For the longest time, I’ve struggled with worthiness. I used to think it was low self-esteem and maybe it is. But somehow, deep down inside, I don’t think I’ve been worthy of the “good stuff.” Of having a devoted husband. Of having great grades and multiple degrees. Of making a good salary and being with my kids as often as I’d like. Somehow, during my moments of struggle I’d think, “Well, I’ve made some mistakes in my life, so surely this crisis/situation/problem is just what I deserve.”

It pained me to think highly of myself and to brag about my accomplishments. The not-so-in-your-face nature of Facebook helps, but the in-person, “here’s what’s great about me” networking? I struggle. Mightily.

When I have great career success, I kind of whisper about it to anyone who’ll listen.

So yesterday, I came home and found this in my mailbox:

It’s a feature in Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine, about the “new” world of self-publishing. My career and my book, Make It Happen, were featured. Obviously, I knew it was coming because I had an interview with the staff writer, the photographer came to my house, and I gave them my address to mail me an advance copy. No surprises.

As I stood there on the sidewalk with the magazine in my hand, I felt so incredibly proud of myself. Here I am, 26 years old, two children, a husband with an incredibly demanding career, nine credits away from a Master’s degree. Like, I really feel good about myself.

I feel like, even though I don’t know what the rest of 2012 will hold, or if 2013 will be able to top it, I’m good. I’m on a great path.

I’ve worked so tirelessly to make this “young mommy life” my platform. I want to speak for us and highlight our accomplishments. I’ve been up at 2 a.m. working on posts and researching nonprofits that assist with our needs. I chose to examine our population for my Master’s thesis. This is the most important work I’ve ever done and it’s gaining momentum.

I’m scared, y’all, because this pushes me even further out of my comfort zone. Like, I can’t even see it, it’s so far out of reach.

This is what I’ve been waiting for and praying for and working toward. I pray that I’m ready and even if I’m not, that I can accept success without doing my usual “Who, me?” routine.

I am deserving of good things. I work hard. I care tremendously. This is who I am.

Have you ever struggled with self-doubt or unworthiness? Do share so I know I am not alone in this. 

My oldest is now 5 (wow!) and my baby is 3.

Most moms admit that once the kids get out of diapers and into school, it’s tempting to think, “Maybe we should just have one more…?”

There’s something about having a baby in the house. Yes, it’s exhausting and you’re doing so much laundry and so little sleeping. But it’s a magical time. I’ve been having “baby cravings” for a couple months now, and while I think it might have something to do with my daughter starting school, I think it might have to do with something else entirely: I’d get another shot to excel as a Mom right out the gate.

I feel like I’ve learned so much now. When my daughter came home, I was a blubbering mess and didn’t have a clue as to how to proceed. I fumbled with breastfeeding, with patience, with nightly feedings, with everything until finally one day….I got it.

But on the other hand…three kids? I just can’t see it. I know plenty of moms have more than two kids and some even have a sizeable age range. They manage to make it look at least doable. My husband has officially put his, um, junk in retirement and wouldn’t have another kid if you paid him. He just keeps on praying for the Mirena and does a little happy dance when I get my friendly “not pregnant” reminder every month.

It’s not that I really want another kid. My two keep me busy all days of the night. But I do miss that baby stage. What I wouldn’t give for a whiff of that newborn smell. Ahh…

Let’s talk baby fever. Who has it, besides me? 

Want to know what it is? Get everything out of your head, either onto paper or your electronic calendar. 

Moms are notorious for this. I’m the only one in the house who seems to pay attention to what type of yogurt we eat, to how many Pull-Ups are left, to whether we can get through the winter without having to buy the kids new boots. I stay on top of all of that and my husband doesn’t worry about it, generally because he figures I’ve got it under control.

As a result, sometimes things fall through the cracks. The wrong things. Oops, it’s 8 a.m. and my daughter didn’t do her homework last night. Oops, I forgot to get Pull-Ups for my son now I have to make a last-minute dash to Walmart at bedtime. Oops, I didn’t switch over our bank account information with AT&T and now we have to pay a $35 late fee. All these little “oops!” have been adding up and giving me a reason to scream.

I talked yesterday about always feeling two days behind, and I’ve got this experiment going to try to alleviate some of that stress.

Daily tasks

I use Cozi.com for a running to-do list. The beauty is that I can make some items on there specific to me or my husband, but we both have access and can see what’s what. For other important tasks, I add it to my Google calendar, which is also on my phone. I set up alerts to remind me about the task and act accordingly.

Doctor’s appointments

My daughter has eczema, asthma and bladder issues, so I’m in the doctor’s office a bit. I hated not feeling prepared when they asked me the standard questions (“How often does she need her inhaler? Are you putting the lotion on her every day? How many times a day does she empty her bladder?”) so I went on the hunt for an app that could help me remember stuff. I’m still looking for a great all-around app, but I found the Asthma Journal that helps me track her asthma – how much of the medication I had to give her, how long her symptoms lasted and what they were, and what could have triggered the attack (exercise, outdoor allergens, illness, etc.). It feels really good to have details like this when we go to the doctor. It’s incredible.

Shopping lists

I mentioned this on the Facebook page the other day, but my discovery of the Fooducate app has changed my life in only three days. Basically, you scan the barcode of your favorite products and it gives you a nutritional grade for it. I was happy to see most of my food was as healthy as I thought it was, but a few items got flagged for being high in sodium, which I hadn’t noticed. The best thing about the app is it gives you the option to keep a running shopping list and you’ll know what’s healthy on your list before you even go to the store.

So there you have it. Some of my favorite apps that have been keeping this mama organized for the past week and a half (lol). Share some of your favorite “stay on track” tools below. 

A couple years ago I bought myself a 2009 car. It was the first car I ever owned and I wanted it to be more reliable than the 1997 Buick I was currently driving. My favorite feature? XM Radio.

But now I’m about to cancel my XM subscription because when I’m bopping my head to my favorite song of the moment, I miss out on the exchanges like this in the backseat:

Ayanna: I want to be a nurse when I grow up, just like Nana.

Thomas: I want to be a doctor when I grow up. I have to go to doctor college.

Ayanna: You can’t go to doctor college until you are much, much taller. Like taller than Mommy.

I’ve found one way to slow down and enjoy the moment is to simply listen to my kids’ chatter in the car. I’m always on the go, it seems. I’m running to pick up my kids, going to the grocery store, sprinting every week to class. I’m always two days behind on schoolwork, or housework, or work-work. And I now realize I don’t give my kids my full attention as often as I should. Yes, as a benefit of working from home, I see my kids much more. I haven’t done the math, but it’s about 70% percent more now. And most of that time is still spent doing other things. When did my life get so busy that my kids have to tug on my shirt to get me to turn around to pay attention to them? Granted, when I do focus on them, my focus is totally on them. My phone stays on the counter, the laptop is closed and I’m not multitasking with any other chore.

But sometimes I wish the laundry did itself and money just appeared in my bank account at will. I love those two kids and my actions need to show them that they are always going to be my priority. So a few changes:

• Get back to the one-on-one kid dates. We used to go on two kid dates a month, where my husband and I would each take one kid out and spend a few hours with them. Then we’d switch. It was fun because my kids really turn into different (calmer) versions of themselves when they’re not playing off the energy of their sibling.
• Work on a family schedule. I need to know when I’m supposed to be working and when I need to be having family time. Because currently, I’m trying to do both simultaneously and it’s not working. At all.
• Find some room in the budget (sigh) to sign the kids up for an activity. Whether it’s swimming lessons or dance classes, it’s something they can do that will boost their self-confidence and it’ll be something that I have to be fully present for.

On a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest), how busy do you feel most days? Am I the only one feeling the time crunch? 

It was wonderful to have lifestyle coach Lorraine Miller from Nourish By Nature join us for our biweekly Twitter chat! She definitely helped us figure out ways to make this motherhood gig not so stressful. Check out this chat’s best tweets!

Yesterday in class, I huddled up with two of my classmates to discuss our upcoming presentation. One of them is my age, and she’s looking to start a family soon. She’s been married for a few years and now they’re actively trying to get pregnant. Still, she’s concerned about what’s going to happen with school if she has a kid now.

The other group member, who’s a little older, warned against it. “Finish school first,” she said. “It’s too hard to study and watch a newborn.”

I, of course, had to chime in. “Well, it’s hard, but it’s not impossible,” I told her. “I had my first in undergrad, and I have two now. It’s hard but somehow…you make it work.”

She just kind of looked at both of us, like she didn’t know what to think.

And really, I was wondering what advice I was giving her. Going to school while you have a kid is a lot of work. Last semester I almost quit everything from the stress. Every damn week there was a major project due. My daughter’s school is big on parent involvement and I found myself putting in 10+ hours of work each week on various events/field trips. And I still had my son home with me all day, so his development was on my mind as well.

It is a struggle. No question about it.

I sometimes wish I had either waited to go back to school or had gone before I had kids, but that doesn’t make any sense. Financially, the time was right for me to go now. I’m pushing through because I know it’s going to make my life better in the future. So, kids or no kids, I’m making things happen.

I’m not typically a big fan of people pushing off motherhood for a more perfect time, probably because I’m mom to two “surprise!” babies. At the time, I struggled with what the upheaval in my life would look like and how I would cope. But now, five years later, I am extremely happy. Extremely. I do distinctly remember life before my children, but somehow it seems like all my memories of that are in black and white, while my current reality is in color. It’s kind of like life before the iPod. Yes, it was pretty cool walking around with your Sony Discman, but then you got your iPod and it was a wrap. Motherhood is kind of like that.

Was life easier before kids? Yup. I had a ton more energy. But when my daughter draws a picture of me in art class because she missed me, or when my son says he loves me “thousands,” well, somehow I don’t mind being sleep deprived as much.

I guess my advice to her is to not let the idea of having kids keep you from doing what you want to do. You could be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a entrepreneur. Motherhood is not the end.

What advice would you have given my classmate? 

by Tamara Floyd

Balance for a wife, mother of a baby boy, owner of three dogs, entrepreneur, blogger, housekeeper does NOT exist. It’s an urban myth and I’m happy to say I figured that out a long time ago. I don’t stress myself out on a quest for the unobtainable.

The fact is some days I’m more active in one of these roles than others. On any given day the baby takes precedence. Which of course has been more often. But some days it’s the business. I’m thankful that I have a wonderful husband as my partner. I would be truly lost without him.

Since I gave up on achieving true balance, I have giving myself permission to relax instead. Do what you can today. Make sure you eat and shower (you know how that goes). Take a nap or go to bed if you need to. In short, take care of yourself first.

I can’t lie and say it’s been easy in between exclusive breastfeeding and part-time cloth diapering; I have to pat myself on the back. I’m happy I can give that gift to myself. It means more when my family, friends and clients express their appreciation.

But don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe in missing deadlines and I try my best to always be punctual. Being a mother of a 2-month-old has taught me to get organized, which helps me to prioritize my tasks. While I make the list in my head, I can decide what must be completed and what’s my timeline. Honestly, the system is nowhere near perfect. I will probably be perfecting it until my dying days.

I have been putting in some hours on my current and pending projects. I don’t think I ever stopped even though I told myself I was on maternity leave. This week I’m officially off maternity leave. I’m filling my calendar with events, scheduling conference calls and meetings. It’s time to go back to work.

Believe me I have to in order to maintain my sanity. I love being a full time mom, but I also love building a business. There’s nothing sweeter than the gift of motherhood, but the thrill of closing the deal is just as indescribable. I have friends whose whole life revolves around their household and I commend them. But that’s not me. Sometimes I do feel crazy for wanting it all but I know with partnerships its doable.

How did you feel at the end of your maternity leave? Happy? Sad? Ambivalent? 

Tamara L. Floyd is a branding, media relations and product ambassador that specializes in new media marketing and promotions for corporate, non-profit & entertainment industries. Her and her husband, Benjamin A. Floyd of five years were married in their early 20s and now are embarking on their newest lifetime commitment of parenthood. Floyd is also the creator of Natural Hair Rules, a site dedicated to encouraging others to be who they are naturally by nurturing themselves from the inside out. She recently started a mommy blog entitled, Boxer and the Baby where she “excels in business while experiencing motherhood.”

For our next #SurvivalGuide chat, we’ll be talking with Lorraine Miller from @NourishByNature. She’ll be helping us see how we can have more happy days in our future (read: less stress), and pass on a spirit of gratitude for our kids.

I was fortunate to receive Lorraine’s Gratitude Journal and have been using it to write down all the things I’m grateful for. The first couple days I was struggling to think of the things I wanted to put down. Am I grateful because I have a house? That seems too broad. Am I grateful my kids are healthy? Of course. I tried to think of things I don’t often notice because they are so ho-hum to me.

After a couple weeks of jotting down all the things I’m grateful for, I realize my life is filled with blessings I take for granted. I’m sure if you did this exercise for a few weeks, you’d come to the same realization.

I highly recommend you join us on this chat – I’m sure it will change the way you see things!

If you missed part one, click here.

#6 Stop getting overly frustrated when you are faced with things you can control – and the things you can’t. When I have a problem to solve, I feel anxious, even when the solution is fairly straightforward. And this must stop. And when I don’t have the solution or I’m not the one who can solve the problem? I need to be stressed about it even less. Think about it. Stress is your body’s response to things outside your control. If you can fix it, fix it. But if you have no control in the situation (which can be horrible for a control freak like me), then your job is to sit back and wait for clarity.

#7 Stop holding grudges from more than three months ago. Early in my marriage, I would hold grudges forever. For years, even. Heck, just last week I caught myself getting angry at my husband for not getting up at night when the kids were newborns and our youngest is now three. Yes, I realize how crazy that makes me sound. And I realized that my husband instinctively figured I was mad at him about something when he came home every day. It didn’t make sense for him to keep having to bear the brunt of my frustrations when he figured we had moved on. And by holding on to past arguments and past hurts, it made it harder for me to enjoy my marriage.   So now I’m done with all that and my love life has never been better.

#8 Stop taking your health for granted. Last year I pushed myself beyond the scope of what I could physically accomplish. I was editing books and writing posts and going to school and handling too many clients. But I figured, I’m young, I have to hustle hard to make sure this business gets off the ground. But then I started having this burning sensation in my chest every time a deadline approached. My skin no longer glowed but looked pale and splotchy. My hair was breaking off. Stress was manifesting itself everywhere. So I had to take a step back and prioritize my health instead of my wealth. Now my workload is much more manageable and my body is thanking me for it.

 #9 Stop being afraid to be you. My insecurities are legendary. I just started singing along to the radio in front of my husband a couple months ago, because for a long time I was afraid he would judge me ’cause I can’t sing like Adele. And what kind of sense does that make? None. I used to, um, engage in intimate activities with my clothes on, because my squishy belly embarrassed me. But it shouldn’t. And it doesn’t, not anymore. I am who I am, off-key singing and belly pooch and all.

#10 Stop being scared. This is your life. You get one shot at it. You don’t want to spend it on the sidelines, wishing “What If.” Go for what you dream about. Take a step that scares you. Get a little uncomfortable from time to time.

If you’ve got something to say, let’s hear it!

Over the years, YML has evolved from a blog written by one to a blog contributed to by many. Consider this your home as well, where you write to your heart’s content about the issues that are important to you.

Submission Guidelines:

We welcome submissions to TheYoungMommyLife.com from moms who are passionate about our mission: uplifting young mothers.

As a guide, posts should range in length from 300-500 words and be concerned with issues relating to young motherhood, relationships, parenting or any representation of the aforementioned topics in pop culture. Articles typically fall into one of these categories:

• First-person account (broadened to fit the needs of our audience – “I Got My Tubes Tied But Now Regret It”)
• List format (“7 Ways to…”, “6 Signs That….”)
• Reflection on a current news story (“Do Teen Moms Necessarily Need MTV?”)
• Interview with relationship/parenting expert
• Tip format (similar to the list format – this form specifically gives readers some suggestions for handling a certain problem)

By submitting your work to us, you are giving TheYoungMommyLife.com the non-exclusive right to publish your work in any format, including all print, electronic, and online media. We reserve the right to edit your work.

I will respond to every submission but please allow 3-5 days for me to get back to you. Please send all finished posts to submissions@theyoungmommylife.com. Thanks for your interest in contributing!

Over on the Michael Baisden Facebook page I saw this last night:

For those of you who don’t know, Michael Baisden is a radio talk show host, an author and a couple other labels. He seems to frequently talk about young parents (as it’s a hot topic in the black community) and as usual, this latest one has got me going.

Let’s see some of the responses to this, shall we?

Okay, where to begin on my rant? First of all, a little background on me. I had my firstborn at 20 and I was scared from the time I peed on the stick until about…today. I’ve been scared that I wouldn’t do a good job and that I didn’t have what it took to be a great mom. Even though I had my boyfriend’s (now husband’s) support, my parents stepped in and provided the type of support that made it impossible for me to fail. They came by and played with my daughter while I studied. At least once a month they would watch her overnight, giving me and my husband a breather and allowing us to have date nights and such. And when my son came along two years  later, they swooped him up and gave him as much love and support as they had to give.

I am proud of the relationship that my kids have with their grandparents. My mom and dad usually don’t go more than two weeks without seeing them and my kids can’t get enough of their Nana and Pop. To me, that’s the way it’s supposed to be – older generations spending time with the newer generations and helping to mold them into great adults.

My grandmother watched me and my sisters while my mom worked and I know understand what a relief that was for her. To not have to pay outrageous daycare costs. To literally be able to walk us across the street to my grandmother’s house and walk us back home when she got off work.

To suggest that refusing to babysit (or as I call it, spending time with your grandkids) is serving as some sort of punishment for young parents? That’s reckless. Young parents, more so than any other parenting group, need that support. At every turn we’re shamed for having our kids, expected to fail, and burdened with adult responsibilities that we might not have the experience to excel at. This is hard. And we’re not supposed to ask our parents to watch our kids so we can go to the movies for a breather? We’re supposed to be run into the ground because we have to deal with the “consequences of our actions”? Give me a break. Literally.

I know for a fact that if my mom was of the “That’s your kid – you take responsibility for it” mindset, life would be very, very different for me. For one thing, I wouldn’t have this blog. I would be even more stressed and probably on some type of anti-depressant to deal with my shortcomings.

More and more, I’m realizing that I can’t do this on my own and I need to bring in more people to help me make it through. And you’re darn right that my parents are a big part of that.

I think this grandma had the right idea:

What do you all think about this conversation? Is it necessary? Do your parents help you out a lot, a little or not at all?

By Alicia Harper

Lately I’ve been feeling extra blessed and extra content with where my life is right now. I’m so happy not only to be in a really good place, but also to feel as though I’m in a really good place because, as optimistic as I like to think that I am, as a single mom, there were times in the past that I didn’t think this feeling would be possible.

I want this feeling to last as long as possible. So lately I’ve been thinking about ways to enhance my life even more. Chalk it up to the New Year. (Not to mention that there’s always room for growth.) As such, I’ve taken stock of my life and realize that there are a few things that I need to be more conscious of as I continue to ride out 2012 and beyond. I need to be conscious of:

How often I actually listen to what my body is trying to tell me.

Sometimes if my shoulders and back (and thighs and feet) could talk, they’d scream at me for the maltreatment. I’m not talking about exercising and working out because please believe that this single mama gets her workouts in there three times per week (for the most part). I’m talking about the “go-go-go-I-must-do-it-all-and-do-it-well-by-trying-to-find-the-25^th-hour-in-the-day” type attitude. I can be one heck of a Supermom (woman) from time to time and I can do it all (and do it well), but as the saying goes, “even Superwoman took a break – a commercial.” Sometimes I need to remember that I am NOT a machine. I need to unplug and sleep. And rejuvenate. In order to continue doing all that I do (and doing it well).

How often I meditate and reflect on where my life is and on my goals.

This one (sort of) goes along with the first one. Whether it’s once per week or once per month, I need to stop and reflect on what I’m doing. Is it rewarding? How so? Is it elevating me in anyway? How so? Is it beneficial to both Aiden and me? How so? If I do not have a satisfying answer to these questions, then I need to change some things up. I need to be able to take control over the things that I have control over. Likewise, I need to accept the things that I cannot control. This will surely help me stay on track while constantly working towards my goals.

How often I actively play with Aiden.

I’ve faced the facts: I’m a super busy single mom. There’s no getting around that. That’s just the way it is. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon. But spending quality time with Aiden is so important to our relationship, our happiness, and his development. 25 minutes playing on the floor with him and being engrossed in his world is not a long time. At all. But sometimes it’s all the time that I have. Sure I could be cleaning or cooking or writing or doing something work related in order to pay the rent so that we can have a floor to play on, but sometimes those things can wait. He’s growing before my eyes and I want to be able to soak it all up.

How often I unapologetically own my true feelings and actually express them.

Believe it or not, this is not an easy process for me. While I don’t consider myself shy at all, I am very protective of my feelings and the things that I’ve gone through in my life. So much so that I wear my burdens so lightly, almost as if it’s my makeup. But I know that I deserve to be understood for who I truly am and in order for this to happen then I will need to be able to (1) own my feelings, and (2) effectively express them. (Writing helps with this. A lot.) The more that I listen to myself is the more I learn what I truly need and the more that I can express what I need and how I feel. And trust me on this: it’s been totally freeing and really good for my soul.

How often I add people in my life that enhance it, not suck the life out of it.

I’ve learned (and I’m still learning) that I can still be cordial and sweet and nice to people… from a distance. No need to surround myself (or Aiden) with people who exude negative energy. Plain and simple, it’s toxic and it sucks the life out of me. But positive people? They’re my true “ride-or-die” folks who want to see me excel and be great!

What about you? How are you taking stock of your life to live it the best way possible?

If you missed last week’s #SurvivalGuide chat, you missed a lot. But don’t worry, we brought you the best of the bunch:

When I worked full-time at my former PR job, I made arrangements with my boss to work 8-4 instead of the standard 9-5 so I could get my kids’ daycare on time. I worked an hour away and if I left at 5, there was no way I’d make it on time, especially considering Ohio winters and associated traffic jams.

She agreed.

So every day at 3:55, I’d be frantically saving emails and shutting off my computer. From my office to my car was a seven-minute walk and if I wasn’t on the freeway (another two minutes away) by 4:07 traffic would start to get congested and it would take an additional 25-30 minutes to get home. Yes, I had it down to a science.

But every day (and I mean every day), someone would poke their head in my office at 3:50. “Hey Tara, I just want to run this by you…” and then proceed to eat up all my precious I-gotta-wind-down-and-gather-my-stuff-and-run-out-of-here-as-professionally-as-I-can time. It never failed. I spent so much time banging my head against the steering wheel with that job, mentally wiped out after spending 2+ hours in the car every day.

So I know the working mom struggle very well. I was excited to see Sarah Jessica Parker’s take on it in I Don’t Know How She Does It, about a high-powered financial analyst Kate Reddy and her struggle to juggle kids, a demanding job and a marriage that’s buckling under the strain. (Redbox, $1.)

In the movie, Kate’s up for landing this big deal for her firm, which means she is putting in extra work and flying to New York to woo a client. Meanwhile, her husband’s working on his own career and trying to make some big moves of his own. She has a single mom best friend and her enemies, the Momsters, are these perfectly perfect stay-at-home moms, who have the time to pull off delicious cookie trays for the kindergarten bake sale, when Kate is left to destress a store-bought pie and sprinkle some powdered sugar on top.

Some critics thought no one would care about how she does it, because hey, women have been doing it for a long time and we’re in a recession so just hush up about how hard it is to have a great job. But I thought the movie was less about her job and more about how even though Kate had more money, she still struggled with every aspect of her life.

My “favorite” scenes in the movie:

• Kate’s mother-in-law asking Kate if her 2-year-old son wouldn’t have speech delays if she was home with him more.
• Kate’s snotty co-worker congratulating her on a big win by telling her that her kids will have more time to spend with the nanny.
• Kate rushing to the hospital after her son tripped on the carpet and fell down the stairs.

But my favorite scenes came between Kate and her husband, Richard. Not because of how they went, but because of how I wish they had gone.

For example, Kate had a big presentation at work that day and her husband had a big work dinner that evening. Kate was so preoccupied with work that she looked down and realized she was going to be late getting home. He left the kids with a sitter that she didn’t know and she was upset. “Kate, the kids were okay. Sometimes okay has to be good enough,” he snapped.

But here’s my problem. When we talk about how hard it is to be a working mom, does anyone ever say how hard it is to be a working dad? No. Not ever. Because (and I saw this first hand with my relationship) it is assumed that the women will take care of everything. Kate had a “list” of things to do throughout the movie – do the laundry, find a back-up babysitter, fix the carpet on the steps, make a pie for the bake sale. And then her husband got praised for being “so hands-on” because he changed the kid’s diaper. What? Come again?

EVERY problem in the movie fell on Kate’s shoulders. When he told her he had a meeting, he didn’t try to help her figure out who was going to watch the kids. He just assumed she would do it. And when plans fell through, somehow it was her fault.

I enjoyed the movie but I really wish it had wrapped up with SJP really laying down the law. Get a back-up babysitter. Let her husband worry about the bake sale. Ignore the Momsters. Take herself on a vacation.

The moral of the story is this: Do what makes you happy. Remain calm. Get some help. A real support system.

Have you seen the movie? What did you think? 

I turned 26 a month or so ago. And now that I’m closer to 30 than I am to 20, I’m feeling some kind of way about the behaviors I exhibit and my reactions to every day events. Somehow I feel like I’m supposed to be wiser, calmer, more she’s-got-her-life-together than I really am. Some days I wake up and I’m like, “Crap, I’m an adult? Like, really? Wasn’t I just leaving the spring dance in a huff after having yet another argument with my high school boyfriend?”

I don’t always feel 26, even though I don’t know what 26 is supposed to feel like. Although I’ll tell you, when I was 20, 21, I thought being 26 was the coolest age ever. When I was 20, juggling a newborn and college classes and job applications and wedding planning, I remember thinking, “My life might be crazy right now, but by the time I’m 26, all this madness will be worked out.”

And guess what? I’m 26 and the madness hasn’t been worked out. But I guess now I’m “wise” enough to know that the madness won’t ever be worked out. This is just life.

But going along with my 26th birthday, I told myself I would write a post, something for me to look back on as I turn 30, and then 35 and then 40, to see how my womanhood journey was going. Here’s what I got so far:

1) Stop comparing yourself to other women. I used to do this so often that I didn’t even notice it, especially when I was in my super-focused fitness mode. I would wish that I had Halle Berry’s boobs, Beyonce’s hips and butt, Kelly Rowland’s abs, and Michelle Obama’s arms. It was like I was some Frankenchick. But I realized that I have Tara’s boobs and Tara’s butt and Tara’s abs, and yes, Tara’s arms. My body is how I was meant to look. I can admire other women, yes, but I don’t have to wish I had what they had.

2) Stop thinking of comebacks way after the fact. I can never get my brain to be all snappy and witty when I’m in the middle of a conversation gone bad. Some idiot will approach me with my kids and say something stupid like, “Aren’t you a little young to have kids?” and I’ll stand there in a stupor, amazed that someone can be so dumb and so bold about it. They’ll walk away and I’ll spend the rest of the day thinking of comebacks. “Aw, man, I should have said, ‘Aren’t you a little old to be so stupid?’” But in the moment, I should have simply said, “How is that any of your business?” and kept on walking. My point here is to say something true about how you feel. That’s the best comeback and you don’t have to rack your brain trying to think of something.

3) Stop denying yourself the pleasure of your company. If I do say so myself, I’m kind of cool. I’m caring and considerate and I make a mean lemonade pound cake (from scratch, no recipe, thankyouverymuch). And on those days when my husband is doing something and my kids are with their Nana and Pop, I find myself alone with no clue what to do. I resist going to the movies or out to dinner because who wants to go by themselves? But you know what? I’m awesome and I can have fun by myself. I always have a running dialogue in my head anyway, so I’m pretty entertaining.

4) Stop making excuses for why something won’t work. It could be anything—why your new budget is unrealistic or why you just will never get along with your boss. Thinking about the “won’t work”s robs you of the chance to think about the “what if”s. Think positive. Expect positive results.

5) Stop putting yourself so far down the list that you have to flip the paper over to find your name. I can write this because it’s me. I’ve been there. I’m still there. I’ve gone months without shaving my legs or plucking my eyebrows or bothering to paint my nails. I regularly get three to four fewer hours of sleep than I need to function and about four days a week, I forget to eat breakfast…and lunch. How much does my body hate me? A lot, I think. But right now, I’m taking this youth for granted and it’s not fair. My body is not going to be able to take this abuse much longer. I need to get a regular exercise routine. Do something about these three gray hairs (yes, gray hairs…but that’s another post). Get to bed on time at least once each week. Treat Tara right for the simple fact that I’m all I have. Yes, I have other people who care about me, but at the same time, I’m the only one who has complete control over what I do and how I treat myself.

Do these resonate with you? Stay tuned for part two…