by Christine Mills

The hazing sessions of motherhood begin promptly at 10:30 P.M. and ends around 5:30 A.M. The sleeping habits were so startling that I dreaded nighttime knowing that it would be a mixture of fear of SIDS and interrupted sleep cycles. Like clockwork, Anissa would rise every 2-3 hours to be fed and changed. Like clockwork, Babes and I would debate about whose turn it was to get up.

“I changed her last time.”

“You have the milk.”

“Just change her and then I’ll feed her.”

“I have to go to work in the morning. I was on my feet all day.”

“I’m so tired.”

My mom, the darling woman she is, is extremely helpful, but a night person she is not. Babes and I had to battle out the nighttime shift by ourselves, while she slept soundly in the next room.

Upon realizing that this would be our life for another month or so, I decided to get creative. I read magazines while I held her and psyched myself into believing that it really was not 3:15 in the morning but rather 7:00 in the evening. I played music and even watched my Cosby DVD episodes, anything to keep me up. I tried however, to stay in my bed, just in case I did fall asleep, she could be in the safety of the bed.

Another technique that worked was to have her lay on my chest, with my arms holding down the sides of the comforter to keep her strapped in nice and safe. The sound of my heartbeat soothed her and brought her back to a time and place where there was no gravity, but constant movement, sounds, and warmth.

I could understand her jitters. She jumped at every sound and our whole environment was foreign. I joked with myself as I studied her observing the rooms in our home, thinking she must be saying in her mind, “These guys didn’t do too bad of a job sprucing up around here.”

My favorite time came at 6:00 in the morning when I heard my mom stirring in the kitchen to put on the pot for her cup of tea. Knowing the nursery was finally open, I jumped at the chance to finally get some rest.

How did you make it through those first few days of motherhood? 

Kanesha Morrison is a mama of two, blogging her way through motherhood at MoneyMattersMama.com

If you didn’t know, I am probably the world’s number 1 Beyonce fan. (Okay,  maybe number two.) So when I found out she was pregnant I’m not ashamed to admit I was as happy for her as I would be for an actual family member.

This part right at here at the 4:21 mark? I lost it!

She looked so damn happy to be pregnant and when they panned to Jay-Z in the crowd, you could tell he felt the same way. They were both over the moon about their little one on the way, and I was happy for them.

It is amazing to see someone glow about their pregnancy and you can just see them shining from the inside out. Once my initial excitement faded, I realized that I never really had that with either of my pregnancies.

Baby #1 was unplanned, junior year, I was freaking about keeping my internship (which I needed to graduate). Joy wasn’t quite in the equation. I was president of a couple clubs, very active on campus, and I felt like my pregnancy was 10 steps back.

It wasn’t something to celebrate. It was something to get through.

I wore slightly bigger shirts to class and praised my luck when I made it through my second semester of junior year without really showing. Just looked like I really liked cheeseburgers.

But then I had to go on campus during the summer and I ran right into one of my professors, a man I greatly admire and respect. This man was Quincy Jones’ publicist, okay? He had pictures in his office of him and MJ, and Stevie Wonder, and everyone else who’s ever won a Lifetime Achievement Award of any sort. I wanted him to think the best of me and getting pregnant just didn’t seem like “the best” idea at the time.

I shifted a bit, and tried to “suck in” my belly, which you know is impossible at six months along. He looked at my belly and up at my face and I expected to see a hint of disappointment. Instead, I saw happiness.

“Congratulations!” he said, giving me a big hug. I followed his lead and smiled too.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he asked. Before I could answer, he just shook his head and held  up his hand. “Never mind. Just know that I’m truly excited for you.”

He kept walking toward his office, but before he went inside, he turned back around and looked at me once more.

“You’re going to make a great mom,” he said.

And then I lost it and started crying right there in the hallway.

All that time I was so scared of what people would think about me, being pregnant, in school, unmarried, no job, no insurance. I wasn’t even enjoying what was taking place, the fact that I was, at that moment, creating life. I was going to be a mother. This wasn’t a death sentence; this was the beginning of a beautiful journey. And I was missing it. 

I would love to say that I straightened up and embraced the remaining days of my pregnancy, but I didn’t. I let doubt and fear take hold and it took close to a year to shake it off.

To this day, it is my biggest regret. And I don’t regret much. But not embracing the joy that is inherent in every pregnancy – I wish I could turn back time and celebrate the occasion. Drop my mic and rub my tummy, so to speak.

I didn’t do it then, but I’m doing it now. I’m loving (mostly) every minute of motherhood and now I’m smiling from ear to ear.

By Tamara Floyd

Sometimes as a pregnant woman, you feel like you’re in a race against the clock.

Society has already preconditioned us to think that once the baby comes everything stops for at least a year or two.  Stress and anxiety build as you scramble to complete projects and finally get some ducks in a row.

For kicks I wrote out my “double B bucket list” or “before baby” bucket list. Of course most of these are long term goals vs. short term goals that can’t be accomplish in less than nine months.

As a responsible adult, I wanted to be financially set and well established in my career before having my first child but being a grownup I understand more than ever that life happens.

Here’s my list:

• Graduate from college
• Be Married for 10 yrs (this was seriously do-able; I got married at 20)
• Make it to my 30s’ before pro-creatin
• Reduce debt to living expenses and student loans
• Build successful business and subsidiaries
• Travel overseas at least once
• Average single monthly income $3,000
• Ultimately take over the world.

What is or was on your before baby bucket list?

Tamara L. Floyd is a branding, media relations and product ambassador that specializes in new media marketing and promotions for corporate, non-profit & entertainment industries.  Her and her husband, Benjamin A. Floyd of five years were married in their early 20s and now are embarking on their newest lifetime commitment of parenthood in this fall.  Floyd is also the creator of www.naturalhairrules.com, a site dedicated to encouraging others to be who they are naturally by nurturing themselves from the inside out.  

Things keep on moving around The Young Mommy Life and your girl is neck deep in deadlines and schoolwork and not so fun stuff. I’m grateful for my new blogging buddy Tamara, who recently found out she’s expecting her first baby in the fall! She offered to come by and share some of those “I had no clue” moments she’s discovering about pregnancy. Read and enjoy!

by Tamara Floyd

When we announced our first pregnancy, via Facebook and Twitter, the response was great (over 100 likes and comments).  I was told it was the news of the decade.  I jokingly responded that I was happy to make dreams come true for so many.

But honestly, I was still shocked and in disbelief that this was really happening.   In marrying my husband, I received a lot of advice and my pregnancy was no different.   But still there are some things that people don’t tell you about pregnancy. You just have to feel out on your own.

1. There will be tons of unwelcome and unhelpful advice.

As a married couple one of the first things people ask you is “When are you’re having kids?”  And every sickness or ailment has to be a sign of pregnancy.   Once you are pregnant, parents are equipped with their scarest child/pregnancy story.  And the advice is somewhere in between, “Everything you loved about your pre-baby life is over,” and, “You might as well hang up all your dreams and ambitions.” Nice.

2. You get the real story.

Now that I’m a mom-to-be my parents are sharing the real story about their pregnancies and child rearing.  Yes, its true; I, too, was dropped on my head as a baby.  I probably got it worst, as I’m my parents first parenting experiment as the oldest child.

3. People become consumed with your weight.

My hubby and I waited until 12 weeks or 3 months (at this time your chances of miscarriage decrease substantially) until we announced the pregnancy publicly.   At that time I was not showing physically but nausea, fatigue and sleeplessness were prominent.  Immediately my midsection became the center of attention.  People wanted to know how much weight I had gained.  I started getting question like “Are you showing yet?”  Pregnant or not, I didn’t want to talk about weight gain!

4. My husband stinks (dirty or clean).

I was somewhat warned about my changing sense of smell but I was nowhere prepared.  Cuddling became a challenge.  He would lay next to me and I get a whiff of his scent.

“Ugh, what is THAT?”

“What?” he said.

“What is that, why do you smell like that?”

“Um, I just showered.” Oh. But still.

Oh and cologne is just as out of the question. So is any hint of sweat. Or mustiness.

5. I’ve got serious food issues now.

Everyone knows food becomes very important to a pregnant woman.   But if you can’t have what you want to eat…no good can come from it.  I have been in the grocery with a specific craving for a tasty sweet.  And to my dismay they didn’t have the orange popsicles with vanilla ice cream filled center that I wanted.  With all my might I had to fight back tears.  What the heck is going on?

What pregnancy-related “Oh wow” moments have you had? Were you prepared for the changes?

Tamara L. Floyd is a branding, media relations and product ambassador.  She’s been married to her husband, Ben, for five years and they now are embarking on their newest lifetime commitment of parenthood in the fall. Floyd is also the creator of www.naturalhairrules.com, a site dedicated to encouraging others to be who they are naturally by nurturing themselves from the inside out.

I almost don’t want to write anything, but just you watch this movie and come up with your own conclusions. I’ll set it up a little for you.

The following video was part of a teen pregnancy prevention campaign in Milwaukee. With teen pregnancy rates rising, the good folks at BabyCanWait.com took strides to combat it in their area. Early estimates say the movie (along with other tactics, including a scratch-and-sniff diaper billboard) helped reduce teen pregnancy rates by 10%. I call BS, but I’ll let you watch and judge for yourself:

“Get pregnant and the next 18 years will be the hardest of your life.” Yup, get pregnant as a teen and your life is over. The kid’s father will leave you, your family will be in shambles, your son will turn in to a bully, beating up other kids in an alley, before turning into a teen with a penchant for illegal activities. 

I understand the point they were trying to make – teen pregnancy isn’t glamorous. But it isn’t all handcuffs and crying on the couch with the lights cut off.

I personally think showcasing a day in the life of a “real mom” would have been more effective. Show a mom struggling to bring groceries in the house while carrying her baby in the car seat. Show a mom getting a paycheck and then immediately turning around to use half of it to pay for daycare. Show a mom doing all the little things that girls don’t think about when they think having a baby will be a good move.

What do you think? Is this PSA effective? Is it offensive?

Somewhere between the shock of the first trimester and the plain ol’ crankiness of the last trimester, there’s a few days where you are actually happy to be pregnant (or was that just me?). You want something to make you feel special and pretty. And yes, you might be willing to drop a couple of dollars to do it.

Today we’re featuring some designs from the LaLaBaby Boutique.  They’re got some really cute T-shirts for moms to be – here are two of my faves:

1) All He Needs is Love, $39.95. Normally more than I suggest spending on a maternity shirt, but it’s just oh so true. All they need is love! 

2) Kick, $48. My kids better be some soccer players as much as they kicked me in the womb. From morning til night, my belly jiggled like Jell-O. My son started kicking around 14 weeks and made me intensely miserable until right before the C-section. I can totally relate to this shirt.

You’ve had the signs of pregnancy: nausea, swollen breasts, a nagging cramping sensation, etc. Then you get the most obvious one: a missed period.

You purchase one (or two) pregnancy test and read the instructions carefully. Then you take the test.

And wait.

Slowly, you pick up the test and read the result: Pregnant.

Now, whether your initial reaction is one of fear, joy, disappointment, excitement or some combination of the four, it’s really immaterial. You’re a mother now.

Chances are, if you’re on this site, getting pregnant happened before you wanted to. So what now?  

1) Give yourself a day or so to just absorb the news. This is bigger than anything that has ever happened to you and you need to give yourself time to understand what just happened. If you got hit by a truck, you wouldn’t be in your right mind the next day, would you? (Yes, I did just compare the two. Come back in a few years – you’ll understand what I mean.) Do something relaxing, like taking a long bubble bath. Go to bed early. Your life will soon begin to change in ways you can only imagine.

2) Make your first prenatal appointment. Some doctors will refuse to see you until you are about nine weeks long, simply because there isn’t much they can do until then. When you discover you’re pregnant, you’re usually somewhere between 2 and 4 weeks, depending on how regular your period is and when you take the test.

3) Start building that good ol’ support system. This is so crucial. When you’re dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, it disrupts your whole life. You realize things you used to do will no longer fit in the life you now face. You need a good support system, even more so if you’re going at this alone. It’s all hands on deck now and the more people you have in your corner, the better. When you’re at the doctor’s office, or looking around at daycare centers, make small talk with the other moms. Ask them for advice. People are usually very willing to help.

4) Figure out your financial picture. Babies are expensive and can wreck havoc on your finances. Young moms are hit twice as hard because we don’t make as much as our older counterparts, and we (usually) are doing it alone, as a single mom. Here are some questions you should ask yourself sooner, rather than later:

• Are you working currently? Are you eligible for maternity leave? Who will watch the baby once you go back to work. If daycare or a babysitter, how will you pay them?
• Do you have insurance? Will the baby be on your plan? Do you have good maternity coverage?
• How much do you have in savings? Will you be able to increase the amount you save each month before the baby gets here?
• How will you be able to provide for the baby? Babies need diapers, formula, clothes, doctors visits, etc. How will you pay for that?

This is just a starting point and is by no means everything you need to think about. But I found that doing this helped me keep my sanity in those first few weeks and months where I was consumed with worry from the minute I woke up until the minute I went to sleep.

What advice would you have for new young moms?

I’m a young mom, and with 1.5 kids (soon to be two any day now), I think I’m done. No, not think, I know. I know I’m done having kids.

But everyone I know thinks I’m crazy for deciding this at 22. With two kids already, don’t I have a right to step back and say, “Okay, this is all I can handle?” Sure, I might change my mind later (highly, highly, highly doubt it), but at this point in my life, some certainty about my reproductive future is in order.

I can’t imagine myself with three kids, much less the 18 of the ever-growing Duggar family (pictured at left). And at 22, I think I’m old enough to make that decision for myself.

So what do you say? How many kids do you want? Can you see yourself pregnant at 30? 35? 40?

Babies, despite being so small, need an amazing amount of stuff. Well, perhaps they don’t really need it, but having certain items will make your life so much easier.

But where to begin? How do you determine what you need, what you’ll buy and what you’ll put on your registry for other people to get for you?

The answer is easier than you think.

There are several “Baby Registry” templates online, including this comprehensive one from Babies R Us. Look it over and determine what you think is necessary. Considering you may not have that much experience with babies, how are you to determine if a diaper wipes warmer is too much, or if you need 10-12 blankets?

Simple. Start with basics and work your way up. For the first couple months, the baby’s day consists of eating, sleeping and pooping. Focus on items to make those chores easier. Those are items that you MUST have before the baby comes home.

So what do you put on your registry?

Typically, the parents (or grandparents or other family members) purchase the big items: strollers, cribs, car seats, and such.  Friends and other baby shower guests will typically buy smaller, less expensive items in larger quantity. Think socks, diapers, bottles, etc. These are the items you want to focus on in your registry.

Also, remember that the child’s first year is a blur of development milestones. You may think you won’t need a high chair for a while, or a forward-facing car seat, but babies grow up extremely fast! Blink and they’ll be walking. Close your eyes for a minute and then they’re talking. It’s amazing how fast these changes are. Put a few long-range items, like baby spoons and sippy cups, on your registry. Once that time comes for them to use it, you’ll be glad you did.

So let’s hear it: what items were must-haves on your baby registry? What did you think you wanted but it ended up gathering dust?