Okay, I know I’ve confused a bunch of you with today’s post. A little explanation, courtesy of Merriam-Webster:

Worry:

Read all the challenges here. 

Until this point, I’ve been sailing along with this challenge. I bought myself an accessory, I cleaned up my bedroom, I’m doing well.

But today’s challenge is stumping me and I’m not even sure why.

Day #7 – Get a hobby

The trick with this hobby is that it is supposed to be something fun for you. Not something that benefits the kids or makes you money, necessarily, but something that is for you and helps you unwind and deal with the stress that inevitably builds in our lives.

As I’ve said before, I have no hobbies. Unless you count writing, but even that is something I do in the course of a career. I don’t write privately anymore. Everything that my fingers tap out on the keyboard is for public consumption.

So other than that? I have no idea. For like six seconds I started to take up knitting but I felt like it was an old-lady pursuit and I was trying to find something more “hip.”

Then I tried running and that worked until I messed up my knee.

Then I tried Zumba and then I wanted something that was less exercise and more…fun.

So I started baking. I subscribe to a gazillion cooking magazines anyway and it was nice to be able to whip up so many different pies and cakes from scratch. But my “on Sundays I bake” mantra was catching up with my thighs and I had to cut back on how often I baked before I gained too much weight.

So I’m still looking for something to do, something that is just mine and something that’s not too expensive. I came up with a brief list below. See if anything strikes your fancy:

1) Jewelry maker. My girl Brooke from Jewelry Rockstar (she is also profiled in Make It Happen) makes beautiful pieces of jewelry and she makes it look so easy!

2) Running. Train for a 5K, then a 10K, half-marathon, marathon and more. There’s running groups, cute running gear, etc.

3) Learn to play an instrument. I don’t have any particular skills, but I’d like to learn how to play the piano (maybe because I figure I like tapping on the keyboard, it’ll translate musically? I don’t know.)

4) Sewing. So many moms are making one-of-a-kind outfits for their little ones (and some are turning it in a full-fledged business). I’d love to think I could make pretty hair bows or skirts or sweaters for my little ones.

So what’s your hobby? Please give me some more suggestions  

Read the rest of the challenges here.

So. I talk about gratitude a lot. We just had a #SurvivalGuide chat about it a few weeks ago. I shared with you my gratitude project of 2011. And I’m back at it again. Because I know it’s hard to be super positive and happy all the time, especially when you’re having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Day #6 challenge – Write 100 Things You’re Grateful For

Now I know 100 things is a lot. But trust me, after you write this list, you’ll sit back and think, “Hmm…I’ve got a lot going for me in my life. This ain’t too bad.” I took 10 minutes and came up with 25 things. Over the next couple days I’ll add to the list whenever something strikes me.

1. This mild winter weather we’re having.

2. A reliable car.

3. Two healthy kids.

4. Happy husband.

5. Full fridge.

6. Working heat.

7. Having two kids who love school.

8. Netflix.

9. Good friends.

10. Good health.

11. MY house.

12. The fact that I’m only nine credits away from my Master’s degree.

13. A spacious kitchen.

14. Two sisters who are doing their own thing.

15. Two loving parents.

16. My iPhone.

17. A wonderful, supportive  community of moms here at YML.

18. Open doors to new opportunities.

19. Gmail (makes life so much easier)

20. Teachers at my daughter’s school who really know how to make learning fun.

21. Parents who love watching their grandchildren as a way to make my life easier.

22. A handful of work-at-home mom friends who know how life can be when you’re building your career and raising your kids all in the same space.

23. 30 Rock and Parks & Recreation on Thursdays.

24. A growing sense of spirituality and direction in my life.

25. My home office.

Go ahead and list a few things you’re grateful for in the comments. We want to hear ‘em!  

Read the rest of the challenges here. 

The quality of my sleep for the past five or so years has been pretty crappy, as I’m sure you can relate. I put the kids to bed around 7:30, they call out for me around 8 complaining of thirst, I get them to go to sleep, then I settle down to work. I get into a rhythm, I get a snack, I knock out a bunch of work. But then my eyes can no longer stay open and I see the clock is inching close to 1 a.m. I sigh and shut down the computer and pass out in the bed.

Inevitably, one of my kids will awake, screaming, at 1 a.m., because they’re hot/too tired/scared/thirsty/have to pee. My husband doesn’t hear them (uh-huh, sure) so I stumble into their room to see what’s wrong. I pass out again. Then wake up at 6.

I am exhausted 99% of the time. 

And I don’t know if I can do so much about it, being the mother of two young kids and all. My sleep quality is probably going to average between a C- and an F+ for the next few years. My goal, quite honestly, is to wake up and not immediately want to go back to sleep. I’ve set the bar low. So let’s get on to the challenge:

Day #5 – Sleep like a baby 

And by this, obviously I don’t mean wake up every three hours and eat. Although that would be awesome.

Instead, I want us to think about how we put our kids to bed when they are little. Most baby books and pediatricians and wise elders (lol) will tell you to come up with a bedtime routine, something along the lines of a bath, baby massage, breast or bottle, and rocking them to sleep. They’ll come to understand that bedtime is coming and the hope is they will go down without a fight.

But I realize that I am so far from having a bedtime routine that’s laughable. My current routine is to stumble up the stairs and collapse face first on the bed. And I wonder why I’m groggy in the morning.

My new bedtime routine involves:

• Spending 30 minutes to transition from work to bed. No more falling asleep with the laptop on my lap in bed.
• Taking a hot shower before slipping into my PJs.
• Warming up my lotion to give myself a quasi-massage after I get out the shower.
• Keep a good book or magazine on the side table (no textbooks!) to give myself some time to leisurely read.

Read the rest of the challenges here. 

I can admit freely that I am not a “glass is half full” kinda gal. I want to be and I really, really try, but most days I’m shaking my fists and muttering under my breath, “Why can’t anything go right??”

But that changes now. I’ve got a lot on my plate and there’s got to be some way to survive it all. How can I maintain a more positive attitude, keep my focus when things get hectic (which lately has been every damn day), and not melt under the stress?

I asked my sister and she suggested I do some affirmations, short positive statements that you repeat to yourself daily to put you in a more aware and focused frame of mind.

Today’s challenge:

Day #4 – Come up with three affirmations and post them in different places around your house. I’d suggest putting one someplace you will see when you first wake up, and another one someplace you’ll see when you get home from work/school/picking the kids up, etc. But again, this is up to you.

Here are mine:

I always need energy. Always.

In the morning, I’m always dragging a bit, so I figured I’d put these on the bathroom mirror (ignore the dirt) to give myself a boost each morning.

Usually. Most of the time. Doesn't hurt to repeat it.

I posted this one on my kids’ bedroom door, to give me a quick reminder before I open their bedroom door in the morning. I’m hoping this will keep me in the “It’s a blessing to be their mama” mindframe, versus the “Lord, if these kids say, ‘Mommy, can I have…’ one more time I’ll scream” mindframe.

Do share: What are your affirmations?

It’s back! My favorite feature on YML is {She Inspires}, mainly because I love meeting new moms and hearing what makes them great. I just met Bella Rose, creator of Mamademics.com. She’s blogging about the intersection between motherhood and…whatever else is on your plate, whether it’s school, work, your love life, etc. She’s very cool people and I hope you make her feel very welcome!

Name: Bella Rose

Age: 28

Blog name/URL: www.mamademics.com

Kids (When are you due?): My first son is due March 28, 2012

When someone says I inspire him or her I say nothing initially. I tend to be very shocked when someone says it, because being an inspiration isn’t something I purposely try to do. It’s very flattering and actually makes me feel a little pressured to be perfect.

I decided to start Mamademics because one of my friends asked me to serve as a guest blogger for her site The Celeb Mommy, and while coming up with posts for her she kept encouraging me to start a site of my own. I didn’t realize how many people are interested in the life of a “regular” mom who is attempting to have it all so to speak. I hope that when Mamademics officially launches in the coming weeks it will become a network for other women who decide to not only pursue a career in academia, but to have a family as well. There are not a lot of resources for us and we are generally discouraged from having children until we’ve obtained a tenure track position and/or fulfilled our requirements for tenure.

Whenever I have a moment of free time I look forward to curling up with a non-school book or watching mindless reality TV. I know those are two totally different things, but they are both relaxing for me.

On really tough days I cry in the shower. I have always been a sensitive person, so even before the pregnancy I found myself having mini-emotional breakdowns every few months since starting grad school. If I feel the tears overwhelming me, I use that time to take a shower, wash my hair, and cry while playing India.Arie in the background. It’s a very cleansing thing for me, and I’m actually going to miss my long showers once the baby comes.

The thing that scares me the most about becoming a mom is messing up someone else’s life. It’s one thing if I make a mistake that alters my own life, but I am now responsible for another human being and I absolutely do not want to mess up his life in any way.

The thing that excites me the most about becoming a mom is knowing that I had a hand in bringing another life into this world and nurturing him. I absolutely cannot wait to watch him grow and experience everything that life has to offer.

If my son can only remember one thing I taught him, I hope it’s that an education will take him far and it’s the one thing no one can take away from you. Being well educated not only opens doors for you, but it also prevents others from taking advantage of you. This does not mean that I expect him to go to college and obtain several degrees, because you can have a degree and still be uneducated. I want him to educate himself in ways that the classroom does not always do.

I’ll feel like a great mom if I can balance it all. If at the end of the day, my son is happy and well taken care of and I’ve managed to not only fulfill my career requirements, but maintain a stable marriage as well I will be pleased.

The hardest part of being pregnant and a student has been the loss of control. This is the first time in my life I’ve felt like I can’t control everything. I felt like there was so much I needed to do, but didn’t have the energy to accomplish. During the first 6 months of my pregnancy, I was finishing up PhD coursework while teaching 5 classes, so I didn’t feel like I was able to truly enjoy every single moment of the pregnancy initially. I worried a lot about getting adequate sleep something that I didn’t think about before the pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant the last week of my summer term of classes, and I know that my term papers were not up to par; and then I took my last course in the fall and it was so hard to stay focused. Overall, I didn’t feel like I was able to give as much energy to my schoolwork and teaching, because I had so much going on hormonally and mentally.

My support system wouldn’t be complete without my husband. I have been very fortunate to have the support of both of our families and friends throughout my pregnancy. I am consistently amazed by the love our families and friends show us on a daily basis, but overall I couldn’t imagine going through this pregnancy without a supportive partner. From the moment I called him frantic about our “unplanned” pregnancy he has been a rock of support. From cooking to cleaning to giving me pep talks when I didn’t feel like I could handle being pregnant at this point in my academic career, he has been there. Living so far away from our families has forced us to rely on one another more, and this pregnancy has shown me that we can be the ultimate support system for one another.

My personal motto is you can’t always help the cards you’re dealt, but you can always play them to win.

Our challenge is coming right along. Make sure you check out the challenges from day #1 and day #2!

Day #3 – Identify a daily pick-me-up.

When life is getting to be a bit much (the kids won’t stop screaming, you got stuck in traffic, your husband/boyfriend is getting on your nerves), what do you do? How do you relieve that stress?

Two things to note:

1) It has to be pretty accessible. Your daily pick-me-up thing can’t be running off to Vegas or taking a road trip. It has to be something you can reasonably fit in within the day.

2) It has to be affordable. If you feel your stress melt away during a $60 full body massage, that’s great – but I don’t even know you and I know you can’t afford to do that every day. So pick something that’s budget-friendly and will get you back on the happy side of life in no time.

My pick-me-ups? Well, I don’t mind if I do.

1) Scrubs on Netflix. Love, love, love this show. Watching med school students fumble their way through hilarious mishaps? Oh, yes.

2) Sex and the City reruns. I get lost in the shoes, in the friendships, in NYC. It’s great escapism for an hour or so.

3) 30 minutes on the elliptical. I hate it so much, but I feel great when I’m done.

4) Hot chocolate or tea. Something about holding a warm cup in my hand makes me feel nice and cozy and helps melt the stress away.

Your task? Identify one (or two!) pick-me-ups that you can implement the next time you got so much stress you can’t even think straight. Share your favorite pick-me-up in the comments!

Sometimes in the mornings, I can count five negative statements before a positive one rolls off my tongue.

“Ugh, my hair is too dry.”

“Shouldn’t have eaten that cinnamon roll.”

“When’s the last time I painted my toenails? They look a mess.”

“My boobs just ain’t what they used to be.”

Enough is enough!

I want us to start thinking and speaking positively about ourselves.

Day #2 challenge is to write yourself a love letter.

Doesn’t have to be a long letter, but long enough to make you feel thoroughly excited to be…you. Here’s my letter below. If you chose to publish yours, feel free to link to it on the comments, or even paste it in the comments below:

Dear Tara, 

2011 was a doozy for you. We can admit that, right? You struggled a bit with the new reality of being self-employed and of being the full-time caretaker of two young kids. But guess what? You did it. You wrote a book. You published 175+ blog posts. In the last six months of the year, you edited 25 manuscripts and volunteered in your daughter’s classroom numerous times. 

You make sure everyone is taken care of and you do it well. You have no problem sacrificing your time or sleep or money to make sure your family has what they need. You are a generous person with a heart the size of Texas. You love hard and you never stop thinking of ways to be a better woman, wife, sister and friend. That counts for a lot. 

I want you to ease up and cut yourself some slack. You’re awesome. And every day you should know that. 

Go on and write yourself a love letter. Let’s see how you feel after you write it. 

Day #1 challenge update – So I went to Target and bought some nail polish. This is a big deal because it’s OPI nail polish, not the cheap $2 (or lower) kind that I usually get. So I splurged on myself – it felt great!

I had a meltdown over the weekend due to some mounting stress that I had no outlet for.

You see (and this is hard to admit), I have no life outside of my children and my husband. I rarely hang out with my friends anymore, I’m working long hours and I spend 80% of the day with a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old. Don’t get me wrong – I love my kids and my family is thriving right now.

But I’m not thriving. Big things are happening, sure, but in terms of my self-care, things have been lacking a bit.

So I’m introducing a new self-care challenge this week. It’s been two years (really?) since my last Happy Mom challenge and I feel the need to do it again.

Join me on Twitter this week with some fun ways to take care of yourself first.

Day #1 challenge - Get a new accessory. 

Depending on your budget, it might not be possible to go shopping so often. But you can usually squeeze out $5 for a cool bracelet or pair of earrings. Check out some Etsy finds:

For the longest time, I’ve struggled with worthiness. I used to think it was low self-esteem and maybe it is. But somehow, deep down inside, I don’t think I’ve been worthy of the “good stuff.” Of having a devoted husband. Of having great grades and multiple degrees. Of making a good salary and being with my kids as often as I’d like. Somehow, during my moments of struggle I’d think, “Well, I’ve made some mistakes in my life, so surely this crisis/situation/problem is just what I deserve.”

It pained me to think highly of myself and to brag about my accomplishments. The not-so-in-your-face nature of Facebook helps, but the in-person, “here’s what’s great about me” networking? I struggle. Mightily.

When I have great career success, I kind of whisper about it to anyone who’ll listen.

So yesterday, I came home and found this in my mailbox:

It’s a feature in Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine, about the “new” world of self-publishing. My career and my book, Make It Happen, were featured. Obviously, I knew it was coming because I had an interview with the staff writer, the photographer came to my house, and I gave them my address to mail me an advance copy. No surprises.

As I stood there on the sidewalk with the magazine in my hand, I felt so incredibly proud of myself. Here I am, 26 years old, two children, a husband with an incredibly demanding career, nine credits away from a Master’s degree. Like, I really feel good about myself.

I feel like, even though I don’t know what the rest of 2012 will hold, or if 2013 will be able to top it, I’m good. I’m on a great path.

I’ve worked so tirelessly to make this “young mommy life” my platform. I want to speak for us and highlight our accomplishments. I’ve been up at 2 a.m. working on posts and researching nonprofits that assist with our needs. I chose to examine our population for my Master’s thesis. This is the most important work I’ve ever done and it’s gaining momentum.

I’m scared, y’all, because this pushes me even further out of my comfort zone. Like, I can’t even see it, it’s so far out of reach.

This is what I’ve been waiting for and praying for and working toward. I pray that I’m ready and even if I’m not, that I can accept success without doing my usual “Who, me?” routine.

I am deserving of good things. I work hard. I care tremendously. This is who I am.

Have you ever struggled with self-doubt or unworthiness? Do share so I know I am not alone in this. 

My oldest is now 5 (wow!) and my baby is 3.

Most moms admit that once the kids get out of diapers and into school, it’s tempting to think, “Maybe we should just have one more…?”

There’s something about having a baby in the house. Yes, it’s exhausting and you’re doing so much laundry and so little sleeping. But it’s a magical time. I’ve been having “baby cravings” for a couple months now, and while I think it might have something to do with my daughter starting school, I think it might have to do with something else entirely: I’d get another shot to excel as a Mom right out the gate.

I feel like I’ve learned so much now. When my daughter came home, I was a blubbering mess and didn’t have a clue as to how to proceed. I fumbled with breastfeeding, with patience, with nightly feedings, with everything until finally one day….I got it.

But on the other hand…three kids? I just can’t see it. I know plenty of moms have more than two kids and some even have a sizeable age range. They manage to make it look at least doable. My husband has officially put his, um, junk in retirement and wouldn’t have another kid if you paid him. He just keeps on praying for the Mirena and does a little happy dance when I get my friendly “not pregnant” reminder every month.

It’s not that I really want another kid. My two keep me busy all days of the night. But I do miss that baby stage. What I wouldn’t give for a whiff of that newborn smell. Ahh…

Let’s talk baby fever. Who has it, besides me? 

Want to know what it is? Get everything out of your head, either onto paper or your electronic calendar. 

Moms are notorious for this. I’m the only one in the house who seems to pay attention to what type of yogurt we eat, to how many Pull-Ups are left, to whether we can get through the winter without having to buy the kids new boots. I stay on top of all of that and my husband doesn’t worry about it, generally because he figures I’ve got it under control.

As a result, sometimes things fall through the cracks. The wrong things. Oops, it’s 8 a.m. and my daughter didn’t do her homework last night. Oops, I forgot to get Pull-Ups for my son now I have to make a last-minute dash to Walmart at bedtime. Oops, I didn’t switch over our bank account information with AT&T and now we have to pay a $35 late fee. All these little “oops!” have been adding up and giving me a reason to scream.

I talked yesterday about always feeling two days behind, and I’ve got this experiment going to try to alleviate some of that stress.

Daily tasks

I use Cozi.com for a running to-do list. The beauty is that I can make some items on there specific to me or my husband, but we both have access and can see what’s what. For other important tasks, I add it to my Google calendar, which is also on my phone. I set up alerts to remind me about the task and act accordingly.

Doctor’s appointments

My daughter has eczema, asthma and bladder issues, so I’m in the doctor’s office a bit. I hated not feeling prepared when they asked me the standard questions (“How often does she need her inhaler? Are you putting the lotion on her every day? How many times a day does she empty her bladder?”) so I went on the hunt for an app that could help me remember stuff. I’m still looking for a great all-around app, but I found the Asthma Journal that helps me track her asthma – how much of the medication I had to give her, how long her symptoms lasted and what they were, and what could have triggered the attack (exercise, outdoor allergens, illness, etc.). It feels really good to have details like this when we go to the doctor. It’s incredible.

Shopping lists

I mentioned this on the Facebook page the other day, but my discovery of the Fooducate app has changed my life in only three days. Basically, you scan the barcode of your favorite products and it gives you a nutritional grade for it. I was happy to see most of my food was as healthy as I thought it was, but a few items got flagged for being high in sodium, which I hadn’t noticed. The best thing about the app is it gives you the option to keep a running shopping list and you’ll know what’s healthy on your list before you even go to the store.

So there you have it. Some of my favorite apps that have been keeping this mama organized for the past week and a half (lol). Share some of your favorite “stay on track” tools below. 

A couple years ago I bought myself a 2009 car. It was the first car I ever owned and I wanted it to be more reliable than the 1997 Buick I was currently driving. My favorite feature? XM Radio.

But now I’m about to cancel my XM subscription because when I’m bopping my head to my favorite song of the moment, I miss out on the exchanges like this in the backseat:

Ayanna: I want to be a nurse when I grow up, just like Nana.

Thomas: I want to be a doctor when I grow up. I have to go to doctor college.

Ayanna: You can’t go to doctor college until you are much, much taller. Like taller than Mommy.

I’ve found one way to slow down and enjoy the moment is to simply listen to my kids’ chatter in the car. I’m always on the go, it seems. I’m running to pick up my kids, going to the grocery store, sprinting every week to class. I’m always two days behind on schoolwork, or housework, or work-work. And I now realize I don’t give my kids my full attention as often as I should. Yes, as a benefit of working from home, I see my kids much more. I haven’t done the math, but it’s about 70% percent more now. And most of that time is still spent doing other things. When did my life get so busy that my kids have to tug on my shirt to get me to turn around to pay attention to them? Granted, when I do focus on them, my focus is totally on them. My phone stays on the counter, the laptop is closed and I’m not multitasking with any other chore.

But sometimes I wish the laundry did itself and money just appeared in my bank account at will. I love those two kids and my actions need to show them that they are always going to be my priority. So a few changes:

• Get back to the one-on-one kid dates. We used to go on two kid dates a month, where my husband and I would each take one kid out and spend a few hours with them. Then we’d switch. It was fun because my kids really turn into different (calmer) versions of themselves when they’re not playing off the energy of their sibling.
• Work on a family schedule. I need to know when I’m supposed to be working and when I need to be having family time. Because currently, I’m trying to do both simultaneously and it’s not working. At all.
• Find some room in the budget (sigh) to sign the kids up for an activity. Whether it’s swimming lessons or dance classes, it’s something they can do that will boost their self-confidence and it’ll be something that I have to be fully present for.

On a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest), how busy do you feel most days? Am I the only one feeling the time crunch? 

It was wonderful to have lifestyle coach Lorraine Miller from Nourish By Nature join us for our biweekly Twitter chat! She definitely helped us figure out ways to make this motherhood gig not so stressful. Check out this chat’s best tweets!