons I’m learning about how to keep our twosome tight. And by far, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that if we’re cranky and pissy with each other, it’s probably because we haven’t been having enough sex. There’s something about physical connectedness that gives our relationship a boost. If we’ve gone a week without cuddling in bed, without holding hands as we drive somewhere, without giving each other a hug after work, then it shows in how we treat each other.

Let me know, mamas. Do you feel like you can be sexy if your partner isn’t tuned into your needs? Do you need to feel appreciated before you can get intimate? 

by Alicia Harper

It’s 11:30 on Sunday night. My friend M was visiting and just left to go home. She’s a good friend from high school and since she is away at school right now, we don’t get to see each other often so whenever she’s in town, I try to make time for her. Because I made time for her tonight, I’m going to be up for another couple of hours in an attempt to get things around her together and gear up for the week ahead.

There’s a load of laundry that I did this morning that I now need to put away. There are the dishes in the sink that I need to wash. There’s a million and one (okay, maybe more like 101) emails that I need to answer. There’s a blog post for tomorrow that I need to write. There are three upcoming deadlines that I have this week so I need to kick this Writer’s Block to the curb and start, well, writing.

Oh yeah, and I need to finish cleaning the bathroom too.

You see, I started cleaning the bathroom this morning. But then, I had to stop so that I could run downstairs to take the laundry out of the dryer. Then, Aiden and I had to leave to go to an event at the Scholastic Store in SoHo, NYC. He had a great time – listening to stories, meeting Word Girl, and rocking out to a child-friendly band. Me? I had an okay time.

You see, I usually have a great time when it’s just Aiden and me and we’re out and about. I love it. I love him. The kid is really like the best part of my day.

But these days… there seems to be so many distractions. These days… there seems to be so much multitasking. Stop this to start that; finish that to get halfway through this.

It’s exhausting.

And I’m tired.

I’m really, really, really (I’m not sure if moms are allowed to say this three times in the same sentence) tired.

And while I love Aiden and the life that I’m creating and working towards for us with every ounce of my being… I’m tired.

And while I enjoy my fulltime job counseling teens in foster care and love my side-hustle as a freelance writer… I’m tired.

I’m just gonna go ‘head and say the thing that strong, single mothers aren’t “supposed” to say lest we be shunned – I’m exhausted and would really like for someone to hold my hand on Mother’s Day. Just one day. With no distractions. Where I can rest and not have to think about something that I need to start or something that I need to finish.

Just one day. With no distractions. Where I can rest. And not have to worry about motherhood or work or emails or deadlines.

I’m happy with my life. It’s full and fulfilling and some kind of wonderful.

But I’m tired. (And that’s quite alright.)

I just want one day off. With no distractions. Where I can rest.

I’ll be fine the day after that – I’ll be back at it and back “on” it. Shoot, I’ll be better than fine. But, like Superwomen did, I need to take a commercial break. With no distractions. Where I can rest.

My husband keeps hounding me about what I want for Mother’s Day (a good problem to have, I think). And I honestly don’t know. Yeah, I’d like breakfast in bed or a new pair of shoes or maybe, just maybe a new purse. But I guess I’ve gotten to the point where Mother’s Day doesn’t mean as much to me as it used to. Perhaps I feel like I’m more aware of my own power as a mom. I’m more aware of when I need those breaks, so I’m not clamoring for a break come the second Sunday in May like I used to. I still love the fact that there’s a day dedicated to the hard work that mothers do day in and day out. So I thought about it and this is what I want as a mom. Some might be unrealistic. LOL I want…

1. My kids to call out for their father AT LEAST every other time they want something. Why on earth do they walk PAST their father on the couch to ask me for something? Let’s stop the foolishness.
2. A freely offered foot massage at the end of a long day without me having to ask.
3. The energy to hurl myself out of bed at least 45 minutes before the children wake up so I can go for a run and it’s not tortuous.
4. At least one Saturday a month where I can go shopping for an item for myself without a) the children or b) thinking about buying something for the children.
5. Enough money in the bank to hire a housecleaner.

Like I said, some of these might not be so realistic. (Looking at you #5 *sigh*) But it’s good to dream. What’s on your “dream Mother’s Day” list? Any of my items look familiar?

I can admit it – I hover over my kids.

I realized this a few weeks ago when I took my daughter to the bathroom at my son’s preschool (we were early to pick him up) and my daughter looked at me and said, “Mommy, can I go in the stall by myself? You can go in the stall next to me.”

I said, “Sure thing.” And we went in separate stalls.

Now, never mind that she goes to the bathroom by herself all the time in kindergarten. For some reason, I’m ALWAYS in the stall with her in public or in the bathroom with her at home. The girl is never out of my sight.

When we are out in public, they have to hold my hand or be close enough that I can grab them if need be. I’m worried about everything – pedophiles, racists, drunk drivers, mean people, kidnappers, you name it. When did the world start feeling so…unsafe?

While I’m not going as far as to buy bubble wrap in bulk and keep my kids nice and cushiony, I do find myself worried whenever they are out of my sight. Who are they talking to? Do they know the rules about strangers? Do they know about “good touch, bad touch”?

It’s exhausting. I occasionally read the posts over at Free Range Kids and it simultaneously fills me with hope and fear. Who are these moms who let their kids ride the subway by themselves or cook dinner at 5 years old? What’s wrong with me that I don’t feel comfortable letting my kids out of my eyesight at the park?

My mother was the original “hoverer.” Once we finally learned how to ride our bikes, she would let us ride from one stop sign to the other, standing on the sidewalk to monitor our movements and make sure we made it back to the house safely. I thought she was crazy until the day she loosed her rules and agreed to let us ride around the block, out of her eyesight. Wouldn’t you know, a man in a van approached me and my sister, asking us if we’d like to get in his van and help him find his kitty. Good thing my sister and I were such brats. “No, we don’t wanna help you find your stupid cat,” we replied, and pedaled off.

I think that might have scarred me. Just a bit. Because what were the odds that the one time she let us go around the block was the time we were almost abducted. That is crazy.

So yes. I’m still a hoverer. But I’m working on it.

What about you? Do you hover around your kids? Give them space to wander? Where do you fall on the continuum? 

I plopped my butt down and watched Brandy’s Behind the Music episode that I had been waiting for over the past couple weeks. As a teen girl, I was enamored with Brandy. I listened to “I Wanna Be Down” and “Best Friend” on repeat every day and I didn’t dare miss an episode of Moesha. I watched the “Baby” video and convinced my parents to buy me a white bubble coat like the one she on, paying no attention to the fact that yes, the coat looked good during the course of a video shoot, but not necessarily through the slush and grime of a Northeast Ohio winter.

I thoroughly enjoyed her Behind the Music episode, just so I could hear from her how she feels her career derailed after her unplanned pregnancy. She spent her whole career being the “good girl” so when she wound up pregnant and unwed at 21, her management team went into crisis mode. Rather than buckle under the pressure to get married, Brandy says she figured she would just tell everyone she got married instead.

by Latonya Moore

My mom gave birth to me ten days after her 14^th birthday.  There were times during my youth that I resented her for being such a young mom.  I mainly felt this way because of her absence, and I believed her being absent was caused by her lack of maturity.

Growing up as a child of a child, there were many things I took away from our circumstances, but there are two things that stood out the most.

1. Find support and be willing to listen to those that are offering advice.  Support is a key factor when dealing with the stresses of motherhood.  I did not have a support system when I gave birth to our first daughter.  Many days I was confused, and felt I had to go through motherhood alone. Of course, you cannot do everything that someone may suggest, but being able to discern and hold on to the good advice will help you make better decisions.  My mom shared with me that there were women {teachers} that tried to help her, but she was too focused on doing things her own way rather than heeding to their advice.
2. Do not feel guilty about your circumstances.  Whether it is being a young mom still finding herself or a single mom doing it mostly alone, try not to let guilt override your thinking.  My mom would feel guilty about not being there, and would try to buy my love whether through things or letting me have my way.  None of us want bratty children so we must continue to discipline and guide them.  When I was younger,  I would always tell myself that I would much rather have her be available to me and give me her time than any of the other stuff she tried to give me.

These two things held true when I became a mom at 22.  I had many internal battles; some were related to my own upbringing and some just came with the motherhood territory.  It was when my daughter was three that I realized that I needed to find support and stop feeling guilty because of my own childhood loss.

In order to get a grasp on motherhood, I first started believing in myself and began trusting my own instincts.  I joined local mommy groups and reached out to a few family members {primarily, my mother-in-law and a cousin}.  As far as getting over the childhood issues, I sought help from a professional counselor. She helped me believe in myself even more, and helped me sort through my childhood losses.  Today, I can say that I am a great mom.  I do still make mistakes and question myself, but I believe those things are necessary to make me become an even better mother.

Latonya Moore blogs at Little This…Little That.

A couple weeks ago, my daughter came home with information about a “wedding” in her kindergarten class. You see, Mr. Q and Mrs. U were getting married (because they love each other, you see) in an effort to teach the kids about phonics and all that jazz. My daughter was going to be a bridesmaid and they were going to have cake and punch and dancing and pictures of the wedding party. All the parents were invited to come and watch the ceremony.

“Can you come?” my daughter asks me.

“Sure,” I say, looking over the flyer. “I’ll be there.” I figure, I make my own hours and this is why – so I can be there at 10 in the morning to watch my daughter’s classmates get married.

But then I realize my son has a field trip on the same day and being that he’s only 3, I figure I need to go with him. They’re hiking at the local nature reserve and there’s ravines, a 2-mile trail, and other stuff he could get into.

So I can’t go to the wedding.

I take my son on the field trip and we hurry to pick up my daughter.

“So…whose parents were there?” I ask nonchalantly.

She quickly rattles off the names of every other students’ parents, meaning I was the only one who hadn’t shown up. Grr…

“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” I say to her.

“Why are you sorry?” she asks.

“Because I said I would come but then I couldn’t.”

She shrugged. “Daddy wasn’t there either. It’s okay.”

And then it hit me. She knew she had two parents who loved her and occasionally other things come up. She knows I wanted to be there but I had to take care of her brother, so why was I tripping so hard? I’m quite sure my husband wasn’t crying himself to sleep because he couldn’t be two places at once.

I’ve come a long way in terms of handling my mommy guilt, to the point where it creeps up only rarely, and once I realize it’s presence, it doesn’t stay nearly as long as it used to. Here’s four questions I had to start asking myself:

Are my expectations realistic? Like the example with the wedding and the field trip, it’s unrealistic to think I could be at two events at the same time. I chose the accompany my son outdoors because I didn’t want him falling off a cliff, whereas my daughter would be safe and sound indoors with her classmates.

Have I accepted that there is only so much one person can reasonably do in one day? I used to take a lot of pride in how many things I could check off my to-do list each day. If it was seven things, that was great. If it was ten, even better. If it was twenty, I felt amazing. But I was just looking at the quantity versus quality. If I do three things that really matter (research babysitter, pay the mortgage and make dinner), then that’s pretty amazing and I need to be happy about that.

Do I strive to make everyone happy each and every day? Have you read those funny signs that say “I can only please one person per day; today isn’t your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either”? Take that message to heart! I would kill myself trying to make it through the day without the kids having a meltdown, without things going haywire at work, and making sure I spent enough time on my marriage/relationship with my friends, keeping up with school work, etc. But honestly, it wasn’t working. I realized I couldn’t keep all the balls in the air every single day for the foreseeable future. So I found it okay to drop some balls every once in a while. It meant I didn’t always have to be the first one there to pick up my kids every day. I didn’t have to be the room mom every Wednesday and Friday. I didn’t have to have dinner ready promptly at 5:30 every day in time for my husband to come home to a hot plate. I don’t even know where these expectations came from but it definitely wasn’t from my family so why was I stressing?

Do I often “wake before the quake” – get up before the kids do? I heard stylist June Ambrose coin this phrase (and I mention the concept in my book, Make It Happen) and I loved it. So often we feel guilty because there is simply so much to do. But why aren’t we starting our days off with the acknowledgment that this job is hard work and we need to prepare ourselves mentally for it? I find that (when I manage to get up early enough) the days are a lot smoother. Because my kids weren’t my alarm clock, I had time to prep and figure out the day ahead.

Am I helping my children see that, yes, I’m Mommy, but I’m also a Friend, a Wife, a Daughter, an Employee? We spend so much time shielding our kids from the messiness of our other roles, but when we do that, is there any wonder why they won’t let us go to the bathroom in peace? In their eyes, we don’t have needs. We don’t need sleep. We don’t need quiet. We don’t need to sit down and eat in peace at the end of the day. But maybe it’s okay to let them in on the little secret that we’re humans too and we have needs just as much as they do.

Am I giving myself credit for the things I DO do? I give my kids hugs all the time, I wash their blankets at dinner time so when they snuggle in bed they’re still a little warm, I let them buy things from the $1 bin at Target and I don’t let a day go by without telling them I love them. I’m a good mom so mommy guilt can kiss my grits.

Do you struggle with mommy guilt? How do you cope?

I finally, finally, finally got part two up! Read part one if you missed it.

Erica asks: How long did it take to become self-employed?

If you read my “How I Went From Laid Off To Gainfully Self-Employed” posts, you’ll know that I started seeing enough income come in around month seven. Luckily, I was receiving unemployment and had a bit of severance pay to fill in those gaps in income. But it took a lot of determination to make it. It’s very hard to keep going and keep pressing forward when your bank account is bleeding out money faster than you can make it. You just have to put your head down, focus on your end goal and don’t give up until you get there. Continue to read industry blogs, find some books on business and by all means, please set a new budget and do your best to stick with it!

Felicia asks: How do you make it work?

I take it one day at a time, honestly. I think most people who are trying to be their own boss forget that you’re not just filling one role. You’re not just “President,” or “Owner,” or whatever title you decide to give yourself. You’re also the IT person, the mailroom, the receptionist, the advertising guru, the accountant. You are very much on your own and that’s scary. But the beautiful thing is, you can learn! I know what’s a legit tax write-off, how to do my expense sheets every month and all types of other things that I had no clue about 2010. Give yourself credit – you’re smart and you can learn.

Gaetane asks: How do you make a steady income? 

I started off chasing writing assignments, making anywhere from $10 to $750 per article. As you can imagine, that’s some wild income fluctuations right there. So I tweaked my business and began seeking more long term clients, where we signed contracts up front saying they would pay me X amount for X amount of months. It changed everything. I could rest more easily because I knew where my work was coming from and it gave me the stability to plan my days better and also know when I’d have to time to try to find other clients. If you want to have your own business, try to figure out how to make your contracts long-term – you will thank me for it later!

I asked some moms on the YML Facebook page if they had questions about being their own boss. They did, and I answered some of them below.

Yoni asks: Why are some so opposed to being self-employed? 

Because it’s scary. When you’re working for someone else, you don’t realize how incredible it is that money appears in your bank account on schedule. That (if you’re lucky) you have insurance and benefits. There are a lot of benefits to being a 9-to-5er.

But once I got a taste for how cool it is to make your own schedule, it changed my life. I’m still overworked, but there’s flexibility in my days that is priceless. I can go grocery shopping at 11 a.m., make a decent lunch, take a nap if I want to (and if my son decides to sleep as well), take my kids to the park. Currently, I fit my work around my kids, whereas before I fitting my kids around my work. Make sense?

Erica W. asks:  How do you calculate if it’s worth it to leave a salaried position? 

Before I got laid off, I set a goal that I wanted to be self-employed by the time my daughter entered kindergarten. But looking back, I realize that I wouldn’t have been able to make that leap because I wasn’t planning it out correctly. Here’s my tips for determining if you can make that leap:

• What benefits come with your job that wouldn’t be easily replaceable? If you are a single mom with insurance at your job and you have a child with special needs, you might want to stay put in order for your child to get the best medical care. If you are part of a two-income family and you both have insurance offered as your job, then it might be more feasible for you to strike out on your own.
• Do you have at least one year’s worth of savings? Someone people advise that you have an emergency fund that is six months worth of expenses, but I say go for broke and fund that baby for a whole year. Is it hard? Yes. Is this attainable for most people? I’m willing to bet that it’s not. But you can try to do the very best you can. Start with your tax return and build from there. Pledge to yourself that this commitment will be worth it. Set up automatic transfers into your savings account so you don’t have to remember to do it.
• Plant your seeds before you’re hungry. Okay, truth time. I worked incredibly hard in the two years before I got laid off because I essentially had three jobs: Mommy to two, PR professional in my full-time job, and YML as my part-time job. You will work harder for yourself than you ever will for anyone else so get used to that now. In the year before you branch out on your own, it will be a constant grind. And in that first year that you are on your own, it will be a constant grind. But you know what? Around year two, things start to gel a little bit. Your income stabilizes. You have a better sense of your hours and what it takes to run a business. And then it’s all gravy.

Sarah asks: How can you tell if a work-from-home job is a scam?

There are three things I look for to tell if a job is legit or a waste of your time.

1. Misspellings. Most job postings are edited and refined so there shouldn’t be misspellings or typos.
2. Contact information. If you can’t tell who you’re going to be working for, if there’s no website for the company or an employee that’s listed as a contact, I’d suggest you walk away. A reputable company doesn’t mind potential employees learning about them. They want you to visit their website, search their employees’ backgrounds, be knowledgeable about their product or services.
3. Specificity in the job description. Let me give you an example: 

This is an example of a good work-from-home job ad. Why? It tells you exactly what it’s expecting and gives you examples of the type of work they are looking for.

You can look up their company, you can see the other websites they mention to get a feel for the style, you can assess if weekly articles are too much for you. They don’t mention payment in this ad, but you can look up Simply Good Media’s older job postings to see if you can get an idea of how much they pay for similar work.

I have one motto in life: Go big or go the hell home. I don’t like doing ANYTHING for the sake of just doing it. It’s all  or nothing. I either want to be KING OF THE WORLD or I want you to leave me alone and let me lounge in pajamas all day. There is no “medium” in my world.

But when I signed up for the 5K a month ago, I kind of knew I wouldn’t be setting any records. As I said in my last post about running, I would really like it if I could eat whatever I want, not move too much and not gain a ton of weight. I am not crazy about running and even now I’m kind of “meh” about it.

But once race day came? Suddenly I was doing my best imitation of Usain Bolt during the pre-race waiting period. I’m jogging in place, doing what I see the other racers doing for their pre-race stretches and talking smack about how much I love running. I know my husband was like, Who is this woman? 

We showed up on time to register and they give me my 5K shirt that my $25 paid for. I asked for a small and when they gave it to me, I held it up and said, “Man, this thing is huge!” Then I put it on and it fit perfectly.  *insert mad face here* They also gave me my racing bib (I dunno, I guess that’s what you call it – the paper with my racing number on it) and I was looking for the adhesive. My husband just shook his head and gave me the safety pins they had available so you could pin it to your clothes. Oh. Yet another thing I didn’t know about running. LOL

My kids were there and my sister came down to watch them while my husband and I ran. She’s starting to get a little more invested in her overall health and has been working out so I’m glad I could be motivating to her. I kissed my kids goodbye and my husband and I went to get in line for the start of the race.

I decided to sneak in a spot in the middle of the pack so I wouldn’t get run over by the fast people, but I didn’t want to be trailing behind everyone either. But then I realized there were more than 500 people in the race and my claustrophobia kicked in. I felt like Simba in the gorge:

OMG, I thought to myself, I’m about to get trampled. The starter’s pistol went off and we started running. I instantly got nervous because it hadn’t really hit me that I have yet to run more than 6 minutes at time. I’d run for 6 minutes, walk for 2, run for 6 minutes, walk for 2, etc. But this was a race. 

I managed to lose my husband in the crowd around 4 minutes in and I resigned myself to the fact that I’d have to run this race alone. Great. People started passing me, saying, “Excuse me! Excuse me!” I’m like, “Just pass me! You don’t have to announce it!”

I kept on running, even when I felt myself hit the 6 minute mark and I wanted to stop and do my usual routine. But I kept pushing and as I passed the 1-mile marker a volunteer was standing there calling out our times. “12:33,” she said as I ran by. Did I just run a 12-minute mile? That was my best time ever, so it gave me a bit of a confidence boost. But then I realized how far I still had to run and I hit a wall. I took a minute to walk and my husband found me in the crowd (which had thinned out by then).

We walked most of the second mile as I had the worst shin splints ever – I felt like my muscles wanted to detach themselves from my bones. I huffed and I puffed and I made my way to the final mile. Until that point, I had been running with no music, but I had tucked my iPhone in my pocket. I took it out and played Beyonce’s “Countdown,” which, if you didn’t know, has the perfect beat to run to. I played that song, then “Love on Top,” then “Party” until the finish line was in sight. I saw my parents, who had driven up to see me race and they started honking their car horn and being, well, parents. I kept focused and sprinted across the finish line.

I wanted to barf. I had to really concentrate on not vomiting all over the other runners who were standing on the sidelines, cheering for the slowest of us to cross that finish line. But I did it. I couldn’t breathe for a while and my body hurt, but I did it.

I am still not a runner, but I set a goal and I did it. That means a lot to me. And I wasn’t last!! I placed 488 out of 517. LOL.

I have my eye on another race at the end of June that benefits a local women’s shelter. I’m still not completely sold on running, but we shall see how this works out for me.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read about Scentsy on other blogs. It’s so popular I’m beginning to think it’s like Avon of the 80s.

YML friend Kanesha, who blogs at Money Matters Mama, is a new Scentsy consultant and she is so gracious as to  donate 15-20% of the profit to the YML scholarship program from people that order from this site. She’s incredible, isn’t she?

To order, go to https://kaneshavance.scentsy.us/Scentsy to browse the catalog and see what you’d like. To place your order, email Kanesha at kaneshavance at yahoo dot com so she can work with you to get free shipping.

She sent me the blueberry cheesecake scent for review and it smelled divine. At first, I was concerned because I didn’t think the scent was traveling. I could only smell it when I was right in front of it. But then I let it melt for about 10 more minutes and went about my day. I went upstairs and I could smell it. I went in the basement and I could smell it. A whole house that smells like blueberry cheesecake and I didn’t have to bake a blueberry cheesecake? That’s awesome.

Scentsy is different from the oil warmers I had been using previously and I’ll say they are better for two reasons.

With Scentsy, you place a chunk of wax in the ceramic holder and a small 15 watt lightbulb helps to melt the wax and scent your home. Once the wax cools, it hardens again. With my old oil warmers, once the oil was cool, it was still oil, which meant I would inevitably knock it over or spill it on the counter. I’m messy, I guess. But with Scentsy, I didn’t have to worry about that.

Also, it’s just a bulb that heats the oil versus the candles. So I don’t have to worry about my kids, which is a plus.

I highly recommend you check out her catalog and order a few products from Kanesha. Not only will you be helping yourself, but you’ll be helping other young moms in need by helping them afford books for school!

As I wrote last summer, I love dresses. The recent heat wave (where it was 82 degrees and gorgeous in March) allowed me to pull some of my dresses out of the back of my closet and take inventory. I’ve got some cute maxi dresses, printed sundresses, solid color lounge-around-in-the-house dresses—all part of my goal to be pretty without having to think about it.

But part of my goal is also to be a little more sophisicated. I’m pushing 30, which in the  long scheme of things is not old, but it sure is “grown.” I want to wear pretty outfits with coordinated make-up. Is that too much to ask? Nope.

Enter Shabby Apple. They have the most beautiful dresses and skirts to add to my wardrobe. Here’s a few of my favorites.

$35

$83

These dresses just make me feel like a grown-up, you know? I could see myself wearing that printed pencil skirt during a presentation or speaking engagement. That black skirt? Perfect for a “fancy” date. Can you all tell I’m looking to upgrade my life? LOL

I love that Shabby Apple has so many choices of dresses, skirts, jewelry and more. Now, it’s a bit pricier than some of the stores I usually shop in, but I think I need to give myself permission to splurge every once in a while, right?

Like Shabby Apple on Facebook to get special promotions and discounts, as I know we all like discounts, right?

Shabby Apple knows this as well as is giving my readers a chance to get 10% off on any purchase! Just enter the code “ ”youngmommy10off” when purchasing.

Disclosure: As compensation, I was given a Shabby Apple dress to review. As always, all opinions are 100% mine. 

I was trying to think of a snappy title, something more enticing but the simplicity of that statement (“Sometimes marriage is hard”) is something that a lot of people don’t quite understand. They don’t understand why marriage is hard at times, what to do when those hard times come, and how to move past the hard times when everything is good again.

I’ve been having some issues offline in my marriage. Nothing too major but just those minor aches and pains that you have when you’re still (even 8 years in) learning each other as part of a couple. Our biggest problem has always been communication. He’s not a talker and I am. As a writer, I love being able to sit down on the couch and just…talk. Throw in some food and that, to me, is a great date night. To my husband, that’s torture. (Well, he’ll enjoy the food.)

But lately, his effort to have meaningful conversations with me just wasn’t enough. I wanted more. But I didn’t know how to say that. So I did my usual beat around the bush approach, to which he stared at me blankly. So I had to be blunt.

“I need you to make more of an effort to respond when I try to have a conversation with you,” I said. “I don’t like when you give me one-word answers, when I feel like I’m pulling sentences out of you, or when you act like you’d rather be anywhere else than having a conversation with me. How does that sound?”

“I’ll work on it,” he said.

Now here’s the hard part – believing that this change will come. To be sure, we’ve had this conversation before. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this blunt before, but trust me, it isn’t the first time he’s heard it.

So believing that this will happen, that my needs will get met – it’s hard for me. Sometimes you don’t feel like showing patience toward your spouse. Sometimes you don’t feel like be nice all the time, considering their feelings, working toward a resolution. Sometimes you just want to be mad because, well, those are your feelings and you have a right to express them.

What I’m learning is that I can choose to be better. I can choose to show kindness to my husband rather than run my mouth (my first instinct). I can leave the room versus risk a verbal explosion. I can choose to take those hard moments and act in a way that shows my husband that I am willing to grow.