I’ve already written about the media’s obsession with pre-baby and post-baby weight and why the two should never ever stray from each other for too long (like, a month tops).

But I feel the need to revisit it again. I recently read that Jessica Simpson (currently, I dunno, five, six months preggers?) signed a $3million dollar deal with Weight Watchers to help her lose the baby weight.

(Before I get into my rant, a side note: $3 million is a pretty sweet deal, I won’t lie. I’ve written openly about my struggles to remove the blubbery mass from around my midsection and I know I haven’t helped the process with my addiction to all things sweet and delicious. And I don’t necessarily want to go into the distinction between “real” moms and celebrity moms because if I had that kind of money, I’d like to think I was a “real” mom too, just with waaaay more money and resources.)

But I do want to say that we’ve got a long way to go in terms of accepting what pregnancy actually does to the body. In some cases, it’s rough. I didn’t know that I wouldn’t walk out of the hospital in my pre-baby jeans. After all, with both of my kids I was mostly belly. Only gained about 20 pounds each time and I popped out nine pound babies so I figured it would take a couple days for my bump to go down and then I’d be set.

Did.not.happen.

Things shifted in ways I didn’t expect. Boobs went out, then in, then down (a bit). Belly went from being round and full to being saggy in parts, wrinkly in others. Arms were full of muscle from holding a baby (and then a toddler) all day. Booty did not get bigger (until the second pregnancy, and even then, not by much).

And I felt bad about that for a looooong time. I was breastfeeding, which they said would help me lose weight. They lied. All it did was make me super hungry, which I suppose is okay because my body was probably telling me it needed more calories to nourish the baby. Fair enough.

So it makes me wonder why we don’t allow mothers the opportunity to simply be. I used that “I just had a baby” excuse for the longest and felt bad about it, but why should I? Bringing forth life and then birthing a child and taking care of a child is incredibly demanding and yes, I think it entitles you to be able to sit on your butt and breastfeed your kid, and not worry about your gym membership for a while.

When we focus on the pounds gained and pounds not lost, we essentially say, “Okay, you’ve had your chance to be lazy and let yourself go. Now it’s back to work!” But creating life is more than just a number on the scale or a waist circumference.

I wish someone would have approached me about doing a magazine spread post-baby. I would have slapped them so hard the lens would have popped out of their camera. I wasn’t interested in showing nobody nothing. You know how long it was before my husband saw me naked after the baby? Go ask him. He’ll tell you. It was probably a full year.

By offering Jessica a deal before she’s even had the baby tells me one thing: we should be consciously thinking about how to get back in shape—no, planning it—before the Braxton-Hicks contractions even start. Really? Is that where we are now?

I say: Screw that noise. Get pregnant, eat your cravings, listen to your doctor or midwife or doula, give birth, enjoy your baby and then decide on your own terms what you want to do to become a healthier you. Don’t let the good folks at Weight Watchers or the editors at Us Weekly make you feel bad about not hopping on a treadmill after pushing out a human.

What do you think? Does it make sense that they would offer her this deal? 

by Aisha Greene

I am organized.

I am neat.

I respond well to predictability and order.

I pick out my clothes for the upcoming work week on Sunday nights and iron them.

I am THAT person.

And now….I am a mom.

Children can flip your world upside down and when you are an “A” Type personality that appreciates order… well you have to learn to let go a little and just laugh. I remember one of my defining moments as a mother that gave me a reality check about my need for “order.” It was a moment that taught me that I cannot control everything. Everything is not always going to be neat and I will do anything and everything for my child now that I carry this wonderful title “mom” with me.

It was a lovely day in New York City. My daughter just had a lovely dinner and I was preparing her bath. Here is where the story gets a little TMI. We were in the initial phases of potty training. I plopped her on the potty and she created a great “project” for toilet class. I filled up a warm tub of water and put her in the tub. Innocent enough. And then, I saw the face….The strain….The urge to create another project. No, I thought… Impossible! She just made a project and it was massive…. Massive. I yelled her name…. She just looked at me with doe eyes. I went to grab her in her bubble bath of fun and as I went to reach in the water….There it was. Another project.

My organized clean world came crashing down on me but all I could think about was getting her out of there. I got her out. I drained the tub. But now…Guess who had to clean that tub out? That would be Miss Neat, Clean, Don’t deal with Dirty Aisha. There I was picking up the remnants of the project, wiping down the tub and laughing in the meantime…. My laugh had officially changed and you know what? I was ok with it. Sometimes, a little mess is ok. Sometimes we don’t even have a choice… I am a mom.

Aisha Greene is a lawyer, wife, mother, Brooklynite, blogger, neat freak who just started Hartlyn Kids (www.HartlynKids.com) an independent children’s book publishing business with her pal of 10 years. You can find her blog at www.hartlynkids.blogspot.com

So in approximately one month, my beautiful baby girl, my first born, turns 5. Her mama (er, me) will be turning 26 only a few days later. I’ve been thinking about this day since she was born, honestly, and I think I know the perfect way to celebrate her born day.

So here’s my plan: For the month of November, I want us to explore those defining moments of motherhood: the first time you spent the night away from your child; the first time your kid had a blow-out diaper in public and you only had 3 wipes and a crumpled up diaper; the first time you burst into tears from exhaustion. Whatever that moment was that made you think, “Wow – I’m a mom now,” and let you know that life, from here on out, was never going to be the same.

I want a mix of stories. Some that make us laugh, others that make us cry, and some that just allow us to nod our heads in that universal “I’ve been there!” kind of way.

So here’s what I need from you, my bloggy buddies.

Please send me 300-500 words on your motherhood defining moment (feel free to go over this limit, if you need to – I can always edit later). I’ll also need a brief bio from you, maybe 2-3 sentences, along with any links you’d like me to include with the post (if you have a side business you want to promote, or your own blog, etc).

I’m hoping this can be mutually beneficial for all bloggers involved and we can see a traffic bump as a result of our collective stories. Submissions are due to me [tara@theyoungmommylife.com] by October 28.

Sound good? Let’s get it!

By Amber of  TheYeyoDiaries.com

I’m no gourmet chef by any means, but I do enjoy cooking. It’s a labor of love for me. That said, I don’t like to ‘labor’ too long in the kitchen! I like recipes that are simple and to the point, but that are also super yummy!

A few years ago I purchased a cookbook from a high school student as part of a fundraiser and it was the best $10 I’ve ever spent! It’s full of recipes that are easy to follow, with even easier ingredients. My family loves this one from the book, so I share it. What I love about this recipe is that most of the ingredients may already be in your kitchen cabinet!

Taco Soup

Ingredients:

1lb of ground beef
1 chopped onion
1 can of kidney beans (15oz)
1 can of pinto beans (15oz)
1 can of corn (15oz)
1 can of diced tomatoes (15oz)
1 packet of taco seasoning
15 ounces of water
1 bag of Fritos
Shredded Cheese and Sour Cream (optional)

Told you it was easy! It’s a tasty and filling way to change up your traditional taco night.

You can also serve with cornbread instead of the Fritos.

Happy cooking!

Sometimes in life we finally get a chance to get our heads above water and we realize there’s something we don’t like about our life.

Maybe it’s our job. Maybe it’s the fact that we can’t seem to go three days without an argument with our man. Maybe it’s the fact that the kids are always fussing, or money is always tight.

We want something to change but we don’t know how to start.

So we do nothing. And end up frustrated about same things day after day, week after week, month after month.

But what we don’t realize is that we are the ones driving the car. This is OUR life.

I fell in the trap of being REactive about everything after being caught off-guard with an unplanned pregnancy (okay, two unplanned pregnancies). Ever since then, I felt like I was playing catch-up, which, consequently, left me feeling out of breath, like I was racing toward a goal I a) couldn’t see and b) would never reach.

I’m finally getting the chance to be PROactive – anticipating scenarios, pushing forward at every turn, mapping out my life in a way that makes sense for me. THIS feels great.

I want you to ask yourself: What’s holding you back from doing what you truly want to do? Is it you? Your finances? Your obligations? Your attitude?

Every day, I want you to be moving forward, toward the eventual goal that is yours by definition. But it starts with you, and a promise to yourself that you won’t let anything get in the way.

It’s June and according to my personal goals worksheet (what, you don’t have one, too?), I need to be elbow-deep in my research and outline phase for the next book in the YML book series. This book is covering relationships – more specifically, how to build a better one with your child’s father, whether he’s in the picture…or not.

Sounds like a hard topic to cover. It’s rife with emotion, pride, resistance, struggle, love, “like,” fears, hopes – everything. Some mamas are married and want to know to make that better. Others moms are engaged or dating their child’s father and wonder if they should take that next step. Others still are done with the day-to-day drama surrounding their ex and want to know, once and for all, how in the heck they’re supposed to co-parent with a jerk.

I’m just one person, but I’m inviting young moms to speak their piece (survey can be found here) so I can get a range of responses/viewpoints/advice/suggestions. Even more than with my first book, I want our voices to be sprinkled all throughout the pages. After all, who knows our life better than we do?

What’s my relationship story? Well, I fell for a guy my freshman year. Got pregnant junior year. Argued and fought for most of the next 3 years. Now we’re married and happy. It sounds so simple, but in reality, there was a lot of push-pull that got us to this point. I credit my husband with teaching me so much about love and life – namely, how to respond to a sincere apology, how to let grudges fall to the wayside, and how to bring my best self to our relationship every day – even when I don’t feel like it.

So stay tuned, ladies! The next book in the series will hit the web (in ebook and paperback form!) September 1.

At first, I was little underwhelmed when asked to review The Christian Mama’s Guide To Having A Baby. Another pregnancy book trying to be fun and hip and everything pregnant moms need? No, thanks.

But this one is different (if nothing else, I liked the ice cream on the front) because it approaches pregnancy from the Christian mama’s point of view. (Hence, the title.)

In reading it, I expected to be bopped over the head with Bible verses and sample prayers…but it wasn’t like that at all. Other than a few references (which I think would appeal to Christians and non-Christians alike), it’s more like your average mama just trying to make sense of the changes happening in her body.

I’ve been pregnant twice and I’ve read about a gazillion pregnancy books and all of them have the same rehashed content – joking about the pregnancy cravings, emphasizing that weight gain is the hardest aspect of pregnancy, and telling moms that they will never EVER sleep well again (which is true).

I have to hand it to Erin MacPherson, the author. She included bits that I didn’t see in other pregnancy books. The whole “you might throw up during labor thing”? Never read that in a pregnancy book before and I know I vomited throughout my entire labor with my daughter and thought it was a sure sign I was going to die. This was it – I was headed for the light. It would have been nice to know it was normal.

Reading it as a “veteran mama” (ha!) I honestly felt like her approach to pregnancy was different. It read like a big sister holding your hand, taking you to your first OB/GYN (or midwife) appointment, rubbing your back during your third trimester, and coaching you during labor. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

This book? Yeah, it gets the YML Seal of Approval.

The book is availabe on Amazon.com for $10.19. (Buy it on Kindle for $7.79.) Read more from the author at ChristianMamaGuide.com

I write so much about the so-called “downside” of motherhood, or how inconvenient it is or how hard I struggled when my kids were newborns.

But in truth, I enjoy my kids and I love being a mom.

Yeah, I love it. Couldn’t always say that, but now I can unequivocally say that being their mother is a delight. There was one comedian that said, “I categorize all things in life into two categories: Things That Can Kill the Baby and Things That Can’t.” It’s so true. Life is much clearer now.What matters, what doesn’t.

Does it benefit my kids? Then it’s a Do. Simple as that.

I asked the members of the YML Facebook Page to fill in the blank on the following phrase: “Motherhood makes it easier to ____”

Here’s their responses:

…not be selfish.

…to do anything w the bathroom door open,even at walmart. Bahahahaha….

…love.

…find out who your real friends are and have something to really live for =)

…be patient:-)

… take care of myself (emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc) …. If I can’t be the best me then what good am I to the little girl I am raising.

…realize that some things are simply not that important!

…be patient and less selfish

…know that I for sure only want one (LOL!)

…find the joy in every day

…lose weight cause I either can’t find the time to eat or the little one steals all my food!

…easier to appreciate life.

…embrace change.

…let people know I can’t go out with them on a friday night. What is a better excuse than “I’m a mom, and I can’t.”

…be myself.

…love

…stay focused on my dreams and goals. If I can make it happen for me, I can make it happen for them.

…for me to truly know what love is all about..to be happy and unselfish

…commit myself to him and my college work and progressing forward. If he wasn’t around I probably wouldn’t have that extra “push” telling me to do my work (i do it online) i know I HAVE to do it so i can get my degree and be successful to give him a better life and make him proud of me. I don’t care about disappointing anyone, but it’d break my heart if I ever disappointed my son.

…have a reason to wake up the next day knowing that I have someone to love me back!

Now you fill in the blank. “Motherhood makes it easier to _____.”

I will be heading to Disney for the next three days to take part in the National Crittenton Foundation‘s annual conference.

You might remember that I spoke at their meeting last year and it was one of the best experiences of my life. Being in that room, with all those women who knew the statistics and the outlook for women and girls in the country backwards and forwards? It made me want to be more than “just” a blogger. I needed some credentials – hence, my decision to go to graduate school.

I will be joining them as they announce some exciting news (it’s not public yet) but I’ll be posting a ton once I get to the room. I plan on relaxing a bit, writing, missing my babies, and of course, soaking up some sun. My hope is to meet more cool people like Lisette and bring back their stories for you so that they are NOT invisible.

Catch you soon!

I manage to redesign the site at least once a year, so a new look is nothing new for me.

But this? I teased you about this a couple months ago and it’s here. My goal with this redesign was to change the layout and give more of the posts up front. Make the categories easier to find and search. More pictures. Make it prettier. (I’m such a girl.)

But my main goal was to grow. And I can’t do it without you. *cue emotional music here*

2010 brought me a lot of fun, a lot of new friends, a lot of experience in what it really means to be a 20something mother. 2011 is the year that everything doubles. Maybe even triples.

I’m looking for more voices. More moms. I want you to share what makes you giddy. What challenges you. How much you’re enjoying the ride you’re on. How much of your dreams you’ve already accomplished. What’s next for you.

You see, I’m always looking at least 10 years down the road and let’s face it – I ain’t gonna be a “young mama” forever. How can this site continue to be relevant? How can I make sure that the articles on here are as genuine and authentic as they were when I was in the thick of finding my groove as a Mommy?

So here’s what I need from you:

I’m looking for FOUR guest bloggers to blog for me as monthly contributors. One post per month, that’s all I’m asking. You pick the topic, you pick the length. It’s up to you. I’m looking for this space to grow as a home to young mamas everywhere and I’m letting you help guide the direction of this blog.

Want to be considered? You know what to do. Send me a quick e-mail with your name, blog (if you have one….totally fine if you don’t), and what you would like to write about if chosen. Are you the witty single mama with an eye for fashion? Are you a 40something mom whose kids are almost out of the house and you want to let us know what our future holds? I’m all ears.

I’m planning to pick the new bloggers and introduce them in this space in April. So if you want to get on board…the door is open.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

I’ve been in a bit of a slump lately. Well, that’s sugar-coating things. Quite a bit.

Since I was laid off, my self-esteem took a hit. At first, things were good because my kids didn’t immediately come out of daycare.

I had a few weeks where I was able to get up and do whatever I wanted to occupy my mind and distract me from the fact that I was let go from a job where I thought I was making a difference. Plus, I was still getting paid.

But then the kids came out of daycare.

I received my last severance check.

And suddenly it felt like I was on my own. For real, this time.

The fear of not being able to provide for my family, to not have a sense of direction anymore, to be overwhelmed by the tasks I assumed as a work-at-home mom with no babysitter – it was getting to me. Big time. And I didn’t like it.

So I decided to take a cue from Denise and begin to look at my blessings. At first, I was reluctant. “I don’t feel like smiling, don’t feel like being positive,” I told myself. Can’t I just wallow in this self-pity for a minute? Damn.

But wallowing in self-pity gets me feeling unproductive and for me, THAT’S the worst feeling I can have. So I began to list everything I felt I should be grateful for:

• My kids. They are beyond a doubt the best little people in whole world. I love them more than anything and being home with them is challenging, but I won’t ever get to do this again. My daughter starts school in the fall and from there? They just continue to get older. So this is my “last chance” for full-on involvement in their daily lives. Gotta be grateful for that.
• My husband. He’s here, ain’t he? LOL. He’s a great support system and he’s getting better at determining when I need to be counseled or when I just need to be held.
• My family. On days when I’m feeling particularly low, like I’m not doing anything particularly well, they come to my rescue. What every (young) mom needs.
• My bank account. I stress about money every single minute of every single day, but the fact is, our bills somehow get paid. Sometimes I check my balance and I swear my money is multiplying because there’s no way I should have that much. Seriously. I’ve done my budget a bunch of times and we should be just squeaking by. But we’re not. Which is miraculous.
• My choices. I have choices right now. I could apply for jobs, or I could focus on school, or I could just be a stay-at-home mom. All of these choices are stressing me out because I want to make sure I make the right ones. I am terrified that my decisions might  negatively affect my family. But my future is mine. It’s what I choose. That should make anyone rejoice.

This little exercise comforted me and gave me confidence that I am on the right path, my life is GOOD, and whatever fear I’m feeling right now is the prelude to something magnificent. Every morning I wake up and say to myself, “Something good, something positive is on its way to my life.” I feel it and I am ready.

Go ahead and share – what are you grateful for?

…man, I totally would have appreciated my pre-baby boobs more. Ah, those were the days…

…I would have said, “No,” to cake and “Yes,” to therapy a lot earlier.

…I would have gotten married at the courthouse…that money we spent on the wedding could have gone in savings!

…I would have spent less time arguing with my husband. Yes, sometimes he’s wrong, but sometimes (just sometimes) he’s right. Darn it.

…I would have spent more time on the floor with my kids rather than on the computer trying to finish an article. Granted, these were paid pieces, so I was providing for them, but I could have done a lot more work after they went to bed.

…I wouldn’t sweat my blog stats so much because it doesn’t really matter how many moms come here each day, but whether they find something useful when they do.

…I would have started exercising regularly a loooong time ago. Excuses on why I can’t make it to the gym + cake = Hey, where’d all this fat come from?

What are some of your “Wish I knew then” moments?

Wonderful response from yesterday’s article (click here in case you missed it). Melvina continues breaking down why going to school and taking care of a family IS possible. Here are her must-read tips:

Continuing on from yesterday, here’s my take on comparing yourself to other Mums, making the most of ‘team Mum’, the pitfalls of juggling too much and problem sharing.

DON’T MAKE COMPARISONS: Quit looking at others for comparison. So what if all the people you went to school/university with are enjoying wild crazy professional lives with the disposable income to match. You keep studying – yours will come later, and by that time, your kid(s) will be grown, you’ll have more disposable income than they have now and you’ll have the maturity to know how to use it! (Or you’ll blow it all on expensive handbags – but hey, that’s your prerogative!)

You are living your life, so just do the very best with it that you can – after all, that is all everyone else is doing too. Other people’s lives only look greener from your side. Remember though, the grass is greenest where you water it! Just do the best that you can do with what you’ve got.

‘TEAM MUM’: If you want to pass, then you just have to accept help from Team Mum – they want to help you believe it or not. So, quit the denial. Yes, I know it’s hard – especially as us young Mums often think we have to prove that we can handle it all despite our age or lack of preparedness for parenting.

Trust me, you don’t have to prove anything. No one is waiting for you to fall and you’ll be happier for just saying ‘yes please’ and grabbing all help – with both hands! ‘Help’ could mean anything from your Mum having the kid(s) for a day, allowing a prolific commenter to write a guest post for your blog (Note from Young Mommy: “YES!”) or borrowing a coursemate’s book. The funny thing about help is that if every time you decline help, the ‘giver’ might think that you genuinely don’t want/need it, when in fact you’re just being stubborn/proud/in denial (delete as appropriate).

A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM HALVED: Make friends with other Mums (or Dads) at playgroup, nursery – wherever! Just as I said before, these people know what you’re going through with your kid(s). Even if they’re 35, and seem to have everything, it’s nice to see that their kids act up just as much as yours do and that your kid’s behaviour is more a result of them being kids and not a result of your hectic (fine, I’m making assumptions) parenting schedule. No parent is perfect, but sometimes you need to see other less than perfect parents to really believe it!

DON’T JUGGLE TOO MUCH: Try not to do too many things at once. Raising a child(ren) is hard enough, never mind doing it whilst trying to figure who you are and what you’re about (typically done during our teens and twenties). If you then add studying – it’s enough on one plate – don’t you think? It’s not that I believe the ‘jack of all trades, master of none’ proverb, it’s just that if you want to pass, you do need to be able to focus and the fewer distractions, the more able you will be to create a masterpiece in your studies. Creating that masterpiece will give you the leverage to do all sorts of things afterwards.

HAVING A PLAN: Make the plan and try try try to stick to it. Now, don’t feel bad if it goes awry sometimes. I always have a plan – whatever the situation. BUT, I only stick to it about 50% of the time, and still I continue to make my own little plans. Let me explain. You see, for me, the process of making a plan helps me to see all the things that I have to do. Sure, I often freak out when I see the list of ‘must-dos’ and then I pray on it. BUT, once I work out my priorities and separate them from the ‘would like to dos’, then I start having a real plan, and having that little piece of paper/napkin/bus ticket/envelope makes me feel that little bit more secure – that little bit more in control. If I fall off my plan. I don’t panic, I just make a new one. I don’t know if this is good advice really, but it’s worked for me. I am sure God has something to do with me falling off certain plans in order to get back on the right plan – his plan!

Read more about Melvina at her blog, Planning, Praying, Praying (what a good read!). She’ll be back for one more post on Friday – this one is gonna be MAJOR!

I got into it with a Facebook “friend” a couple weeks ago when the House voted to strip federal funding from Planned Parenthood.

“Yes!” her status read. “I’m so glad MY tax dollars are no longer supporting that mess!”

“I’m not trying to pick a fight,” I wrote. “But why does this news make you happy if federal funding was going toward education and preventative services? Isn’t that…a good thing?”

Of course all of her friends jumped in and gave their two cents on everything from why abortion is a morally wrong to why people need to spend more money on condoms than big-screen TVs (yes, they went there).

But it was this comment that I just could not let go:

“This country would be so much better if women would stop being so slutty and stop opening their legs to everyone and having 15 different baby daddies and buying liquor from the store and drinking it while pregnant because they just don’t care. You can’t just get an abortion because it would be a minor inconvenience in your life…”

Never mind the fact that there are 424 different stereotypes in this comment. The last five words stopped me cold. “…a minor inconvenience in your life…”

What, exactly, about motherhood is only minorly inconvenient? Can someone please tell me? Because from my experience (and I’ve only been doing this for four years, mind you) this job, this title of “Mom” is probably THE MOST INCONVENIENT thing ever.

Nothing ever happens on your timetable anymore. Your decisions are not just your own, you MUST factor in how every dollar you earn and every minute you’re awake affects your kids. You must put their needs above yours and when you start out just barely having your own needs met, having a baby is more than just a notion.

I’m not trying to be pro-choice or pro-life in this space. Personally, I’m pro-choice but my blog is a neutral zone. But what I am trying to do is start the conversation on what it takes to be a mother and understand why some women might not feel they are ready for all that entails.

The problem isn’t abortion – it’s unwanted or mistimed pregnancies. As someone who walked down that road twice and feels the weight of the decision to become a mom every day, I know that it’s not a small decision.

Your whole life changes. Everything that you’ve ever known, everything you’ve ever done, everything you thought you’d do – everything’s different. We need to realize that if we want to decrease the number of abortions, we MUST give more than just lip service.

Where is the support for mothers in this country? Where is the support for dads? Why is it we rank miserably when it comes to maternity leave policies? Why did I have to squat over a toilet at work to pump my breastmilk? Why is it so hard to find affordable child care for those who are stuck “in the middle” – make too much to qualify for assistance or vouchers, but placing their kid in a decent center eats up the entire paycheck?

I’m serious about solutions. I didn’t start this blog because I like swag from big companies. I started it because I wanted to serve as a resource for young mothers who felt alienated from the rest of society. I wanted you all to know that I KNOW what you’re doing is hard work and it’s no “minor inconvenience.”

Picture this:

It’s a perfectly sleepy Sunday morning.

But I get up. Decide to tackle my errands early, so I head out with my daughter in tow to go to the grocery store to stock up.

Everything we see that looks even remotely good we toss into the cart. Yes, it was one of those trips.

As I’m steering the cart toward the registers, a display of Arbor Mist catches my eye. It’s on sale, with a decent size bottle only $4.49. Hmmmm….

I hardly ever drink, even though most days I feel like at least a glass or two would suit me just fine. I wanted to treat myself, and get something to sip as I stay up late writing these blog posts. (Writing while tipsy? Well, don’t mind if I do.)

I place the bottle carefully on top of the rest of our food and head to the checkout line. I get out my I.D. and the grocery store savings card, trying to be as efficient as possible so I don’t hold up the line when it comes time to buy my alcohol. I’m considerate like that.

The teenage cashier grabs the bottle and motions for the cashier at the next register to come scan it for him since he’s underage.

The bagger shook his head. “We can’t sell it, dude. It’s not one o’clock.”

Screeeeeeeech.

I’m so tired I don’t realize they’re denying my purchase at first. “Wait – what?”

“It’s Sunday. We don’t sell alcohol before 1,” the cashier tells me.

I suck my teeth and wrinkle my face. “Well, what time is it?” I know I’m being extra dramatic, but this has to be some kind of joke. Ashton Kutcher had to be perched on top of the tuna display, waiting to jump out and yell that I was being punked.

“It’s 11, ma’am.”

“But…I mean…it’s…y’all only sell alcohol after one?” I hold out my I.D. and savings card like an idiot. Or an alcoholic.

“Yes.”

I stuff my I.D. back in my wallet, fumbling with the thin opening, muttering to myself, “See, the ONE TIME I try to do something JUST FOR ME it’s always SOMETHING that gets in the way. I swear I should’ve just gone to WalMart like I originally planned….”

The cashier looked concerned and so did the bagger, and when I met the cashier’s gaze to grab the receipt, he actually looked scared.

I admit, it wasn’t my best moment - standing in line, fussing about a $5 bottle of fake wine early on a Sunday morning with my daughter watching.

But y’all, I really wanted it.

I’ll forward all of her therapy bills to you later on, thankyouverymuch.